The Hidden Pain

a Zutara Week fanfic

Day 1: Mask

Today was a rotten day, Zuko decided. One of those days that you just want to end already because there's no hope for it. You woke up and life just started throwing the worst it had at you.

Zuko's day had thus far included a servant dumping hot soup in his lap during breakfast followed by his latest proposal being rejected for no good reason, and topped off by more completely unreasonable demands from the Earth Kingdom for war reparations.

The Fire Lord skimmed a report about the national budget. Debt from war. Debt to Earth Kingdom for their ridiculous war reparations. (Intense psychological damage to a bear? He was supposed to shell out money for compensation for the emotional damage of a bear? It was a bear!)

To top this all off, Zuko could tell his body was rundown. He was tired to the core, a bone-aching weariness that he couldn't shake even with eight hours of sleep. A headache pulsing in his temples, the white of the paper only making his eyes hurt along with increasing the headache. He closed his eyes for several moments in hope of a reprieve from the pain but none came. If anything, the drastic change from paper white to pitch black made his head pound more. His scar also ached, a sure sign of a storm rolling in tonight.

Overall, it was a horrible day. He was ready to just leave the droning voices of his councilors and go to bed. Or at least get some time for himself.

Zuko sighed and interrupted the meeting. "I'm sorry, gentlemen, but is it possible we could continue this tomorrow? I'd like to look these reports over some more," he lied.

"Of course, sire." They gathered their things and left him alone.

The firebender sighed again before calling a servant over and telling him to take the reports to his quarters. After the servant left with them, he relaxed a little. There were some perks to being Fire Lord. You could almost always delay meetings if you wanted to. Everyone did what you said, catered to your whims. But you also couldn't relax. You couldn't let on when you were lost or didn't know what to do. Control was something you had to maintain in every aspect of your life.

He got to his feet slowly before heading down the halls to the gardens. He threaded his way through the maze of pathways, barely paying attention to the beautiful scenery. Finally, he slowed as he approached his destination.

A placid pool lay before him. A single line of rocks lined its edge, each perfectly fitted to its mates. Next to its edge, a single tree grew, creating a small patch of shade over the grass. He sat down in that bit of shadow. He watched as the family of turtleducks came out onto the water. The little ducklings were still sporting their downy feathers, all in a little row after their mother, the father bringing up the rear.

Zuko sighed and closed his eyes as he leaned against the tree. A few minutes later though, he heard footsteps and straightened up, his guard back up.

"You can relax, Zuko," a familiar voice said. Katara came around the tree. A smile played across her lips. "It's just me."

His shoulders relaxed, dropping slightly as she came closer. He could tell she noticed before she even opened her mouth.

"Hard to break those warrior habits," she said as she sat next to him.

He smiled a little. "Yeah."

"I'll admit, sometimes I still attack first, ask questions later. Sokka's been frozen to the wall more times than he'll admit."

"I'll have to ask him how many times next time I see him," Zuko laughed.

"Speaking of meetings, your councilors told me you postponed today's meeting. Care to share why?" Her blue eyes were on his face, gently reiterating the question.

"I just needed to get away for a bit."

She nodded. "Get out of the public eye." Her hand stole over his, squeezing gently. "You know, you don't have to pretend in front of me, Zuko. I know how hard today is for you."

He looked at her, his eyes betraying the pain that was the root of all his problems today. Her expression was full of gentle understanding. With a shuddering sigh, he leaned against her, resting his head against her shoulder

She pulled him closer. "You can let it out. I won't hold it against you."

He felt the splash of a warm tear on his shoulder. "Katara…"

Her grip tightened slightly.

"Katara, I can't…" He screwed his eyes shut, wishing the tears would come already, let him release all this bottled pain.

He felt her tears falling freely, soaking his shoulder. Zuko wished for the tears that came so easily years ago when he confronted his father, but are so elusive today.

"It's okay," she whispered in his ear. "I'll cry for both of us."

He let his façade crumble while she held him. For the first time since last year, he let himself truly mourn his mother again.

A/N: I really struggled getting the flow for this to work. Possibly, because it's been so long since I wrote for these two that I had to remember what their voices sound like. And I sound like some schizophrenic, don't I? I'm not! It's just each person I write for has a different feel to their writing.

Anywho, I was so astounded when I saw one of my theme suggestions as a theme. I literally stared at that theme (today's "mask") for a minute, unable to believe it. Same way I did when I passed the test to get my driver's permit. I blinked. It was still there. Then I squealed with joy and started jumping around the room in true cheerleader fashion, screaming about how my theme made the cut. I annoyed everyone around me, but it was one of the best moments of my life. So I really went all out writing this and drawing the piece for today. I would have made an amv, but I've been… having a bit of a disagreement with my video editing program and I'm short on time.

I love these sort of themes. The ones that have such beautiful figurative meanings that you can really exploit as a writer. Next up, history!