A/N: Soooo... My teacher told me to never start a sentence with a "so". Never mind, I was never a big fan of observing the rules anyway. This is my first story and let's say it has some flaws (a looooot of flaws). I have some English issues and- stop complaining and read it!
Disclaimer: I just changed my name to Dan Schneider! Do I own iCarly now? WHAT? NO? Then I want my name and money back!
"Hey guys, I'm-" Oh no, they're making out again. Who? Sam and Freddie. No, they aren't dating, if that's what you want to ask. They made a deal. I don't understand it either. They are not a couple, they just hang out together, make out and help each other! That is NOT couple-like or something, of course. Should I interrupt them? Nah, it won't work anyway. Believe me, I've tried it multiple times, but I always ended up with "Oh Carls, it's not what it looks like!" and "Can we continue what we were doing before you walked on us?" Not that you are kissing in MY appartement on MY couch, kids. I remember the first time it happened.
"Give me one fat cake, Sam." What? Where did this come from? Did it really say- Freddie? I stared at him in awe and waited what will Sam do to him. Whatever it will be, it won't be pretty.
"Do you have a death wish?" Sam asked with a glare. Ugh, I just removed the stains of blood on my couch!
"Freddie, I don't wanna sound rude, but shut up, please. I'm not gonna clean the couch again. You know how can Sam be when you try to deprive her of her food."
"I'm starving! I told my mom I won't eat anything until she lets me eat whatever I want, but I'm dying of hunger." Aww, poor Freddie. His mom can be very overprotective sometimes. Or all the time. I'm not surprised he doesn't want to be fed with fat-free disgusting food (if we can call it food).
"Aww, too bad you'll probably die. Why don't you take something from Carly's fridge?" Oh yeah, Sam. Sure, why can't he empty MY fridge where is MY food?
"I can't do it." I always knew Freddie is an educated, polite- "You ate everything!" Oh.
"I'm not giving you my fat cake, Fredweird." Sam took the last fat cake and waved it in front of Freddie's face. Freddie fixed his eyes on it for a moment and then he stole it from her. Sam's eyes widened, the look of shock was clearly visible on her face. "GIVE. ME. MY. FAT CAKE!" A smirk plastered on Freddie's face disappeared right at the moment when Sam jumped on him. It wasn't a pretty sight. She knocked him to the ground and fought with him for a while. Freddie should know that this fight is totally pointless. Momma plays for win. After few minutes, Sam got up with the fat cake in her hand, screaming, "DON'T MESS WITH MOMMA!"
"Jeez, that wasn't necessary, Sam," scowled Freddie. "We could just share it!" I couldn't help but laugh. Did Freddie seriously think Sam would share a food with him? This kid can be really dumb sometimes.
"Yeah, you're right, Benson." Freddie's jaw fell. My jaw didn't move, I think I passed out or fell into a coma. Did Sam just offer Freddie a bit of her fat cake? Oh. My. God. It felt like eternity before Sam spoke.
"What?" She kept her poker face for a moment and then (finally!) burst out laughing. "You should see your faces!" I relaxed, but Freddie seemed to be still in shock. Shock transformed into disappointment and disappointment into anger.
"Sam," his voice was shaking and I could tell he's serious now. "Give me one half of the freakin' fat cake."
Sam pretended to consider it. I think you know how she decided. She showed the whole fat cake into her mouth. "That's it! It's on!" Before I realized something was happening, Freddie lied on top of Sam. Here we go again. Sam kicked him in places that should never be kicked. Ow, I don't think we'll be able to see little Freddies in a future. And- ow. No, you don't want to know where she kicked him now. Ah, is it a blood? Yes! It is a blood! No way I will mop the floor again! Look at me, I'm turning into Lewbert.
"Guys, you should stop-"
"Carl-ay!"
"Not now, Spencer!" Sam and Freddie's fight was too intense, I couldn't leave! Sure, Sam took the lead, but Freddie was responsing very well. He got stronger over these years. He's still not strong enough to beat Sam, but it's enough to stay alive. Sam still had the fat cake in her mouth, I was afraid she could suffocate.
"Carl-aaaay!" Spencer came running to the living room. "Carly!" He yell-whispered breathless.
"What Spencer?" I asked harshly and looked at him with the most angry expression I was able to make.
"My new gold fish Brock-"
"You mean Tommie," I corrected him. Ah, Spencer and his goldfishes. None of them survived more than 2 days. Spencer couldn't take care of himself, let alone about someone else. I'm lucky to be capable of take care about myself. Otherwise I would be flushed in a toilet by now.
"Yep, Tommie. He died and- ?"
"What are you talking about?" I turn around to see... Sam and Freddie making out in my kitchen! My eyes widened and I started to inhale deeply. You don't beat the living chiz outta someone and then attack his face! That's not what enemies usually do! "Sam! Freddie!" I expected them to stop sucking each other faces and explain this weird situation, but they just kept kissing. No need to eat each other's head, kids! They were still lying on the floor, Sam's arms wrapped around Freddie's neck, Freddie's arms placed somewhere between Sam's waist and hips. I saw Freddie's head bleeding, but he obviously didn't care.
"Don't they need to breathe?" Spencer chuckled.
"That's not funny, Spence! Tell them something!"
"Actually, it IS very funny. C'mon, it's entertaining!" I raised my eyebrows. Really, Spencer? Really? Not that it sounded kind of perverted, bro. "I mean, they're Sam and Freddie, I never expected them to be together! Aren't they an adorable couple?"
"They're not a couple! And even if they were, exchanging saliva on my floor is not adorable." I waited... and waited... "Hello, I'm still here!" Finally, Freddie pulled away. Cocky smile spread across his face. Sam punched him in the guts. What else did you expect? That she'll kiss him softly and blush? Ha, how naïve you are. Sam Puckett never blushes. Except of... now.
"What was that for?" Freddie yelled, he obviously wasn't in pain though.
"Why did you attack my face like that?" Okay, so far we know that Freddie initiated the kiss.
"I wanted your fat cake." Freddie smiled widely again. Eww, that's disgusting. He ate the fat cake right from Sam's mouth? Did he think about Sam's saliva? And did I mention that Sam had that fat cake in her mouth? She probably has chewed it before he ate it! How revolting is that? I think I'm gonna puke. My face got a green shade.
"You have put your tongue down my throat 'cause you wanted a fat cake?" Sam's voice was filled with disappointment. Wait, disappointment? The world is gonna end soon.
"You refused to give me a food. So I took it myself."
"And how was it?" Sam uttered in a flirty voice. Wait- what?
"WHAT?" I, Freddie and Spencer screamed in disbelief.
"How was it? The fat cake." Every hint of arrogance in Freddie's face has disappeared. He seemed scared and nervous like usual. Thank God.
"Hmm, uh, good, I guess." He grinned and added, "actually, it was delicious. Strawberry lipgloss and fat cake are great combination."
"Glad you liked it 'cause you won't be able to taste it ever again." Her voice was filled with venom, but her face looked amused. I took a quick glance on Spencer who was grinning like an idiot. What is going on with people those days?
Freddie rolled his eyes and smiled. His chocolate brown eyes were full of amusement, joy and love. Lo- love? Sure, Freddie loves Sam as a friend. That's it, of course. Naturally. Yeah. I'm sure. Shoosh yeah. Huh... Yeah.
Why did Sam's eyes look the same then? The little spark in her piercing blue eyes was clearly visible. That's my look when I'm crushing on someone. Holy cheeseball! Sam and Freddie are crushing on each other? I must help them! They're my best friends and I want them to be happy. I shouldn't meddle- oh, what am I saying, they won't realize if I don't push them a little. Just a little push. My thoughts were interrupted by a loud thud. Freddie was lying on MY couch with Sam on top of him. She was punching him repeatedly in a stomach. I didn't hear moaning. I didn't hear cries of pain. I didn't hear a thing except of laughter. Freddie's laughter and Sam's frustrated muttering.
They didn't tell me if they agreed on not telling anyone. They didn't mention it ever again anyway. It was like a non-pronounced agreement and I keep it, too. I don't want to end up as a Frothy's snack. I guess they want to keep it a secret as long as they don't start dating. So I guess I'll take this secret to my grave. I've tried so hard to hook them up! However, they're too stubborn to admit they like each other. Why have my friends to be so dumb?