Authors note: I own nothing Harry Potter related

Chapter One:

He sat in the damp dungeons grading the horrific essays the first years thought to produce, none of them seemed promising...not in potions anyway. Severus Snape tried to concentrate, his mind always drifting now to what was supposed to be his last night breathing.

He had prepared himself to no longer exist, he even went as far as to discreetly bid a few of his "closest friends" farewell, something completely out of character.

"This is useless"

He said, his words coming out as a dreary sigh. His mind was too far gone to continue grading the painfully pathetic essays. He left his office to retreat back to his private quarters, hoping to find a proper distraction from his current musings.

His common room was poorly lit with floating candles, and for the most part they cast a dreary glow to the area. The dark exposed cinder block wall gave way to a grand view of the happenings below the lake. The window being framed by deep emerald green drapery did nothing but bring out the gothic design of his personal quarters. Black leather furniture resting on a dark area rug dominated most of the room, but along two of the walls were shelves full to the brim with books, his most prized personal affects. On the last wall sat a mighty fireplace, with the most beautiful intricate stone design of the mermaid creatures that would come at night and sing him to sleep.

Not all nights mind you, just the ones when the nightmares became too much, and he would wake to the ingrained stench of molding floor boards mixed with the metallic scent of his blood. The mermaids always seemed to know when he was at his worst to come and comfort him, and for that he thanked whatever deity that made it possible.

The potions professors long legs, lean from years of being a spy and fighting the war carried him tot he mantle above the fireplace where his fire whiskey and drinking glass resided. The intimidating man poured his glass full of warm liquid and moved to place it on an end table so that he could continue on to make himself more comfortable for the rest of the evening.

He removed his heavy cloak, hanging it on a near by knob to keep his dungeon room from becoming cluttered. Disappearing into his bedroom and re-emerging only moments later without his wool teaching jacket, and with his white shirt loosened and rolled up to his elbows. Severus was as comfortable as he was going to get for the evening.

Sitting in his favorite chair, the one that gave him the best view out of his under ground window. He cast a silent spell to light a fire to keep the late September chill that crept into the dungeons at bay, and took his whiskey glass in hand and let the fire liquid burn down his throat. He let out a dreary sigh.

"Sweet oblivion please come to me tonight"

He whispered as he brought the glass back to his lips, letting the fire liquid pass once again beyond its barrier.

His glass now half empty, loosely resting in his hand as he let himself melt into the chair. His normally pale face had a slight blush to his cheeks as the alcohol took affect. His limbs becoming weak as he let the feeling of his is own self control slip from his being wash over him.

The professor was still awake thought, and not as far gone as he would have liked to be, for the images of Nagini lunging at his throat were still playing vividly in his mind. He could still feel the ghostly pain of her fangs sinking into his jugular releasing the toxic venom that surely meant his death.

His coordination lacking her brought the glass to his lips again, the burn of the liquid having lost its effect, now went down easy. Barely finished with his third gulp the potions master quickly threw his head back swallowing the rest of the fire liquid, and setting the glass down a little harder than intended on the side table. Now it was a waiting game, but not a long one.

Soon his mind musings became a white noise causing his mind to temporarily become at ease. His eyes rolled back and his lashes now rested on his slightly reddened cheeks. He was asleep for the time being, his mind resting at peace..even if it be for only a few short hours, for even in sleep the effects of the alcohol unwrapped itself from the tortured mans mind, letting the nightmares begin to wreak havoc.

It was well into the night when Severus awoke with a start. The vision of the girl trying desperately to keep him alive still fresh in his eyes, and the pain of death gripping his heart tight as he did his best to obey the girl. Coming down from his shock, the now weary man leaned forward placing his head in his hands. A sob was heard in the silence of the room, the crackling of the fire having gone out sometime before he awoke.

"Why?" and a much quieter "why?" were the only words spoken as he pulled himself out of the chair. He knew the answers to his one and only question.

Why did he live when death was so much easier to embrace? Because of the inufferable know-it-all that's why. He gave what he needed for Harry Potter to finally put an end to the menace known as Voldemort. He had done his duty, he should have been allowed to bow out respectfully, but no the Granger girl had other plans for him.

As he was laying on the floor broken, bloody, and barely there she demanded that he stay with her, and he could see, even through the slits of his eys that even her teary ones were calling him a coward if he tried to do anything less than obey. So he fought because even in his weakened state he was no coward, and letting death wrap around and take him was the cowards way out.

Now he lives the life of the "tortured hero" as the papers would call him. They have no idea that he's an anti-social ass hole behind the walls of Hogwarts. That he is sleep deprived and beyond depressed

They write such wonderful things about him, only making the people that thought him an evil traitor feel remorseful and guilty, causing them to avoid him and any possible awkward situations that would surely ensue. Yes taking air in and out of his lungs, and preforming the every day duties as a teacher, and as a living human with responsibilities was definitely harder than laying in the dark silk lined coffin he chose for himself. Nobody else would have given him a nice final resting place. He would bet whatever money he had left that he would have been given a cardboard box to rot in.

He may have ended up being the hero, but that doesn't mean anyone liked him any better than they had before, before the shocking news of his loyalty to the light had been announced.

Stumbling just a little Severus made it to his bed chamber, using his hand on the wall for just a bit of guidance. When his fingers finally made contact with the glass of the under ground window in his bedroom, one exactly the same as the common room, he felt his finger tips pulse. Sonar of emotion rippled though the lake, every creature feeling the sorrow of the man that had been let down one too many times in his life.

The ex-spy finally made it to the thankfully soft mattress of his bed . The coils groaned with years of well use under his weight as he sank down into his bed. His head rested int he palms of his hands as he tried to get a grip of his emotions.

H is thoughts circled around his head, here he was letting his memories get the best of him again, so much so that he actually cried. It wasn't the first time he had shed tears, but he always tried not to. He was the stoic bat of the dungeons, according to his fellow teachers, and the scare easy students. He had feelings though, other than pure raging anger.

The mean man felt longing, sorrow, happiness, and above all else her knew he was capable of love. Severus may have barely felt if for Dumbledore, but he most definitely knew he felt love for Lilly. She returned it for a short while, but only in a friendly way.

Severus's eyes burned with dryness, a symptom of being overly tired. He was now laying back on the pillows of his bed, with his left arm resting over his forehead. exposing his faded tattoo. The flighty feeling from the alcohol still present as he stared at the ceiling, hoping his mind would rest enough for sleep to claim him.

"Severus"

His name was called, bringing him only slightly out of his thoughts. He twisted his head to the right to acknowledge the voice calling his name.

"Severus you do not look well"

The voice had an airy song sound to it, most definitely female.

"When have you known me to ever truly be well Cara?"

Severus then moved from his bed and walked to his window, for behind the glass was a breath takingly beautiful mer-woman. Her white hair floating about her body as if it were ribbon dancing about. The skin of her upper body glowed as if she were made of diamonds, and her fin which covered her from her hips down sparkled green with emerald like scales. Beautiful, simply beautiful.

"More dreams disturb you Severus. I felt you despair, it radiates through the waters."

A concerned tone evident in her words.

"My deepest apologies water maiden, it wasn't my intention to disturb you."

Cara didn't bother to ask him about his dreams, the horror that seemed to be permenately showcased in his eyes told her enough. She gave him a curt nod indication that should wouldn't speak anymore of it.

Before Severus could react Cara started her song of sleep, the magic caressing the weathered man into a trance. The shimmering red ribbon of her spell wrapped itself around the potion masters body, carrying him back to his bed. once there the red ribbon entered his mind and took hold of the tragedies that plagued his everyday life. Soon he began to breath deep, and the beauty of the deep was able to bid her friend farewell, hoping that their next meeting wouldn't be so somber.

A/N: I just wanted to say that this is my first fanfiction of any sort, written and actually posted. I would love if I got reviews to help me along the way so hopefully I get some of those.

I'm also looking for any help I can get with this story. I work at very demanding job, leaving me with very little free time to actually write, and correct everything properly, I will definitely try my best thought.

As far as more chapters are concerned I almost of the second one finished, and I have many ideas swirling around my head for the rest of the story.

so once again please review let me know what you think, and if you guys have any ideas or suggestions let me know, the story is still new and fresh so maybe I will get some awesome inspiration.

thanks

~lil-miss~