A/N: hey, this is going to be set during the time that Harry's parents went to Hogwarts, just a heads up. And this collection will probably be long, because I don't know how many are a t Hogwarts. Some might be serious, some might be just Crack, but I hope you enjoy, regardless.

It was an unusually bright day in Scotland, and all the students of Hogwarts were enjoying a weekend in the sunshine. Many had decided to even go for a swim in the lake on this mild day. It was the first weekend of the school year, and gossip had been traded, rivalries rekindled, and homework was not-quite-completed. All in all, it was a fresh, grand day at Hogwarts.

But, no year at Hogwarts was without a fascinating mystery, and this year's mystery was the mysterious guards. Dumbledore had announced that they were there to protect and evaluate the castle for any dangers, and not to bother them for anything if you valued your life.

So, naturally, these strangers had caused sparks of interest in the students. No one knew how many there were, where they slept, and only a small few had seen them at all, and the ones who did where in awe and shock. The guards looked so … intimidating.

All feelings of intimidation aside, a small group of people (a Ravenclaw, a Gryffindor and two Slytherins) had concocted a devious plan to set the school against the guards. After all, if one bested the best, then that would make one the best. So, an unheard, but very well known, competition was circulating throughout Hogwarts; who could find their weakness?

It was a Ravenclaw, and her trusty Hufflepuff, who had come up with the brilliant idea that if you found out their fear, then you would surely know their weakness. That same Ravenclaw noticed a pattern with the guards' behaviour; they took turns to protect the school, while one or two were on their break. A particularly lazy looking guard was seen snoozing under a beech tree, and that was then they decided to strike.

They had managed to find a boggart in the bottom draw in the potions lab, and had snuck it out in an enclosed cauldron. Using the opposite of a summoning charm, they had managed to expel the cauldron to right where he was sitting … or sleeping, who knew?

Oh, and they had managed to get quite the audience. They had spread rumours, and well, you reap what you sow. A particular James Potter and Sirius Black could stop snickering the entire time, but they stopped when the guard leapt on his feet. That was when the boggart was released.

The boggart took many shapes; the first was an incredibly angry woman who loomed over him, wearing an apron and a ladle in one hand. Students swore they saw flames rise up from behind her and flames burning in her eyes.

She pointed he ladle at the guard, and every student could see fear in his eyes. He was afraid of thi woman? Then again, when she started yelling at him, they couldn't blame him.

"What the hell are you doing, you lazy ass?" with every sentence she spoke, she swung a ladle at him, and he did somersaults just to avoid her. "I ask you to clean your room, set the table and feed the chickens, and you're still on your lazy ass?"

"But-but, mum?" His mother?

The woman suddenly morphed older, a few grey hairs on her face "Why haven't you proposed yet, you lazy ass? All my hard work raising you, and I still can't beat that laziness out of you! You're such a lazy-" the woman morphed again, and the guard relaxed, then tensed up instantly. The student were confused, because it had taken the form of a rather chubby man, who was wearing mostly red.

He looked really pleasant, and he was smiling as he was eating a bag of chips. Then, it all went downhill from there.

"Ch-chouji?" the guard murmured, and the smiling boy's smile turned into a face rage quicker than he dropped the bag.

"Fatso?" the boy, Chouji, uttered. There were deep shadows all over his face, and sparks were coming out of his eyes. Then, he charged towards the guards, and began throttling him while throwing him back and forth. He full out raged; "IM NOT FAT, IM BIG BONED AND THE REST IS MUSCLE!"

The unlucky guard managed to slip out from Chouji's grip and continued backing away quickly, never taking his eyes off him. Chouji jumped up high in the air, and he yelled out a word the students couldn't replicate.

As a rolling ball of Chouji came hurtling towards the guard from the sky, it morphed again, much to the disappointment of the students. They wanted to see a big explosion, or something similar.

It morphed into its last form; a giant leech.

Then the guard screamed. He made movements with his hands, and the leech fell into a pit that formed under him. He then blew a whistle that was hanging around his neck, and three other guards were by his side in an instant. When the guards were on duty, they wore strange white masks, so no one knew which guards were there.

The one with long blonde hair magically filled the pit with the water, and a black haired one made flames erupt from his mouth, causing the water to boil. Another black haired man jumped up and kicked the leech on the head. The combination of all these attacks led to the high-pitched squeal coming from the leech, and it kept on morphing, never changing, as it slunk back into its container; the cauldron.

While the rest of the guards escorted a mentally scarred one, James Potter quickly snatched the cauldron.

Oh, this year was defiantly going to be a hilarious one.

A/N: R&R, plz!