Disclaimer: I'm now working two jobs and saving money to hit the road and find the Impala and her boys. I'll keep you posted. Damn you, Kripke.

Author's Note #1: This was written for the ridiculously talented and beautiful paperstorm who writes such incredible deleted scenes of the boys and insists on emotionally torturing them for her enjoyment and ours - but yet, for some reason, has not written Impala sex. *hands* My friend, this is for you. Thanks for your support, encouragement, advice, inspiring pictures and most importantly for appreciating Sam and Dean's codependence, as well as ours. I love you more than watching Wipeout while eating Nachos.
Babbling Author's Note #2: This was also written for two of my other very good friends. The lovely and crazy good writer, 9Tiptoes. You're always there the second I need you and I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate it. I'll be sending you weekly sexcerpts from now on. Thanks for being my friend even though I don't know a tense from a hole in my head and thanks for all the advice and handholding. In return I give you Impala porn, sister. And to soulfulsam, thank you. I hope you know how much your advice means to me and how much your writing inspires me. You're incredible.
Rambly Author's Note #3: Thank you soooo much to all the wonderful people who read my first story. Your reviews were so encouraging and I really appreciate each and every one of them.

Beta'd by paperstorm

"No dude, I got it. Just wait here," Dean said as he walked into the gas station to pay.

Lately it just seemed like he wouldn't let Sam do anything for himself. To be fair though, 'lately' consisted of just the last few weeks since Sam had gotten his soul back. That was pretty much all he had for memories since he took the big swan dive. Everything between then and now was locked behind a Death-constructed wall in his head to keep his Hell and soulless memories away.

Sam found it terrifying and actually pretty funny, in a tragic kind of way, that Death and his wall was the only option Dean had to save his brother. Sam shook his head and humorlessly chuckled to himself as he thought of the never-ending lengths Dean would go to for him. It was nothing new. Dean had taken care of Sam his entire life; sacrificed everything for him. To say Sam was grateful was an understatement. At the same time though, it scared the crap out of him. But it would be the very definition of insanity to expect Dean to stop now. Dean would never stop sacrificing himself for Sam. He'd been doing it since he was four years old. Sam's pretty sure there was no one alive who's done more for their brother than Dean has for Sam. He's given up his time, his entire childhood, his chance at a normal life, and now pretty much everything he stood for and believed in, just to make sure Sam was okay. He became Death for a day; made a deal with not just a demon, but an actual Horseman, and it was all for Sam.

But ironically, what Dean did for him was also the very thing that threatened Sam's life now. Not that he blamed Dean for anything. Just the opposite, actually. Sam just had a hard time understanding why God or Fate or the Universe in general had such a big problem with his brother. Every time Sam's life, soul, or apparently now, his sanity and survival, was on the line, it always cost Dean way more than Sam thought it was worth. And this wall, the wall that Dean bravely and stupidly got Death to put up, was hiding so many horrific and literally hellish things, that if it crumbled and fell, Sam would be lucky if the worst it did was kill him. But really, the only kind of luck a Winchester had was the bad kind. Honestly, this situation probably warranted a whole new category. If the wall came down, it would be worse than bad. And not necessarily worse for Sam, but worse for Dean because he would be the one to deal with it all. Of course, that's not what Dean was thinking. He was thinking about Sam's comfort, Sam's pain, Sam's hell, Sam Sam Sam.

So yeah, Dean had been a little overprotective lately. But this time it was different. He'd been more subtle about it. It's not his usual over-protectiveness like before when Sam was younger and having visions. Back then, Dean would get on his knees in front of Sam and practically cradle him like a baby. Back then, Dean would physically jump in front of monsters, demons, and flying bullets to keep them from getting to Sam. Back then, Dean would come right out and tell Sam that nothing bad was gonna happen to him; that as long as Dean was around, everything would be okay. Well, that didn't go as well as either of them had planned. But somehow, they'd survived. They had both gone to Heaven and Hell and back. They had muddled through and they were both still here to talk about it. But that was the thing. Dean didn't want Sam to talk about it - didn't even want him to think about it.

Hell, Dean didn't want him to do anything, really. "Research could be risky, Sammy. Be careful what you're looking at" and "don't worry about it, Sammy. I'll clean the weapons tonight. Why don't you take your delicate self into the bathroom and have a bubble bath. You know, curl your hair or something. Do whatever it is you princesses like to do. As long as it doesn't involve painting your nails." Okay, so, Dean was an ass, too. But Sam could see through that crap. It's like Dean wanted to shield Sam from everything. Like the wall might come tumbling down if Sam just tripped and stubbed his toe. In the heat of a hunt, Dean seemed to remember that fighting and hunting was what Sam had been trained to do and that he was good at it - he didn't mind that Sam had his back. In fact, it seemed like he almost enjoyed it. But afterwards he always seemed to be deep in thought; probably beating himself up over all the things that could've gone wrong. You'd think they'd both be desensitized to dying at this point, but apparently not. Well, to be fair, the idea of dying really didn't faze either of them anymore, except when it had to do with each other. Watching your brother die hadn't gotten any easier and mourning him never would either.

Sam couldn't imagine what his soulless self had been thinking. An entire year without Dean? On purpose? Maybe Dean was right. That couldn't have been Sam. Sam wouldn't want to spend any amount of time without his brother, let alone a whole friggin' year. Sam scoffed and shook his head again. The crap Dean had gone through and put up with because of him - it was unbelievable sometimes. And yet for some reason, Dean still wanted Sam around; still wanted Sam to be his brother, and more. And apparently Dean was going to make sure nothing got in the way of that. He would stop at nothing to make sure Sam doesn't get hurt in any way. And Sam got it. Really. Dean was everything to him. There was nothing he wouldn't do for him. He was also pretty damn sure that he couldn't promise any other reaction from himself if the tables were turned and he was as worried about Dean as Dean was about him. But still, it bothered him.

Sam's thoughts were interrupted by the creaking of the driver's door of the Impala opening. Dean bent down and climbed in, tossing a bag on Sam's lap. "There ya go, Sammy. Got you something nutritious this time."

Sam looked down into the bag and rolled his eyes. "Peanut M&Ms, Dean? Thanks, I guess. You know, for getting these for me."

"Well, what can I say. I'm just awesome like that," Dean replied with a smile as he pulled out of the gas station and eased the Impala back out onto the highway. When Sam realized the direction Dean was headed in, he scrunched up his eyebrows in confusion.

"Uh...Dean?"

"What's up?"

"Nothing. Just...aren't you going the wrong way? I mean, I know I've got some form of amnesia and all, but isn't Oklahoma to the south? I'm pretty sure I remember that correctly."

"Thank God for that college education, huh Sammy?" Dean slapped his hand on Sam's chest, jokingly.

Sam chuckled softly. "Yeah. But Dean, you're going east."

Dean stretched his arm up and across the back of the seat and answered, "Well, I just thought we'd take the scenic route."

Sam cocked his head to the side. "Through Iowa. You think the scenic route is through Iowa?"

"Yeah, well. My car, my decision."

"Yeah, but Dean -"

"We're going this way, okay?" Dean snapped, shutting Sam up instantly. Sam knew that tone. It wasn't Dean's mad or irritated tone. That was Dean's scared tone.

Dean reached forward and turned up the music, just loud enough to make conversation difficult. But Sam wasn't giving in. He leaned forward and turned it back down.

"Oh geez, what?" Dean glanced over at Sam with a pleading look on his face. "I thought you of all people would appreciate Iowa. All the corn your veggie-lovin' self can choke down. Hey, I bet we can even find the world's biggest ear of corn somewhere."

Sam squinted his eyes at Dean and let out a long sigh. "Dean, what are you doing?"

"Isn't it obvious, boy genius? I'm driving."

"Dean, please. Just...what exactly do you have against heading straight south? At this rate, it's gonna take us twice as long to get to Oklahoma. I'm pretty sure the wraith down there isn't gonna stop sucking people's brains dry just so we can take the scenic route."

Dean pulled his arm off the back of the seat and gripped the wheel with both hands. His eyes were glued to the road and he had a small but very tight smile on his face. Definitely not a happy smile, either.

"Come on, man. What's going on?" Sam asked in a quiet, slightly pleading voice but Dean wouldn't even look at him. At all. He just couldn't imagine what Dean was thinking. "Dean?" Sam pushed a little more forcefully.

Silence. Nothing. The only sign that Dean heard him at all was the way his hands had the steering wheel in a death grip.

Sam sighed again and started to unfold the map. He looked at all the possible ways to Oklahoma from where Dean seemed to be headed and it still made no sense. Why on earth would Dean do this? It's like he was avoiding something.

"Crap," Sam said under his breath. "Uh Dean? This doesn't have anything to do with Kansas, does it?"

"What? No. I mean, obviously it's not my favorite place in the world, but I'm not gonna go way out of our way to avoid it."

"So you admit you're avoiding something!"

"No. M'not admitting anything."

"Dean, come on. Just tell me what's -"

"Drop it, Sam! Okay?"

Sam huffed, hastily folded the map, and threw it in the backseat. He scowled out the window for a few minutes and finally decided it was time for a different strategy. He reached between them and grabbed the peanut M&Ms. He opened them, reached in to pick one out and plopped it in his mouth then he reached in and grabbed one more. "Hey Dean, open wide."

Dean looked over at Sam and raised an eyebrow. "Right here? I'm driving, man."

Sam rolled his eyes "It's just an M&M."

"Oh. I don't know whether to be disappointed about that or not. I'm so torn."

"Just open up."

Dean turned his head towards Sam, careful to keep his eyes on the road and opened his mouth. Sam pelted one into Dean's mouth, probably a little too hard because Dean made a kind of choking sound before chewing on the M&M and swallowing it. He looked over at Sam and patted the seat. "C'mere."

Sam smiled and started to scoot a little. Maybe this wouldn't be so hard after all. Although Sam was a little surprised that Dean was initiating anything resembling cuddling. They've had their moments - but not many. Since Sam's only had his soul back a few weeks, it was still kind of new - to Dean anyway. To Sam, even though he knew differently, it had only been less than a month since he jumped into the pit. To Dean, it had been awhile. A long while. He had spent a year of that time with Lisa and the last four or five months had been with a soulless, not to mention a seemingly heartless, Sam. So things had been a little awkward at first. Not the sex part, really, just the closeness. Sam figured it had to do with the shock of him having a soul again. He was sure it had nothing to do with Lisa. Dean told him that it was basically over the day Sam came back. Sam was grateful to her for what she did for Dean but at the same time he was really happy to back with his brother. Sometimes he felt bad that Dean was stuck in this life of hunting - that they both were. But he also knew that there was no keeping them apart. Not if they were both alive and had their souls intact, although even then, they couldn't really be separated. Sam shook his head at the absurdity of that and how it was such an ordinary thought for him to have. Their lives were nowhere near normal and probably never would be. Dean cleared his throat rather loudly and Sam lifted his head up and looked at him.

"You just gonna sit there playing with your bag of chocolate covered nuts or you gonna share?"

"Sorry, I was just thinking. Here, open up."

Dean opened his mouth and Sam popped another candy into his mouth. "Yeah? I'm almost afraid to ask what you're thinkin' about but given our current situation, I think you should let me in on it," Dean said around his mouthful.

"I don't know. Just thinking about our lives. How messed up they are. Some of the things we've seen and done, man," Sam said, shaking his head and squinting out the windshield as if he were watching a replay of all the horrors they had survived, and a few they hadn't.

"Well, that's why we get paid the big bucks, Sammy." Dean opened his mouth wide and wiggled his head back and forth, not unlike a bobble head. Sam finally caught the movement out of the corner of his eye, shook himself out of his daze and popped another candy into Dean's mouth.

"But, you know, they haven't always been that bad, have they? I mean, we've had some good times. We've been all over this country, more than once. Not everybody can say that," Sam said thoughtfully.

"Mmhmm," Dean replied, eyeing Sam suspiciously.

Sam looked back at Dean with that innocent look on his face he was pretty sure Dean wasn't buying anymore. He didn't say anything though, so Sam decided to keep going. "Like, you remember that time when I was seventeen and we were in Nebraska and Dad caught us at that wet t-shirt contest?" Sam started chuckling, probably a bit nervously, but he wasn't gonna let nerves distract him. "You insisted the only reason we were there was cause the ranch it was being held at had all the signs of a haunting. He made us spend three days at the library doing research on it, even though he knew you were full of it."

"Sam..." Dean said with a long drawn out sigh as he shook his head and removed his arm from around Sam's shoulders. "I know what you're doing."

"What do you - I'm not doing anything."

"Uh huh. Look, I'm a lot of things, but stupid isn't one of them. And I can read you like an open book, man."

"I don't know what you're -"

Dean suddenly swerved onto the off ramp almost violently and Sam had to drop the bag of M&Ms to throw one hand on the dash and one on the upper ledge of the open window just to keep from losing his balance and falling onto his brother. Dean took the first turn onto a dirt road that led into a wooded area. He drove a few more minutes until the road ended in a clearing by what looked to Sam to be a small lake.

"Dean, what're you doing?"

Dean turned off the ignition, wrapped his arms around the wheel and laid his head down on them. After a few minutes of silence, Dean just turned his head and looked wearily at Sam. "My whole life, I've just tried to keep you safe. God. Don't you know that by now? I know this is hard for you and I'm not trying to be secretive but Sam, you just gotta trust me on this."

"I just wanna know what's going on, Dean. I'm a big boy. I can handle -"

"Nebraska! Okay? Nebraska. We're not going through there!"

Sam looked back at Dean, waiting for more from him because this was exactly what he suspected. "Why not? What's in Nebraska, Dean?"

"Sam..." Dean sighed out Sam's name as if he was using the last amount of strength he could possibly muster. But Sam just looked back at Dean and saw his determination finally break when he snorted softly and shook his head a little in what almost seemed to be amazement at the fact that Sam could still get Dean to tell him just about anything with not much more than a look.

"You spent a lot of time there in the last year working some pretty dangerous jobs," Dean finally answered.

"And?"

"And I'm not risking you remembering something and scratching that goddamn wall, Sam!"

"But Dean -"

Dean wrenched open the car door, got out and slammed it with such force it made Sam jump. Then he stomped off to the side of the lake. Sam just sat in the car and watched his brother as he bent down to pick up a rock and threw it into the lake. He knew that Dean wasn't really mad at him. Okay, maybe he was a little. Sam knew that Dean hated to be manipulated and to use Dean's affection as a ploy was playing kind of dirty but at least Sam knew what was going on now. Opening the door, he stepped out of the Impala and stood up stretching himself out and rolling his shoulders to prepare for the coming conversation. He walked quietly down to the edge of the water where Dean was standing. Sam stood beside Dean and watched him squint and throw another rock into the water. Sam just stared at him, marvelling at the little crinkles around his eyes and how they just seemed to add to Dean's beauty. It wasn't a matter of opinion. Dean was stunning. The light from the sun reflected off the water and shone into Dean's eyes and Sam could just get lost looking into those deep pools of green, like he had so many times before. He knew that Dean was aware of his presence but so far he hadn't acknowledged Sam standing there. Sam bumped Dean's shoulder with his as a kind of truce.

"You know, I'm afraid if you slam her door like that again, I'm gonna be her new favorite."

Dean smiled slightly but didn't say anything. He just kept on staring out at the scenery. Sam hung his head and looked down at his feet as he kicked at a rock that seemed to be determined to stay stuck in that spot for the rest of eternity.

"This is so hard," Dean finally croaked out quietly, his gaze still fixed over the lake. "I mean, I know I'm being irrational but...it's just...I'm scared, Sammy. Scared of what could happen if..." Dean exhaled a puff of air that sounded like he'd been holding it for a long time. He didn't finish his thought though; he didn't have to.

Sam stood up straighter and followed Dean's gaze over the water. "I know. But the way I see it, we gotta just keep going forward, ya know? We can't just start avoiding entire states 'cause we're afraid of what could happen. We do that...eventually we'll have nowhere left to go. We'll paint ourselves into a corner, Dean."

Dean finally looked up at Sam for the first time since he'd been standing there. "What exactly are we supposed to do, then? I'm serious about that wall, Sam."

Sam looked over at Dean and saw the fear and desperation in his brother's eyes. He kept his voice calm and soothing, trying to ease those fears a little. "Dean, I get it. Alright? Believe me, I don't want it coming down any more than you do. But, man, you gotta let me live. Otherwise, what's the point?"

Dean narrowed his eyes at Sam in confusion. "What are you talkin' about? I let you...live," he replied, flinging one arm out in a sweeping gesture while rolling his eyes at the last word.

Sam chuckled humourlessly. "Right. So, not letting me do a weapons check or run to the diner to get food by myself or...or drive, that's not you being overprotective?"

"Well yeah, not letting you drive is being protective of my Baby."

"Oh I see," Sam retorted quickly, as he nodded once and looked out over the water again. He shook his head incredulously at the ridiculousness of his brother.

"Sam, we don't know what could trigger memories for you. And if that wall comes down and you're by yourself somewhere, all alone, how the hell am I supposed to know? Huh? How am I supposed to help you?"

Sam turned and fully faced his brother. "Dean, if it does come down, you're gonna have to accept that there's probably nothing you can do to help me. Regardless."

Dean stared up into Sam's eyes and Sam didn't think he'd ever seen his brother look so hopeless. Dean's eyes filled with tears and his face locked into a mask of stubborn determination. "No. You hear me? We'll just do whatever it takes to keep that from happening. I promised you the day I made that deal with Death that I wasn't gonna let you get hurt. So if that means we gotta drive a thousand miles out of our way for every hunt, that's what we're gonna do," Dean proclaimed that like it was the final word on the subject.

Sam felt horrible for putting that look on Dean's face but this was something they really needed to talk about. Sam had to get through to Dean and usually the only way to do that, the thing that Dean understood the most, was physical contact. So he grabbed Dean's upper arm with one hand, moved it up to clutch Dean's shoulder. With his other hand he grabbed one of Dean's, shoved it over his own heart, and covered it with his free hand.

"Dean, this? Right here? This is hurting me. It's hurting you so it's hurting me."

Dean rolled his eyes and sighed. "Oh god. Sam..." he started warningly.

"No, I'm serious, Dean. This is no way to live. This...walking on eggshells crap...it's gotta stop."

Dean shrugged Sam's hand off his shoulder, yanked his hand off of Sam's chest, turned back toward the lake and looked up at the sky as he chewed on the inside of his cheek. Sam watched him and waited. He really didn't have anything else to do. Finally, Dean glanced over at his little brother and scoffed, "You know, soulless or not, you're still a pain in my ass."

Sam peered over at Dean through the bangs hanging in his eyes, grinning a little and nodding. "I know, Dean."

Dean grinned back but it only took a few seconds before his smile melted and the mask of fear settled on his face again. "I just got you back, man. I can't...ya know, I just can't..."

Dean sounded so small; so broken. He seemed for all intents and purposes, a scared little boy. Sam rushed over to face Dean, grasped both of his shoulders, and bent down a little so he could look him straight in eyes. "I know. But I'm fine. How can I possibly not be okay with my big brother around?"

Dean's eyes were shiny as he looked back into his brother's eyes. Sam dug his fingers into Dean's shoulders, pushed himself into his brother's space and kissed him softly, tentatively, as if using too much force would scare Dean off again. Dean's eyes slammed shut and he looked like he was trying to keep out something painful as he pressed into Sam even harder, kissing him back slowly but desperately. They both stopped moving and just held the moment, locked together with open mouths until Sam closed his lips around Dean's full, bottom lip and breathed in deeply through his nose, swallowing down the scent of his brother.

Sam broke off the kiss, placed their foreheads together and shook Dean's shoulders slightly. "Are we okay? Can we just deal with whatever's gonna happen - together?"

Dean opened his eyes and fixed his stare to Sam's chest, rising and falling, and nodded his head a little but it suddenly turned into a shaking motion and Sam knew at that point he failed again. "No, Sam. You hunting, working the job, that's bad enough. I'm not gonna sit back and watch you take unnecessary risks. Sorry. I won't do it." With a shrug, Dean turned, walked away from Sam and headed towards the Impala.

Sam just stood there letting his head hang. His brother was absolutely the most frustrating person Sam had ever met. What the hell did Dean want to do? Lock him up? Logically, Sam knew this wasn't really how Dean wanted it. But the need to keep Sam safe - the responsibility Dean felt for Sam - was engrained so deeply that there would be no way to ever convince him to do otherwise. Plus, Dean was shouldering this one all on his own and Sam knew without a doubt that he wouldn't give an inch. His brother was convinced that he was a hundred and fifty percent to blame for the situation Sam was in. Dean could put a mother bear to shame with how fiercely protective he was when something was threatening his little brother. But this time, Dean was positive the threat was all his fault and obviously his guilt for that was magnifying his protectiveness a hundredfold. Sam was really afraid that if that if the wall fell, Dean would never be able to forgive himself let alone go on with his life. If Sam shattered, he knew that Dean would just lie down and die right along with him. Game over.

Sam looked over at Dean and saw him lean against the back of the trunk as he faced the road and trees - away from the lake - away from Sam. He decided to take one more shot and walked over to Dean. Sam leaned up against the back of the Impala right next to his brother. Dean had his hands gripping the trunk behind him, looking down at the ground.

"Look, Dean - "

Dean shook his head slightly and cut Sam off. "Don't."

Sam continued anyway. "But I..."

Dean brought his hands up and dragged them down the front of his face. "Really, Sam. I don't wanna talk about it anymore. We better get back on the road."

"Well tough shit. We need to talk about it! I know what you're thinking, Dean."

"No you don't."

"Yeah, I do. You're feeling guilty like this is somehow your fault when really, it's no one's fault. It just is. Jesus, I know how hard the past few months were for you but this isn't your fault. If anything, I should be thanking you."

"Thanking me? I was selfish, Sam. And now you have to pay the price. Again. I promised you I'd leave it alone and I didn't. I promised you that you wouldn't get hurt and look what happened? And it's not just Death and his goddamn wall. It's me. I hurt you."

"Oh, come on, Dean." Sam replied, trying to blow off that comment and steer Dean away from that train of thought.

"You don't get it. You were hunting, you had family backing you up, and...it was like you didn't need me anymore. And I was so damn hurt and angry that you didn't come to me right away when you got back."

Sam couldn't believe Dean was talking about this but he wasn't about to interrupt Dean's caring and sharing. Apparently Dean realized what he was doing at the same time.

"Not to mention you were a total dick. I mean, seriously Sam. Rejecting me is one thing, but rejecting my Baby?"

Sam jerked his head up in surprise to look at his brother. "What?"

"Never mind. The point is, when I found out you didn't have your soul...I was so mad at you. Well, not at you you but...you. I mean, I was so pissed that I had put up with this crap from some guy who looked like you and sounded like you and...I don't know...he was you. Minus everything about you that I missed so damn much." Dean looked down at his shoes and Sam's eyes followed. He wasn't sure if Dean was done talking so they sat in silence for a moment. Then Dean softly snorted and added, "Although clearly I had forgotten how much you like to talk everything to death."

Sam rolled his eyes at that. He wasn't really offended and he certainly wasn't about to point out that Dean was the one spilling his guts right now.

Dean lifted his head, scratched the back of his neck and kept on talking. "I was so busy worrying about my own pain that I didn't think about where your soul had been that whole time. When Cas reminded me that you were still in the cage and everything that meant...I don't know, Sam. I freaked. Between that robotic, piss-poor version of you mocking me and insisting he didn't want your soul back and Cas telling me exactly what was happening to you and what could go wrong - I was just so confused and so fucking desperate to have you back, the real you. I figured if there were problems, we could just deal with them as they came up. So stupid. Like I could fix you. Like I'm some sort of expert on surviving Hell. I mean, my time down under was bad. But what you went through? I just couldn't go there, ya know? I wanted you back and screw the consequences. And I'm so sorry, Sam. I'm sorry that you have to go through this shit 'cause of me. You were finally living without all the pain and I screwed it up."

"Dean, you didn't have a choice, man."

"Yeah, whatever."

"I'm serious. I...do you honestly think I would have done anything differently had I been in your shoes? 'Cause I can tell you right now, I would've done exactly the same thing. I mean, this wall? I know what it cost you, Dean. I know what it always costs you whenever you have to pull my ass out of the fire over and over again. You don't have a selfish bone in your body. Especially not when it comes to me."

"Sam, I appreciate you being all Dr. Laura about this but I think we both know that's not true."

"But it is true, Dean! Don't you see that? Since you were 4 years old, you've given up everything for me! No matter how bad I screwed up!"

"Sam, you wrestled Lucifer in your freakin' mind! You willingly jumped headfirst into the worst place in Hell for six billion strangers! I'd hardly call that screwing up."

"It wasn't the six billion strangers."

"What?"

"I mean, yeah, they were part of it. But not the main reason. I jumped because I had to. I monumentally screwed up and you know it. It was on me to fix it and I didn't want you to have to clean up my mess. I jumped for you - for all the times I didn't listen when you told me not to do something - for all the times you saved my ass! I jumped to save you, Dean! I mean, Jesus, don't you get it? For once, it was my job to save you - to protect you. There was no way I was gonna let you down again. And I never would've been able to do it - any of it - without you."

Despite the fact that Dean had tears filling his eyes, his lips pursed into a tight line, and a look of pride, love, and sadness all over his face, he simply retorted, "Are you done with your closing arguments, Matlock?"

And Sam let out an exasperated sigh and flung his arms up to wrap around his head, elbows facing forward. "Unbelievable," Sam bit out, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

Dean seemed unfazed by Sam's frustration, shaking his head and scoffing. "God, I hate it when you go all lawyer on me like that."

And there it was. Classic Dean and his friggin' mask. The office was officially closed. It was clear to Sam at that point that Dean got his old job back and apparently he was going for employee of the month. It was his job to look after Sam - it was what he was trained to do. So if Dean had to take care of him, Sam probably had no choice but to let him. But there was absolutely no way he was gonna let Dean blame himself for any of this.

"Dean, look, I don't know everything I did over the past year and I'm pretty sure I don't want to know, but you have to understand that no matter what happens, I'm grateful. I wouldn't want to be that guy, no matter how much easier it was for me to be him. You made the right call, man."

Sam could see Dean visibly squirming at the emotions pouring out of both of them. Then he dragged his hand over the top of his head and through his short hair a few times, clearly not wanting to continue the conversation. Sam let out a long sigh and turned away, shaking his head.

"Let's just go. It's gonna take us a long time to get to Oklahoma going this way and..." Sam trailed off and shuffled slowly toward the passenger side of the car, shoulders slumped in defeat. He opened the door and sat down facing out, with his elbows on his knees and looking down at the ground. He knew he probably looked at least a little pouty but he really hated all the bullshit damage he'd done to Dean's psyche over the years. And it was frustrating as hell that even after everything, Dean still couldn't handle too much emotion; another thing Sam was pretty sure he was somehow responsible for. The crunching of the dirt and gravel under Dean's boots alerted Sam to his brother's approach before his feet came into Sam's view. Sam didn't look up though. He just continued to look down at their feet.

Dean squatted down in the V of Sam's legs and peered up at him. "Sammy, I'm sorry. You know I'm not good with all that...you know. When you say shit like that I just don't know...I mean, you know that I...well."

Sam raised his head and looked his brother in the eyes. Dean's face visibly melted even more and the emotion all over it made Sam want to cry. Wow. Dean was right. He really was a woman. But he couldn't help it. The things Dean made him feel, the rollercoaster of emotions that Sam went through every waking moment with Dean, there just weren't words to describe it.

"Oh Christ, Sam. Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"You've got that whole puppy dog thing going on right now. That is so not playing fair."

Sam chuckled. He knew Dean was completely defenseless against that. But Sam didn't care at this point. Dean had won this battle. And Sam felt horrible that he'd even started it in the first place. "I know how you feel, Dean. M'pretty sure you know how I feel too. I just don't want to fight, man. We should just go, okay?"

Dean laid his open-palmed hands on Sam's thighs and gently rubbed his thumbs back and forth over the inseam of the worn denim. "Yeah, okay. Sammy. Just, try to understand."

"I do," Sam whispered. And he did. He got it. But that didn't mean he had to like it. He covered Dean's hands on his legs with his own and repeated, "I do."

"Ya know, I can't walk away while you're pouting like that. That bottom lip of yours is gonna get slammed in the friggin' door." Dean laughed a little at his own joke but Sam could only manage a small, unconvincing grin.

Sam looked down at their hands joined on his thighs and was amazed by how different they were. Dean's were smaller, rough, calloused, but gentle and his were smooth, slender but strong, and yet somehow they just seemed to fit together perfectly. It was the perfect metaphor for him and Dean. They were so different in so many ways. They both had bruises and scars, inside and out, they were both strong and brave but sometimes they were scared and even needy. But yet they were made for each other. Soulmates. They were told that once. It made sense. It made it easier to understand why neither one of them could live without the other; why Dean couldn't leave Sam's soul in the pit, even though the rest of Sam had been right there.

"Sammy?" Dean rasped out a little shakily as he shook Sam's legs.

"No Dean, I'm fine. I was just thinking."

"Yeah, that's par for the course," Dean commented and the next thing Sam knew, his brother was on his knees and kissing him very softly, his hands pressed into Sam's thighs a little harder, as his thumbs rubbed a little more forcefully along the inside seam of his jeans.

Sam's hands lifted from Dean's to run through his hair and down to the nape of his neck before settling on his shoulders as he licked at his brother's lips, urging him to open up so he could deepen the kiss. Dean shifted his position a little so he was even closer and Sam shivered as he felt Dean's hands slowly drag up his thighs, his thumbs now rubbing Sam where he was getting incredibly hard surprisingly fast. Sam straightened up from his slouch a little and slightly spread his legs more to give Dean better access and was rewarded by his hands shifting up to unbutton his jeans and slip inside. Dean's mouth was all over Sam's - their tongues started to get a little competitive and really, Sam didn't care who won that battle because either way would be incredible.

Sam broke away for a much needed breath but his brother apparently had a reserve of oxygen because he didn't stop. His mouth was instantly all over Sam's chin as he licked and kissed his way down over Sam's Adam's apple before working his way to the side of Sam's neck over his jugular, licking, kissing, sucking, nibbling, and Sam was going fucking crazy. God, Dean was good at this. Nobody could reduce him to such a hot, sweaty, whimpering, incoherent mess with just a few touches and kisses like his big brother. His thoughts were interrupted as Dean's hands slipped fully inside his jeans and gave a good tug on his cock while his other hand slid around the inside of his jeans to the back of his ass and pushed down at his jeans and boxers. Dean was pressed up against him, lapping at his neck and breathing heavily.

"God, Sammy. You're so damn...fuck."

Sam raised his ass up off the leather seat to give Dean enough room to yank his pants down to his thighs. "De- Dean. Does this mean we're done ta-alking?" Sam rasped out between breaths.

Dean smiled, stroked up where Sam's cock rubbed underneath his bare thigh, and answered into Sam's neck, "I figured this was a much better way to get your ginormous brain to stop thinking so much." The hand that was rubbing the bottom of Sam's leg moved up to lightly caress his balls while the other hand worked furiously at Sam's dick.

Sam let out a deep breathy moan as he clung to Dean's back, all while thrusting slightly up into his hand. Dean pulled his head back and looked into Sam's eyes, which Sam was sure were starting to roll back into his head. He tried to hold Dean's gaze and it's possible he succeeded but he wasn't sure. Although he was positive that no way were any coherent words gonna come out of his mouth at the sight of Dean staring at him, biting his own bottom lip and breaking out in a sweat while steadily jacking Sam off. Sam may have whimpered at that, he wasn't sure. But he definitely let out some kind of hissing, groaning noise when Dean's head suddenly ducked down and he licked at the head of Sam's erection. Sam's hands instantly flew up to grab at the frame of the open car door to hold himself upright while his head fell back. Somewhere in his fuzzy brain, Sam realized Dean was right because the way he was sucking Sam down his throat and rapidly bobbing his warm, wet mouth up and down Sam's shaft not only made him forget about thoughts of Hell, Sam was pretty positive he was now in some kind of Heaven. And not some lame Heaven either. This was a beautiful, erotic, tingly, everything-feels-good kind of Heaven.

"I want you to come, Sammy," Dean growled around his mouthful before he slightly squeezed Sam's balls, closed his lips, and sucked like he was trying to suck Sam's brain through his dick. And it worked. All clear and rational thought left Sam as he exploded down his brother's throat. Sam gripped the door frame tightly and squeezed his eyes shut; he could only see little white splotches in the black behind his eyelids.

"You alright?" Dean asked and Sam weakly straightened his head from where it had fallen between his shoulder blades and tried to open his eyes to look at Dean but even his eyelids seemed too sensitive and ticklish to try.

He managed to open them enough to peek through the slits and focus somewhat on Dean and his proud looking smirk. Sam attempted a smirk back but he was still so out of breath and limp all over that he was sure he looked ridiculous. "Hhnnnmmmmnn..." was all he managed to form out of his mouth before slumping forward awkwardly to plant a sloppy kiss on his brother, lazily pushing his tongue into Dean's mouth and licking over his teeth and tongue and the insides of his cheeks, tasting himself all over.

Dean kissed him back pretty passionately which only served to remind Sam that Dean was probably still all worked up. "Oh man, sorry. Just give me a second and I'll help you out."

Dean chuckled and said, "Yeah, I don't think so, champ. You looked pretty wasted right now. Don't worry about it."

Sam opened his eyes a little more and stared at his brother before glancing down at what appeared to be painfully tight jeans. "Wha-? I said I'd take care of you." And he peeled his hands from the door frame and pawed at the front of his brother's jeans to feel what had to be the hardest dick in the history of...well, hard dicks.

"I'm fine, Sammy. Just worry about pulling yourself together, dude," Dean said as he grasped at Sam's biceps.

Okay, that just pissed Sam off. "Since when do you turn down an offer of me getting you off? I'm not a fucking invalid, ya know. I can still..." Sam gestured between the two of them.

"Sam. It's no big deal. You can't even form a full sentence, man. I can take care of it myself. It's okay. Really."

Dean probably didn't mean it that way but to Sam it all sounded all kinds of patronizing and condescending. Sam pushed Dean back so he could get up out of the car and pull his pants back up. Dean stumbled backwards a little and barely managed to stop from falling on his ass by falling into the open door.

"Ya know, I can take care of myself fine too, Dean. That's not the point. I want to...I wanna do this for you."

Dean, having finally gotten his balance together enough, stood up to stand in front of Sam. "What the fuck, Sam?"

"I should be asking you that. You're kidding me, right? With this whole one-sided sex thing?"

Dean chuckled a sarcastic, exaggerated laugh. "Jesus Sam. I was trying to be considerate. Sometimes you get all, I don't know, floppy after you come. I was just trying to give you an out."

"I don't want an out, Dean!" Sam spat back. "I want you to get as much out of this as I do." Sam grabbed Dean's biceps and roughly led him to the front side of the Impala until his own ass was up against it. "I want you to treat me like I'm not gonna fucking break! I want you to lay me out, open me up, and fuck me hard on top of your car."

If Sam wasn't so irritated and frustrated and honestly worked up again, he would have definitely found the look on Dean's face hilarious. Dean looked, for all intents and purposes, like a fish out of water; his eyes bulged out of his head, mouth hung open but occasionally closing for a second before opening again as he loudly gasped for breath. Dean gained his composure quickly though, and grasped the sides of Sam's head, tilted it, and crashed their mouths together. It was a sloppy, rough, and downright filthy kiss - tongues everywhere and moans and groans that probably scared the shit out of the wildlife around them. Then their hands joined in; yanking off shirts, grabbing flesh, and rubbing up and down bare chests. Dean was grinding up against his brother, his tongue stabbing in and out of Sam's mouth, his hands shoving his jeans down again. Sam grabbed right back and unbuttoned Dean's jeans, reached inside as the size of his hand forced Dean's zipper down. He grabbed onto Dean's hard, leaking erection and started pumping, causing Dean to start emitting harsh moans in between gasps.

"God, Sammy. You're fuckin' killin' me."

Sam kicked off his jeans the rest of the way and then pulled Dean's down too. Dean toed his boots off and finished removing his jeans, adding them to the crumpled pile of their clothes lying all over the ground. Sam let out an "oof" as Dean shoved him back onto the side of the hood, pushing him so he was lying back. Sam scooted his ass up on the car a little and rose up to rest on his elbows. Dean moved up against the car in between Sam's legs, leaned over and kissed him, closing his eyes while nibbling and licking at Sam's mouth. It never ceased to amaze Sam how Dean could be animalistic and predatory one minute and then so tender and loving the next. Sam was so dizzy with lust and probably too much oxygen from his heavy breathing, so Dean kissing him like that made him feel like he was just about to pass out.

Dean pulled back from Sam's mouth, reached up and brushed the bangs out of Sam's eyes. "Is this what you wanted?" Dean croaked out before he leaned down and peppered kisses all over Sam's collarbone.

Sam squeezed his eyes shut and panted as Dean's hand started gliding down Sam's chest, tickling over his ribs, hipbone and around to his ass before moving even further to latch on to the outside of his thigh. "Ye-yeah, Dean. Definitely this."

Dean grabbed underneath his thigh, pushed it up towards Sam's chest and reached back down, found Sam's crack, and wiggled his fingers around until he found Sam's hole. Standing back up, Dean looked down at where his hand was, gave Sam a smirk and bent down to lick over the puckered opening. Sam collapsed onto his back and his arms flailed to grasp onto something but the smooth, shiny surface of the Impala didn't give him much to hold onto. The fingers of his left hand pressed into the car and his right hand thumped against the windshield.

Dean abruptly looked up. "Sam! Watch out for the glass, man." He shook his head and mumbled something that sounded like "there's no way you're ever gonna be her favorite."

Sam was thinking of some kind of retort but lost the ability to speak again when Dean bent back down, face in Sam's ass, licking and probing with his tongue before adding a finger. Sam settled for babbling and groaning because he wasn't capable of anything else. Dean added another finger and kept his tongue going in between them as Sam felt him twisting and stretching them apart.

"Dean, come on, man. I'm ready." But Dean just kept going on, fucking in and out of his brother with his fingers and tongue. Sam lifted his arm from the windshield and reached down to rub at Dean's head, thinking maybe Dean hadn't heard him. "Dean? I'm - oh god."

Dean had thrust a third finger into Sam as he lifted his head slightly to lap at Sam's balls before bringing one into his mouth. He then looked up at Sam and growled "You'll be ready when I say you're ready, Sammy. M'not done yet." Dean picked up the pace of his fingers, pumping, stretching, and twisting inside of Sam as his mouth moved to the other ball.

Sam dropped his head back down and decided to let Dean take the wheel on this one. He was writhing all over the hood of the car and all the sounds that could be heard were gasps, slurps, whimpers, an occasional bird tweeting, and the creaking of the Impala being rocked back and forth by the force of Dean's thrusts. Then Dean's mouth was off of him and Sam felt the loss of his fingers. Dean pushed Sam's other thigh up and yanked his ass down a little to hang over the side of the Impala. Dean gave his cock a few strokes and smeared precome all over himself before lined up and pushed forward into Sam. Sam tried hanging onto his knees but it felt like he was gonna slide off the car so he lifted and hooked his legs over Dean's arms and once again tried to hang onto the car for dear life. Dean slowly moved in and out of Sam until he was balls deep and then stilled for a few seconds before groaning out, "God, you're right. This is one hell of a sacrifice."

Sam grunted, "Shut up, Dean. Just do it."

"Awww, you know how much I love it when you get bossy like that, Sammy." But before Sam could reply Dean pulled back and slammed forward all the way in. Sam slid up the car a little, breaking Dean's momentum some. Dean pressed Sam down harder, practically bending him in half and started ramming into him, over and over. The car was rocking more than ever, creaking and groaning in protest. Sam's eyes were definitely in the back of his head now, as every single one of Dean's thrusts hit him just in the right spot. If he lasted more than a few minutes, he'd be proud of himself. Sam managed to look up at Dean's face. His eyes were slammed shut and his face was all scrunched up in concentration and dripping with sweat. Sam leaned his head up and sucked Dean's lower lip into his mouth before gliding his tongue in. Dean started kissing him back, all the while keeping up a brutal pace of in and out, in and out. Dean breathed into Sam's mouth, "God Sammy, I love you so fucking much."

Sam was completely shocked and tried to smile up at his big brother, even though he knew he wouldn't see it. "Me too, Dean."

The grunting got deeper, the creaking got louder and the breathing got heavier and then once again, Sam spurted come all over their chests until it was rolling down his side, sprinkling the hood of the car. Sam was pretty sure he had stopped breathing for a while as Dean fucked him through his orgasm a dozen more times. He felt like a rag doll at that point and if it wasn't for him and Dean being all tangled up he would've slipped off the hood right onto the ground. Dean kept pumping and pressed his forehead into Sam's chest before bellowing out a cry and Sam could instantly feel himself being filled up by his brother. Dean kept rocking slowly for another minute before he started kissing Sam's chest while he tried to catch his breath. Sam lifted his hands and rubbed the back of Dean's head. He wanted to stay like this forever.

"Dean."

Nothing.

"Dean?"

Nothing.

"You awake, man?"

Dean raised his head off of Sam's chest just long enough to mumble, "Wow, Sammy. Just...wow."

Sam chuckled from deep within his chest. "Yeah, I think we both needed that, huh?"

"Mmhmmm" was all Sam got from Dean in return.

Sam cleared his throat and rubbed his hand up and down Dean's back. "So Dean?"

"Sam, don't ruin this, okay?"

"M'not gonna ruin this. It's just -"

"It's not like I say it all the time. Don't make fun of me or you may never hear it again."

Oh. So that's what Dean was talking about. "As fun and mature as that sounds Dean, that's not what I was gonna say."

Dean lifted his head up and raised an eyebrow, "Well what then?"

"Just wonderin' if you've reconsidered going the long way around."

"Know what Sammy? Now that I have a successful way of shutting down your brain, I don't see why not."

"Really? You mean that? I was expecting more of a fight."

Dean pulled his hips back and withdrew his sensitive cock out of Sam before standing up. Wincing a little at the sensation, he looked down at his fucked out brother and said, "Now get your ass offa m'Baby so we can get your spunk off her."

Sam scooted down off the Impala, a screeching sound coming from his ass dragging across the cold, shiny hood. He bent down, picked up Dean's t-shirt and wiped her down, then threw the shirt into the backseat.

After getting dressed, they both climbed in the car and shut the doors. Sam leaned over and kissed Dean softly and chastely on the lips. He pulled back, rolled his eyes and snorted a little at Dean's embarrassed expression. "I blurt out 'love' in the middle of mind-blowing sex and suddenly you're a giant woman again."

"Just drive, Dean."

"I'll tell ya one thing though, I will always be her favourite," Dean grunted as he backed up out of the secluded spot by the lake. He then fixed Sam with a serious look. "I mean it Sam, you're a very close second to her 'cause she's loyal and all, but she will always love me best." With that, Dean put on his sunglasses, looked forward and pulled back out onto the highway.

Sam couldn't help bursting out in laughter at how serious his brother was about all of this.

"I'm tellin' ya! You don't go tryin' to come between a man and his wheels." Dean reached out and stroked the dashboard gently. "Isn't that right, Sweetheart?"

Sam scootched down into the seat and rested his head against the window. Closing his eyes he chuckled out, "Whatever, Dean. Just...wake me up when we get through Nebraska."

If Sam could've seen Dean right at that moment, he would've seen him stiffen at the mention of Nebraska before smirking and taking the exit to head east through Iowa. "Sure thing, Sammy."