A/N - It's now time for me to write the really long author's note explaining how my weird fandom works.

You see, all of my stories are based on a really long and complicated RP I did with Cryssy-miu, AKA Jordan. Jordan wrote a Kung Fu Panda fanfic called "Redeeming Light," which we sort of stuck to while we were RPing but didn't follow completely. As a result, all of the characters had the same names and same personalities between us two, but not all the same things happened to them…as you shall soon see.

If you've never read Redeeming Light, I recommend it so that you can get the full story behind Shen's reformation. If you don't want to…well, you'll still UNDERSTAND this well enough, but it won't have nearly as much impact. Jordan's OC Kurisu will be used in this story. Even though this is the sequel to two of my fanfics, "If No One Will Listen" and "Long Shot", you can still understand this if you've read Jordan's but never mine, and vice versa. There will be heavy references to a oneshot she did called "Red and Green" as well as to Redeeming Light.

And now that I have given all due credit and explained things to the newbies, you may enjoy "Keeping a Secret!"

DISCLAIMER: I don't own KFP and related stuff this chapter, I won't own them next chapter, and come the end of this fic I still won't own them.

P.S. Please remember that every time you read without reviewing, sad baby Shen is neglected by his parents. Please think of sad baby Shen and review the story.

Keeping a Secret

Chapter 1: Shen's confession

"Oh my heavens!"

When Prince Sheng Li heard that voice, he groaned loudly, glaring at the little black and white butterball that he was supposed to be watching. The fat baby panda was still blissfully splashing around in the spring, delighted with the mud mess that he'd created. This child was much more trouble than he was worth…

The baby's mother, a fully grown panda named Lady Biming, rushed to the side of the watering hole. "Our water source – it's all muddy!" she cried.

Sheng Li – or Shen, as he was more commonly known and was soon to be known as forever, as he thought that "Lord Shen" had a rather nice ring to it – groaned again, really drawing out the noise of agitation. "This baby is IMPOSSIBLE…"

"Why are you playing in the drinking hole?" Biming demanded crossly.

"We weren't playing!" Shen sputtered defensively. "He got all muddy and then he dragged me in!" It was rather embarrassing to admit that he'd been pushed around by a baby, but this particular baby probably weighed a hundred pounds already, and Shen had never been on the strong side.

Biming's brows lifted curiously. "How did he get muddy?"

"He crawled out the back door and into the fields," Shen answered bitterly. The young albino peacock had been having quite the time trying to manage the pudgy baby today. Needless to say, it hadn't been a very good day for him. His parents, for some reason, were under the impression that they still had authority over a nineteen year old soon-to-be lord, and had dragged him off into this panda village to see their friends Lady Biming and Sir Cai. Lady Biming, it turned out, was the healer that Shen had hated as a child, as she'd always stuck him with acupuncture needles and filled his mouth with foul tasting potions. And just to top it all off, when the pandas had offered to show the royal peacocks their crops and rice paddies, his parents had volunteered Shen to watch this fat, troublesome baby. Obviously, it hadn't worked out very well.

Lady Biming heaved an exasperated sigh, although whether at her son's antics or the prince's incompetence, Shen couldn't tell.

"I'm very sorry about this, Lady Biming," he muttered as he climbed out of the spring. When he wrung out his silk robes, at least a bucketful of water splashed to the ground – his Nana was going to kill him. The finest silk in the city was now covered in mud and probably water damaged beyond repair.

Biming smiled. "Oh, it's fine, My Prince. It's your first time, after all."

"Does the baby normally try to eat everything?" asked Shen.

She chuckled. "Oh, you have no idea…"

"He even tried to eat me!" Shen's arm still felt unclean where the little panda had planted his dirty little mouth on it.

"He's fond of nibbling feet and tummies." She laughed again. "Although maybe he just does that to tickle! At any rate, your parents have been looking for you…let me take him off your hands."

Biming reached into the watering hole and pulled out her sopping wet son, while Shen continued to squeeze out his robes and curse angrily under his breath. When the cub saw that Shen was planning to leave, however, he reached out towards the peacock, his eyes filled with tears.

"Oh, WHAT?" shouted Shen, scowling at the baby, who promptly burst into tears.

"Aww," cooed Biming. "He doesn't want you to leave…seems to love you quite a bit!"

Shen felt as if he'd just been struck in the chest by something very heavy. "Love me? Why would he?"

She shrugged. "Why wouldn't he?"

"Well, doesn't he sense that I'm a bad color, bad omen?" Something had begun to creep into the young lord's words…not hot anger but cold bitterness. "Babies are supposed to be perceptive. Every other child I've ever met has known that I'm not right."

"Not right? Oh, heavens!" Biming seemed genuinely startled by the notion. "It's a matter of what their parents teach them, dear…"

"Exactly!" Shen clenched his fists. "My own parents believe that I'm not right! Why shouldn't you as well?"

She gently set her son down on the ground and knelt down beside the peacock prince. "It isn't that your parents don't believe you're 'right'; it's that they worry for your health often. You are a bit weaker than the other peafowl, dear. But that doesn't mean you are any less significant."

Shen couldn't hold back – he snarled.

"A bit weaker than the other peafowl! I've heard that my entire life, but I'm not a chick anymore! There's no more threat to my life! And I'm not any less significant? My parents don't give a damn about me unless I'm on death's door! They couldn't be bothered with raising me! If I had been normal, they would have, but heaven knows they can't spend time on a bad omen!"

Biming gaped at him in shock. She was clutching her chest, right over where her heart would be.

"I didn't…I haven't been around…I didn't know how they treated you. Whenever I was around, you were little and very sick and they'd be loving and concerned…but I didn't…"

He saw tears in her eyes, and that further stung him; he was already sucking in ragged, angry breaths. And the baby seemed to have almost understood the conversation, as the fat butterball panda hugged Shen's feet, without sucking on them as he had done before.

Following her son's example, and seeing that this peacock needed love, Lady Biming put her arms around Shen and held him. He didn't return the hug – he just stood there, panting and upset, wondering what had possessed him to say so much. Was it the child? Yes…it had to be the baby, his black and white fur that wasn't a bad color, bad omen, his sickly saccharine and adorable nature, and those heart-wrenchingly beautiful green eyes. Shen couldn't believe that he was so jealous of someone who wasn't even a year old yet. But the cub – Bao Yu, he was called – had something that even the prince didn't: a loving family. And Shen hated him for that.

Those huge green eyes were going to haunt him for the rest of his life…

Over thirty years later, the adult Shen woke with a start. For a second he was aware of nothing but the pounding of his heart, not even sure where or who or when he was. But gradually he was able to relax, as his surroundings became familiar to him once more.

He knew where he was: at the Jade Palace, the legendary home of the group of kung fu warriors known as the Furious Five; their teacher, the grandmaster named Shifu; and the infamous Dragon Warrior, who was really a giant panda named Po. It also happened to be the home of Shen and his adopted family, including a soothsayer who was his not only his nanny but pretty much his mother as well; a kitten named Kurisu, who was Po's foster sister and pretty much that for Shen too; and Xun, who had been Shen's best friend since the two of them were five. Shen had lived here for almost exactly three years, and it was the one place that he felt he really belonged.

He knew who he was, too: he was Master Sheng Li, once a certifiably insane warlord obsessed with conquering China, but now more focused on finding inner peace and trying to fix at least some of the damage he'd caused while he was crazy. He had involuntarily been set on his path to reformation when he kidnapped Kurisu in an attempt to lure the Furious Five and Dragon Warrior to him, seeking revenge since he had been defeated by the "warrior of black and white." Instead, the young girl had grown rather attached to him, and eventually vice versa. Once Shen had released the pain pent up inside of him, he had managed to find his redemption. A slight calamity had occurred in Gongmen City when it was discovered that he was alive, but had ended up saving the city from being crushed by a boulder, and was allowed to leave and be taken into the Valley of Peace. Now he was working on recollecting his shattered morality, only recently proving his dedication to the task when he had found Xun a couple of months ago. And he had been mostly forgiven…the key word being "mostly."

And he knew when he was: the morning after what was arguably one of the worst days of his life.

Shen sat up and stretched; he was stiff and achy, as it seemed that he hadn't slept well last night. Probably just proof that he was still shaken from yesterday's ordeal. The day had begun very badly, with an argument between him and Kurisu. She'd wanted him to tell her a story from his past, and he'd refused, saying that it was painful. She had responded by telling him to stop being so melodramatic and that he had barely even had a bad past, telling him, "Honestly, no wonder your parents never wanted to take care of you…" He had struck her across the face in uncontrolled rage, and when she ran off with a cry of, "I hate you," he had completely believed her.

Just to make things worse, though, bandits had swarmed into the merchants' village, and everyone in the Jade Palace had been called out to help. Kurisu, too distraught to fight, had sustained a stab wound. Shen had fearfully carried her home so that she could be treated, only to see her slip into the worst breakdown he'd ever seen from her, simply because she felt so guilty about what she'd said to him. He had desperately tried to comfort her and assure her that nothing was her fault, but nothing he could say would calm her. Eventually, she had cried herself to sleep, leaving Shen very, very shaken.

He had never seen Kurisu get so upset before. Despite the fact that she'd lost her entire real family in a massacre on her village when she was five, she was annoyingly cheerful most of the time. Seeing her wailing and mewling and clinging to him for dear life was enough to make him feel like he'd been repeatedly punched in the gut.

But now…it was the morning after. Kurisu would probably be fine once she woke up, but Shen had something rather unpleasant to do: admitting to Po that he'd slapped her.

Even three years after the attempted China takeover, the peacock and the panda still did not go in a room together. Shen remembered discussing it with Kurisu once.

"You know, you've barely spent any time with your brother since I got here," he'd pointed out.

"Well, you know," she'd replied uncomfortably. "He still doesn't…"

"…like me?"

"It's not that he doesn't like you. He's just bummed that you, uh, killed his mom…"

Shen released a short, huffing sigh at the memory. Now he had to tell Po about the fight with Kurisu yesterday, before he heard about it from someone else. That was going to be the mother of all awkward conversations…

To distract himself, he contemplated the not-quite-nightmare he'd had last night. Of course he'd expected to have nightmares after a day like yesterday, but why was he dreaming about Lady Biming, of all people? She was a personal friend of his parents and had been his healer when he was little; he'd pretty much hated her until he was much older, when he'd broken down in front of her...and when she'd saved the soothsayer's life. His heart seemed to become cold and heavy as he remembered the massacre on the panda village, cornering her in the forest –

No. He couldn't think about that. That was just going to make him even more nervous about the conversation he had to have with Po.

Taking a deep breath, he headed out of his room to find him.

Po was near the Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom, starting off his usual morning routine by practicing forms. Currently he was moving through his favorite inner peace moves, acting as if he was deflecting an imaginary, slow-motion cannonball. "Inner peace," he chanted, mimicking Master Shifu. "Inner peace…inner peace – oh!"

On the last "inner peace" he had swiveled around to find a familiar albino peacock standing beneath the tree, staring at him.

For a second, Po stood there frozen, bent into an odd position that didn't even look vaguely like a kung fu move; then slowly, he lowered his arms to his sides. "What are you looking at?" he mumbled, trying not to glare.

"Nothing," Shen replied evenly, doing that weird thing where he didn't look at Po's face. "I have to tell you something."

"Huh? Oh…" Suddenly Po remembered that something had happened to Kurisu yesterday, which had freaked Shen right out. "Is it about my sister? Is she okay?" he asked quickly.

Shen nodded. "Yes, to both questions. I just thought that you should know…" He sighed. "What happened in the first place."

"Well, I'm listening."

Shen heaved a silent sigh.

"Yesterday morning, Kurisu wanted me to tell her a story from my past, and I refused, telling her that it was too painful for me. She said that she'd told me a lot about her past, which was more painful, and that I was being overdramatic. 'I can see why your parents didn't want to take care of you,' she said."

Po's mouth gaped. He knew about the basic relationship between Shen and his parents, of course, and why it had caused Shen to go nuts. But he didn't know the whole story, because Shen was very touchy about it. How could his sister have said something like that?

"…and…I slapped her across the face…"

Shen braced himself to be hit or thrown against the tree, but no attack came. When he dared to open his eyes a bit, Po was only staring at him with an unreadable expression. He decided to continue. "Sh-she said that she hated me and ran off…but after she got stabbed during the raid yesterday , she had this huge horrible breakdown…I stayed with her, it was all I could do…"

Po didn't say anything, but Shen was still expecting to be lashed out at.

"…I suppose you're going to kill me now…"

Po turned away and raised his face to the sky. "I slapped her a couple times growing up," he admitted softly.

Shen exhaled. "Yes, well…this is me, and I figured you'd be looking for a way to pay me back…"

The panda shook his head. "You know we cleared the air long ago…" His face faltered. "Didn't we?"

"I never really felt like it…" Shen's head feathers had flattened now, and he was looking away, his shame apparent.

Po huffed. "Well, it's hard, Shen. What am I supposed to say? You killed my village…and my mother…things like that can't be easily forgotten…"

"I'm not asking you to forgive me," responded Shen. He raised his head and, for the first time, met his former enemy's eyes…and immediately felt a whomping blow of déjà vu.

Those eyes…bright green, huge and shining, still innocent after all this time…Shen had avoided looking into them for all the time that he'd been sane, and so he'd never realized how familiar they were. And they weren't just familiar because he and Po had known each other for three years; they were familiar because of something else, something from the distant past…

Shen's mind raced back to his dream, and he immediately raised a wing to his head, feeling dizzy. Po was…Lady Biming's son? How – how was it possible? How was it possible that he hadn't realized it all this time? It had to be so, those green eyes were just too familiar –

"Uh, Shen, are you okay?"

"What?" Shen suddenly realized how odd he must look, reeling and gasping seemingly for no particular reason. "Oh, um…yes, I'm fine. I just…realized something." He just prayed that the panda wouldn't ask –

"Oh, really? What?"

Shen groaned, shutting his eyes. This really WAS the mother of all awkward conversations. "I-think-I-babysat-you-once-when-you-were-a-cub."

There was a very long pause. Then Po's voice, sounding stunned, asked, "…what?"

"I think I babysat you once when you were a cub, all right!" Shen opened his eyes in embarrassed irritation, only to find that Po was smiling.

"What?" he demanded, and the panda began to laugh.

"Sorry, I'm sorry! It's just that…well, you babysitting me, you have to admit that's pretty funny!" Po laughed again, and he looked so pleased by this coincidence that Shen had to crack a smile. Yes, this was definitely the same brat he'd almost failed at looking after, all right. They were both innocent, both oblivious to the things they didn't like, and both able to find humor in anything. And they both made Shen feel a pang of jealousy inside. How could anyone be that happy?

"So, how did that go?" Po bounced on his feet eagerly; this was one story that he wasn't dreading to hear.

"Well, if I can remember correctly…" Shen was glad that his sudden realization had lightened the mood rather than darkened it, although something unsaid was nastily gnawing away at his insides. "Our parents were friends, and they dragged me to your village for a visit one day. They went outside, to look at crops or something, and I was supposed to watch you. And you tried to eat me…twice. First you bit my arm, and then you crawled up my robe and started licking my stomach…"

Po had almost doubled over with laughter, and was wiping tears from the corners of his eyes. Shen rocked on his talons uncomfortably, but continued, his voice gaining confidence with every word. "When I went to go find your parents to see what was taking them so long, you crawled out the back door and got covered in mud. And you dragged me into the drinking hole afterwards. No one was very happy with me…"

"Oh man…" Po was still laughing, looking a little embarrassed now. "That's unbelievable."

"There. Wasn't that an awkward story?" said Shen.

"A funny one!" Po declared, still grinning broadly. "Man, I can't believe you never told anyone that before!"

"I didn't realize that you were…the cub I looked after…until just now." Shen was beginning to breathe rapidly. His realization had brought more than just a funny story to light. "There's…something else I should tell you."

"Hm?" Po was looking at him curiously, obviously wondering why the peacock wasn't enlightened by the joke. But Shen had darker matters on his mind.

Shen sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm himself down and failing. He wasn't sure if he should say this…but he had to. If there was even a sliver of a doubt about the connection between Po and the pudgy cub called Bao Yu…but he knew there wasn't. He thought about his dream, thought about everything Lady Biming had done for him, thought about that night that he and the wolves had raided the village of pandas…and…

"I didn't kill your mother."