It had been several days since the last…incident. James glanced suspiciously at the Captain who stood at the helm of his beloved ship. The former commodore couldn't remember a time when he could call Jack's behavior "normal". He was determined to keep a careful eye on the ridiculous pirate, assuming this short respite only meant a great deal more insanity was to come.

Suddenly, James was broken from his vigil by the sound of footsteps. "Ello Commodore!"

Gillette called as he walked up to his friend carrying his ever present morsel of food. Today happened to be a roll of bread. One of Gillette's favorites.

"No, NOT anymore, haven't you been paying attention, Andrew? I am no longer a COMMODORE." James snapped, hating the reminder of his current status as a pirate.

Gillette, determined to cheer up his friend, just smiled and offered him some bread. "Don't be such a grouch. At least you're not sick like Theodore."

James grunted and politely refused the bread, knowing Gillette would be MUCH happier if he could have it all to himself.

"Oi Jamie, did ya ever consider how much better you'd look as a ginger?" Came the all too familiar voice from directly behind James.

James and Gillette both turned to stare at him, the latter of the two actually forgetting to put his food in his mouth, leaving his hand suspended awkwardly in the air.

"I mean, take your friend here…whatever his name is…if you had reddish hair like 'im you'd be a 'ole new person, aye?" Jack continued, oblivious to their shock, and in Norrington's case, swiftly growing ire and possibly murderous intentions.

"Sparrow-"

"CAPTAIN Sparrow, mate. Honestly, I thought you were intelligent enough to be rememberin' the title, or rather the rank, if you're goin' to be all picky an' proper, like I know you, as a former commodorely person are wont to be, of the person whom you have spent so much glorious time, whether that time having been spent attempting the murder of my person is beside the point." Jack interrupted leaning into Norrington's personal space, wiggling his bejeweled fingers.

Gillette turned to the pirate and sneered. "Oh, and what exactly is your point, PIRATE?"

Jack turned to him with a dramatic pout. "My point, Master Gillette, is that your formerly commodorial friend who would make a most excellent redhead, much better than yourself at any rate, cannot seem to remember a simple word! One which, I am quite certain is used in a repetitively frequent manner aboard your strict sort of sailing ships."

James pinched the bridge of his nose, blocking out the pirate's ramblings as he attempted to alleviate the on-coming headache. He was finding they were becoming more and more frequent, especially with his sever sleep deprivation problems. At least when he lost sleep in the Navy, he didn't have to wake up and worry about his captain causing some sort of mayhem every morning, afternoon, AND evening.

"- and so you see, it's only fitting to at least give it a try!" Sparrow exclaimed excitedly, effectively pulling James from his musings.

Gillette chewed thoughtfully on his bread, which had now been noticeably reduced in size. "You know James, he might have a point…" he said, squinting at James' hair as he took another sizeable bite of bread.

James fixed Gillette with an incredulous stare. "Not you too...!"

"Well James, it might be an interesting experie-"

"ANDREW!" James exploded angrily, as Sparrow started circling him poking and prodding difference bits of his hair as he went.

"It's a bit dirty mate…when's the last time you bathed?!" Jack muttered as James gave him a hearty shove, hoping in the back of his mind that the pirate would fall overboard.

"You're one to talk, Sparrow-"

"Captain!"

"YOU NEVER BATHE! Besides! Neither you, or anyone else on this ship is going to dye my hair!" James shouted drowning out Jack's protest.

Andrew swallowed the rest of his snack before speaking "But James! It would be so simple!"

"No."

"If yo-"

"No."

"C'mon Jame-"

"NO."

"But-"

"GILLETTE!"

It was at this point that Jack decided to leave the formal naval officers their heated 'discussion'.

Due to a series of circumstances that had nothing whatsoever to do with Jack snooping around in Norrington's room when it was vacant, he had discovered that the former commodore had saved his powdered wig, cleaned it up, and stowed it in a chest under his bed. Now, the captain, whose intentions were strictly honorable, snuck into the former commodore's cabin and retrieved the powdered wig.

As he made his way back up to the deck, he hid the wig in his coat. Jack, then, with his usual drunken extravagance, ambled over to the naval officers, who were exactly as he left them.

Jack ambled up behind the former commodore, careful to intrude on his personal space as much as possible, before holding up the wig out of Norrington's range of vision. "OI! Gillette! If the commodore does not want his hair dyed, then I suggest we respect 'is wishes, savvy?" he exclaimed, all the while holding up the wig and pointing to it excitedly.

Gillette after staring blankly at the pirate for a moment, started to catch on.

"Now, come with me, former lieutenant. It would seem the former commodore need's some space, as it were," Jack said pointedly, nearly resting his chin on Norrington's shoulder, as he returned the wig to its previous position inside his coat.

"Sparrow. If you want to keep your head, I would suggest you remove it from my person IMMEDIATELY." James growled, turning to sneer at the smelly man.

"Thought you lot were more into the hangin' rather than the decapitatin' sort of execution?" Jack enquired as he jerked his head and every other part of his body out of the commodore's reach.

"You'll find, Sparrow, that in some ways, ways that do NOT involve my hair, I can be amazingly flexible." James snipped back.

Jack placed his palms together as he backed towards his cabin, accompanied by Gillette, who was, in fact, walking forwards like a normal person. "In that case, I shall happily leave you to your murderous thoughts… Ta!"

Once safely inside his cabin, Jack turned to the lieutenant. "So then, I'm havin' some red dye around here somewhere…but I'll be needin' a basin of water, if you'd be so kind." Jack made an impatient shooing motion with his hands.

"I'm not your manservant, Sparrow." Gillette snipped. "I'm merely here out of curiosity."

"If you're wantin' to solve that curious problem of your curiosity, then I suggest you move along and fetch me some water!" Jack retorted, handing Andrew the washbowl and giving him a shove.

"Bloody navy. Think their better than everyone." Jack muttered to himself as he dug through his piles of loot to find the Indian dye he filched off a tradesman a few weeks back.

A few minutes later, Gillette returned with the water and set it on the desk. "I think he's getting suspicious…" he said worriedly glancing at the closed door, where on the other side, James was pondering the strange new camaraderie between his former lieutenant, and pirate hating friend, and his arch nemesis, Jack Sparrow.

"Don't be worryin', mate! He can't do much damage 'round here..." Jack smiled before emptying the whole bottle of dye into the water.

"Providing he doesn't take it upon himself to build a gallows on your quarterdeck." Gillette replied as he watched the pirate as he pulled out the wig and proceeded to dip it into the dye.

"Or a guillotine, apparently. Tell me lieutenant, innit a bit strange that your formerly commodorial friend, of a firmly British persuasion, would be a purveyor of the French form of execution?" Jack enquired as he wrung the liquid out of the wig before dipping it in again.

"Well, I'm assuming when he said, 'I care not if you die by the Guillotine or Gallows,' it was pretty obvious he just wants you dead, the method notwithstanding." Gillette replied, not caring in the slightest that Jack life may be in the balance.

"But…the Gallows, a British standard for murdering, or otherwise executing men, consists of cleanly snapping a man's neck via a long bit of rope tied around that very same appendage. Whereas the Guillotine is the French way of brutally murdering people better than you by chopping off their head completely with a giant knife. Wouldn't it be more like 'ol Norry to hang me?" Jack replied, trying to puzzle out the commodore, entirely unaware of the morbidity of the conversation.

"Sparrow! It doesn't matter how he does it, if you keep irritating him, you're going to die and that's that! " Gillette exclaimed exasperatedly as he snatched the wig out of the water where it lay forgotten and continued with the dying process.

"But it DOES matter! I care whether or not my head remains attached to the rest of me if I die!" Jack all but whined at the lieutenant.

Andrew turned to the pirate. "This is NOT a normal conversation and I refuse to continue it any further," he snapped as he removed the now thoroughly red wig from the dye and inspected it. "It's TOO red…find some brown dye to make it more realistic."

Jack blew out a breath irritable and started muttering about the uselessness of naval officers and he procured an orangey brown color and dumped it in the water. "'Ave fun, mate." He snipped before flopping down on his bed to wait.

Andrew quickly finished the wig and held it up. "Look! It matches me exactly!" he exclaimed excitedly.

"Good! Now I'll just …place it on our dear former commodore's head and we take a look! You go distract him."

Gillette handed the pirate the wig. "Shouldn't we wait for it to dry?"

"What's the fun in that?"

Several hours later, after stealthily sneaking after the former commodore everywhere he went, Jack finally managed to place the wig upon James' head while he was taking a quick nap.

"There!" he back up to admire his work before frowning, and leaning down to adjust the slightly lopsided headpiece.

"Sparrow. I will give you to the count of ONE to get away from my face…" James murmured with his sharp green eyes still firmly closed. "If, by that count, you are not significantly farther away from my person, I will have you Drawn and Quartered, and give what's left of you to Davy Jones. IS. THAT. CLEAR?"

Jack jerked his hands away as he quickly stumbled away from the man. "Now see! There you've gone and changed your mind again! Can't you pick one way to murder a chap and just stick to it?!" Jack whined at the former naval man not even noticing that James was threatening to have him murdered on his own ship.

"Oh GOD, not this again!" Gillette piped up from the corner where he was also resting, having given up on getting James into the wig QUITE some time ago. "Do you realize that I had to listen to, and participate in, an ENTIRE conversation about executions and the results thereof?"

"It's your own fault for choosing to spend your time alone with Sparrow, Andrew." James quipped as he carefully stood from the hammock he had been napping in. True, Sparrow had given him a bed, but sometimes he liked the rocking motion of the hammocks, as long as he didn't find himself waking up on the floor…which happened more often than not. "Now, would either of you like to explain your sudden need to equip me with my powdered wig?" he watched warily as Andrew and Sparrow shared a look.

"Well you see, James…" began Andrew. "since you obviously weren't going to let us dye YOUR hair…Sparrow thought it'd be better if we died something we could put OVER your hair…" he explained with a progressively guilty expression.

James turned on Andrew with a thunderous expression. "Andrew, you didn't. Not my wig…you couldn't have!"

"Ah, but we could, mate!" Jack replied cheerily.

James gingerly reached up and pulled the wig off his head staring down at what used to be a pristine white symbol of his status. "Sparrow! You ruined my powdered wig JUST TO SEE IF I'D MAKE A GOOD GINGER!?" he roared at the pirate pulling out a pistol he had acquired from Angelica.

"If it makes you feel better, Jamie, I think I prefer you as your usual brunette self!"

"HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER!?"

"It means you're not as bad looking as ya thought you were!"

"SPARROW!"

"CAPTAIN!"

Suddenly a shot rang out, as James fired the pistol. "The next one won't miss." He warned dangerously, before loading the gun again and taking aim. Once again a shot rang out, but Jack Sparrow had already disappeared.

James bit out a vile curse before flopping back in his hammock. "Gillette, I expect you to purchase me a new wig at our next port of call."

"Sure, James…anything you want.." Gillette replied calmly as he too made for the exit.

Once alone James pressed his hands to his face, attempting to rub the stress away. "All my problems would be solved if only Sparrow would just DIE like a normal human being!" he muttered to himself.

As Andrew walked back to his cabin, he remembered something. There was a piece of parchment pinned to the captain's door. A piece of parchment listing insane things. He turned on his heel and walked straight to Jack Cabin and picked up the quill.

14. Wanting to make someone a ginger.

And after a moment's consideration…

15. Discussing the different ways to execute someone and the results of said execution.

What is this!? Another chapter!?

Yes... we had sudden inspiration and finished this one that we start... erm... a long time ago...

Sorry about that.

As a reminder, these are true symptoms. Smilindolfin is responsible for the ginger bit... and we once discussed execution results to clarify the outcome for another friend. That was a fun conversation. :)

Hopefully we will be a tad faster on the next chapter!