Meditations and Ruminations

Welcome to my first Avatar story!

Years ago I planned on writing a Zutara epic. However, my Artemis bit got in the way, then I discovered Doctor Who, then the series ended and Aang ended up with Katara, leaving me disheartened…

Anyways, this summer I decided I wanted to dip into a few other fandoms I'd otherwise never touch. So, here goes.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any part of Avatar: The Last Airbender. If I did, you would never see me on this site again, I assure you.

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When he was younger, he absolutely hated meditation. The trainers always insisted upon it as soon as he had risen. Ursa, taking the trainer's advice, urged him to practice in the mornings. She went so far as to ban breakfast until he has spent at least thirty minutes meditating.

And it seemed, no matter how long or how hard he tried, the meditation didn't help his bending. He focused for as long as possible, clearing every inch of his mind. But it never seemed to aid him in any way. The frustration would echo in his performance, giving Azula even more fuel for bullying. He was sloppy, short with his flame, and his motions labored with heavy thoughts. Ursa assured him he would improve if he continued study and improved his focus. Yet, as time went by, Zuko doubted his mother's faith in the properties of meditation.

"Concentrate." His trainer would sooth. "Feel the flame. There. Let it grow with your breath, and fade with each exhale. Yes. In. Out. In. Out. There you…ah."

From where he sat, Zuko could feel the roughly woven grass mat below him. He could feel the blood pooling in his crossed legs, the breeze ruffling his hair. He could smell dry sandy dirt, tired after several weeks without any decent rain. And, in his very breath, Zuko could sense the flame, beating like a tiny, bright heart. He did as the trainer said, focusing on the fire to let it expand then fall. Until the thought of Azula shattered his control. He could hear her voice from the terrace. The flame stopped moving, disappointing himself and the trainer.

Opening his eyes and blinking in the clear afternoon light. "Sorry, Sifu." The child bowed his head.

"It isn't that difficult, Prince Zuko. I do not understand why you lack focus!" The master would always sigh.

It was only when he was older and under his uncle's tutelage that Zuko found enough peace to start meditation properly.

"Sit up straight. Keep your eyes close and your back like a great oak in a forest—unbowing to the winds. Do not think of anything but the flame. You cannot see it, yet you know it is there. So, imagine the candle. See the dripping wax. See the flame. Imagine all of the colours. The bright yellow. The passionate indigo. The searing red. Do you see them?"

"Yes, Uncle," The young man breathed.

"Good."

He could practically hear Uncle humming with pleasure.

Perhaps it was the motion of his ship, lulling him into a clear mind. Or maybe it was the tea uncle insisted upon. Or, possibly, it might have been the turmoil in his mind, his way of seeking some sort of inner stability. Whatever it might have been, Zuko had found his method and stuck to it. Even when he was on the road, searching for the Avatar, and later still, joining forces with the Avatar, he made a point to meditate with the rising sun. It was a way to find balance. And, he felt it was a good connection to his uncle. No matter where he was, what he was doing, Zuko felt comfort in knowing his uncle was doing the same thing.

When meditating, Zuko could forget. His mother wasn't missing. His family was not shattered. The Fire Nation was not under his hand. He did not have a disfiguring scar. Nothing was wrong with the world.

On occasion, he might even make shapes with the fire. A flower, A beetle. A flying lemur. Simple things that required great focus.

With focused meditation has come focused bending. Azula herself, the prodigy, would be in awe of his balance and poise. With eased meditation he had come into an ability he could not just move the fire, but bend it to his will. A great change from his childhood.

Now he sits in the royal chambers, ignoring the world around him. With steadied breathing, the palace slips away from around him and he cannot hear, cannot see, cannot feel anything but his own heart beat. And, after several minutes, the flame from an oil lamp that sits a few feet away. It rises and falls through his subconscious power. He feels the flares and descents in his veins, like the motion of a bobbing ship. It serenely resonates in his chest, then down to warm his stomach where the Solar Chakra sits. He opened that chakra long ago. The gentle heat reminds him.

It had been after the war. He had been mad, so mad at his father, whom he had just seen in his prison, his sister, even his mother, who left him. Iroh had stopped him at the door. Gently, he pressed a candle into the boy's hand. "Use this."

And Zuko had. He used the hate to fuel his focus. His stomach burned with fury. Nothing hurt more, not even his face. His vision blurred yellow. It was like a storm, fast, furious, passionate and…done. He found, quite suddenly, that he felt as free as air. Light.

That was the day his bending had improved by tenfold.

Later, over a calm cup of custom-blend white jasmine-mango tea, Iroh thoughtfully explained the pain to be an opening chakra.

"It was most painful because it was something you had been disregarding. You allowed it to build in yourself, like a dam by a herd of beaver-birds." Iroh lowered his cup. "It is a new beginning, nephew."

"A new beginning…" Zuko had repeated. He liked the sound of that quite a bit.

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This has been part of my summer expansion challenges. For the last couple years I've been restricted to Artemis Fowl and Greek myths. Last year I picked up Doctor Who, but that's been a whole year of Rose/Doctor. So, before summer ends, I would like to touch as many fandoms as possible with a few short one shots.

Anyways, it's just some Zuko musing. I hope you've liked it. Please review!