A/N: Yes, I'm still quite alive on here believe it or not. My love for writing fanfiction and Fullmetal Alchemist will never die. I'll probably be on my death bed and still be babbling about it. xD Anywho, this little one-shot is dedicated to my new found friend, the lovely shattered petal. She's amazing. ;D

He knew that this would be a bad idea. Getting drunk with Maes Hughes always turned into something embarrassing on Roy's part. The last time the two had gone drinking, Roy had ended up on Hughes' couch, passed out, and woke with marker on his face thanks to Elysia turning him into a coloring book. That being said, he didn't want to relive any more incidents like that, so why he had chosen to go out drinking with the man again, he had no idea. Here they were though.

"You're a bad influence Roy," Hughes said, then pouted, "My Gracia's going to kill me when I get home,"

"Me? You're the one who wanted to, and if I may quote, 'have a talk over a couple of beers.' I hope Gracia kills you," Roy's tone was serious, but both knew the other was joking,"At least I wouldn't have to suffer through you showing me your pictures and all the phone calls," Roy sighed, remembering the last time Hughes was in a photogenic mood and had decided to take pictures of everyone in the office. The man was lucky he hadn't ended up with a bullet through him or burned to a crisp.

"Speaking of that talk I wanted to have..." Hughes started to say. Roy held up his hand to stop him, knowing full well what he was going to say.

"Don't bother. Get a wife already, I know, I know," Hughes laughed and slapped Roy on his back, calling over the bartender for more drinks.

"I wasn't going to mention that, but if you want to talk about it-"

"I don't! I'd rather not discuss my love life with you. You'd probably get overexcited about it and want to take pictures," Roy frowned at the thought. He had a feeling that he'd go blind from Hughes' camera flash in a few years. Hughes could only scoff at what Roy said. He wouldn't take pictures he would...Wait, did Roy just hint at having a love life? Hughes hoped Roy didn't consider the occasional date or, the even rarer, prostitute, a love life. Whoever the lovely lady was or the lovely ladies were, Hughes was curious.

"So there is someone! I knew it!" Hughes accused Roy and smirked when the man sitting next to him actually blushed. Roy Mustang just blushed!

"Cut it out Hughes!" He warned, "I'm really not in the mood,"

"No way! So your not going to tell me who she is?" Hughes asked in disbelief. Roy nodded, taking a drink, "...Of all the women in Central..." Hughes muttered, thinking of the possibilities, "...It's Hawkeye, isn't it?"

Roy almost choked on his drink.

"W-What?" He sputtered, coughing slightly.

"I'm right, aren't I?" Hughes said smugly and Roy wanted to smack that grin right off of his face.

"O-Of course not," Roy wondered if it was the alcohol that was making him suddenly feeling light-headed and red in the face, or if he was just catching the cold Havoc had earlier in the weak.

"Yeap and I'm not a crazy man with a camera,"

"You are a crazy man with a camera,"

"My point exactly," Hughes smirked and Roy could only glare at him for it. Hughes was lucky his ignition gloves were out of reach and frankly, Roy was being to feel a little too drunk to even reach for them.

"Fine," Roy sighed and Hughes perked up at that.

"You're going to tell me?"

"Yes, I'll tell you. Just - Don't tell Hawkeye about anything I said, alright? I actually want to live to be able to become Fuhrer," Hughes smiled like an idiot to himself. This was definitely going to be good and to make sure Mustang didn't back out of this one, he ordered another round of drinks, knowing that Mustang could never keep his mouth shut when he was drunk enough.

"So..." Hughes had been wanting to ask this question for a long time now and he believed that Roy was drunk enough not to try and kill him for asking it, "How is she in the sack?"

"You put it so bluntly," Roy's heading was beginning to spin at this point. He wasn't sure what Hughes had ordered for the two of them to drink, but whatever it was, it must have been a hell of a strong drink.

"Well?"

"If you're wondering if she brings her guns with her, she's not into that,"

"So you have slept with her! Congratulations on getting her to loosen up," Hughes then realized the pun in that sentence and he snickered to himself. Hawkeye, a loose woman...Like that would ever happen. Still, Roy deserved the credit for getting the 'Ice Queen' of Central to live a little.

"Yeap," Roy said proudly. The alcohol was definitely working it's way well into his system by now.

"Have you ever jumped each other in the office because my hands have touch that desk Roy!" Hughes was getting concerned now, especially since Roy had this stupid little grin on his face.

"Is there anything else you want to know then?" Roy asked, ignoring Hughes' question, but he had a feeling the man could tell the answer.

"To be honest, I'm kind of afraid to know what else you two have done on things I've laid my hands on, or sat on, or anything else, but yes! Yes, a have a lot more questions to ask about this,"

The night was still young after all.

Riza Hawkeye walked the halls of Central Headquarters, making her way to the office. As usual, her hands were loaded down with paperwork that needed to be signed. She could hear the men complaining already.

"Yo Hawkeye!" Hughes called out to her, then joining her in her walk.

"Lieutenant Colonel Hughes, I hope you know that's not the way you should address another officer," She spoke, business as always. Hughes smirked at her and Riza wondered if she should be worried.

"Yeah and I hope you know that other people have to touch that desk,"

"...What?" She spoke, eyebrows raised in question.

"If you two are that frisky, there's a hotel not to far from here. Just please, not on the desk. I haven't been able to stop washing my hands," Hughes said, then hurried off. Riza could only stand there with her face completely red realizing what Hughes had meant.

A/N: Okay, okay, I was going to say that I regret writing this, but I don't. Nope! No regrets at all. There's going to be hell to pay for Roy though.

Omake (because I can dammit!):

Riza: Colonel! May I remind you that we only had sex in the office one? And may I remind you that it was only because I gave in to playing out your fantasy to get paperwork done.

Roy: And what a gorgeous fantasy it was.

Later on...

Havoc: Um, may I ask why there are bullet holes around the chief's head?

Riza: Mind your own business Havoc.

Roy: *still shaking* Yes...And learn to keep your mouth shut...