Hey guys, I've finally been able to build up the motivation to analyze every little part of an eight minute video. Your reviews definitely help. Disclaimer's on the prologue, as usual. Now, off into learning shenanigans!

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As everyone was sitting down at what looked to be the tables of the Great Hall, Dumbledore spoke. "Yes, yes, welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts! And a very special welcome to my favorite student, Mr. Harry Potter."

"Now that can't be right," Harry muttered to Ron and Hermione. "He hasn't even looked in my direction at all this year."

"Well, Harry, it's not like he doesn't have excuses for it," Hermione told him.

"Yeah, what with the Order of the Phoenix back in business," Ron started to say, but Harry interrupted him.

"Hey Ron?"

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you speak a little louder? I don't think Malfoy heard you."

"Oh, sorry," Ron said, "I wasn't thinking."

"Clearly. Now you two be quiet so I can hear this," Hermione said, putting an end to the discussion.

The Gryffindors cheered as Dumbledore walked over. "He killed Voldemort when he was just a baby," Dumbledore continued. "He's even got that little lightning scar on his forehead to prove it. And another very special welcome to our newest addition to Gryffindor, Mr. Ginny, excuse me, Ms. Ginny Weasley."

Harry started as he heard a thud behind him. He turned to see Ginny's head down on the table. "Why does everybody tease me, huh?"

"It's okay, Ginny," Harry said, trying to soothe her. "At least your character isn't as bad as Malfoy's."

"That's right, sis," Fred chimed in from farther up the table. "Besides, it's not like that's a stupid mistake to make."

"After all," George said, "you are the only girl in a family of boys."

"I swear," Ginny hissed, "if you two don't shut up right now, you are so going to get it after this is finished!"

"What are you going to do?" Fred asked. "Bat-bogey hex us to death?"

"Fred, George, stop talking," Ron advised them. "She could actually do that, you know." The twins stopped after that, but Harry could tell that they didn't believe it.

"Yeah, I'm a girl," Ginny said as she stood up. "And, um, also, aren't we supposed to be sorted by the, uh, Sorting Hat?"

"Well, um, a funny thing happened to the Sorting Hat," Dumbledore explained. "He actually got hitched with another piece of enchanted magical clothing. So he and the Scarf of Sexual Preference aren't going to be back until next year." Ginny nodded and sat down after hearing this. Dumbledore then went on. "Basically, I've just been putting anybody who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, anybody who looks like a bad guy into Slytherin, and the other two can just go wherever the hell they want, I don't really care."

Harry tilted his head, not paying attention to the protests from the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. "Scarf of Sexual Preference?," he muttered. "Why on earth would that even be necessary?" Nobody heard him, though, as Umbridge was silencing the protests.

On the other side of the Great Hall, Draco was wondering the same exact thing. Not only was it a completely idiotic idea, he thought, but it could prove to be very embarrassing to some. He tried to keep from thinking about Hermione; he knew he had no chance with her. Pulling his mind away from the topic, he muttered to himself. "Who'd even put that thing on anyway?" he scoffed. "Probably just as old and shabby as the Sorting Hat."

Cedric stood up as Dumbledore finished his speech. "Hufflepuff's are particularly good finders," he said with a smile.

"What the hell is a Hufflepuff?" Dumbledore asked. Cedric just shrugged and sat down, still smiling.

"Ugh," Harry groaned in desperation, "I'm not even going to try to make sense of this anymore. It was obviously made by Muggles, who else would be so clueless."

"I know," Ron said. "I mean, good finders? What does that even mean?"

"Don't try, Ron. Don't even try to figure it out," Harry said, resolving to just accept everything that was said.

"Anyway," Dumbledore said, "it's time now for me to introduce my very good friend, and our own Potions professor, Mr. Severus Snape." With this Dumbledore stood off to the side. Ron started to complain as the Slytherins clapped.

"Aw man, Professor Snape, I hoped they fired that guy!"

"Here we find the first place this musical thing actually makes sense," Ron said. All the Gryffindors that heard him burst out laughing. One glare from Snape shut them up, though. After Snape looked away, Fred leaned over and thumped Ron on the arm.

"Nice one, little brother," he muttered.

"Why? What's wrong with Professor Snape?" Ginny asked.

"Uh, nothing," Ron replied, "he's just, uh, evil!"

At this a man came out who looked almost like Snape. He had the black billowy robe, as well as the black shirt and pants underneath. The hair was pretty much identical as well. The only difference was the face. This Snape had his eyes bugged out - really wide at that - and his mouth was in an upside-down smile of sorts.

Snape was mildly annoyed by this, though you wouldn't be able to tell. He watched without expression, only slightly curious as to what his character would be like.

"Come on, Ron. He's really not that bad. I don't know what you're talking about," Harry said.

"Harry Potter," Snape drawled. "Detention."

"What!" Harry exclaimed, standing up.

"For talking out of turn," Snape explained. Harry sat down, dejected, as Snape continued. "Now, before we begin, I'm going to give you all your very, very first pop quiz." Everyone groaned except Hermione, who looked excited.

"That's just like you, 'Mione," Ron said jubilantly.

"I don't act like," Hermione started to argue, but stopped herself. "Oh, I guess I do, huh?"

"Yep," said Harry. "Two Galleons says you answer all the questions. Perfectly, at that." Nobody even bothered to bet on that, they all knew it was going to happen.

Snape started walking around the room as he asked, "Can anyone tell me what a portkey is?" Hermione raised her hand up and waved it around excitedly. "Ah yes, Miss Granger," Snape said, choosing the only one with their hand up.

When called upon Hermione went into an explanation that was mostly covered by one breath. "A portkey is an enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or ones who touched it to anywhere on the globe decided upon by the enchanter."

"Do I really come across as that much of a know-it-all?" Hermione asked. Harry didn't even bother to answer, he knew better, but Ron obviously didn't.

"At...first," he said hesitantly, quickly following it up with, "but that's completely understandable. I mean, good grades are important to you, and during first year you had no idea what you'd be dealing with, you being a muggle-born and all." Hermione just rolled her eyes and ignored him as he kept stammering.

"Very good," Snape said. "Now, can anyone tell me what foreshadowing is?" Hermione again waved her hand in the air. "Yes, Miss Granger," Snape said, again having nobody else to choose.

Here Hermione launches into another one breath explanation. "Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point is mentioned early in the story to return later in a more significant way."

"Perfect," Snape said.

Snape narrowed his eyes slightly, acknowledging that those definitions were, in fact, perfect, but knowing that he would never tell that to a Gryffindor.

Ron asked, while stuffing his face with Chinese food, "What was the portkey one again, I missed that." Hermione attempts to explain but he cuts her off, saying, "not you, oh my god."

Getting back to that topic, Snape said, "And remember, a portkey can be any sort of seemingly harmless object, like a football, or a dolphin."

"Professor," Lavender piped up, "can, like, a person be a portkey?"

"Of course not, that's absolutely ridiculous," Snape chided the girl in the musical.

"Er, Severus," Dumbledore said, "I do believe that's the point of the question."

"Hmph. I just hope my portrayer knows as much."

"No, that's absurd," Snape said. "Because then if a person were to touch themselves," and here he looks pointedly at Ron, with Ginny laughing in the background, "they would constantly be transported into different places. A person can however be a Horcrux."

Nearly all of the teachers in the room gasped, except for Snape, though he was quite shocked. Harry could hear a bit of what they were whispering amongst each other, which mostly consisted of, 'Why would they bring that up?' and, 'How did the muggles know?'

"What's a, what's a Horcrux," Harry asked innocently.

"I'm not even going to tell you Harry," Snape said, "you'll find out soon enough."

Harry tilted his head in confusion, wondering what that meant, as Hermione asked, "Professor, what is the point of this quiz?"

Here almost everybody that knew Hermione mock-gasped. Fred leaned over and teased, "You, the smartest witch of your age, asking the point of a quiz? Outrageous!"

"Absolutely preposturous!" George added. Hermione just huffed.

"Oh no, no point in particular," Snape said. "Just important information that everyone should know." He then pointed to some random guy in the audience and said, "Especially you! Now, moving right along, there are four houses in all. Gryffindor," at this the Gryffindors let out a mighty cry - both in the musical and in real life, "Ravenclaw," one of the members went 'Ow!', "Hufflepuff,"

At this Cedric exclaimed loudly, "Find!"

"What?" Snape asked, "and Slytherin." Draco made sort of an 'Ah' sound while raising his hand up as Crabbe hissed. "Now traditionally," he paused to wave at the Slytherins, "traditionally points are given for good behavior and deducted for rule breaking. Example, ten points from Gryffindor!"

"I cannot believe this," Snape muttered. "My portrayer is showing too much emotion to possibly know more than the smallest of information about me."

"You guys hear that?" a random Gryffindor up near the staff table said, "Snape isn't very pleased. Maybe he'll deduct points from Umbridge for making us watch this!

"Hem, hem! What was that?"

"Oh, um, sorry Professor."

The Gryffindors were confused at this. "For Miss Granger's excessive baby fat," Snape said.

"Thanks, Hermione," Harry and Ron both said.

Continuing with his explanation, Snape said, "Traditionally, the house with the most points at the end of the year would win the House Cup. However, this year we're doing things a bit differently. Here to introduce it is our new professor of the Dark Arts, Professor Quirrel."

"Wait, Professor Quirrel? Ginny wasn't even . . ."

"Don't even bother, 'Mione. I don't think you'll even be able to figure this out," Harry said.

Harry started saying, "Ow, ow, ow!" as a timid looking man with a huge red turban walked onto the stage. When he got beside Dumbledore, he began to speak.

"House Cup. A time honored tradition. For centuries," out of the blue a voice interrupted him.

That voice said, "Go home terrorist!" before Quirrel looked over to Draco, who just looked around and shrugged a little.

"For centuries," Quirrel continued, "the four houses of Hogwarts have competed for the honor and glory of holding the title of House Champion. But where does this competition come from, and what are the roots of the tradition?"

"Well," Hermione started, but stopped herself, guessing that her musical form would answer.

Hermione raised her hand and said without waiting, "The House Cup Tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts students."

"That was a rhetorical question!" Quirrel said.

"Granger, quit interrupting," Dumbledore said, "Twenty points from Gryffindor!"

"Thanks, Hermione," Ron said, a bit disgruntled.

"As I was saying," Quirrel said, "when the tournament first originated it was one of a completely different sort. One champion from each of the four houses would complete a series of dangerous tasks and challenges. The winner would not only win the cup, he would also win eternal glory."

{Insert Hermione going OCD on the details and Harry and Ron stopping her here}

Hermione then pointed out, "Kind of like a House Cup, er, no, like a Triwizard Tournament."

"Oh boy," Harry groaned. "That was not fun. Not in the slightest."

"Yes," Quirrel said, "sort of like the Triwizard Tournament. Except, no, not like that at all. There are four houses. How can it be the TRIwizard Tournament with four teams?"

"Well, uh, Professor, if I remember correctly, the House Cup Tournament was disbanded after one semester when one of its students was killed during the first task," Hermione said.

"Yes," Quirrel agreed, "it is very dangerous, but the rewards far outweigh the risks."

"I don't think you heard me. I just said somebody died!"

"Hermione Granger," Dumbledore said, "shut your ungodly, lopsided mouth and quit interrupting! Twenty more points!"

"I'd hate to experience that side of Dumbledore," Ron said.

"I know," Harry agreed. "We get that enough from Umbridge."

"Thanks, Hermione!"

"God," he continued, "for the cleverest witch of your age you really can be a dumbass sometimes." After a pause, during which Harry and Ron laugh at Hermione, he says, "Ten points to Dumbledore."

Quirrel then continues the one speech that just keeps getting interrupted. "Yes, yes, well it will be very dangerous, but the winner will be remembered as a hero for ages to come. And, as the professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts, I believe that this . . . practical application is exactly what the curriculum needs to," 'Achoo!', "Gesundheit."

"Oh dear," Harry said. "They seem to have gotten that part right."

"What part?" Ron asked. "That You-Know-Who has allergies?"

Harry chuckled. "No, that he was there in the first place."

"Did your turban just sneeze," Dumbledore asked.

"Wha-what, no," Quirrel stuttered.

"I could have sworn I heard a sneeze coming from your direction, but your mouth wasn't moving."

"No, that - that was simply a fart, excuse me," Quirrel said as he began to back out of the room. 'Achoo!' went the turban again, and then Quirrel backed up to Harry. The turban sneezed again as Harry brought his hand to his head, repeating 'Ow!' over and over. "I must be going," Quirrel said as he walked past the Gryffindors, with most of them staring after him. 'Achoo!' "I simply farted once more, excuse me," Quirrel explained.

"Well, that was . . . odd," Harry said, as others were saying similar things.

To cover up the weird display, Dumbledore began to explain a few rules. "In compliance with the newly resurrected House Cup, a champion from each house will be selected to compete. So Snape, would you do us the honors, please?"

"How much do you want to bet he rigged that thing?" Ron asked.

"There's no point to it, there's no way to know," Hermione said.

"Yes, Headmaster," Snape said, bringing out the Cup. "First, from the Ravenclaw house, a Miss Cho Chang!"

Cho jumped up at that and said, "Oh my god, I won! Can ya believe that, y'all?"

Pulling the next card out, Snape said, "Next, from Hufflepuff, Mr. Cedric Diggory."

Cedric then stood up and said, "Well, I don't find this surprising at all," all the while smiling.

Cho looked up and said, "I find it perfect. Now I can spend more time with my beloved boyfriend."

Cedric leaned down and said, "I'm glad as well, my darling," after which he kissed her head, which got Harry slightly annoyed.

"Next, from the Slytherine house, a Draco Malfoy!"

"This oughtta be good!" Harry said loudly and purposefully, knowing Draco would get thoroughlyhumiliated.

Draco clapped as he stood. "Oh, oh! I finally beat you, didn't I, Potter," he said as he crossed the room and climbed onto Harry's lap. "I'm the champion this time!" He then rolled off as Dumbledore chastised him.

"Draco, would you sit down, you little shit, champion's just a title." Draco then walks back, slightly dejected, but still triumphant.

"And finally, from the Gryffindor house, . . . Oh my. Well, isn't this curious. The one person in all of Hogwarts who I have a well-know grudge against is suddenly in a tournament where he may very well lose his life!"

Neville stood up at this and said, "If it's me, I'll apologize to my fellow Gryffindors right now, f-for losing."

"Sit down you inarticulate bumbler," Snape scolded him, "It's Harry Potter!"

All of the Gryffindors celebrated except Hermione, with Ron doing his annoying 'Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!' thing.

"This is almost like what the Tournament turned out to be last year," Ron said.

"Yeah," Harry agreed. "A beautiful, exotic girl, an overconfident guy, Cedric, and me."

"Pretty much," Ron said.

Dumbledore walked out again, saying, "Well, here they are folks, the four Hogwarts champions. I want all of you to start preparing immediately, because the first task is in two months, and it could be anything. So let's get to it, ha ha!" He then left the students to their own devices. Most of them were clapping and chanting 'Cho Chang, Cho Chang, Cho Chang!'. Malfoy tried to start people cheering for himself, but it didn't really work.

As Umbridge was about to press play on the next part, Dumbledore spoke up. "Dolores, might I suggest we stop for dinner, now? It is prepared, and I, for one, am quite hungry."

At this Umbridge faltered. "Um, well . . . Certainly, Headmaster. And I'm sure the students would like to discuss what they've seen."

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Please forgive me for taking so long to get this out. The next one will be out faster since school is coming to an end, plus I won't have to copy down every single detail of an eight to ten minute video. As always, reviews are helpful and appreciated. Also, I'm still open to suggestions on other characters to add in to watch the musical.