Chapter 5 :

After Kreacher leaves at 8, I stay up pacing the floor. I spend an hour staring at the clock. Another hour is spent tracing the lines of the Black family tree. The next two I use to clean the house elf heads in the hallway. Mother's portrait smiles down at me with the same twinkle in her eye. At one point I consider joining Sirius in this "Order of the Pheonix" business. My quill out, I get as far as "Dear Sirius," before stopping. What an utterly over-romantic idea. I run my hands over my eye. For a moment in the darkness behind my hand I feel my eye twitch from lack of sleep. I remove my hands before I fall into unintended rest.

"Incendio," I mutter. The fire burns the parchment quickly. "Dear Sirius" seems to hang eerily in the air before it disappears to ash. My eye twitches again and I rub it. How would that letter have gone?

"Loved our chat, brother. Been considering what you said. In over my head. Please let me join you. Let me know! Sincerely, R.A.B."

Even in my head it sounds stupid. Besides, the Dark Lord would find it long before Sirius. No, I would have to get myself out of this.

With another wave of my wand I change the bed sheets and dust off the curtains. So restless I'm cleaning. All the Emerald and silver seems drearier than I remember in the Dungeons. I make the mistake of inspecting my wand to see if it needs to be polished. This leads me to look at my hand. Blood. I scrub in the bathroom until it looks as if it has disappeared.

I lazily flip through "The Art of Immortality" which still sits on my bedside table. I wake suddenly to a crack like a whip and see Kreacher before me.

"Master Regulus is still awake," Kreacher asks.

"Yes Kreacher. How did everything go? What happened," I ask breathlessly. I feel as if I have been holding my breath for hours.

Kreacher goes teary eyed, honored that I have waited up for him. Usually Kreacher is not so affectionate, but he lets out a sob and collapses into my lap.

"Mr. Regulus is a good master. Mr. Regulus is a very good master. Too good for old Kreacher," he sobs.

"Now Kreacher, don't be silly," I say oddly embarrassed. "Lets hear what happened."

Kreacher composes himself and blows his nose on his covering. His knees seem a bit quaky. He seems a bit paler than usual.

"The Dark Lord did not tell Kreacher what they were to do, but took Kreacher with him to a cave beside the sea. And beyond the cave there was a cavern, and in the cavern was a great black lake. There was a boat. There was a basin full of potion on the island. The D-Dark Lord made Kreacher drink it."

I feel a quivering in my stomach as if I'm going to be sick, but I can't stop staring at Kreacher's face. It has scrunched up in concentration, as if working hard to explain the story but hating to relive the recent memory. I feel like I should tell him to stop, but I can't. The words are caught in my throat. I can see Angel's eyes.

"Kreacher drank, and as he drank, he saw terrible things… Kreacher's insides burned… Kreacher cried for Master Regulus to save him, he cried for Mistress Black, but the Dark Lord only laughed…He made Kreacher drink all the potion… He dropped a locket into the empty basin.. He filled it with more potion. Then the Dark Lord sailed away, leaving Kreacher on the island."

I could practically see the Dark Lord's face. I could hear his laugh, like screams of children in burning buildings. My stomach turned.

"Kreacher needed water," Kreacher began but I could not take anymore.

"Stop Kreacher, stop," I beg.

Kreacher looks surprised, but I have no time for it.

"Are you alright," I ask. My tone sounds curt to my own ears. I can see the bodies and hands. The dead arms around my arms.

"Kreacher is better now, Master Regulus," the elf assures me.

But I know he won't be if the Dark Lord finds out about this.

"Kreacher, I need you to stay hidden and not to leave the house. No matter what any other Black says. You must not disobey Master Regulus, do you understand?"

Kreacher's eyes look bloodshot and stare at me.

"No grocery shopping, no gardening, nothing. Only in the house. Do you understand?"

Slowly the elf nods.

"Why don't you go to bed now Kreacher," I say kindly.

The elf nods again and moves away, down the stairs to his cupboard.

After he is gone I fall down on a nearby chair. The Dark Lord went through a lot of work to hide something. Something he didn't want anyone to know how to get and had to test with a house elf. It was almost as strange as the conversation the Dark Lord and I had after I met with Sirius.

My eyes widened.

"The Art of Immortality" was still where I had left it. I push the pages one by one, unsure of what I am looking for- something to do with heirlooms perhaps? A ring? As, if in answer, the page on horcruxes falls open. My eyes scan the page and it becomes clear. The Dark Lord has a horcrux, maybe two- a locket and a ring.

I sit with the book for a long time. My whole body feels cold. I have never felt so terrified. Not around Lestrange, not even around the Dark Lord, for we were all mortal. Now that I know he is not. I gulp. I can hear Sirius' voice whispering in my ear "So I'm here to tell you that one day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching. Is it worth watching so far?"

I pause in thought. No. No it wasn't. All it had was death. So much death I took potions every night not to sleep. How could I get out? I couldn't betray the Dark Lord and hope to live. And with a horcrux, I couldn't even hope to destroy him. I knew what I would do. The Black family surely had a locket in the house. I would replace it. Kreacher knew where to go. Yes. This is the only way to end it and now, now I know more than ever it must end.

First, if I am going to be heroic, I am going to have something to show for it. Something to clean out my ledger. Perhaps Sirius would see it when he inherited the house. He will read it and forgive me. I open my drawer where I keep my quills and ink and pull out an old black leather journal that was given to me ages ago. Some unfortunate distant relative had given it to me. Someone who knew too little about me to get a thoughtful gift.

Digging in my closet I finally find my old charms book. Flipping to the back I find the charm I was looking for. I concentrated on the book, repeating the spell a few times in my mind. I mumbled the spell beneath my breath and the book's pages gave off a slight yellow light. Now, if I thought about the diary, it should imprint my thoughts.

Back in the closet I find my old trunk and pulled it out. It still had a few Slytherin robes in it. With a gentle tap to the bottom of the red interior, the false bottom moved. I softly put the book beneath it and replace the fake bottom and refold the robes.

I know I must find the locket.

…

I find Kreacher in his cupboard. His eyes widen and I realize I must look atrocious. As if I have been up for a few nights. I have been but I try to pat down my hair.

"Master Regulus," he begins, but I cut him off.

"Kreacher, I," I clear my throat. " I need you to take me to the cave. To the place where the Dark Lord took you."

His eyes widen with sudden fear and he makes a move backwards. It must be unintended because he bites his tongue fiercely.

"Kreacher will take Master."

With a crack we have moved from the Manor to the opening to a cave. Looking around, I saw rough waves banging against dark walls. A sour breeze slides pass my face and whirls behind me in the darkness. It sounds like a hiss. I tense and turn, but there is no Dark Lord here. There seems to be a back wall shortly on, but my spine tingles with the sense of magic. Powerful magic.

"Kreacher, show me the entrance, please," I ask.

"Master Regulus, it requires a blood donation, so it will take Kreacher a bit of time to take you," Kreacher says. He pauses and stares at the wall. I feel the air crackle with a feeling I have never felt before. I blink in surprise. I have never felt magic like this before.

"Kreacher," I say suddenly, "I will provide a donation."

"But Master Regulus," he sputters.

"You mustn't weaken yourself in any way to make the journey back. Besides," with a quick movement I open my hand and rub it on the stone. "I owe it."

In my mind's eye I can see an extra drop of blood drip to the floor.

A silver arch illuminates Kreacher's confused frown. With a wave of my wand, my hand heals. For the first time, my old clean hand is before me. I am baffled by it and feel my final nerves ebb away. I motion for Kreacher to go first.

With a whisper my wand lights up and I see an eery black lake with a ceiling so high that the it is in shadow.

"There," Kreacher whispers. He points to a green glow in what looks like the middle of the dark lake.

The darkness of the lake and cave is thicker than usual and I look down at the water. I've known of the Dark Lord for a long time and I know that this darkness and black water is not natural. This is dark magic, old and ancient. This has it's own blood sacrifice.

Kreacher leads me around the lake on a narrow wall for ages. We move slowly and cautiously until he stops and touches thin air. A rickety old boat appears. Kreacher motions to it and steps inside. With a deep breathe, I follow.

The boat drifts silently across the water. I am oddly relaxed, considering the situation. Kreacher however sits in the center of the boat, nervously eying the water.

"Kreacher," I say gently, "I appreciate your help."

Kreacher looks up respectfully but his eyes still dart to the water.

"Master Regulus, Kreacher was not able to finish his story. Kreacher does not mean to make Master Regulus uneasy but, when Kreacher needed water he crawled to the island's edge and drank from the black lake and hands, dead hands, came out of the water and dragged Kreacher below."

"Kreacher isn't making me uneasy," I say softly. "I knew there had to be more protection."

But I had not thought of what kind. I leaned slightly over the edge and sure enough, there was an Inferi. Below a dead woman lay just inches below the boat, eyes open and misted. She wore muggle clothes and almost seemed to float. I could imagine that one could look into their eyes and fall head long into the black lake, mesmerized to death by their own mortality. I, however, have already come to terms with my mortality and so I pull away from the lake, back into the boat. I may have supplied some of these bodies myself. That is more unnerving than the misty eyes.

Before I can dwell on it the boat comes to a hal small island of smooth rock. In the middle stood the basin on a pedestal Kreacher had mentioned, emitting greenish light. From my own pocket I pull out a locket. I look for a moment at the potion, then to the dark waters around us. I take a gulp of air and kneel so I am Kreacher's height.

"Kreacher, listen very carefully. You know that Master Regulus is very fond of you, right?"

Kreacher nods. He wrings his hands nervously.

"When the basin is empty, Kreacher, you must switch the lockets. I order you to do this and then, I order you to leave without me. You will never tell Mother- Mistress- about what I have done, I order you. You will destroy the first locket- the one the Dark Lord left behind."

Kreacher's eyes widen and he begins to open his mouth but I finish the command, "and I won't hear any arguments about it Kreacher. It's very important this all happens."

He closes his mouth and clutches the locket tightly.

"A glass Kreacher," I instruct.

Kreacher conjures one from mid air and hands it to me hesitantly. I pause and look at him.

"You are not to let me leave a drop of potion in this basin. Even if you have to force feed it to me," I say seriously.

Kreacher's brows furrow.

"Not a drop," I repeat. With a gulp, Kreacher agrees.

With the first sip I can feel the potion sliding down my throat like a solid rather than a liquid. It hits my stomach and a pain shoots through my body. My legs, arms, and head feel as if they had pressure weighing on them, pushing, pushing down. By the end of the first cup, I keep my eyes closed in concentration. They twitch in an attempt to open, but I must keep drinking.

By the third cup, my eyes are glued shut and I am stuck in a nightmare.

The mobile above me spins gently- the serpent chasing the muggle. The serpent chases the muggle. From the side of my mind's eye I can hear Bellatrix' voice say "Crucio."

The screams the screams! Old people, young children, men, women. They scream. They call for help. They beg for forgiveness. They beat my head and I can feel my heart about to be torn from the chest.

Lestrange's voice hisses "Avada Kedavra."

They fall form the sky. Children half burned from an orphanage fire, bodies and arms and legs entangled and smelly, and they don't stop. They fall and fall. I run with my arms above my head. The Dark Lord laughs. They are falling on top of me. I can't run anywhere. They are staring at me. The eyes. So many dead eyes, pupils open staring at me, like Angel's, accusing.

"I'm sorry," I scream. "No more! I'm sorry. I don't- it's my fault! I'm sorry."

I fall to my knees and their cold eyes only stare, surrounding me, hundreds, staring and staring. I see red on the floor and I lift my hands. It feels gooey like blood. I stare at the eyes again but none of them bleed.

"The blood," I gasp. "The blood- it's my fault. Take me! Forgive me!"

Holding up my hands I realize the blood is from me, from my hands. The eyes stare. I fall to my knees and then my side. I'm staring into my brother's eyes, open and lightless.

"Sirius," I begin, but then I look up and see the mobile- the serpent chasing the muggle. Then, there is nothing.

I wake to Kreacher shaking me.

"Master Regulus, Master Regulus."

He looks as if he has been crying. His snout is dripping.

"Water," I gasp and crawl towards the lake. I feel a weight on my arm.

"Master Regulus, no! Master Regulus the dead hands!"

"Kreacher, what are your orders?"

Kreacher does not let go. "Kreacher must destroy the locket. He must leave the replacement and destroy the oen the Dark Lord left."

"Do it," I croak. My throat is so dry. I can see the black lake so close.

Kreacher pauses, eyes darting from me to the basin. With surprising quick movement for such an old elf, Kreacher switches the locket and begins to head towards me again. But he is too late. In his absence I have pulled myself to the water's edge. Just below the surface is a hand, waiting. Simply floating as if unperturbed. I take my glass and take a sip of water. After the first sip, I am being dragged in, but water never tasted so disgusting and yet so good. I think about the leather journal.

I've heard that any number of occurrences happens when you die. You see a light, you see your life, or you hear a voice of God. It always fascinated me. I wondered as Muggles and blood traitors alike stood before the Dark Lord, what would they be seeing. Will it be green and then darkness? Will they embrace it? Will this final scene be imprinted in their memory forever- perhaps a grimy stone floor, the blood?

If the final scene were the memory for the dead to keep, mine will be through a mirror of water. I am simply sinking away from the last of the light I had shot to light the cave. The light seems to ripple, as if I were seeing the reflection of it in a puddle. But I am sinking in the puddle. Being pulled into the puddle is more like it.

Before it all went black, I heard a voice- my brother's voice- repeating the words he had once said to me: "one day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching." Then, I could feel a warmth in my chest, because in all the images that may have flashed before my minds eye, many of which I am about to retell, none would shine more brightly than the deed I had just finished. I had allowed someone, one day, to defeat one of the greatest evils of our time. I did not know when it would be, or how long I would have to wait in whichever place I were heading, but I knew that now it was more possible.

This thought comforted me as I was dragged to the bottomless depths and into darkness.

My name is Regulus A. Black. I am the lastborn son of the pureblood Black Family. On July 28th, 1979 I was murdered. With the last ounce of magic I have, I have imprinted my final moment of life and that leading up to it in this book for someone, someday, to find and see."