Realization

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly.

I have been Sam Puckett's arch enemy and human punching bag for as long as I can remember. From the moment we met, she judged me right away and then gave me a hard punch in the arm. She threw insults at me without a care in the world and I could tell by the look on that blond headed demon's face that she felt no guilt.

I never knew why she was like this and I still don't. All I know is, I never chose to hate her like she chose to hate me. I never defended myself, mostly because I couldn't, but also because I was a nice guy and didn't hit girls. And when I tried to throw an insult back at her, it would never be mean like hers were because I just didn't have the heart to hurt her the way she hurt me.

That was until we started iCarly and I just couldn't get away from her. I wanted to do iCarly, mostly because I got to hang out with Carly, but also because it was fun. But that also meant that I had to be around Sam just as much as I was around Carly. But when it came down to it, I thought I loved Carly and I didn't matter if Sam was there. Even if being around her meant more hatred, beatings, and insults.

And that's how it all began.

"You know, they say when a girl constantly rips on a guy, it really means she just has a crush on him." I told Sam in a brave sounding voice. I don't know what made me say it, but I felt almost as If saying this could embarrass her. And it felt good. But in just half a second, I knew that it didn't faze her at all.

"But I wasn't rippin' on a guy. I was rippin' on you." Of course, it was just another way for her to insult me.

That's when realization hit me; there was no winning with Sam, and for the first time ever, I realized I hated her.

As time went on, we continued to do iCarly, Sam continued to hate me and I continued to hate her. I felt bad for Carly though because we were both her best friends. But Sam and I weren't friends at all. We were the complete opposite. Sometimes we would magically get along. But those moments wouldn't last long. We were just coworkers. We had a business relationship. NOT a friendship.

After about a year of doing iCarly, I was used to her and wasn't really sure if my hatred was so strong anymore. She was just your normal everyday obstacle that you would eventually get around.

I never second guessed this explanation until one day it was put to the test.

"But that's the night I normally do iCarly. Carly and Sam are my friends. I can't just bail on them." The minute that came out of my mouth, I was shocked. I was lying to Valerie! Carly was my friend of course. But Sam wasn't!

Valerie seemed to read my mind. "From what you're told me, Sam isn't your friend. You said she's always calling you names and putting you down."

"I know but she can't help it. She's just naturally vicious!" Wow wait! Was I defending Sam? The one I supposedly hated and who was my enemy. Why was I doing this? And especially why was I saying this to my girlfriends face?

I didn't understand then, but I did just a few days later.

"…Doesn't mean you guys treat me like I'm important to the show." I said to Carly and Sam after I chose to break up with Valerie and come back to iCarly.

"I always tell you how important you are to the show!" Pleaded Carly. And she was right, she did. And I always would blush when she would tell me so.

""Yeah you do!" I turned to Sam.

For the first time, Sam looked ashamed.

Carly, now getting worried, said, "Tell him he's just as important to the show as we are!"

Sam groaned. She was so stubborn.

"Do it!" Carly ordered.

"Fine." Then she took a few steps toward me and looked me in the eyes meaningfully. "Freddie, you're just as important to the show as we are." It was genuine. And when a tiny smile played at her lips, I believed her and I smiled back.

At the same time, we both stepped forward, meeting halfway in a hug. It was the first contact we had that wasn't abusive on her part. And it felt nice…but it didn't last long. Soon enough, Sam had to ruin the moment by reaching her hand down my back and giving me a wedgie.

"Ow! I exclaimed, now realizing that this was Sam I was hugging. I then released her. "She gave me a wedgie!"

"No charge!" Now come on let's do the show!" She had a satisfied grin plastered on her face.

I rolled me eyes. Same old Sam.

That's when realization hit me; we'd always be some sort of enemies, but for the first time ever, I realized we were friends.

There was a fine line between hating someone and liking someone. I knew I had crossed that line a long time ago when I considered Sam as my friend. But when she chose to publically humiliate me in front of the whole world when she announced on iCarly that I hadn't kissed anyone, I was almost positive I was back on the hate side.

I mean, how could anyone be that coldhearted to do something like that? Even if she did hate me, how could you be THAT mean?

I kept asking myself these questions until she did something that shocked me.

She admitted, live on iCarly, that she hadn't kissed anyone either and practically threatened anyone who teased me. That was when I really, truly appreciated her. I know she had just humiliated me, but she must have felt bad or else she would have never done what she just did. And she must have thought of me as more than her enemy.

When she came to visit me on the fire escape, I couldn't help but smile to myself. This wasn't the Sam I knew…but in a weird way, I knew it was.

"That was really brave. What you did." I told her with all sincerity.

"You saw?"

"You didn't think I'd miss iCarly?" I smiled at her.

And what do you know? She smiled back.

"I'm sorry." She caught me off guard. Not in a million years did I ever think Sam Puckett would apologize. Sam could be heroic like she just was, but I never thought she could be apologetic.

As she continued to go through all the things she was sorry for, I just rolled my eyes and laughed.

"Does this mean you aren't gonna mess with me anymore?" I asked, a little disappointed.

"No! I'm still gonna mess with you! I'm just gonna apologize every few years so I can start fresh again." I was relived…and I didn't know why. A part of me wanted things to stay the same, but I was also excited by this new intimacy with Sam.

But then things started to get awkward.

"I was just going to say…" I started, not believing what was going through my mind. I didn't think I was able to imagine such things.

"That we should kiss?" And I didn't think she was able to either…

"You're going to break my arm now right?" I asked, now trying to get off the subject.

"No." Well maybe she wanted to…?

"Well, should we? Just so both of us could get it over with?"

"Hmm…just to get it over with." She agreed with me?

"Just to get it over with."

She then moved closer. "And you promise that we go right back to hating each other as soon as it's over with?" Absolutely! I mean, I was back on the hate side right?

"Totally, and we'll never tell anyone."

"Never."

Were we really going to do this? Butterflies were everywhere in my stomach when I looked into her eyes and then at her lips.

"Well…lean." She ordered, in a very Sam like way.

Following her orders, I leaned, never taking my eyes off her, until my lips met hers, and then my eyes instinctively closed.

The kiss was nice and I felt this little tingling sensation go throughout my body. Maybe that's what happens when you kiss someone? I didn't know…but I liked it.

What was I thinking? How could I like it!

And with thinking that, I pulled away.

"Well that was …um…" I wasn't sure what to say because I didn't know what she was thinking.

"Nice." Okay, maybe she liked it.

"Yeah nice um…"

"Good work."

"Thank you. You too." This was so awkward. But I didn't want it to be, so I said what first came to my mind and what made sense. "Hey. I hate you." I smiled.

She nodded and let out a shaky laugh. "Hate you too." And with that she left.

That's when realization hit me; I was lying when I said I hated her, and for the first time ever, I realized I liked her.

Just liking someone and caring about them are two very different things, and with Sam I wasn't sure I cared about her. I mean just because she was my friend and I liked her (Just as a friend!) doesn't mean I cared about her. Carly was who I cared for. Carly was my true love! Not someone who beat me up and put me down every day of my life. That's not something you do when you care for someone. So if Sam didn't care for me, I wasn't going to care for her.

Again, I was proved wrong when Sam did something very uncharacteristic. Carly's old friend Missy had moved to the area and had been hanging out with Carly a lot. Sam was convinced that Missy was out to get her because she accidentally broke her phone and gave her expired chocolate that made her sick. She also supposedly told Sam that Carly was her best friend first and she was taking her back. So for help, she came to me. I know, shocking right?

"Maybe Carly's right. Maybe you're just jealous of Missy." I told her, wanting to call her out on her crap.

"Okay fine. Don't believe me." I could tell I had hurt her and I felt bad.

When she started to walk away I yelled out, "Give me one good reason why I should believe you."

"Because I came here. Have I ever come to you for help? For anything?" That's when I knew she was telling the truth. She was right. She never had come to me for help. She wanted me to back her up like friends do. She wanted my help because I was her friend.

She had walked away before I could say anything else.

A few days later I was hanging out with Carly at school when I came face to face with the truth.

"You gave up that cool trip to get rid of Missy." Carly said, with a smile on her face, looking at me unbelievingly.

"I was protecting iCarly." That was a lie.

"No, you care about Sam." That was the truth.

And that's when realization hit me; I had done something unselfish for the girl who tormented me but who was my friend, and for the first time ever, I realized I cared about her.

I only ever believed Sam a few times in my life, and those times were when she showed real emotion. She wasn't a person I could trust. I mean, who would trust someone who harassed you! Sometimes I had no choice though because she was my friend…

The one subject that I absolutely would never believe her on was the subject of Carly loving me back. She would always tell me, "Carly will never love you." Or, "You should give up hope in Carly loving you." There was always doubt inside me, but when Sam would say those things it would give me all the more reason not to trust her.

That is, until one day Carly actually did fall for me.

I had saved her life. I was Carly's hero. And she actually loved me! I mean, Carly Shay actually kissed me! It was just too good to be true.

And then it wasn't.

"She's not in love with you; she's in love with what you did." Sam told me, with real emotion I might add.

"You just can't stand the idea of Carly and me as a couple." I wasn't going to let her take away my happiness, but I couldn't help but wonder if she was right.

"Very true, makes me wanna puke up blood." She said in a bored tone, but then she had emotion again like she always did when she told the truth. "But still... what I said is true... and you know it."

I wasn't sure I knew it then, but I sure did the next day when Carly kissed me and I didn't feel a thing. She didn't love me and I knew it. But did I still love her?

All I knew then was that Sam was right. She was in love with what I did. I saved her life. And all my life I had waited for this day. And it wasn't what I ever thought it would be. The old me wouldn't have given up hope, even now I wouldn't have. But now I wasn't sure I wanted to keep hoping.

I broke up with Carly, because I believed Sam.

And that's when realization hit me; I never did love Carly. I only thought I did. And for the first time ever, I realized I trusted Sam.

I never had known what it was like to be in love. I thought I loved Carly all those years, but that was just a crush that took a long time to go away. I mean, I "fell" for Carly the minute I looked at her. But now I know there's no such thing as love at first sight. You have to know the person. Know what you like about them, there faults, there interests. And if there's a connection there, then that's the rode to love.

I got to know Carly and I thought she was amazing, but she's my friend and only my friend. The next time I think I'm in love, hopefully I'll know right away what it's supposed to feel like.

Or not…

"I don't care about what your stupid PearPad app says about me being in love! I'm not into Brad like that..." Sam was telling me at the Ridgeway lock in after Carly had accused her for being in love with Brad. The reason why I came out here to talk to her was because she was my friend and I felt protective over her. I wanted her to be happy.

"Lately, every time I tell you that Brad and I are doing something together, you wanna come hang with us!" Why was I doing this? Why was I trying to convince her?

"And that means I'm in love with him?"

"Well you hate me!" I yelled, suddenly thinking I was not sure it was the truth.

"I never said I hate you." She said in an embarrassed tone.

"Yeah you have." Of course she hated me! Right? I mean she acted like it 90% of the time.

"Yeah you have!-like 900 times. I still have the birthday card you gave me that says 'Happy Birthday I hate you.""Hate, Sam"!" I had to admit, thinking about that hurt. I didn't want her to hate me. Because I for sure didn't hate her.

"Just leave!" Oh Sam…

"Fine, I'll leave!" I said imitating her tone.

"Bye!" She said, now getting irritated.

"But before I go-" Why was I doing this?

Then she got up, now angry. "That's it! Get out of here before I do a double fist dance on your face!"

I now knew why I was doing this. It was because she was my friend, I liked her, I cared about her, I trusted her, and I wanted her to be happy.

"You can threaten your double fist face dancing all you want! But Carly's still right!" I sighed, "Look, I know it's scary for you to put your feelings out there, 'cause you never know if the person you like is gonna like you back. Everyone feels that way! But you never know what might happen if you don't—"

I then was cut off by a pair of lips crashing onto mine. They were Sam's. I was so shocked so I didn't move and I didn't kiss back. My mind then flashed back to the first time we kissed. I remembered that little tingling feeling that went through my body. Well this time, it was there, but it was a lot bigger and stronger.

When she let go, I still hadn't processed what had happened.

"Sorry." She said, obviously embarrassed.

I couldn't think of anything to say so I went with, "It's cool."

Once it finally processed a few days later, the truth hit me so hard that I had absolutely no doubt in my mind that it really was the truth.

And then realization hit me; all these different feeling s I had about Sam came together, and for the first time ever, I realized I was in love with her.

Love is a beautiful thing, but it's also scarier than hell. I didn't know what I was going to do or say the next time I saw Sam. These feelings were surprising and new. I didn't know how to act on them. Apparently Sam felt the same way or else she would have never checked herself into a mental hospital.

I was worried about her, so much so that when I came to see her, I just focused on getting her out of there. I'd do something about my feelings later.

When it was obvious that there was no getting her out of there in time for iCarly, we had to do iCarly at the mental hospital.

Things seemed back to normal and not too awkward until Carly had to meddle. I minded at first but then I realized it was the perfect opportunity to tell her how I felt.

"Okay look, I don't care how many iCarly fans say I'm not insane for liking Freddie. I know that I'm cr-"

That's when an idea came to me. "Wa-Wa- Wait. Let's take one more chat."

"No I don't wanna..." She looked hurt, but she was just going to have to hear me out.

"Just one more." I insisted.

And she listened to me.

"Hey, it's me Freddie. So uh...a lot of people have been talking about whether Sam and I should, ya know, "go out" with each other and it's like everyone's wondering if Sam is crazy for wanting to. But nobody asked me how I feel." I couldn't help but show a smile.

"We talked about it." Oh Sam…

"No you talked. You told me how you feel while you ate a quesadilla." She was going to listen to me!

"The quesadillas her are amazing."

"Anyway, yeah, its important how Sam feels. But, how I feel is important too." I was going to say it. I was going to tell her I loved her. But then Sam interrupted of course.

"OK Benson, we get it! You wanna humiliate me on the web in front of millions of people, go ahead, just do it, I don't care." She was so stubborn. Well, I was just going to have to show her how I felt. So I put down my PearPad, and confidently walked toward her with my eyes never leaving hers. "Get back at me for all the mean things I've s-"

And that's when I cut her off, just like what she did to me. This time the sparks were so strong, I went numb and couldn't feel anything but her soft lips. Man, I loved this girl.

And that's when realization hit me, we were both insane. I realized she brought out the best in me and she brought out the worst. She brought out my hatred, my compassion, my insecurities, and my love. And for the first time ever, I realized that all I wanted was to be with her.

Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading! Please Review! I spent a lot of time on this and really would like your thoughts Thanks!