Disclaimer: I do not own Haruhi Suzumiya. I'm just a bored guy trying to entertain himself. If I did own the series however, a third season will be highly probable.
Anyways…Enjoy!
The Melancholy Of Haruhi Suzumiya by: Kyon
Asking someone how long they've believed in Santa Claus is so meaningless that it couldn't even serve as worthless gossip. Regardless if you're going to ask me how much of my childhood I've spent believing in an old man in a red suit…I can confidently say that...I never believed in him in the first place…
I turned around to see Haruhi Suzumiya giving me one of her scowls. I found out through many months of observation what each of her scowl meant. Right now she had her mouth in the shape of a v, and she shot me with an intense stare that shouted: "I'm pissed off!"
I gave a deep sigh. "What is it now Haruhi?"
My brigade leader scanned the word document I had opened up. "What the hell are you writing?"
I paused for a moment before giving an answer. "I'm trying to write a story."
"And?" she prodded.
"…and what?" I reluctantly asked.
"WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THAT STUPID OPENING PARAGRAPH!"
I winced. She had just shouted into my ear.
"I don't see what's wrong with it; I just wrote what I would say in real life."
"Well no wonder! It reeks of idiot!" she bluntly accused, looking purposely into my eyes when she mentioned 'idiot'.
Well Ms. Brimming with ideas, if you think you could do better why don't you try it yourself?
"Give me that" muttered Haruhi, as she took the keyboard away from me.
Hey guys! My name is Kyon! I have a stupid nickname, and stupid hair, and I am a pervert! Did I mention I DON'T believe in Santa Claus? I don't believe in him or anything else because I have no imagination whatsoever! I have a ponytail fetish too!
I stared at the screen. What the hell? I would never say that!
Haruhi blinked. "You don't like it? It sounds exactly like you though…"
In what freaking dimension Haruhi? Besides why did you have to erase my paragraph too?
Haruhi grunted. "Whatever."
I sighed, and continued writing.
…I knew that the Santa at the preschool Christmas event was just a fake, and I didn't even have to see mommy kissing Santa Claus. I suppose I was just a precocious child who questioned the existence of an old man who only worked on Christmas…
"What's with all the Santa stuff? Don't tell me you have some Santa fetish…"
I thought about Asahina san wearing a Santa Claus costume for Christmas. Maybe Haruhi wasn't far off the dot, but I'm not willing to admit that. Ignoring her annoying comment I resumed my typing.
…At any rate…be it aliens, time travellers, ghost, demons, espers… or evil organizations and the heroes out of cartoon and comic books who battle them…
Haruhi's head shot through my shoulders. "Whoa! You have aliens, and time travellers in your story! Cool!"
My eyes widened with surprise. Haruhi actually thought that something I did was cool? Today must be a cold day in hell! Overcome with confidence, I continue my story.
… I didn't realize that they weren't real until sometime later…
Haruhi's brilliant smile quickly faded. I sighed. I had made God smile for 2 seconds. I'm sure not many men can brag about that.
"Kyon…I take back what I said…You're without a doubt the biggest…"
I put a hand over my face. Here it comes.
"…Idiot I have ever seen in my life!"
With that she walked away, her obvious rage heard loud and clear by her footsteps. Haruhi opened the door and unceremoniously slammed it hard making me flinch. I looked over at Nagato who seemed unaffected by the sudden outburst. Sigh, I envy her.
…
…
…
Some time past and I found myself surprisingly almost finished with the story. I completed about 100 pages in about a couple hours; maybe I should really consider being an author in the near future.
I looked over at Nagato. She read a ton of books so I would really like her opinion on my story.
"Hey Nagato…" I started, but found myself staring at an empty chair. What? She left already? How did I not notice? Well of course this doesn't really surprise me. That girl was so silent she could have told me she was also a ninja aside from being an alien. I shivered. Nagato the alien ninja, the thought scared me.
Seeing as there was nobody in the clubroom, a feeling of peace overcame me. Right now there were no loud demands from Haruhi, or a kiss ass response from Koizumi. Sure the ever lovely Asahina san wasn't around, wearing her legendary maid outfit and no Nagato with her cool gaze synchronising with my own, but there was still me left. Ah, it was these times that I enjoyed my company more than anyone else's.
I laid my head down a bit, boy did I feel tired. Slowly, the powers of sleep gained control of my restless body. Slowly bit, by bit. I found myself drifting into the depths of my unconscious, and going into the deepest of REM sleep.
…
…
…
Damn, I felt stupid. When that idiot Kyon pissed me off, I left in such a hurry, and I ended up leaving my school bag in the clubroom. I know that I really didn't need the notes for the upcoming exam, but there were certain 'private' items in there that I wouldn't want to fall into the hands of anybody…
…Especially a certain idiot.
When I opened the door to the clubroom, I was shocked to find…he who must not be named, sleeping there without a care in the world. That idiot…
I walked up to him in swift strides ready to yell at his face when I noticed the word document has grown considerably larger.
I blinked. 100 pages? Kyon, that idiot Kyon did more than a hundred pages in the short time I was gone. I was very impressed, you should be happy Kyon. It's a cold day in hell when you make the brigade leader smile.
I also noticed his…cute sleeping face, and without knowing it, I found my hand stroking his face. Eh? What was I doing? Ignoring what almost happened, I read Kyon's story which was surprisingly titled "The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya" I blinked. Eh? This story was about me?
I blushed a little. I admit it took me by surprise.
As I read, "The melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya" I noticed that it was all basically events that we did in real life except with a Sci-Fi\Fantasy twist. I liked that twist. I laughed at the funny parts, got confused by the complex science stuff (obviously everything that came out of Yuki's mouth), and got slightly annoyed at the Haruhi parts. Somehow I looked like the bad guy and why the hell do I have crazy godlike powers?
…and what was the deal with Yuki being an alien, Mikuru chan being a time traveller, and Koizumi Kun being an esper? Why the hell is Kyon the only normal one? Damn that bastard! There's a penalty that awaits him I tell you! Penalty!
Even if I say all that, I'm somewhat happy that Kyon considered me so special that he made me God. Kyon if you are reading this don't get the wrong idea, you little pervert…
After a good half hour or so, I was almost finished reading. I was finally at the last chapters. To be honest I didn't know what was going on in Kyon's mind when he was writing this. So basically, in the story, I got jealous of Mikuru, and created a whole new world with Kyon and me in it. (I would never do that in real life! Who said I was jealous anyways? I am not threatened by Mikuru's looks compared to mine!)
I noticed that Kyon must have fallen asleep before he finished the story or something because he ended with this paragraph:
Nagato said, the potential for auto evolution, according to Asahina san, she was a time warp. Koizumi treated her as "God" Then what about me? What does Haruhi Suzumiya mean to me? Haruhi is Haruhi and nobody else; yeah right who am I trying to fool? Well, I guess by know I noticed it. In this life of death situation my eyes were opened. I…
I…I think I'm in love with Haruhi…
I stared at the screen in disbelief, replaying that last sentence over and over again until my brain grew tired of it. How am I supposed to react to that? Get angry? Be confused? Accuse Kyon of being a pervert? None of them, I just cried tears of happiness.
I looked at Kyon still in his oblivious slumber. Unaware that he had just confessed to me without saying a word. It's kind of romantic if you think about it. I shuffled closer to his face and I could feel his soft, gentle breathing.
"Kyon…" I whispered. "I…"
"I…Lo…"
"…"
I buried my face in my hands. What's wrong with me? I, the intrepid Ultra Director of the infamous S.O.S. Brigade can't confess to some idiot who just happens to be a little nice? Stupid Kyon with his stupid hair, and his stupid face, and his…dreamy amber eyes…and his sexy little…
Gah! I mentally yelled, what am I thinking?
I looked back once more on his sleeping form and sighed.
...
...
...
I woke up from my deep sleep, and I realised that it was already...10:00! Crap! My parents are going to kill me!
As I stood up I noticed a cardigan fall off from my shoulders. Huh, A cardigan? Whose is it? I sniffed at the cardigan and caught a watermelon fragrance. It was…Haruhi's. Please don't ask me how I knew it was her from just sniffing at her cardigan. So she must have came back, saw me sleeping here, and draped her cardigan on me so that I wouldn't catch a cold. Wow, that was surprisingly nice of her.
A sudden thought begun to sink in…
…shit! She was here! Did she see my story?
I looked it over to see if it was tampered with. I just hope she got bored of it, and didn't bother reading the last paragraph.
…
…
…
Oh no.
Haruhi answered back to me. "Fine, let's go back to our old world, but when we do…"
"Can we be boyfriend and girlfriend?"
I stared at the screen and felt my mouth widen, my eyes blow up and my face…felt really hot.
Kyon what have you gotten yourself into now?
Well…
…maybe this isn't so bad. It was better than the hell Haruhi usually puts me through…
…way better.
I smiled and continued to write my story.
Or was it…our story?
The End
I couldn't sleep last night so I decided to make this. I thought it was a good idea. I thought that the ending was a bit corny though… Reviews, and advice are very much appreciated, I'll be waiting for them! Thank you to The Legate for the helpful advice! They really helped me improve the story!
Cheers!
-MC kun