A/N: This is another BleachBook, this time set in Hueco Mundo. i'm sorry it's so short, and I may add extra chapters later. But for now, please enjoy!
Title: BleachBook: Hueco Mundo Edition
Summary: Aizen feels that the Espada aren't social enough, and so assigns them each a Facebook. The disgruntled Espada (and Gin and Tousen) have no choice but to participate in the world's largest social networking site...
Word Count: 1,894 (not including A/Ns)
Rating: High T. Language, some suggestive themes, mentions of the word porn. Haha, don't ask.
Pairings: No pairings, sorry. Just features the most lovable villains ever! :D
Warnings: Let's just say before Winter War and before Inoue was captured, since soul Society isn't really mentioned...
Disclaimer: Bleach isn't mine, it's Kubo Tite's and is published under Viz Entertainment's Shounen Jump. This piece of fanfic will not be used for profit anywhere, anytime, anyplace.
Sosuke God Aizen Hello, my dearest Espada (and Gin and Tousen). I've taken the liberties of giving you each a laptop and something I heard of from my Soul Society spies called Facebook. This way I'll be able to monitor your every move. Isn't it DELIGHTFUL? If you don't log on at least once a day, something…unfortunate might happen to you. Have fun! :D (Ah, by the way, I came up with names for you all! No need to thank me…)
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Sosuke God Aizen likes this.
Comments:
Sosuke God Aizen Oh COME ON! Don't be such BABIES! Don't you wanna use this delightful way of communicating?
Grimmjow DirtyMouth 6thEspada No, sir, it's just that it's incredibly fuckin' crappily lame to like your own damn post. And waddaya mean by 'DirtyMouth,' you piece of fuckin' shit. -11 people like this-
Gin CreepySmilingFox Ichimaru Yeppers, th' Espada is right! By th' way, I ap'reciate th' name ya gave me. It's very tho'ghtful.
Tousen BlindDude Kaname DO YOU HAVE TO TYPE WITH THAT INFERNAL ACCENT? Such an accent is not justifiable.
Nnoitra HomicidalSexist 5thEspada Huh. Shut the fuck up, or I'ma kill you. And, Lord Aizen, the name you gave me doesn't make sense. I am not homicidal at all and in no ways am I sexist. It's not my fault men are superior.
Hallibel ScarySharkLady 3rdEspada …So that's how you think of me?… -4 people like this-
Lilynette AnnoyingBaby 1/2Espada Go beat him up, Hallibel! Heh. And what is 'AnnoyingBaby 1/2Espada' supposed to mean? ROAR.
Sosuke God Aizen Good, good. Nice to see you all enjoying this fun social networking site and liking the nicknames I gave you. They really show how I see you and care for you, yes?
Ulquiorra SilentEmo 4thEspada …
-oOoOo-
Starrk LazyButStrong 1stEspada is tired and does not wanna do this whole 'Facebook' crap.
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Nnoitra HomicidalSexist 5thEspada and 8 others like this.
Comments:
Barragan OldKing-wannabe 2ndEspada For once I agree with you, you lazy bum. Not 'bout the tired thing, but about the whole 'Facebook is crap' thing. Why do we have to do this when I can be plotting to overthrow Aizen and retake my crown? -2 people like this-
Gin CreepySmilingFox Ichimaru Oh? Do I have to tell Lord Aizen that you do not wish to participate in this fun, enriching practice? *creepy smile #5*
Barragan OldKing-wannabe 2ndEspada No, no, not necessary. Heheh. By the way, do you practice your…smiles? O.o -6 people like this-
Gin CreepySmilingFox Ichimaru Why, of course not! It's just talent. *creepy smile #9*
Lilynette AnnoyingBaby 1/2Espada Starrrrrrrrrrk! Get off your lazy ass and help me practice my cero!
-oOoOo-
Aaroniero BiPolar 9thEspada What is with this insulting name I am not bi-polar at all it is just that the other side of me doesn't agree with me! Everyone knows Justin Beiber ROCKS! NO! HE SUCKS! Rocks! Sucks! Lies! Yeah, right! (A/N: Personally, I do not like JB, but I don't really care if you do…)
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Hallibel ScarySharkLady 3rdEspada and 3 others like this.
Comments:
Hallibel ScarySharkLady 3rdEspada …I do not like Justin Beiber. He has a squeaky voice. -5 people like this-
Grimmjow DirtyMouth 6thEspada WUT? He's AWESOME! *Squeals like a fangirl!* -5 people like this-
Tousen BlindDude Kaname …JUSTIN BEIBER is against the path of JUSTICE! Let him die!
Szayel MadScientist 8thEspada Judging from his sound waves and tone of voice, he is a rather bad singer…
Nnoitra HomicidalSexist 5thEspada Meh, I don't give a shit bout the lil gay dude as long as he's not a girl.
Yammy PissedRetard 10thEspada Wat'z a Justun Biber? Iz he ediblee?
Ulquiorra SilentEmo 4thEspada No, Yammy. He is what humans call a 'teenage idol.'
-oOoOo-
Hallibel ScarySharkLady 3rdEspada Is anyone else addicted to the human snack called 'POCKY'? It's sort of like a long stick with something deliciously sweet called chocolate on it. It tastes very good, but it's sort of hard to jam into your mouth at once. I tried before and choked on it because it was wayyy too long.
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Grimmjow DirtyMouth 6thEspada likes this.
Comments:
Starrk LazyButStrong 1stEspada Woah, that's the most I've ever heard you say. -3 people like this-
Grimmjow DirtyMouth 6thEspada LOL. That sounded like a sexual innuendo. 'wayyy too long.' Hahah, that's what you're going to be screaming tonight when I fuck out your brains, baby. ;) -9 people like this-
Nnoitra HomicidalSexist 5thEspada Heh. Yeah, that's all that women are good for. Sex. And power.
Hallibel ScarySharkLady 3rdEspada …Meet me at the East Desert Gates tonight so I can kick your pathetic asses. And fyi: I doubt you guys would be LONG enough to satisfy me. -8 people like this-
Gin CreepySmilingfox Ichimaru LOLOLOL. Pwned by th' only female Espada. Hahahah. Nice goin', Hallibel. I'll put in a gud word fo' ya' to Aizen 'bout promo'in' ya. -1 person likes this-
-oOoOo-
Szayel MadScientist 8thEspada I'm stuck taking care of the two idiots who challenged Hallibel. I have to waste my talents on THIS? Geez. Hallibel, next time you kick their sorry behinds, can you do it less serverely? I'm busy enough without having to treat Grimmjow for two broken arms, hypothermia from cold water, and a severed leg and thumb; and Nnoitra for a broken leg, SIX severed arms, and a really bad cut to the head. Godammit, woman.
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Lilynette AnnoyingBaby 1/2Espada and 8 others like this.
Comments:
Lilynette AnnoyingBaby 1/2Espada LOLLLLLLL. Nice, Hallibel. How do you like them apples, you sexist jerks.
Nnoitra HomicidalSexist 5thEspada Shut up, brat. Not like anyone would wanna sex YOU up.
Lilynette AnnoyingBaby 1/2Espada HOW DARE YOU? YOU'RE THE ONE THAT GOT NEARLY KILLED BY A WOMAN! GO TO HELL.
Gin CreepySmilingFox Ichimaru Ha. Ya guys ar' pathet'c. We really need som' new Espada. Hey, Tousen, do ya think Aizen w'uld let me post an ad on Craigslist? I can imag'ne the headlines alre'dy: Lord Aizen lookin' for new Espada, no experi'nce ne'ess'ry. Waddaya think? -3 people like this-
Tousen BlindDude Kaname …..I would be EXTREMELY surprised if they can understand your spelling. Such spelling errors and unnecessary punctuation are against the path of justice.
Starrk LazyButStrong 1stEspada Keep it down! I heard you fighting all the way from my bed…Yawn…Next time you fight, Hallibel, can you cut off their mouths first so I don't have to hear Grimmjow scream 'Oh, fuck, my thumb!' or Nnoitra scream 'DAMN YOU WOMAN'? Thanks. -6 people like this-
-oOoOo-
Yammy PissedRetard 10thEspada Hiy guyz. I sortt of brokes my lapytop thingymajiggers whens I gots mad at it and slammmed my fist inta it. Whad do I dos?
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Tousen BlindDude Kaname and 8 others like this.
Comments:
Tousen BlindDude 10thEspada Tsk. Such violence is beyond the path of justice.
Sosuke God Aizen WUT? You broke it? Those were expensive human laptops called 'Macs.' And how are you typing this anyways if it's broken. I smell something fishy… -2 people like this-
Yammy PissedRetard 10thEspada Durrr, I'ma using Aaroneiro's lapytop. I just grabsed it and ran out inta da sun so he couldn't follows me. And I don't think I ates any fishys todayy yets.
Sosuke God Aizen Che. I suppose it can't be helped. You don't have to take place in this social networking activity anymore, Yammy. You couldn't type all that well anyways.
Grimmjow DirtyMouth 6thEspada WTF! That is NOT fucking FAIR. I don't want to do this lame shit 'activity' crap either. Dammit. -6 people like this-
Tousen BlindDude Kaname Hmph, such insolence against Aizen-sama is against justice. Aizen-sama, do you want me to break off both his arms?
-oOoOo-
Gin CreepySmilingFox Ichimaru Heya, Tousen, how're ya usin' Facebook anyway? Aren'tcha blind? *Questioning smile #6*
Nnoitra HomicidalSexist 5thEspada and 9 others like this.
Comments:
Barragan OldKing-wannabe 2ndEspada Now that you mention it…
Tousen BlindDude Kaname I see with the orbs of justice. And please don't creepy smile on Facebook. It's...creepy.
Grimmjow DirtyMouth 6thEspada Dude. You probably weren't even fucking blind in the first place, you dumbshit. Wow. -2 people like this-
Starrk LazyButStrong 1stEspada Yawnnnnn. Leave the blind guy alone and shut up. I want to sleep.
Ulquiorra SilentEmo 4thEspada …..You trash really have nothing better to do than question a guy's blindness?
Hallibel ScarySharkLady 3rdEspada …I believe there is something called 'voice activation,' Gin, Barragan, and Grimmjow.-7 people like this-
Szayel MadSceintist 8thEspada LOL. Owned by a Hallibel.
Aaroniero BiPolar 9thEspada Has anyone seen my laptop.
-oOoOo-
Aaroniero BiPolar 9thEspada Helllllllo? Anyone seen my LAPTOP? I really need it to check up on the newest episodes of tentacle porn.
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Grimmjow DirtyMouth 6thEspada and 2 others like this.
Comments:
Grimmjow DirtyMouth 6thEspada LOL looks like you finally grew a fuckin' pair and started watching real man shit. -1 person likes this-
Nnoitra HomicidalSexist 5thEspada Heh. Aaroniero, don't you have tentacles? Why don't we capture a REAL girl and see tentacle porn firsthand? Ya know? -4 people like this-
Lilynette AnnoyingBaby 1/2Espada Dude, I'm pretty sure Yammy just passed by and threw away a piece of metal that must've been a laptop at some point.
Aaroniero BiPolar 9thEspada WHATTTTTT? NOOOOO my saved episodes of XXX tentacle porn are all GONE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. -3 people like this-
Sosuke God Aizen …Fine, you're exempt from this activity too. Geez, stop breaking the damn laptops! And, Aaroniero, how did you even manage to type? If your laptop's missing and all.
Starrk LazyButStrong 1stEspada He used mine. Yawn. He just returned it though, so rest assured that my laptop isn't broken. Now I'm really going to sleep, so STFU or else I'm going to kill you.
-oOoOo-
Ulquiorra SilentEmo 4thEspada I'm bored. Can we just stop this already? Facebook is nothing by a stupid networking site humans like to use. What trash.
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Tousen BlindDude Kaname and 8 others like this.
Comments:
Hallibel ScarySharkLady 3rdEspada ….I think I agree.
Gin CreepySmilingFox Ichimaru Yeppers! Let's do som'thin' else, shall we? *creepy smile #1*
Grimmjow DirtyMouth 6thEspada Yeah, this is so fucking stupid, it's beyond the limits of crappiness.
Starrk StrongButLazy 1stEspada Yawwwwwnnnn. Yeah, let's just abandon this project. I want to sleep without having to hear someone clattering at a keyboard.
Lilynette AnnoyingBaby 1/2Espada And these stupid names don't even suit us! Geez. Starrk, get back over here to the training grounds. Don't you DARE fall asleep. Or else.
Nnoitra HomicidalSexist 5thEspada Heh, never thought I'd agree with a woman, but yeah, let's finish this lame activity. So I can kill people. We get along just fine.
Tousen BlindDude Kaname The path of justice is not lined with artificial social networking sites.
Szayel MadSceintist 8thEspada Let's finish this crap. So I can get back to my experiments. I've almost discovered how to live forever!
Barragan OldKing-wannabe 2ndEspada I need to finish my plot to overthrow Aizen and get my kingdom back!
Zommari WeirdAnitiSocial 7thEspada Oww, I was in the healing ward for a while after Aizen almost killed me for not going onto this Facebook every day. This Facebook thing is not right or fair.
Sosuke God Aizen Tsk, tsk. Fine. Facebook is abolished in Hueco Mundo…for NOW. Next time you guys start acting all rowdy and mean to each other again, we're gonna try IM or Twitter. Got that?
A/N: I'm sorry it's so shorrrrt! :( If I get requests, and if I'm not too busy, I'll try to continue it, ok? Please review, they mean the world to me! :)
~HauntedMoonlight~