Ok! Another KakaSaku; Both the title and chapter titles are taken from a poem of mine (pretty random I know lol) and I really want this to be a more heartfelt piece (rather than a sexual piece) but I don't want it to be overly melodramatic… I hope that it can portray the relevant emotions without becoming too… 'Silly' maybe?

I took a little inspiration from Hasu86's Fade In – a brilliant KakaSaku story, (find it in my favourites if you want to read it) although I hope it doesn't come across as blatant stealing, I didn't mean that – only to take some ideas of the Naruto-Sakura dynamic and of her status in my story which is the same/similar to Fade In, although I hope I changed things enough to provide a significantly different story.

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Go No Further

Part 1: All The Hatred Pain Picks Up

Fatigue can easily be confused with tiredness; they are not the same.

True, they represent a similar affliction, but tiredness is easily overcome – a meal, resbite and sleep tend to cure it. Fatigue? It's deeper, so much deeper and it requires so much more to cure it. Every cell cries out for rest, for peace.

Sakura was on the return journey from a distant land and a distant battle, it was painful – in almost every sense of the word; she lost; watched those loose. She was running like the wind, as though the devil himself were at her very heels, although the kuniochi knew this was ridiculous; but the battle was –is painful.

And it screamed of a pain even deeper than she really wants to admit.

Tree branch to tree branch her legs moved almost automatically, she knew the area instinctively, she was within the five kilometre radius around Konoha; an area she usually didn't pay much attention to, but for today, every sense was on especially high alert. She leapt forward again towards another tree branch, and lingering on it just a touch longer than she should before jumping away. Taking a deep breath in, she wasn't able sense another presence for miles…there must be at least three and a half to four kilometres to Konoha, still, but the terrain seemed, odd somehow – as though she'd never been to this specific part before – but that in itself was silly.

ANBU Captain Haruno Sakura should know every square inch of the ten kilometre radius around Konoha as though it were her own body. At least.

But she couldn't shake the feeling of something feeling alien about this patch specifically, as though it were the little tucked away box she'd thought she'd lost decades earlier. The pink-haired kuniochi would have moved more cautiously were she further from her village and were there a presence – any presence - close by enough for her to sense. But she can't; it's her, the late afternoon sun and the trees – that's all.

-Wait! A sudden flash of colour claimed her attention and she slammed to a halt in a split second; perching on the branch, her keen eyes scanning and gleaning information that most would miss; she knew it wasn't movement which caught her eye. Sakura focused on the splotch of colour – a deep, fiery orange – which, upon closer inspection, appeared to be flowers. Lilies, by the look of them from this distance, but what the hell would such flowers be doing way out here? They were show flowers, or garden flowers, but surely… There couldn't be a garden out here, could there? Leaping a few meters closer, more was revealed to emerald eyes as further, richer colours caught her attention and it was indeed what she assumed initially;

A garden.

A beautiful garden.

Pausing for a few moments longer to make sure that no one else was close, she leapt ahead and lands upon the small earthy path between flowerbeds. She looked around carefully, frankly amazed at what her eyes were showing her, countless flowers all lovingly maintained in small flowerbeds which spread over a small area of perhaps ten or so meters square. Paths intersected each flowerbed – the paths themselves barely a foot wide – all eventually intertwining to a generally central (although at one end of the garden) slab of rock.

It was a rough carving about a meter and a half high of two hands intertwined. One hand was making a half seal of the index and second finger vertical with the remaining fingers and thumb curled around the straight index and second finger tips of the second hand. It was a rough and unskilled carving, but Sakura felt, so strongly, as though she could somehow sense the purpose and love within it – as though its creator cared more for what it represented rather than its aesthetic value.

As the kuniochi looked about the garden – each flower bed having a distinctive colour but with seemingly no discernible pattern – she couldn't deny the sense of peace which accompanied her eyes. The fiery orange flowerbed was at one corner – directly adjacent to the carving and on the far side (of the rock) were deep burgundy coloured flowers which Sakura couldn't name. In the centre of the garden was a circular bed with flowers of a still vibrant but less flaming orange accompanied by deep blue and pink flowers each taking up a third.

There were other, smaller beds too, one of silver – another of leafy green at the opposite corners of the garden; next to the silver bed was one of blazing yellow – sunflowers this time, Sakura could pinpoint them as. There were numerous but tiny other flower beds full of almost every colour Sakura could imagine – but few flowers she could name – the kuniochi had never felt so mesmerized by a garden before.

It had its own semblance of privacy despite having no obvious, man-made boundary; although it was surrounded by tall trees which mostly block it from outside view. It feels almost as though nothing could break through the barrier surrounding this little slice of peace.

It could just as well exist in its own time, space or dimension and Sakura wouldn't notice for all the serenity it offers. The undeniable feeling of security and ease in the place almost confused the pink-haired kuniochi, but she couldn't place why; she doubted it was solely for the reason that Konoha was so close – although there was some of that – but it was more that there was something deeper, something in the earth or in the air which gave this place its calm.

The paths were narrow and strangely numerous as though they were precisely for their purpose – not the break up the flower beds or to provide and aesthetically pleasing contrast; but to allow the keeper of this garden access to every inch of the flowerbeds. All of which were lovingly kept; huge, imposing white ones and bulky flaxen blooms were all equally cared for. Even if some seem a little out of place. The paths, little more than well-worn dirt tracks, still emphasised the beauty of the flowers and their pristine, innocent magnificence.

As soon as she had registered her actions, she chose not to fight them as she took a few steps closer towards the stone carving and she dropped to a seat on the thick slab of stone in front of it. It was the perfect width for her to sit cross-legged upon, with a few inches either side spare; she got comfortable and removed her porcelain mask, hooking it over a slender knee as she rested her forearms in her lap. Her eyes seem irresistibly drawn to the carving, it was rough, unfinished and maybe even a little lazy but Sakura could not help but feel that her eyes held an unknown attraction to it.

As her deep green eyes scanned over the carving, her mind found a peace it hadn't known for quite some time; it was as though she was somehow able to objectively reflect on recent events without allowing herself to become emotionally overwhelmed by them. Her heart was cold and hard, of course as it must be for an assassin – but it was the medic in her which still instinctively looked for the means to heal the injured and it was always the medic that morned needless loss.

The ANBU captain has done well in recently, having held the post for close to twenty-three months and has had a high – very high - success rate; she'd essentially kicked everyone in the crotch who thought she was too soft hearted to do well, or was too unsubtle in her attacks to ever be an assassin.

Haruno Sakura was an elite and not to be trifled with, either as a shinobi or a woman. Most men realized this in hour number two of meeting her (she likes to lull them into a false sense of security and to see if they can figure out her strength on their own before she beats the knowledge into them) and most women (apart from being outnumbered and few in the shinobi world generally) respected her for the strength she possessed in any situation which would make a typical woman, and some men, pale. Yes, she was, now, a little jaded and cynical at times, but she liked to tuck this aspect of herself away so that those she was friendly enough with – such as Gai or Ino who might notice – won't.

Gai, a man she never thought she'd end up as close to as she had; she approached him a few years ago before attempting to enter ANBU as a means to improve her taijutsu – which was appalling by that point – her shifts at the hospital had sapped so much time that her daily exercise consisted of walking though the hospital and the journey between her home to said hospital.

Kakashi and Naruto were nowhere in sight and Gai was the most logical choice; she found in the man a spirit (and sense of humour) which were very agreeable to her. He was a kind and honourable man who was able to give her insight into why something wasn't working rather than just telling her so – she'd never expected to find him such agreeable company, but thoroughly enjoyed their training sessions.

Once he'd made his speech on youth every morning, he was all set on training.

The Green Beast, she found, was extremely reliable and even managed to help her with one or two minor ninjutsu issues; although he recommended (at great pains to himself, it seemed) that she go see Kakashi, for as much as he hated to admit it, his eternal rival was the best technical specialist in the village.

Sakura was reluctant and never met with Kakashi as, not only was he hardly ever around, the kuniochi suspected that he would be as apathetic as ever and wouldn't inspire her to work hard in the way Gai was able to and so she'd feel as though she was merely grating on the man rather than a student who needed instruction. Luckily, she never had such a dire problem as to need to see him, so she gave it little thought and sought out the library instead between training sessions with Gai.

Sakura occasionally felt the stab of guilt at how she'd pictured Gai before and how lowly she'd thought of him, but she – instead of telling him this – merely worked ever harder and strove to constantly improve. She thought that this, instead of bearing her soul in a tearful bleeding-hearts rendition would be more appreciated by the Azure Beast.

Apparently, that was the case as she made friends with the man and even shared the occasional drink with him in the local bar. It seemed to Sakura that he was the secure, caring, shinobi figure (her parents being civilian) she'd missed with Kakashi - and when, as a young, insecure kuniochi herself back then, a figure she really needed (although not liking to admit it); she never felt 'in the way' with Gai and that she could query something and get an answer which made sense.

Naruto hadn't been around for a long time; their final confrontation with Sasuke took so much out of him which no one really understood; as they all came to the climax of that battle, both Naruto and Sakura could finally see that Sasuke-teme and Sasuke-kun was finally dead. The only thing left was to finish off his physical body, as though it were the last job of the Fourth Ninja world war. Naruto left soon after, so many people praised him as their hero and saviour and said that he should be instated as Hokage but he couldn't take it.

After everything, he still wasn't able to save Sasuke and that weighed on him so heavily he was nearly crushed, he said that he needed to leave the Leaf for a while and go on a journey – he didn't know where or when he'd be back but he needed to go. Tsunade agreed, with a sigh telling him that it was okay with her so long as he returned alive and well, Naruto agreed and took off with little more than a "See ya, Sakura-chan," And a wave before he was gone, saying nothing to the kuniochi beforehand.

It stung, like a bitch.

Kakashi soon disappeared into the shadows too, they went on the occasional mission together but he was as aloof and seemingly uncaring as ever and Sakura decided that she couldn't be bothered to hope she meant anything to him if he wasn't going to acknowledge it. So nothing happened, Kakashi never acknowledged her as an adult or an equal before he disappeared out of her life and she shrugged, gritted her teeth and sunk into the hospital and training with Gai before becoming a member of ANBU.

Sakura sighed heartily again as she opened her eyes, which had closed at some point during her reminiscing and took in more of the statue; she didn't bother to question who made it – she only considered how its imperfect nature seemed to make it more… real somehow. That if it were perfect and of exceptional workmanship it wouldn't sit right in the garden and it would interfere with the dynamic of this patch of life.

Taking a deep breath in and out, Sakura decided that it was probably time that she returned home to check in with Tsunade and get some sleep; although she was loath to leave the place, she knew that the could not stay forever and doubtlessly the owner of the garden would not be pleased to find her here uninvited. Forcing herself to her feet and replacing her mask, she allowed her eyes to scan once more over the garden before she leapt away back into the trees and ran with renewed sense of purpose.

It was worth getting more quickly back to Konoha to rest so that she can return here without a time limit; the journey back is sort and uneventful, taking little time and she approached Konoha from an angle she hadn't anticipated and one which she'd never used before. Which is probably why she hadn't previously come across the garden; it really was tucked right out of the way on no practical route in or out of Konoha – even so, she remembered the way back and would pay another visit soon.

Landing in front of the gates nodding to the two Chuunin guarding the entrance, she marches purposefully towards the Hokage's office, hoping that her three teammates managed to return safely. The route through Konoha was quiet and undisturbed although there were a few civilians milling around but no one she knew personally to question her bloody clothes or demure gait.

The afternoon light was quickly fading to evening as she rounded the final corner to reveal the building she'd been in search of, her proclain mask remaining carefully in place although her long hair flows freely behind her allowing those who cannot read chakra-signatures to know her identity.

"Sakura! My heart is warmed to know that you have returned safely to Konoha," She halts her steps and sets eyes on the azure beast,

"Gai," She nodded, taking her mask off to face him, "How are you?"

"Well thank you…I was worried, Sakura we were supposed to train together today,"

"Oh, that's right…sorry Gai, I was still on my way back to Konoha,"

"Eh? You guys train together?" A second male voice alerted them both that their conversation was being overheard,

"Ahaha! That's right, my eternal rival, Sakura and I regularly train together!" He eyed the kuniochi carefully over the top of his book, Sakura didn't bother to try and read his expression, she knew it wouldn't get her anywhere,

"I see…why?" His single visible eye flicked between the two shinobi,

"My taijutsu wasn't very good by the time I wanted to enter ANBU so I asked Gai for help, we've been regularly training ever since." Kakashi nods, but allows his eye to linger over her, as though he had something else on the tip of his tongue but was reluctant to say it;

"Well, how about we train tomorrow, if you're free?" Sakura turned her attention back to the spandex wearing Jounin, he nodded enthusiastically,

"Indeed, I would enjoy that! The usual time of eight at the usual place?"

"Sure. I need to go and report to Tsunade-sama now, so I'll say goodbye; Kakashi," She nods at her one-time sensei before turning to walk away, still able to feel his eye on her as she entered the building and climbed the stairs. Sakura couldn't help but feel that Kakashi seemed a little off but hell, she hadn't even set eyes on the man in two years, how would she know what's normal for him?

As the Kuniochi knocked on the door and entered at the Hokage's instruction, she forgot about her questions surrounding the silver-haired Jounin,

"Hokage-sama," She bowed politely,

"Ah, Sakura you're finally back, I was getting worried," Tsunade fixed her with her typical unreadable expression,

"My apologies, Tsunade-sama, it'll all be explained in my report. Nonetheless the mission was a success and the target was eliminated and no connection to Konoha was left."

"Excellent… Are you injured?"

"No,"

"Very well, I'll expect your report tomorrow, dismissed," Sakura bowed again and stepped away, "I'm glad you made it back safely," Sakura looked over to her old shishou and smiled briefly in acknowledgement before disappearing out into the corridor. Walking slowly but purposefully, she replaced her mask before making it out onto the street and decided that she'd take the opportunity to enjoy the evening air and so strolled toward her apartment.

As she traced the familiar route, her mind replayed the mission, it was difficult but a success and she even discovered something. There was a hidden, but strong adventurous streak in Sakura – she loved to explore and find something new but all too rarely was she able to indulge herself when on missions, so the discovery of the mysterious little garden had sparked feelings, and a sense of hidden excitement which usually remained dormant.

Crossing the last of the distance towards her small apartment her mind drifted back to the garden it seemed like such an odd thing to come across but it was so well tended that it suggested the curator visited very regularly and devoted massive amounts of time to it. Unlocking her door and letting herself in, she decided that a shower is the first order of business and then perhaps a meal; she had some rice and vegetables somewhere in her kitchen. She hadn't expected to run into Kakashi earlier that evening and felt awkward as to how she was supposed to respond to him.

She didn't necessarily want to be rude to him but it wasn't as if she had anything to say to the man; they'd gone their separate ways without Naruto or Sasuke to bring them together and so the status quo had remained for the past few years. Even if he were, for some reason, interested in her life at the moment, what was he expecting?

It wasn't as if they spoke much even when she was his student or teammate; Sakura sighed heavily just as she cranked on the water and stepped out of the last of her clothes and into the shower. Either way, she wouldn't have to put up with him again and being on the return journey from such a mission always tended to make her a little more sensitive to the actions and words of others.

It was little more than bad timing when she really wasn't in the mood to deal with anybody – let alone someone whom she could neither read nor guess what his motives or intentions were.

Sighing again, she decided to brush thoughts of him aside and focus on getting clean and fed before she attempted to write out her mission report – between sparring with Gai and meeting with the rest of her team, she was unlikely to have time tomorrow. Luckily, the mission didn't take too long and there wasn't a massive amount to be written – Sakura desperately needed to sleep, despite the repose she felt from being sat in the garden, her very bones felt weary and her mind was desperate, too, to be dead to the world for a little while.