Chapter 53- Day 47

They let him out in the morning.

His team had brought him some clothes to change into (which he does, and he's so happy to be back into his own loose-fitting ensemble), and he grabs the packsack and places it on his shoulder, it being the only belonging he has at the hospital. Before stepping through the doors he looks around at the bedroom that had been his for several days.

He was really glad to get out of there. It looked far too much like the asylum rooms for him to ever truly be comfortable in there.

"Aren't you excited to get home, Neji? It's been so long!" Tenten said, clearly the one actually excited.

"I suppose." He replied lowly.

He'd be more excited once he got outside. Some fresh air would be so good, and some sun, and to see grass and trees and buildings and just... Life outside four walls. They made a stop at the front desk, he and Gai both had some papers to sign, and throughout the process all he could do was stare at the entrance doors. He could see it. Outside.

Only years of self-restraint and teachings kept him from tapping his fingers against the counter in annoyance. The process was so long! But then it was over and they were taking those steps that would lead them (him) outside and it was exciting. It was pathetic, honestly, but he pushed aside those thoughts because he was outside.

For the first (conscious) time in fifty-three days he wasn't ecompassed by four walls and it felt like freedom. He felt himself grow a little lighter, his head a little clearer, and his heart a little brighter as the gentle breeze of Konoha kissed his cheeks in welcome.

It wasn't anything special, but it sure as Hell felt like it to him, and he treasured that moment where he knew -truly- that he was home and safe. Because he knew the people, and he knew the buildings and the air and the grass and the trees and even the sun. It was familiar, it was home, and he wanted nothing more than to stand there forever. Out on the front steps of the hospital, with three people who loved him dearly and whom he loved in return by his sides, and the village that was his home in front and all around him, it was perfect.

He was probably still for longer than necessary, but his team didn't comment. They waited for him, patient as ever, as he took in the sights around him.

A strong breeze ghosted through his hair, and he reached up to keep the strands out of his face, and he reminded himself that he needed a new hitai-ate. If it were possible, he'd get his own back, but as it was, he'd have to settle for a new one, which he desperately wanted to get that day. Not only was the symbol on his forehead in plain view, but it was just strange to walk around without its familiar weight. He'd grown used to life without it, yes, but he never grew to like it.

"I'd like to go see Lady Tsunade today." He told his team once he was finished re-memorizing the area.

"Sounds like a plan." Tenten said right away, eager to please her teammate, and Lee and Gai wouldn't object to whatever he wanted to do either.

"I'd like to go now." He added. If they had other things to do then they'd be parting ways, although he didn't really want that to happen, it would, because he couldn't wait.

Lee took a few steps forward and turned to look at him, "Let's go then!"

And Neji felt himself smile, just the smallest bit.

OoOoO

She was happy to see him, he could tell. It was unlikely that anyone else could, but he'd been looking for it. As sad as that was. It was nice knowing who had missed him in his absence and who had more or less cared. If she'd missed him then that was special, because he knew that he'd miss her too. He liked her a lot, had doubted her qualifications at first, but he'd grown to see how well-fit she truly was for her position and how good of a person she was.

Knowing it wasn't one-sided was nice. Very nice.

He asked her for a new hitai-ate and she wasted no time in getting one for him.

"You won't be going out on any missions for a while, but this is still rightfully yours." She said, handing it to him.

"Thank you." He said, taking his new hitai-ate. Immediately, he put it in its place, tying it securely at the base of his neck. It didn't feel different than his previous one, but he knew it was and that's what mattered. That it wasn't truly his mattered, even if it shouldn't.

Because he could look at his new one and relish in the sense of belonging that came with it, but it wouldn't stop the memories of a burning fire and a simple toss. Of his last posession turning to ashes before his eyes. He could never forget that, and never could he forget the words that still haunted him.

He brought his gaze up to her's, and surely she could feel his gratitude.

She must have, if her smile was anything to go by.

For a moment, his thoughts went back to a couple days ago, when Lee had enthusiastically told him that Tsunade herself had taken care of him during his coma. Surely she knew everything. She must, yet he could detect no trace of pity.

Not that his teacher had shown pity, per say, but he cared so much that it became worry and sympathy in such a situation and it was nearly the same, just without the demeaning factor.

He appreciated that she looked at him with respect and understanding and not pity, as that was the last thing anybody would want. And when they left the building soon thereafter, he felt a little lighter, knowing that the two people in his life that knew the truth (or as much as they could learn from his body alone), didn't think less, or differently, of him.

It was reassuring. Promising even, that if he ever shared his story with anyone else that their reactions could be okay.

OoOoO

"What happened to your old hitai-ate, anyways?" Tenten asked as they stepped out of the building.

"I don't want to talk about that, to be honest." He replied, keeping his gaze on the surrounding buildings and clearly not on his friends.

"Oh, okay. That's alright."

She avoided his gaze. Lee was looking at the gorund. Gai kept silent.

He'd tell them eventually, he told himself, just not yet. Until then, he'd just ignore the hurt look on his friends' faces. Because he wasn't ready, and he knew that they understood that.

They did, of course they did, but that didn't make it hurt any less.

OoOoO

Later that evening, Lee and Tenten headed off home for some rest, giving him parting hugs and well-wishes. Not wanting to go home right away for reasons he ignored (where was his uncle?), he headed off for a walk around the village with his sensei, who unsurprisingly agreed, to refamiliarize himself with it and have a chat with his teacher.

"You've noticed, haven't you? How nervous I get?" Neji's voice showed his disdain towards the word 'nervous', as if anxiety were something horrid and disgusting and not the fully normal phenomenon that it was.

"I have. I don't want to push you, Neji. You should only talk whenever you're ready and no sooner."

"It worries me, sometimes. A little. That I get anxious around the people I know would never hurt me. I want to think that I'll be normal again, but it's so overwhelming at times that's it's hard - hard to imagine that I'll get better."

Gai wanted nothing more than to hug his student, but that wouldn't really help in this case, he thought, "You're not abnormal, Neji. You're hurt and being withdrawn, even anxious, is completely normal. I'd be more worried if you weren't affected by all this."

"You, uhm, you still haven't told anyone, right?"

"I told you I wouldn't."

"I know. Is this... Is this weird now? With everything. It doesn't seem weird, you haven't been acting weird or anything, but I expected... I don't know what I expected."

"I know what you expected," Gai said, (pity and hesitant interactions and weirdness), and the words spoke for themselves, "But it's not how I feel. I think you were brave, Neji, and so strong. You did so good, and you're doing so well. This doesn't have to be weird if we don't want it to be, and I don't want it to be weird. Do you?"

"No, of course not. So you don't think differently of me?" He winced at the obvious insecurity there, but he figured if he was putting it all out there, might as well be sincere about it.

"Never."

"Well... Good." Neji looked up from the ground to give his teacher a smile, but he quickly looked away, biting his lip anxiously, "They... They suggested I see a psychologist. For, uh, that." He cleared his throat, hating his uncertainty and anxieties, "They figure two-three appointments with a specialist every week. For a couple months."

"And you agreed to this?"

"Yeah..."

"I'm proud of you. I'd thought it'd take some convincing."

"Yes, well, I hate feeling like this. If I should feel safe around anyone it should be my team, right? And right now I... Don't. If seeing someone helps with that, helps me, then I might as well give it a shot."

"That's wonderful!"

"Yeah..." There was silence for a moment, but Neji spoke up, a stinging thought brought forth in his mind, "Sometimes, it feels like a part of me is missing, like this whole ordeal took away a part of me."

"What part is that?"

Neji's reached up to touch the scars on his shoulder, the letters a faded white but still far more painful than any other of his injuries, "My innocence. I know it sounds silly, I fight people for a living. But it's like I never knew it was there until... It wasn't."

"I don't believe that."

Neji looked at his smiling teacher, gaze searching, "What do you mean?"

"You know what I think about innocence. That's it's purity of heart, mind, and body," He gestured to each as he said them, "And innocence is an integral part of you. Like your stubborness, or your determination. It's who you are and no one can take that away from you. Not if you aren't willing to give it."

"You think I still have it?"

"Yes, of course!"

His teacher was far too happy, almost as if he didn't get it and it was frustrating, "But I-I did give it! I let it go."

"Are you sure about that?"

"I gave up, sensei!" He snapped, hating the memory and having to think about it and having to persuade his teacher that he wasn't nearly as great as the world thought he was. He was a coward and a quitter and that was the truth. In his irritation, he stopped walking, as did his teacher who turned to look at him fully.

"I don't think you did."

"I stopped trying. I stopped fighting! I gave up on myself, I gave up on those kids. I gave up on you and this village and my friends! How-how does that make me innocent?" He spat out, his voice layered in self-hatred and frustration and despair.

No one would ever understand.

"I'm sorry. I'm so impossibly sorry that I got you into this and that this all happened to you. You have no idea how much I wish that I could go back in time and fix this-"

"It's not your-"

"But I can't! And neither can you." Gai took hold of his student's shoulders, forcing him to look at him dead in the eye, "We have to deal with this, and maybe you don't see it now, but one day you will. You'll see how wonderful you were and how bravely you handled yourself and I couldn't be any prouder to be your teacher."

"But I gave up. I let them use me, I stopped fighting and I obeyed and I took the poison because he told me too." He could feel his eyes sting and he tried so valiantly to keep the tears at bay, but they refused to cooperate and slid down his cheeks. Gai wiped them away, feeling himself tearing up, but managing to handle himself.

He was an adult and he had to be there for this (his) child. This seventeen year old boy who needed someone to keep him grounded as things were getting turbulant. He could do this.

"You never gave up. Not on us. Because we never, not for one minute, gave up on you. You knew, I know you did, you knew that we would come for you. And-and maybe you don't see it now, and maybe not for a long time, but I know it. You didn't give up, and your innocence is still there. There for you to give and not for anyone to take. Do you hear me?"

Neji nodded, "I do, I don't know if I believe it, but I hear you. I'm sorry for being so much trouble and I'm sorry I got kidnapped and it wasn't your fault, it wasn't. And maybe you'll have to take time to believe that. We'll learn to believe together, okay?"

"Okay." He said, choked up.

Maybe acceptance was just as good as understanding.

His teacher pulled him into a hug, and he felt the tears, but he accepted the silent request for ignorance. He was too busy shedding his own tears to really say much, but he uttered out a simple, "Thank you."

Perhaps things weren't okay yet, and they probably wouldn't be for a long time, but he had his teacher and his teammates and his friends and his family who loved him and cared about him. Not now, but later, he would realize that he still had his innocence to lean on too, as his teacher was right. It was still intact, for him to give and for nobody to take.

AN: ... Oh my. Well. This is the end so it seems.

I'll start by saying thanks to my lovely reviewers, ii-Phoenix-ii (thanks for telling me about the switch, I was wondering :P) itanejiluver, StarCatcher1858, darkstardragon432, Black Roses shine at night, Angelheart17, EatEmUp, Any-Clan, and BeautifulDesertFoxglove thank you so much!

Thank you to all my readers, reviewers, favouriters, and alerters for following me on this (rather long) journey! It has meant the world to have you there by my side for so many weeks and chapters! You were there for my hiatus and my long breaks between updates and you have been amazing to write for!

I honestly feel as though I grew in both myself and writing style throughout this story and thank you for being with me for that, you all have no idea how much it means to me. So truly, thank you. I hope you enjoyed this ending.

Thank you and,
THE END
-MewMew