Hey, look. This story is still a live.

If you've noticed, my writing has gotten better

((or maybe not, that's up to you))

And I would like to thank everyone who liked this story when it was pure shit.

This is in fact on of my older stories and it is awful but either way.

Thanks for sticking around and reading it.

To be honest, I deleted some of my older stories and I was really deciding on deleting this or not but I decided not to, yet.

So tell me if I should delete this story or not.

Days went by and Jerome still hadn't talk to me, or even looked at me for that matter. He did everything to avoid me and to be honest, it stung. I felt like I was just a particle of dust that annoyed him and he tried to get rid of.

I couldn't blame him, I know what I did was wrong but, I still felt sad. Not depressed, just sad. I had Yuki to distract me from the chaos that my mind was going through every time I thought of Jerome.

Yuki, I found out, was a chain smoker. She's been like that ever since her parents divorced. I tried talking her out of it. Our conversation was basically like this:

Yuki: Don't be such a hypocrite

Me: What do you mean?

Yuki: You're saying I should stop smoking because it could kill me, but you go on cutting yourself, like you're a piece of meat.

After that conversation, I stopped pressing the issue.

"Hey, can I smoke here?" Yuki asked as she lay on my bed, magazine in hand. We were in my room that I shared with Patricia.

"I don't think so" I replied as I looked at myself in a full length mirror. A frown on my face, I looked disgusting. Hips too wide, arms to big, why can't I see my collar bone? Why is my face like that? "Victor could probably sense it and we would both be in trouble"

"You're maintenance man is so creepy" She said as she flipped through the pages

"At least you don't have to put up with him for days" I said and I heard her laugh

I turn to look at her and I couldn't help but smile. It's been a long time since I smiled a real smile. A smile that wasn't because of Jerome.

Suddenly we heard a knock on the door and I walked over to open it, revealing a tired looking version of the once very charismatic Jerome I was knew. Of course, I knew the reason why he looked that way and I couldn't help but feel guilty for it.

"Hey" He sent me a crooked smile

"Hi" I replied, forcing myself to smile back at him

"I was wondering," He pause "If we could talk for a moment–"

"Hey Jerome" He was cut off by the sound of Yuki's voice, who was now sitting on the edge of the bed, her legs crossed.

"Uh… Hi?" Jerome mumbled in response. He obviously didn't notice her until she made her presence known

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked after a moment

"Oh, right" He said "It's nothing, it can wait till later."

I looked at him for a moment, not wanting to comment on anything, considering he probably wanted to talk to me about the horrible thing I did. I could already feel what he was about to say.

Traitor!

Liar!

I trusted you!

I reminded myself to thank Yuki for her presence.

"Okay" I nodded and was about to close the door when he snuck his foot to stop it

"But, I will be leaving for a couple of hours, " He said as I reopened the door fully

"Okay?" I arched an eyebrow

"Trudy's gone and so is Victor." He answered the unasked question that I was thinking "So, if anyone looks for me, tell them I'm out. The others are also out."

"Oh," I nodded gently before continuing "Okay, I'll tell them."

"Great, thanks"

And with that he was gone.

I turned to Yuki, who was smiling.

"What?" I ask

"He is just so…" She paused "HOT!"

"Yuki!" I was not in the mood to talk about Jerome

"And you think it too, don't you?"

"I-I…" I stuttered to find a coherent response but got nothing

"Knew it" She said triumphantly as if she won a gold medal in the Olympics

"Did I here correctly?" She asked after a moment of me trying to stop the blush that crept onto my cheeks "Everyone's out?"

"Yeah…" I replied "But no, you still can't smoke here"

"Not that," She replied "I'm hungry, let's pig out in the kitchen"

I nodded and we hurried down the stair into the kitchen.

After almost an hour of eating every single thing in the refrigerator and cabinets, we sprawled on the red leather sofa.

"I am full" She said letting out a deep breath.

"Me too" I replied.

"Hey," She turned to look at me "where's the bathroom?"

"Ah… just on the corridor, second door to the right" I said

"Thanks, I'll be back"

She left and I relaxed a little, closing my eyes in the process and let out a deep breath. My mind shutting off for a moment, forgetting everything, but my eyes opened sharply as I hear a strange noise coming from the bathroom.

I followed the noise and when I was close enough, I could distinguish that it was a noise of someone puking.

"Yuki?" I knocked on the door, worried.

No reply.

I knocked again and heard the faucet of the sink turned on and running water.

After a moment Yuki emerged from the bathroom and smiled at me like nothing had happened. Like I didn't know that she had been vomiting.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we walked back to the main room of the house

"What'ca mean?" She asked plopping back down onto the couch.

"I heard you, Yuki" I said "Was it something you ate? Did you eat too much?"

"Mara." She said my name firmly "Shut up, I purged"

"Oh" I said knowing what she meant "Why? You're already skinny"

"Not skinny enough."

"But it's not health–"

I closed my mouth as she turned to glare at me.

"People will like you more if you're skinny" She said

And I couldn't think of a reply. She was right, people won't like you if you're just pretty, you also had to be skinny.

She seemed to have read what I was thinking because the next thing I knew she had convinced me to trying it.

And I did.

I was reluctant at first but her words just echoed in my mind.

People will like you more.

You'll be prettier.

Jerome will like you.

Jerome.

I didn't even want to think of Jerome, what he would say if he saw me, kneeling in front of a toilet bowl, purging.

I couldn't even imagine myself doing it. But I still did it.

After Yuki left, it was almost seven in the evening, everyone had returned. It was a good thing Trudy went grocery shopping because nothing was left in the cupboards except from things that didn't really have an appeal to me and Yuki.

"Whoa, Mars" Alfie began "Don't want to get too big, right?"

This earned a laugh from the other but I saw the only person that wasn't even smiling. He was in the corner, just observing. His eyes met mine and I turned away. Jerome.

"Don't listen to him, Mara" I turned my attention to Amber, who was on the couch reading a magazine. "You look very… curvy"

Curvy? Curvy? Did she just call me fat?

I wanted to scream at her but just simply replied "Thanks, I guess, Amber"

"Hey, what happened to your arm?" Fabian asked, noticing one of my old scars.

I pulled down the long sleeves of my jumper to cover it.

"It's nothing, just an old scar from some time ago" I reply.

And "some time ago" meaning two weeks ago.

The worry on his expression vanished after my response and once again my gaze moved to the one who was by the corner of the room. Not speaking a single word. He shook his head, disapprovingly, for a quick second, that I wasn't even sure if he really did it or I was just hallucinating.

He stood up straight and made his way to his room, without saying a word to anyone.

I felt a strange pain in my chest and decided to go and talk to Jerome.

I knocked on the door and it opened it reveal, a scowl on his face.

"Can I come in?" I asked after a moment

He nodded and made way for me to step in.

For a moment we just stood there, not saying a word and I could hear myself breathing. I was getting anxious, the silence was killing me.

"Are you okay?" He asked, just when I felt I was losing my mind

"No." I replied "I haven't been okay in a long time"

"I know" He said "Why'd you lie?"

For a moment I didn't reply, confusion was obvious on my face as he continued "To the others, why didn't you tell them about how you got that scar?"

"Jerome–"

"It'll help Mara," He took a step closer to me, I looked at his dark blue eyes and felt butterflies in my stomach "I promise"

"I'm not ready" I replied

"I'll help you until you are" He said

And I nodded before he pulled me in for a hug

"I'm sorry" I said into his chest "For what I did, for helping Poppy" I looked up at him, still in his arms "I just wanted to help…"

"It's fine Mara" He looked down at me

"Really?"

"Yeah" He said pulling away from me "I actually went to visit him earlier"

"Really?" I was beyond shocked "What happened?"

"Nothing, really" He replied waking towards his bed, sitting on the edge "I almost walked out on him when I saw him. Feeling like I wasn't ready"

"What changed your mind?" I stood in front of him

"You" He said "I kept on thinking what you would've done"

And in that moment, after days, I smiled. A real smile, that wasn't because of something stupid or because of something Yuki said– which sometimes was the same thing. I smiled a smile only Jerome Clarke could cause.

"Why didn't you tell me you were going?" I asked "I could've gone with you"

"I was going to but I saw you with that girl from school" He said "What's her name?"

"Yuki" I answered "She's my friend"

The words felt strange leaving my mouth. I hardly ever said the words "My" and "Friend" in a sentence unless the word "Not" was in the begging.

He smiled but only for a moment.

"Are you okay?" He asked

"Yes" I replied and he looked at me, not believing me.

I sighed and told him what happened.

How could I ever think of lying to Jerome Clarke?

"Why didn't you say no?" He asked, anger was obvious in his tone

"I couldn't" I replied

"Don't do it again, Mara" His voice was low "It's dangerous, and you already have so many problems"

"But–"

He looked at me with a look that I couldn't distinguish. Was it anger? Pleading? Sadness? I wasn't sure, so I just nodded.

"I'm a mess" I said sitting next to him.

"Aren't we all?" He asked placing an arm around my shoulders.

Hey, once again.

Thank you for reading and tell me if I should continue or delete this story in the a review~

Okay bye~

Thanks for reading~