Disclaimer: FMA is not mine. Title and section headings (is that the proper term?) are lyrics from the song "Choir Vandals" by Benjamin Gibbard. Written for the fma fic contest, prompt: farce/farcical.
Someone you know
Farce (n.) - a ludicrous, empty show; a mockery.
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i. burn down like old cathy candles
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Fact: He is born prematurely, a month early.
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The doctor fights hard to keep him and his mother alive, but eventually he pops out, kicking and screaming.
His father smiles at him and says
"You're a survivor, aren't you?"
(Or at least that's what they tell him.)
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Fact: His father teaches him how to lie.
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When he is little his family has tea at his grandmother's house outside of Central every third Sunday of the month. The house is stately and his grandmother even more so.
She doesn't like him at all.
'Those eyes are unnatural, I tell you. They're too sharp – it gives him an unbecomingly mischievous look. He's going to grow up to be trouble, Laura, I'm warning you now.'
His mother murmurs apologies and explanations to her mother with a voice as timid and as quiet as a mouse.
He doesn't like that at all. Her voice should be loud and happy.
His father looks at him and winks, though, eyes a sharp green beneath glasses. Sometimes he even makes funny faces at him when his grandmother isn't looking, making him giggle behind his teacup.
"Nothing's so bad, if you can make it into a game," his father whispers to him.
He smiles, slow and sly, and takes those words to heart.
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Fact: The truth is that it is all part of the game.
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At school he does well, but not as well as his mother knows he can.
"You're such a clever boy, Maes, so why do you waste your time pretending that you're not?"
His mother's family is rich and she an only child. His father's family is not, always having more mouths to feed than they can afford. His father joined the military to help his family's finances; his mother fell in love with a soldier. His father understands self-perseverance but his mother does not.
He is too young to know the distinction but he can feel it.
"Because it makes people happy," is what he replies and it's not all that far from the truth.
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Fact: It is not his fault.
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His mother gets pregnant again when he is nine. His parents are so happy when they are with him, but he is a sharp boy, a clever boy, and he knows that sometimes they whisper things in worried tones about "the doctor's warnings…" He knows his birth was hard for his mother ("you're a survivor, aren't you?") and that she is often sick because of it. These are not good things for a pregnancy.
Still, his mother gets rounder and rounder and his father buys furniture for the nursery. Names are picked out; Elias if it's a boy and Elysia if it's a girl. Everything might just be fine.
A month before she is due, there are complications.
This time, there are no survivors.
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Fact: He never sees his grandmother again.
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At the funeral his grandmother slaps his father and then cries.
His father doesn't react, so he doesn't either.
It's only later that he thinks it might've been easier if they had just cried like his grandmother.
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Fact: He is nearsighted.
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A year after his mother's death he takes an eye exam at school. A week later he gets a letter telling him that he needs glasses.
"Don't worry, glasses are alright! Dashing even," his father says, striking a pose. There is the slightest pause before he laughs, his father eventually (hesitantly) joining in after. It still doesn't sound right without that higher, softer voice mixed in with them.
When it comes time to get his glasses, though, he is excited. A saleslady helps him pick out frames for his lenses and she is nice, though she is even more talkative than he is.
"It's almost a shame you have to get glasses; your eyes are such a pretty color!" she laughs. He is startled.
("those eyes are unnatural")
He almost regrets having to get glasses then.
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Fact: He never thinks of his father as a soldier.
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He graduates school with good grades (not great grades, but his father understands and doesn't push him to try harder, which might be a bit of a loss).
"So, what do you plan to do with your life?" his father asks, because it's one of those required father-son talks.
(Now that he's older, he can see the crack in his father's perpetually smiling countenance better. He isn't sure if it's because he's become even more observant or if it's because his father is putting forth less of an effort to hide it. In any case, it's there, in the pauses and stops in conversation, in the distant look he gets in his eyes. And sometimes he wonders if his father was always like that, or if he only became like that after his mother died. Sometimes he doesn't want to find out.)
"I think… I think I want to enroll in the National Academy. Become an officer like you are, dad."
"…were…" his father mutters, and there it is. The crack.
But then he plasters a smile over his face again, "it's ok; you're my survivor, aren't you?"
Even then he wishes that his father had at least tried to talk him out of it.
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ii. marked up with the choir vandals
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Fact: He never had a best friend before Roy Mustang
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At the Academy he is fairly popular among his classmates. This is nothing new. He is a people person, or so he has been told. People like to come to him and tell him about their problems.
"Everything's ok when you're around Maes!" they say, and he laughs but doesn't bother to contradict them. Let them believe what they will.
The thing is, Maes knows two golden rules:
1) Nothing's so bad if you can make it into a game.
2) It is not your fault.
And that's enough perspective to give him an advantage.
(So what if overly serious Roy Mustang doesn't buy it, doesn't care for it? You can't charm everyone, right?
Right?)
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Fact: Roy Mustang is going to change the world.
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He doesn't actually know why he decided to join the military; maybe there was nothing else for him to do. It definitely wasn't because his father had been in the military, this he knows and his father guesses at.
Roy Mustang knows why he wants to be in the military. He wants to become a state alchemist and protect those who cannot protect themselves. He is earnest in this belief.
He is sharp, sharp and too clever. He knows that it doesn't work like that.
"So why did you help us? Those guys were your friends, weren't they?" Roy asks.
So why did he help them, Roy and the Ishvalan?
He laughs, "I don't like bullying. And those guys weren't my friends."
("because it makes people happy," and he doesn't know if he is getting closer or farther from the truth)
Roy Mustang's eyes are dark and intense. The Ishvalan's eyes are red and determined. His eyes are green and unnatural.
He is no revolutionary and maybe that makes him the naïve one after all.
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Fact: He keeps every photo, even the bad ones.
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He takes a picture with Roy at graduation. He smiles and tips his hat off at the camera, but Roy stares straight ahead serious as usual.
(He has seen Roy smile before, so he knows it's possible. In fact he's even seen Roy laugh before, and it's a good laugh, deep and meaningful. Sometimes he wonders if Roy has a crack too, but he isn't sure which is the crack, the smile or the frown.
Sometimes he wonders if he has a crack. He doesn't know if he wants to find out.)
When he gets the photo, Roy doesn't even look at it and says "you keep it."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. I don't like photos."
And that's the thing, though he doesn't figure it out until later, Roy doesn't like looking back. Maybe there is some wisdom in that.
But he pockets the photo anyway, and thinks of it as a reminder.
(He likes photos. They can't lie like memory can.)
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Fact: He dated three girls before Gracia; he was a terrible boyfriend.
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He and Roy go their separate ways, it was bound to happen. He stays in Central and Roy goes out East, to learn the great alchemy secrets of his master. They write to each other sporadically and sometimes, with a jolt, he will realize that he misses Roy.
(Sometimes, with a jolt, he will realize that maybe Roy Mustang knows him better than anybody else. Maybe even better than himself. It is an almost strange thought.)
He stays in Central and does paperwork and hears about conflict in the East and wonders if Roy is a state alchemist yet. He stays in Central and goes out at night to the bars, sometimes with buddies (but not best friend) and sometimes alone, but he is never lonely.
(His father taught him how to lie, after all.)
One night one of his buddies convinces him to go on a double date with him, his girl, and his girl's best friend. It's not too bad of an evening, the girl's best friend turns out to be beautiful, and she listens to his stories with polite interest. So he's really surprised when she smiles but turns down his request for her phone number.
"Is there any point in asking why?" he says laughing, trying to hide his embarrassment.
"It's just…. I don't want to be with a guy who won't be genuine."
He stands, flabbergasted.
"I was being genuine! …Wasn't I?"
The worst part is he didn't even know he was pretending.
(This isn't when he realizes that he loves Gracia. But it is when he realizes that he is not going to let this girl go.)
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Fact: He doesn't say goodbye to his father before leaving for Ishval.
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When he gets his orders that he is being deployed to Ishval, he is actually a little bit surprised. He knew how desperate the situation was getting down there and yet… And yet, he could never imagine himself actually leaving Central.
(When he was little, very little, he used to sit on his father's lap and listen as his father described to him all the faraway places he had visited during his time in the military. As a kid they all sounded so exotic, exciting, and adventurous.
"So why did you stay here, Dad?" he would ask, because Central was anything but thrilling to him.
His father would tweak his nose and say, "because eventually you realize that the greatest joys in life are much simpler than that."
Later he wonders if that was an example of the crack or not. Later he understands.)
His goodbye to Gracia is not long. He hugs her and she wraps her arms around his neck and he murmurs a million things against her ear (she'll know which words are the important ones to keep during their separation).
"Promise me you won't…" her voice is muffled against his chest and she doesn't finish the sentence. He thinks she's crying.
"I'll come back," he says, but he doesn't smile because this is a time to be genuine.
Before he leaves she gives him a picture of her, laughing in front of the camera. He's glad. He doesn't want to remember her crying.
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iii. reading: destroy, destroy, destroy
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Fact: War is Hell.
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He does not talk about his first kill.
(It was not done in self defense.)
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Fact: He never likes guns.
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Three months after he arrives in Ishval, he picks up a knife dropped by a dead Ishvalan child. It was not his kill.
(It is not his fault.)
He doesn't know why he picks it up, except that maybe it just seemed like a waste.
(War skews with your perspective; junk becomes treasure, and treasure buries itself under blood.)
He practices with it sometimes at the campsite.
(Nothing's so bad if you can make it into a game.)
His aim gets better with it. Better than his aim is with guns.
He never uses it to kill in Ishval.
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Fact: He keeps his photo of Gracia in one pocket and his photo of him and Roy in the other and considers that his identification.
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Roy comes to Ishval too, and he comes with fire and dead eyes. A selfish part of him is glad, glad because Roy knows him and Roy understands.
(He writes letters to Gracia, but in them he doesn't talk about the stench of death or the despair of the abandoned. He talks about the future, he talks about the past, but he doesn't talk about the present and this time she doesn't call out his bluff.)
Roy knows him and Roy understands. The selfish part of him is glad, but the other part… The other part looks at Roy and sees the amount of people Roy has killed and hopes this isn't really that earnest, serious boy he had known back at the Academy.
He wonders if Roy hopes the same.
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Fact: There are only two people who make sense on the battlefield; Major Armstrong and Major Kimblee
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His best instinct is his survival instinct, and that is what he is reduced to on the battlefield. It is not admirable, still he thinks, it keeps him saner than most. He does what he has to do, and he doesn't dwell on it.
He is coming back, and that's that.
("What if you don't?" Roy asks him once and he almost punches him.
"I will. I have someone waiting for me."
"…That's not always enough."
He wonders if Roy is thinking of Hawkeye. He almost asks.)
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Fact: If there is a God, he doesn't think he is making it into heaven.
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He never asks Roy if he believes in God. He is an alchemist and that is answer enough.
(Except, he asked Armstrong once and Armstrong had pondered the question and said yes, he hoped. That was a long time ago, though, and Armstrong was sent disgraced back to Central, so much for that.)
He doesn't know if there is a God. He doesn't think there is.
Still, sometimes he wishes that he believed in something as strongly as the Ishvalans believe in their God.
Only sometimes, though, because he doesn't think getting massacred is a very good plan at all.
(There is only a little bit of hypocrisy in that thought.)
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Fact: The war is never over.
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The war is over!
They shout it in glee, newspapers and letters from home clutched tightly in blood stained hands.
The war is over!
Soldiers take drunk photos beside burnt landscapes and collect shrapnel as souvenirs from the 'greatest conflict in recent history'.
The war is over!
He snorts and is too sharp, too clever, for this.
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iv. i just want to be someone you know
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Fact: The last time he had a nightmare was a week after his mother's death.
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He comes home from Ishval and Gracia clutches him tight, tight until all he can breathe is her.
"You came back," she half chokes.
He smothers his face in her hair, feels how soft and fine and beautiful it is. "Yeah, I told you I would, didn't I?" he says and tries to crack a smile.
("I'll make her happy!" he had said but maybe Roy was right, maybe he doesn't deserve her.)
In Ishval other soldiers had screamed in horror at night, plagued by the atrocities of the day. He had dreamt of her, though, and wonders if he had been spared from some sort of penance.
(And that is a nervous thought.)
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Fact: He gets married in spring.
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He doesn't think he ever, formally, asks Gracia to marry him. He gets her a ring, a good ring, a delicate, pretty ring, when he returns from Ishval and then it is just understood between the two of them. He is grateful for that.
They throw themselves into wedding planning, and he thinks this is good, this is healing looking towards the future like that (Roy-like wisdom, except Roy doesn't keep photographs). He wants to invite too many people, but Gracia cuts the list down and he remembers that ah yes, she may know him better than himself.
Roy's in East City so they're separated, but well that's bound to happen. He calls Roy, this time though, instead of writing letters.
"You're going to be my best man!" he tells him, and he can imagine Roy rolling his eyes at the other end of the line.
"Do I have a choice?" Roy grumbles, and he smiles because this is how Roy should sound.
(Roy leaves Ishval with a plan to change the world and to do this he comes to East City with a smirk plastered across his face. Before he hadn't known which was the crack in Roy; the smile or the frown.
Now he knows it's the smirk, because that Roy Mustang is the lie.)
He calls Roy and bothers him about wedding plans, because that is healing, that is the future.
"Where are you going to get married?" Roy asks one time.
"Not… Not in a church," he says, and quickly changes the subject because now is not the time to deliberate on the past.
(He doesn't think he is going to make it into heaven.)
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Fact: He is lucky and that isn't (always) a guilty thought.
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He doesn't know Dr. Knox very well. He was more Roy's acquaintance than his ("you burn them, I dissect them").
Still, Dr. Knox is in Central and so is he, so they run into each other. He is a people person, or so he has been told, so he always stops to at least say hello to the doctor even if all he gets in reply is a grunt.
"Hey," Dr. Knox tells him one time, "I heard you got married to that pretty girl of yours, the one you were always bragging about."
"Yeah, I did," he says, rubbing the back of his neck, part sheepish and part surprised. He hadn't actually thought that Dr. Knox had paid any attention to him.
"Well, be careful with her. Keep her safe," Knox says before stalking off. He wishes he didn't know what Knox meant.
("I'll make her happy!"
Later he finds out what happened between Knox and his family. Later he will consider telling Roy, but then remembers the smirk, the crack, and decides against it.)
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Fact: His daughter is born on time, strong and healthy.
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"Let's name her Elysia," he tells Gracia, his arms wrapped around her rather swollen abdomen.
"You don't know yet if it's going to be a girl."
"Mmh, yes, but I think she is. Beautiful women have a habit of popping up in my life," he says, trying to flash Gracia a charming smile. She rolls her eyes, but laughs a little, so he considers it a success.
Roy had come to Central last week, and he remembers how alarmed Roy had looked when he saw Gracia (for a moment Roy looked just like that serious, earnest young boy back at the Academy, but then he smoothed it over with a smile, which at least was better than the smirk).
"Congratulations!" Roy had said, to both him and Gracia. He thinks Roy meant it.
Congratulations, Roy had said, and he wonders if he deserves this.
("I'll make her happy!"
He wonders if this is part of the game. He hopes it isn't.)
(He hopes this is real.)
A/N: So I started out writing this fic with the intent of you know, making it all deepthought!Hughes, but instead it spiralled into this monster. Uh, sorry, I still love you Hughes? (er, at least as much as one can love a fictional character - ok, which is kind of a lot.)