Stolen Merchandise. So, before I wrote this I told the story idea to a friend… Like, it was just a short plot line and so forth. Well, apparently, she told one of my favorite artists on DeviantART to draw a picture that represented part of this story! However, since I did not post this beforehand and since she did not really… say it was because of this story… Then now it may look like I took the idea and jeezzeee… I hate when I tell people my ideas sometimes…

Anyways, I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Assassin's Creed or any of its characters.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Groggily dragging his feet, Altaïr made his way towards the door. The knocking continued in a more urgent fashion now and only achieved in creating a headache for the disheveled one. With half closed eyes, he swung his door open, not even bothering to look before opening. Still yet, he had a pretty good idea of who it could be at that hour… Or at least he hoped it was him… "Hello?" It took a few seconds, but after adjusting his eyes from the bright lights of the hallway, he saw a very, very displeased Malik in front of him. That was not something he wanted to see… "Jeeze, Malik… It's three in the morning…"

Fuming, he stepped past Altaïr, making his way into the darkness of the living area. "I could have just killed you right when you opened the door… That was so…" Without anything coherent to say, he threw his hands up in the air out of frustration and glared daggers at the confused male. "Gyahh! You're so stupid!"

Not understanding- or caring for- anything at the moment, Altaïr nodded while rubbing his face and murmured a tired, "Yeah."

Just as he closed the front door and cut off the blinding light from the hallway, Malik flicked the switch on the wall and illuminated the room. Altaïr muffled out a curse as his eyes started to adjust again. However, the other was not concerned at all; he was too busy scanning the disorganized space. Books were stacked upon books; those books were stacked upon papers, and notes upon dirty dishes! Ink cartridges, thumb drives, movies, disks, clothes, video game controllers, kink knacks, car jacks, tire irons, umbrellas, and quite possibly a fish bowl was in there too. Altaïr put Dr. Seuss to shame. Malik huffed, the only thing that was clean in the space was the trail to walk from the couch to the hallway, but that was only because Altaïr insisted on being a lazyass and not take the time to clean up. He cringed when he thought about how much food was lost in-between the cushions.

Altaïr- once his vision was slightly in focus- was pretty sure he saw Malik stagger backwards from the sight. The mess was not that bad, or at least that's what he though. He did live in it after all. After a few minutes, his guest finally snapped out of the daze the clutter had put him in. Then, with a determined face, Malik started inspecting and going-over the pile of discarded and seemingly lost items that cluttered the living area. Altaïr quirked an eyebrow, "What are you doing?"

Shuffling through the mess, tossing files and folders to the side along with other unspeakable things, he found himself too preoccupied to look up at the confused one. Or even answer his question… However, he could not help but comment on his living habits. "I have no idea how you can live in this mess… You need to clean your apartment. This is disgusting."

Malik scrunched up his nose as he kicked some clothing to the side and, in the process, knocked a stack of books over. It was like a domino effect, causing more of a mess in the end. The other only sighed, "Couldn't you play housekeeper in the daytime?" A book flew passed his head and he was thankful he was awake enough to dodge in time. Sighing, he watched his friend dig through the mess, his frustration growing by the second. Of course Altaïr wasn't helping much… "Or at least put on a uniform while you clean?"

This time it wasn't a book. Malik shot a deathly glare at the other who simply stared wordlessly at the letter opener implanted in the wall where his head once had been. That's what Altaïr gets for leaving sharp objects out in the open for anyone to grab. "You were saying?"

He shrugged, watching the other go back to the mess.

"I lost something and I have a feeling that it was over here…"

A feeling? Malik is just too paranoid. Altaïr smirked, watching his friend continue his seemingly hopeless quest. "What is it?"

However Malik never turned around from searching to answer. He shook the question off his shoulder because he had other things on his mind. More important things… Hunched over in examination, questions repeated themselves over and over in his mind. 'Where the hell is it? Where would be hide it? Where could he hide it?' He knew it was here, the strong feeling in his gut would not die down. Somewhere, under all the piles of junk. Maybe in the cabinets and cubbies. Quite possibly between the wall and the television… It had to be here.

Distracted, he barely noticed that the other was admiring him from behind… Or rather his behind. He would have gotten away with it too… If it wasn't for Altaïr letting out a loud wolf whistle of approval.

How cute. A cocky smile spread across the other's face instantly, waving off the threats of castration, internal bleeding, and so on from his flushed friend. Yup, if he was up for a little teasing, that meant he was completely awake. No going back to bed after this… Or at least that's what he kept telling himself. "You know Malik; this could go a lot faster if you told me what you're looking for."

He ignored the comment of reason. Turning his back to Altaïr, he crouched down as he looked so he didn't feel so exposed to the other's hungry eyes.

"Okay…" Yeah, he was not letting his friend look in peace. If Malik was going to be walking around his apartment at three in the morning fully clothed then he could get some sort of entertainment out of this. Might as well bombard him with questions for the time being… Altaïr leaned against the wall, watching the other maneuver over piles of junk. "When did you lose it?"

Malik moved a lonely chair out of the way and creaked open the coat closet. Turning on the light, he saw that the crap touched the ceiling and instantly closed the door again and grimaced. No… It would not be in there… Nothing could survive in that mess… "Not too long ago."

At that, he nodded along. Malik was here almost everyday, although most times he would not venture further than right inside the doorway. That was on most days, other times- meaning when Altaïr actually cleaned- he had no problem staying over at the apartment. However, it was rare for Altaïr to be tidy. "Where did you see it last?"

"With me."

Smartass. He frowned as he watched Malik start rearranging the furniture, moving the old broken desk away from the wall as well as the stand with his television still resting on top of it. When the television started wobbling, Altaïr sprung into action and helped the other with his task, even though he did not understand what that task was exactly… "Why do you think it's over here?"

Once it was moved away from the wall and Malik inspected every inch of cleared space, he sighed and climbed over the mountains of junk to a clearing. He would move the rest of it back later. Maybe. It depended on if he actually found was he was looking for… Finally, he replied with a frown, "Gut feeling."

Altaïr smiled at the displeased look, "You should keep better track of your possessions, Malik."

"You should be more trustworthy, Altaïr."

Ouch. His eyebrows quirked upwards from the biting words but he could not hold back an amused smirk. Finishing with a quick scan of his surroundings, Malik gave up his search in the living room and started to make his way down the short hallway. Altaïr followed like a lost puppy, wanting to mess with his friend a little more.

"You're not going to find it if you don't tell me, Malik."

That sounded very much like a challenge. Did Altaïr truly think he was incompetent? He could find it all by himself! Altaïr was the reason why it was missing to begin with, why would he ask for his help? Seething from the idiotic statement, he began his search in the bedroom, moving piles of clothing, baskets, and even pulling out dresser drawers to inspect them.

After awhile, he determinedly swung the closet door open and started pushing more crap aside. He was slightly thankful that it was not as full as the one in the living room. Chuckling, Altaïr watching as clothes and other things were tossed over the other's head and landed in a messy pile behind him. "You should be afraid. Many things live in my closet…"

Growling, Malik then moved to look under the bed. Instantly he knew it was a mistake. Was that something… dead…?

"Under the bed too? Maybe the Boogie man stole it…"

Glaring up from the floor, he hissed, "What are you, five?"

The only reply was a muffled laugh and a smirk.

Malik picked himself up from the ground, lightly brushing off the dust and dirt from his pants. Really, Altaïr needs to learn what a vacuum is. This is ridiculous. The next stop was in the bathroom where Malik checked out the laundry basket, practically flipping it over and spilling out the contents. Nope, nothing there. Should he check the medicine cabinet? For drugs maybe, just in case. The only possible place would be in the shower…

Altaïr huffed, leaning against the doorframe. He was wondering how much longer this would go on… "What could be in the shower?"

Pulling back the forest green curtain, he saw another pile of assorted junk. "Obviously a lot of things…" With a sigh, he closed the curtain and turned to the other with a glare. "You need help."

Next was the kitchen. Sure, Altaïr could have stuffed whatever he stole anywhere, right? It could fit in the refrigerator, but when Malik checked it was nowhere to be seen. The only thing in there was a carton of eggs and some spoiled milk. Ew. Then there was the oven… But he was praying Altaïr had enough sense to not stuff what he was looking for in there. That would end up badly. Biting his lower lip lightly, he began opening doors to the cupboards and cabinets.

"The cabinets? I barely have food and you think that would be a suitable place for me to store my stolen goods?"

Slamming the last door shut, he stood and stomped out into the living area once again. As Altaïr followed his friend, he could see that Malik seemed to be… lost… Something in his eyes read that he was completely unsure of what to do next.

Trying not to say anything that sounded like, 'I told you so,' Altaïr reached out and reassuringly squeezed his friend's shoulder. "It would have really helped if you had told me what you were searching for…"

Malik sighed, "I… I'm sorry Altaïr. I jumped to conclusions."

"It's alright Malik, I think you should go home and re-" Just as he began to open the door, a hand fisted the front of his shirt tugging him to turn around. Slightly expecting Malik to punch him, his eyes widened in shock as he felt the other mold his body against his, pushing them both against the door and reclosing it in the process. The hand that once held onto his shirt now was with the other, holding the sides of Altaïr's face firmly as he captured his lips in a rough and needy kiss.

Even though this was not Malik's usual behavior, Altaïr did not question it. He couldn't. He was too caught up in the heat of the moment, their bodies working against one another, hands grasping and caressing in a wanting manner, tongues exploring and fighting for dominance. Their movements were quick and desperate, as if they were reunited lovers who had not seen one another for years. Zippers were tugged down and shaky fists yanked and jerked at the material covering the flesh they desired. They needed this.

Since they were too distracted, the two did not realize that they had moved away from the door and were making their way to the living area. Just as Altaïr successfully pulled off the other's shirt and tossed it across the room, Malik's leg came into contact with the arm of the couch, promptly causing him to loose his balance fall back, taking the other with him in the process.

They landed with a soft-

"Ooufff…"

Their bodies became stiff from the muffled noise underneath them.

What… Was that…?

Malik blinked.

Oh…

Altaïr half smiled at the glaring man beneath him, his body temperature dropping to a chilling level because he knew- he freakin' knew- what was coming next.

Crap…

"How dare you steal my brother and try hiding it from me!"

Crash.

"No really Malik, I was just playing-"

Boom.

"He's a teenager, Malik! He's at the age were he wants to do what he wants!"

Wham.

"But I was just over to-"

Bam.

"That does not constitute you, Altaïr."

Slam.

Kadar gave up on trying to explain himself as his brother continued to throw garbage at Altaïr's head. It was hopeless to begin with. He was covered in sweat from hiding within the couch this whole time and it did not make it any better that the two practically crushed him. Of course he knew something like this would happen if Malik were to notice his absence… However, he never expected the two older males to start having a make out session right on top of him…

Eventually, after many objects were thrown and twice as many items were broken, Malik tugged on his shirt, gasped his brother's wrist, and began dragging him out of the apartment. Before exiting, he did leave Altaïr with some advice. "You stay away from my brother or the next time you open your door you will be dead!"

Even after leaving the apartment, he could calm himself down. The whole time they were walking, Malik was boiling over with anger. He did not realize that he was stomping his feet and muttering incoherent curses under his breath. The incident was giving him a migraine. Sure, Kadar was maturing but not that quickly damn it! Malik was having issues about losing his baby brother to the psycho maniac he considered to be his friend. Or his… Lover? No, Altaïr was not a lover. Idiot. That was more accurate. Yes, Altaïr was his idiot.

His idiot… Was alone with his brother…

He didn't know what hurt him worse, Kadar being there without proper supervision or the fact that Altaïr did not come clean and admit to housing his brother. Then again, Malik was pretty threatening when he arrived at the apartment… In addition, the two of them know how protective he is… How much he loves them… They probably did not want to hurt his feelings…

They were several blocks away when Kadar gathered enough courage to actually speak. "Are you… Are you mad at me, Brother?"

Slowing down a bit, Malik loosened the grip he had on the other's wrist. He did not realize how much anger he had been taking out on his brother already and instantly he was struck with guilt. As the older sibling, he was not exactly setting the right example with his hotheaded attitude. He sighed at the innocent question, placing his arm around his younger brother comfortingly and kept him close as they walked. "No… I'm not mad."

'Could have fooled me.' Kadar bit his tongue, knowing he did not want any of the wrath Altaïr had awoken in him this morning however, he was extremely thankful that his wrist was released from that iron grip. As they walked, one question did plague his mind. "Um… Malik?" The other hummed in acknowledgement, glancing curiously over to the youth. "If I would have said anything… Would you and Altaïr-"

"Just be thankful we squished you…" He stated quickly, cutting Kadar off from saying any more. A small smirk was playing at the corners of his lips, threatening to break out into a full-fledged grin. His fingered idly played with the youth's hair as he spoke with a lighthearted tone. "I could not imagine the sounds my baby brother would make if we actually started moving." Right then, the sinister smirk he had been holding back finally broke loose, "Then again, we probably couldn't hear you over our own noises…"

The rest of the way home, Kadar made mental notes on new hiding places where he would not accidentally end up in a threesome.

-End of Oneshot- Kadar wasn't much of a troll in this one… I like Kadar. Like, really like Kadar. He doesn't get enough love. Altaïr has a lot of love from everywhere, so that's why he's always the one in trouble in my stories. Have you noticed that yet? Haha…And Malik? Oh god, I heart Malik. He's just… Love… Serious Love… Anyways, I'm sorry if I seems a bit rushed or whatnot, I really wanted to finish it so I can work on some requests people have been leaving me and also because of the situation my friend put me in. Thanks again...

Cookies for anyone who starting going "Wham Bam Thank you Ma'am" from the Onomatopoeias.

Review if you wish. Tell me what you think. Comments? Suggestions?

YourConscience813