Well, this is it, the final chapter! Thank you seems a fairly inadequate phrase to use when I think of all the alerts, reviews and general support that has been given to me over the course of this story, but it is, I'm afraid, all I have!
Therefore, THANK YOU to everyone who has alerted, THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed, THANK YOU to everyone who has left me words of kindness, generosity and encouragement, and most of all THANK YOU to those who have gone from being readers to friends along the way – you've been the best part of the journey!

I'm more than a little nervous about posting this chapter, but I think I've just about managed to tie everything up. There will be a sequel of sorts to follow in the next little while, I just need some time to recover from this story first!

Finally, to the magnificent imahistorian – I couldn't have done it without you my friend x

Keep your head up, keep your heart strong

Stepping from the bright California sunshine into the dim, cool light of the church, Deeks paused to remove his sunglasses and allow his eyes to refocus and adjust. The air was still, but unexpectedly fresh and he drew in a deep lungful as he took in the cavernous space before him.

Sliding his black suit bag from his shoulder Deeks laid it down over the back of the first pew he came to, then with slow, faltering steps he made his way forward along the main aisle towards the alter and the large stained glass window which dominated the area behind it. With a rich mixture of colours it was a sight that drew Deeks' attention as if the answers of the universe were locked within it's circular patterns. The sunlight which shone in through it cast bright beams of yellow, orange and red across a large portion of the church, reflecting back out again as it touched the occasional surface of silver and brass. Reaching out with his right hand as he walked, allowing his fingers to brush across the smooth, polished surface of the aged oak pews, Deeks was surprised by their warmth. Each one would soon be filled by those who knew and loved Jim Weiss and then a warmth of a different kind would surely be emitted from their simple form.

He paused, his gaze further ascending past the solid stone columns and carvings all the way up to the intricately decorated ceiling which seemed to tell a tale of hope and salvation all on its own. Turning on the spot in order to take it all in, his eyes lowered once more before he wondered on again, the sound of his boots against the tiled floor his only accompaniment. Turning right when he reached the end of the aisle Deeks' steps took on a sudden purpose at seeing the tiered stand containing an array of small candles. A few were lit already and as he picked out an unused one, touching its wick to the tiny flames, he could feel heat radiating out against his skin. Lowering the candle back into the stand Deeks took a small pace backwards, closed his eyes and took a moment just to be there.

Rubbing an idle hand over his freshly trimmed jaw a few minutes later, Deeks turned to make his way back towards the rear of the church and noticed the solitary figure of the resident minister standing approximately two thirds of the way along the aisle waiting for him.

"Marty," he said, holding out a hand to the approaching detective.

"Hi," Deeks replied, shaking the hand that had been so warmly offered.

"It's nice to see you again."

"Again?" Deeks asked, thrown a little by the implication. It wasn't usual for him to forget a person and he found himself looking more closely, past the standard black shirt and white dog collar, to take in the features of the man himself. He was perhaps the same age as Jim, maybe a little younger; his face was open and friendly with a light tan which indicated time spent in the sun, and piercing blue eyes that sparkled with warmth.

"It's been a while," the minister assured him kindly, seeing the lack of recall in bright blue eyes which almost matched his own "And I wasn't exactly dressed for work at the time," he added with a small smile. "You, me, Jim and a couple of other guys spent a day surfing together down at Huntington Beach about seven... eight years ago. It was one of those days when the waves just kept getting bigger and bigger, and you kept going back for more, even after the rest of us had given up. You finally got wiped out in the most spectacular fashion, got pulled down under by the force of the current before hitting the bottom and flopping onto the beach."

Deeks nodded, embarrassment tingeing his cheeks. He remembered.

"Matt," he said, certainty seeping into his voice, along with relief, at now recognising one of Jim's oldest friends. "Matt O'Connell."

The minister smiled and nodded before watching as Deeks became temporarily lost within the returning memories.

"That day at Huntington was right after my mom passed away," Deeks continued softly, although he suspected Matt required no reminder. It had been the main reason for them all being there that day. Jim had wanted to give Deeks something to fight, something to take his energy out on, something he knew would ultimately offer peace to his troubled soul, and it had worked. The combination of the waves and the company he had been surrounded with had set him back on a path towards recovery.

"I don't always remember much from around that time. It's like I shut it away somewhere in the corner of my mind," he murmured. "I kind of wonder if it'll be the same now, with Jim."

A lazy shrug rolled across Matt's shoulders. "Who knows? We all have our own ways of coping with these things, and perhaps sometimes it's better if we allow ourselves to forget a little of the pain we suffer in losing someone so close to us. I think, maybe, it makes it easier for us to love again afterwards. I think it helps us heal."

Deeks paused to consider the statement. Part of him wanted to argue against it, to find fault with the logic, but he couldn't. In its purest and most literal sense it held true. He and Kensi were surely proof of that on some level. But right then he didn't need to ponder on it for any great length of time and he found his mind meandering along other corridors of thought.

"Did Jim tell you what happened with Russo?" Deeks asked tentatively, "Did he talk to you about any of it?"

"Yeah, he started telling me a bit about it all a couple of weeks back," Matt answered with a nod.

"Did he tell you what I did?"

Matt smiled causing Deeks to immediately frown, unsure of the reaction he was receiving.

"'That damn boy of mine'," Matt quoted with mock gruffness, and Deeks felt his uncertainty quickly dissolve at hearing the words which were so unmistakeably Jim's. A smile stretched wide across his face and a tear trickled down his cheek at the sudden burst of emotion which leapt clear from his chest. They were words which he'd heard before, they were words which always touched his heart, and they were words which would never need an explanation for him to know that they had been uttered with pride. Wiping his face roughly with his fingers before running them up through his hair, Deeks breathed in deeply and together he and Matt walked back along the aisle to where he had left his bag.

"I never got to see him when I came back from assignment." Deeks admitted gently. "I wish I'd tried harder to do that."

"You thought you'd have time."

"I think, maybe, I just thought he'd always be there. Stupid, huh?"

"It's not stupid," Matt replied kindly, his voice becoming thick with the emotion he felt. "Jim and I surfed together for thirty years and I never doubted we'd still be chasing waves together in another thirty years time." Pause. "Saturday, after the storm, I even picked up the phone to call him to come surfing and... and then I remembered."

Deeks wasn't sure how or even whether he should reply so simply reached out, resting a hand on Matt's arm.

"You going to be okay doing this today?" Deeks asked a minute of so later.

"As strange as it might sound, doing the service today will actually help," Matt replied confidently. "I draw strength from my faith, and I have faith in the strength God will give me to do this."

"It doesn't sound that strange at all." Deeks told him. "I kind of wish it did, but it really doesn't."

"You a religious man at all, Marty?" Matt enquired with a smile, curious as to what type of answer the detective would offer up to him. It was one of his favourite questions to ask people and it often generated some interesting results.

"I have my moments," Deeks admitted, narrowing his eyes and tilting his head to one side. "Usually when I'm being shot at. Then there tends to be a lot of impromptu praying done and some excessive referencing of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit."

Deeks paused, taking in the wry smile that Matt was giving him and the deep chuckle which followed.

"But when the bullets stop flying and I know we're all safe, then I try and make sure to say 'thanks' too."

Matt nodded his appreciation at Deeks' honesty, the smile lessening but never fully leaving his face.

"Come on, I'll show you where you can get changed."

Keep your mind set, keep your hair long.

As far as the eye could see there was blue. A sea of navy blue moving slowly, moving as one. Different ages, different races, different religions, with every face showing pride at that which made them the same. United by the uniform, united by the badge and today, united to show respect for the life of one man.

Crisp white gloves and shining black shoes, hat angled perfectly and badge gleaming, Deeks checked his appearance one last time in the small mirror that hung against the old stone wall. Hearing a light tap at the door he closed his eyes and breathed deeply, composing himself for what was to come, then lifting his head and squaring his shoulders he walked from the room to fulfil what felt to him like a son's duty.

Commander Knowles had not been keen on allowing Deeks to partake in the funeral in such a public way. He was sure he had been clear in explaining what was expected of him during this occasion, but as always Detective Deeks' need to do the right thing always seemed to trump both common sense and protocol.

Upon hearing the request for this particular favour, the Commander's first answer had been 'No'. His second answer had also been 'No'. However, by the time he came to speak it for a third time it had miraculously turned into, 'Then we do it on my terms', and Deeks had agreed almost instantly. Now walking towards the church alongside five other police officers, his friend and colleague held high on their shoulders, Joe Knowles just hoped he had made the right decision. News crews and reporters had followed the parade route from the start, but now as the flag-covered casket passed through the wrought iron gates leading to the church, they fell back and away, unable to proceed any further.

Deeks watched solemnly from his position just inside the church's outer doors, his eyes never leaving the simple pine box as the pallbearers stepped ever closer bringing forth the final proof of an everlasting reality. Passing across the threshold the procession halted and Deeks waited whilst the centrally positioned officer in front of him stepped clear from the casket allowing him to take his place directly behind Commander Knowles.

Taking the weight onto his left shoulder Deeks adjusted his position as Knowles turned his head towards him.

"You couldn't have managed a haircut to go with that shave, Detective?"

Deeks chuckled lightly, pushing away the dull ache of his ribs to the back of his mind.

"You good?" Knowles asked quietly over his shoulder, the tone of his voice genuine in it's concern.

Running his hand lovingly over the smooth wooden panel that now brushed lightly against his ear as he moved, Deeks knew he was ready.

"I'm good," he responded firmly, and with steady, matching paces they began to move once more.

The faces in the congregation were little more than a blur to Deeks. Out of focus images only glimpsed at from the corner of an eye which was battling to hold back tears. Tilting his head in towards the casket, his still bruised face partially hidden by the angle, he just kept reminding himself to breath knowing it was key to his holding everything together.

Stopping at the front of the church and lowering the casket into place, Deeks took his seat beside his colleagues and as Matt began to speak, welcoming everyone present, he felt Knowles place a hand on his arm and briefly squeeze. He wasn't alone.

Keep your head up, keep your heart strong,

An hour later, sunglasses covering his eyes, a black suit and tie replacing his uniform, Deeks stood in amongst strangers at the cemetery, Libby and Laura a few rows in front of him, painfully out of reach.

Bright rays of warm sunlight shone down from the cloudless sky, the few trees surrounding them offering a little shelter in the shadows they created. The habits of his job dictated as he found himself unconsciously looking around him, properly taking in the faces present. His gaze leaving the immediate group and moving out further across the surrounding grounds, he stopped and stared as his eyes fell upon two familiar figures standing in the distance. The Challenger parked on an access road just a few feet behind them, the sight of Sam and Callen brought an irrepressible lump to his throat. Deeks was about to adjust his gaze in search of his partner when he felt a hand slide into his and he knew he needn't bother. Her long fingers lacing through his, Kensi squeezed lightly and Deeks felt a new source of strength flow through him. His team, his family, they were as always right there when he needed them most, their support unfaltering, their loyalty unyielding. As he looked from them to the wall of navy blue uniforms which still stood surrounding him, he felt as if he were seeing two halves of himself, but he felt no discomfort from it and found that the decision he had to make suddenly become simple.

Slowly, steadily, with white roses adorning its lid, Jim's coffin was lowered to its final resting place. Deeks could feel tears fall from beneath the cover of his sunglasses but made little attempt to wipe them from his face. It was a moment for truth, and he was not going to hide or be ashamed of all that he felt right then. Kensi's hand tightened just a little, her thumb rubbing gently over his, as Matt spoke the final words of the service and people began to gradually filter away. Looking up across the cemetery Deeks could see Sam and Callen getting back into the Challenger and he knew that Kensi would soon have to follow. Pushing his sunglasses up on top of his head, he wiped his face dry before turning to his partner, her hand still holding firmly onto his.

"You have to go." It was a statement rather than a question and Kensi didn't miss the streams of emotion that were still escaping him. His eyes were slightly red exaggerating the paling bruises around them, whilst each word he spoke sounded heavy and raw.

"I have to go," she confirmed quietly, feeling guilty at leaving when he needed her. "We have a new case and things are happening. You going to be okay?"

Deeks nodded, a lump holding firm in his throat as a different kind of emotion swelled up strongly in his chest.

"I'll see you later," she added, squeezing his fingers one last time before turning to leave.

The pounding of his heart sounded loudly in his ears and as he felt tears sting at the corners of his eyes once more he knew he couldn't leave things there. Re-gripping her fingers quickly before they slipped away from him completely, Deeks stopped Kensi in her tracks causing her to turn back in mild confusion.

Closing any distance between them in two short steps he immediately captured her lips with his, a hand reaching up to cradle her face as for once, in this public setting, he allowed his heart to fully over-rule his head. Further tears slipped silently down his cheeks as the overpowering feelings that coursed through every part of him refused to be quelled. Pulling back a little Deeks touched his head to Kensi's, unwilling to let her go without having said the words he could no longer keep inside.

"I love you," he breathed huskily, running his fingers up into the hair that fell about her shoulders. "And I know this is a lousy time and a lousy place to say it but... I just needed you to know."

Straightening her body, Kensi swallowed hard and frowned a little, her surprise from the kiss blown away into utter incomparability by the words which had followed it. Her heart felt as if it might leap from her chest, the air from her lungs suddenly absent as she found herself searching the face of the man stood only inches from her. His blue eyes were intense but his expression never more open and honest, and as questions of doubt rose up inside her, they were quickly conquered by the realisation that what she had just been presented with wasn't something which needed an answer. It simply was the answer.

Leaning back in and pressing her lips softly to his Kensi smiled, feeling the threat of tears building up in her own eyes.

"Say it again," she told him, her voice little more than a murmur.

A deep chuckle rumbled gently from Deeks as he returned the kiss and satisfied her request.

"I love you," he repeated with feeling equal to the first declaration.

Reaching up and wiping the tears from her partner's face, her hand lingering in place, Kensi smiled softly.

"I love you too."

Keep your mind set in your ways, but keep your heart strong.

From the back seat of a town car several hundred yards away across the cemetery, the sight of the detective and the NCIS agent engaged in what was clearly not a work related matter, was one which Henrietta Lange observed with growing interest. She'd often made internal suppositions as to the nature of their relationship and now she had all the confirmation she would ever need. Unfortunately it was a confirmation she was certainly not in want of. Her team might be one of differing personalities and varying skill sets, of individual beliefs and hard fought for convictions, but as a unit within the environment they worked, there were few who could match them. The bonds holding them together were strong and Hetty had little intention of allowing wrenches to be dropped into the workings of a well-oiled and highly productive machine.

There were many, many things she had seen and promptly forgotten during her years in the intelligence business and as far as Hetty was concerned she could quite happily file this under a similar heading. Ignorance really was bliss and it was a luxury rarely afforded to her, so she would do as she always did. She would watch and she would listen, and when necessary she would act. But not until it was necessary.

After parking his car a couple of streets away from the Weiss residence, Deeks tugged at the collar of his shirt and loosened his tie a little before running a hand through his hair in an attempt to tidy it. Thoughts of Kensi had flooded his mind whilst he was driving, a contented smile never far from his lips, but now, as he walked towards the house, all he could think about was Libby and Laura. The forced distance between them at the funeral had created pangs of guilt through his body, almost as if he'd abandoned them, and now he just wanted to be able to offer them the same strength and support that they, as a family, had always offered him.

Taking his usual route through the side gate, Deeks was immediately faced by a sea of people spread across the patio and lawn areas. Despite everything it was not a day to be spent indoors and this seemed to create a more relaxed atmosphere than was usual at such occasions. Jim Weiss had rarely been a sombre person and the belief that a life should be celebrated rather than mourned was always at the forefront of his approach to these things, so to see people smiling, even breaking into gentle laughter, was one he certainly would have approved of.

All around him Deeks recognised the faces of both family and colleagues, and as his gaze searched the crowd he spotted Laura standing not far away with her grandparents. Upon catching sight of her big brother, she quickly made her way over to him and immediately pulled him into a fierce hug. The sharp intake of breath and wince Deeks produced at this strongly indicated that she might have been a little enthusiastic in her approach given his recent injuries, and she quickly released the pressure she had created around his rib cage.

"Thank you!" he whimpered gratefully, but continued to hold her firmly in his own arms. "How you doing?" he asked after a minute, his head resting gently against hers.

"Pretty crap. You?"

"About the same," he admitted.

Taking a small pace back, Laura looked up at him, her eyes slightly swollen, her skin pale.

"I keep looking around at all these people and thinking how much Dad would have enjoyed having them all here together."

Deeks smiled, a single breath of laughter released as he did, at the truth of Laura's comment.

"Only one downside to that," he said with a scratch of his jaw, causing Laura's brow to furrow in confusion. The steadily growing smile on his face was telling though and soon she was smiling too, knowing exactly what he was thinking.

"He would have barbecued!" they announced in unison, a burst of laughter erupting from them both at the shared memories it evoked.

"He could have worked at a crematorium with those cooking skills," Laura commented with a shake of her head, creating further laughter between them. Pause. "Except for the s'mores."

"Except for the s'mores." Deeks agreed, his smile dropping a little. The man really had known how to make the best s'mores ever.

"You know, he'd make them for me every birthday?" she added, her voice tinged with sadness, knowing it was just one of many family traditions which would cease to exist, or would forever be altered by her dad's death.

"Yeah, I know," he replied softly. There were so many moments to come in their lives that Jim would no longer be a part of, with birthdays just being the first in a long list. Deeks was sure that they would continue to be hit by random waves of grief for some time to come, however, he was also sure that as hard as these moments would be to get through, they would get through them, and perhaps even create a few new memories and traditions along the way.

"So how about for your birthday this year, you and me, we make s'mores together?"

Laura smiled as she considered the offer. "That sounds good. Throw in pizza and a movie and you've got yourself a deal."

"What movie?" Deeks inquired carefully, knowing from experience that it was often better to know in advance.

"Pirates of the Caribbean and..."

"Johnny Depp? Still?" Deeks interrupted incredulously.

"Always," she replied dismissively with a wave of her hand, as if the answer were obvious. "And," she emphasised purposely, "Endless Summer."

Deeks considered the offer for a few seconds. Laura stood watching him expectantly, knowing she had him by playing the Endless Summer card, and knowing he knew it too.

"Deal," he agreed, sending a triumphant smile straight to Laura's face. "At least it's not Titanic," he muttered to himself quietly.

Joined by Libby's parents a few minutes later, Deeks found himself greeted warmly by them, and for the next half an hour they chatted easily until a light touch to his shoulder brought a shift in his attention.

Standing before him, a gentle smile on her tired face, Libby reached up and placed a hand to his face.

"What did they do to you, hmm?" she questioned gently as her gaze took in the bruises which, although still obvious, were paling significantly.

Deeks simply shrugged, knowing that Libby hadn't really been looking for an actual answer.

"I'm almost wishing you hadn't managed that shave though!" she added and he couldn't help but chuckle. Watching him through narrowed eyes Libby arrived at a quick conclusion and after stealing him away from her daughter and parents she encouraged him into the kitchen. It was cool inside and there were few people, just some of the catering staff carrying out whatever jobs they had to do.

"Sit down," she told him firmly, then after fetching a glass from the cupboard she filled it with water and held it in front of him along with a bottle of Tylenol. Deeks took the painkillers, lowering his eyes at having been so clearly caught out. The pain across his right side had been slowly building since his arrival and was just reaching a point somewhere past severe discomfort when Libby had pulled him inside.

"How did you know?" he asked, tapping out two tablets and exchanging the bottle for the glass of water.

"I just know you," she replied ruefully as she watched Deeks swallow down the tablets.

"Yes, you do," he admitted in a whisper, a small smile playing over his mouth.

"Come with me, I want to show you something." Libby told him leading him from he kitchen and along the hallway before pushing open the door to Jim's study.

Deeks paused momentarily, pushing the pain to the back of his mind as best as possible, and taking in the warm familiarity of the room and its contents. The old oak desk that Libby's father had lovingly restored after discovering it at a flea market; the brown leather chair which would become scorchingly hot during the summer months to the detriment of any bare skin; the framed pictures which covered the walls and the files that lined the shelves - Deeks had little doubt that it all remained exactly as Jim had left it.

Standing in front of the desk Libby beckoned him over indicating to three framed photographs Jim had kept on his desk. It had been a while since Deeks had seen them and he found himself staring, trying to figure out their significance in this conversation.

"That one there," Libby began, pointing to a picture of her and Jim on their wedding day. "He always said that was the happiest day of his life."

Deeks nodded as she then moved on to a picture of Laura as a baby, carefully cradled in Jim's arms. "Becoming a father, that was the scariest day of his life," she explained, smiling fondly at the memories it evoked. "Laura was so tiny, he spent the first four months worrying that he'd break her!"

Deeks smiled too, releasing a low laugh, before moving his attention onto the last picture. It was one of him in uniform, short hair, clean shaven, and he recognised it as being one from his academy graduation. He frowned slightly, confused by what importance it could hold.

"And that one?" he asked curiously, pointing a finger towards himself.

"The proudest day of his life." Libby answered firmly and without hesitation, causing Deeks to turn to her sharply, surprise clear on his face. Libby smiled back at him, a single tear rolling down across her cheek.

"Watching his son graduate from the Police Academy? No contest," she stated unequivocally. "He was proud of you back then, he was proud of you right until he died, and today... today it was my turn."

There weren't words to describe what Deeks was feeling right then, they just wouldn't formulate into anything that would resemble a coherent sentence. There was a lump in his throat but it felt more pliant than previous. He expected tears, but they seemed unlikely to fall, and for some unexplainable reason, he simply felt at peace.

Stepping forward and wrapping Libby gently into his embrace, Deeks smiled, because although Jim was gone, he knew he still had a family.

Because I'll always remember you the same,
Eyes like wild flowers with your demons of change.

After a long day with little progress made on their new case, Kensi arrived at Deeks' apartment with a mushroom and pepperoni pizza and a six pack of beers. Unlocking the door she was greeted by the sound of Bruce Springsteen blaring out from the stereo. Setting the pizza and beer down on the kitchen counter she started looking about the apartment for some sign of her partner's whereabouts. Seeing a pair of denim-clad legs with bare feet poking out from behind the sofa Kensi took a few quick steps that way, unsure as to what state she was likely to find him in. Both surprised and relieved to find him laying stretched out on the floor, a broad smile on his face as he played along to 'Born in the USA' with an imaginary drum kit, Kensi couldn't help but smile. Seeing her approach Deeks' smile only widened, and pointing the remote in the general direction of the stereo he lowered the volume considerably.

"Whatcha doing down there?" she asked, a look of amusement clear on her face.

Deeks looked around him as if realising for the first time that he was, in fact, sprawled out on the living room floor.

"Not entirely sure," he answered carefully. "But you have to see this," he added with an encouraging pat to the floor space beside him.

"How much have you had to drink?" she asked warily, noting the half empty bottle of tequila and shot glass as she lowered herself onto the floor beside him.

"Just the one shot."

"Okay, so how many painkillers did you take?"

"Uhh... couple of those super strong ones the hospital prescribed," he replied lazily, the words just not coming to him quite as fast as usual. "Turns out caskets are heavy and awkward to carry even when you don't have cracked ribs, and the Tylenol wasn't working well enough, so..." he let the sentence trail off, gesturing randomly with his hands in order to finish it before adding, "But I'm feeling loads better now."

"I bet you are!" Kensi muttered with a knowing smile as she looked over to see an expression of utter contentment on her partner's face. "How did you get on this afternoon?"

"Better for having had you there at the funeral with me," he responded softly, before rolling his head over a little further so that he could look his partner in the eye. "Thank you for that."

"You're welcome."

Rolling onto her side in order to properly reach him, Kensi pressed a lingering kiss to her partner's lips. Deeks reacted instinctively, pulling her closer, running his hands up into her hair and holding her in place just above him. As the intensity increased the kiss deepened and the feel of soft skin was soon beneath Deeks' finger tips as they roamed softly up across her back and then down her side.

Running a hand up over his well-toned stomach and across his chest before coming to rest on his jaw, Kensi's touch was almost tentative. Still heartbreakingly aware of the damage that had been done to his body, her fears and anxieties over both him and their relationship remained powerful, but as she replayed their conversation from earlier in the day over and over in her head, the declarations of love seemed to just drown out the doubt.

Minutes passed and the intensity of the moment slowly washed over and away from them, the simple need for each other in the most basic of ways far outweighing their need for anything more physical right then. Dropping a final kiss to her partner's lips, Kensi rolled back over onto her back before lacing her fingers with those attached to the arm which was still about her shoulders. Lying together, not a gap between them, Deeks couldn't help but smile as he placed a tender kiss to the side of Kensi's head.

"So what is it I'm supposed to be looking at?" she asked curiously, returning them to the original conversation of why he was lying on the floor.

"Oh yeah," he remembered, then indicated up at the ceiling. "Do you think that stain looks like Abraham Lincoln?"

Arriving at work early the next morning to an empty bullpen, Deeks dropped his bag on his desk and immediately went in search of Hetty. Sat at her desk, a cup of tea at her side the operations manager was easy to find, and she watched his approach with interest.

"Good morning, Mr Deeks," she greeted as he stepped up onto the raised floor of her office area.

"Morning, Hetty," he returned with a smile.

Eyeing him, and the folder he carried, with a certain curiosity, Hetty brought her hands gently together, her elbows resting on the arms of the chair.

"How did you get on yesterday?"

Deeks paused momentarily before answering, the images swimming before him both painful and comforting.

"Better than I expected," he replied, lowering himself onto the chair directly opposite her.

"That's more often the case than not," she allowed kindly, before adding, "It was a lovely service by the way. And if I might say so, you did him proud."

Deeks lowered his head at hearing this information, colour tingeing his cheeks at the generosity of her words. His thoughts then proceeded to take several giant steps forward, allowing him to fully realise and appreciate what else Hetty might have been witness to. A heady wave of dread washed over him and settled deep in the pit of him stomach as the hairs on the back of his neck began to stand on end one at a time. Forcing himself not to react any further, Deeks met Hetty's calm and steady gaze and refused to flinch.

"I'm sorry I didn't see you. I didn't realise you were there," he answered cautiously.

"Not at all," she dismissed with the barest of head shakes. "I did look for you before I left, but you were otherwise engaged."

Deeks flinched, but nowhere near as much as Hetty had been expecting and his bright, blue eyes quickly returned to hers. Swallowing down the words which threatened to spill out and effectively dig him into a hole he couldn't climb out of, he remained silent waiting to see what move Hetty would make in light of this revelation. Clearly she had seen him and Kensi together, but like hell was he going to make any sort of statement to the effect, and as he continued to observe the dark-haired lady staring evenly back at him, he got the distinct impression that it was exactly the reaction she had been hoping for.

This had been a shot across the bow, nothing more than a warning, and with a small smile playing over his lips Deeks nodded in understanding.

"Anyway, moving on," Hetty began gladly. "You came over here with a purpose, Mr Deeks. May I presume, given the file in your hands, that it involves your decision on whether or not to become an NCIS agent at this time?"

Deeks nodded his confirmation and silently passed the folder across the desk. Opening it up and quickly flicking past the first few pages Hetty paused on the final page before looking up to meet Deeks' slightly nervous expression.

"Are you okay with that?" he asked quietly.

Hetty smiled reassuringly, shaking her head in mild disbelief at his question as she closed the folder and placed it down on her desk.

"Mr Deeks, this isn't about me or what I want," she replied gently. "As I said to you when we talked about this last week, I'd just like you to make a choice that you are happy with. Between the undercover assignment and the fallout which followed; the fact that you were forced to turn in police officers who you knew and trusted, and then on top of that to lose a loved one the way you did..." Hetty paused a beat, allowing the sentence to simply trail away. "It takes time to find yourself in all of that."

Rubbing a hand over his face, a smile playing at his lips as he lowered it back to his lap, Deeks considered his reply for a moment before speaking.

"A wise man once told me that finding yourself takes a lifetime. But he also told me that you should never take a lifetime to realise the importance of who and what you already have right in front of you."

"A wise man indeed," Hetty agreed.

"I spent so much time over the last couple of weeks questioning who I am and what it means, without ever really appreciating that the answers I was looking for were the ones I already had."

Hetty nodded understandingly.

"So you're sure about this?" she asked, indicating to the folder once more.

"I'm sure," he confirmed. "This is where I want to work. This is the team I want to be a part of. But in here," he paused, placing an open hand over his heart. "I'm Detective Marty Deeks of the Los Angeles Police Department."

A wide smile lit up his whole face, his ocean blue eyes shining brightly.

"And I'm proud of that."

The End

NB/ the song is Keep Your Head Up by Ben Howard.