.Number One

St Bartleby's, if you ask any knowing stranger you just so happen to meet, would be roughly defined as a school for the insanely rich and well off, the sons and heirs to exceedingly prestigious figures, perhaps a vice president, a highly successful Member of Parliament or maybe even a mastermind behind a huge business enterprise.

Attendance to the school was less to learn, in an aspect, but more to do with pride. Going to the school could be worn as a badge of good taste and elegance to the more appreciative, but to our said man - or rather, boy in question, it was simply, and excuse my bluntness, the cherry on his cake.

It would be pure idiocy, now I've got this far, to assume that you have not yet grasped who I am referring to. If you've heard of him once, you're highly unlikely to forget, and let me assure you, you have definitely heard of him.

A couple of years ago, his name - or his father's name, to be more accurate, was plastered on every screen, over every TV set; worldwide.

The headlines, with their usual sour humor, boasted things like, 'Sinking of the Fowl Star Causes Enterprise Meltdown But Free Cola For Everyone', 'Violent Delights Come to Violent Ends - Artemis Fowl I Goes Missing After Half Decade Criminal Scams', 'The World's Decline in Criminals Rises'.

Oh, don't get me wrong. They were all very good, money making, eye catching, whatever it may be: I care surprisingly little about how you want to put it, but to a smart 10 year old boy, who's father was the missing man in said headlines, it was more than a little cutting.

Of course, in response to it all, he just hacked into the systems and replaced the 'Main Headlines' with videos of wallpaper drying as a little payback, which caused mass confusion and angered, fist shaking editors, but that's a different story.

I can sit here all day, telling you about the various skirmishes of Artemis Fowl (if you didn't guess who our protagonist was already), and still have a handful left for the following week or so; which, quite frankly, is exactly what I'm going to do.

If you've read a certain Mr. Eoin Colfer's biography of the child genius, you may have heard of the said place, 'St Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen', and if you have, give yourself a pat on the back for having such a good taste in books.

So, our Mr. Eoin Colfer has documented nearly every prospect of Artemis's life. From start to end, he's nearly written everything, from the beginning to the showdown. Nearly everything. But school.

And school, and I should certainly know, takes up a considerable amount of your time.

Time spent plotting? Behaving like a normal boy? But no, not time wasted. Artemis Fowl can not be accused for wasting time.

So.

What did Artemis Fowl get up to in school?

- Extract from Doctor B. Renolds book "Define 'Fowl'"

I'm back! :D Switzerland was nice ^^ V. Pretty.

I'm back in school now :T Year 10 _ I feel old.

I found this old series I used to read, and I love it again XD SO, I will write a fanfic about it! But I will still continue the MI one :)

Want the next chapter? I like reviews. That was a hint. Artemis Fowl © to our lovely Mr. Eoin Colfer. :P

Hope you likey :)