AN: Sooooo sorry this has taken forever! In all honesty, it took me five hours just to type up the bold because I couldn't find the disc and I had to find the relevant youtube video that wasn't in another language. Then the flipping thing decides to shut down on me before I had time to save it *grumbles*

Anyway, I've just started my GCSE/O-Level years (whatever you call them depending on which country you come from) so I have a tonne of coursework. So what'll end up happening is you'll get nothing for about a week or two, then you'll get two or three chapters in a day/week. Just letting you know :) Don't let that put you off though! It's still (hopefully) funny as it has been.

P.s. If you have any suggestions for this I'd love to hear them. (In other words, please help xD)
~Scolander.

The three ran down the hallways until they reached the girl's bathroom by the dungeons. Hermione muttered a quick Alohomora charm to counteract the locking spell she had placed on it previously and they ran inside. Luckily for them they had locked the door just in time, for suddenly the hallway was swamped with a boggy liquid, the works of two, Misters Fred and George Weasley. Mrs Norris would later be found floating along covered in the gunk. Mr Filch was no where to be seen. Many suspected he had holed himself up in his office.

"Okay," Hermione started, checking every cubicle before sitting down in the same spot she had three years previously.
"What?"
"Sorry," she replied, "Just making sure Moaning Myrtle wasn't listening in, you know how she is." the boys nodded in comprehension.

"Hermione," Harry started, "What's-"
"What's going on here?" Ron asked with his usual tact. Hermione merely facepalmed (or pinched her forehead in the intellectual way bookworms do when confronted with an idiot).
"Well, Ronald, and Harry, if you'd have waited just a moment longer I would have been explaining to you why we are here instead of telling you all this about what I would be doing should you have waited." she replied. The boys just stared at her in confusion, "Boys. If you were paying attention you would have realised they are showing all of Harry's memories," they nodded in comprehension, "Soo-" the witch waved her hand, signalling for them to carry on,
"They'll see everything we've ever done."
"And that might include breaking the law."
"And travelling through time."
"And breaking the law."
"And driving the car."
"And breaking the law."
"And breaking the law, yes Hermione."
"And... OH MY GOSH! AND ATTACKING A TEACHER!" she shrilled.
"That girl really needs to sort out her priorities," Ron repeated his earlier statement, shaking his head in amusement at the witch before them.

The screen lit up as the three sat down at their table.
The gryffindor common room appeared, only Harry, Hermione and Ron were visible.

"What's this got to d-"
"Shhh!"
"You mean,You-Know-Who's out there, right now, in the forest?" Hermione asked,

"I should hope not!" Mrs Granger yelped from her seat, worried for her daughter's safety.
"Dumbledore?"
"Yes, Mr Lupin, he was."
"Was?"
"Just keep watching," the headmaster said, resigning from answering the question.

"But he's weak," replied Harry, "He's living off the unicorns. Don't you see? We had it wrong! Snape doesn't want the stone for himself, he wants the stone for Voldemort,"

"I DON'T WANT THE STONE!" the man in question yelled, standing from his seat at the teacher's table.
"We know that now!" Harry retorted, cheekily.

the troubled boy paced in front of the fire, "With the elixir of life Voldemort will be strong again. He'll- He'll come back," Harry resigned to a chair with a sigh.

"Doesn't he always though?" Lee asked, a hint of a grin on his face,
"Why, yes, Lee, he does. And if someone weren't so blind as to believe-"
"HE IS NOT BACK!" two voices shouted, outraged by the mere thought of Voldemort being alive.

"But-if he comes back, you don't think he'll try to- kill you? Do you?" Ron stumbled on his words, not wanting to think of his new friend, dead.
"Aw, Ronniekins cares!" the twins teased, pinching their little brother's cheeks.
"Oi! Gerrof!"
"I think if he'd had the chance he might have tried to kill me tonight."
"And to think, I've been worrying about my potions final."

This brought some needed comic relief to the hall.
"You wouldn't need to worry if you studied, Ronald!"
"Yes, mum," he replied sarcastically, earning himself a smack round the head from one bushy-haired witch.
"Don't call me that," Sirius simply barked with laughter at the two's antics while their parents watched on, clearly amused.
"Hang on a minute. We're forgetting one thing. Who's the one wizard Voldemort always feared?" the two boys gave each other puzzled looks before turning back to Hermione, "Dumbledore! As long as Dumbledore's around, Harry, you're safe. As long as Dumbledore's around, you can't be touched."

"I am touched, by your faith in me, Miss Granger," the headmaster stated from the table. The witch blushed and looked down, remembering her past self and how true those words were.
"But it's true, sir," Ron said, "You weren't there, Harry duels You-Know-Who. Second year, you weren't there, Harry duels You-Know-Who-"
"Yeah, but third year I-"
"Third year was different," the red-head stated, "Dumbledore left you in the infirmary with me and told you to go and sort things out, he wasn't technically there, and you got hit by the Whomping Willow and almost kissed by dementor's," he whispered that last part, returning to his normal voice, "Fourth year you couldn't help Harry with anything and he ends up duelling You-Know-Who alone. Face it, sir, every time something bad has happened, you've been periodically indisposed." The hall stared at Ron as he spoke, none of them knew he had such a vocabulary, they would have thought Hermione had taught him had she not been staring slack-jawed at the wizard sitting next to her.

she finished with a smug grin which Harry returned with a grimace.

The trio appeared on screen, Hermione, with her uniform immaculate as usual, Ron, with his tie undone, shirt untucked, and Harry with his uniform mostly in tact, apart from his cloak billowing as he walked.
"I'd always heard Hogwarts end of year exams were frightful,

The students all nodded in agreement. The Ravenclaws, however, were giving Hermione reproachful looks, she was supposed to be the smart one.

but I found that rather enjoyable."
The blue-clad students all laughed at their misinterpretation. And they were supposed to be the smart ones.

"Speak for yourself, alright there, Harry?"
"My scar, it keeps burning," he groaned, rubbing the lightning bolt with his right hand. "It's happened before,"
"Not like this,"

"Maybe you should see the nurse," a Hufflepuff first year called.

"Perhaps you should see the nurse?"
"I think it's a warning, it means danger's coming," one more wince and Harry stopped suddenly. He'd caught sight of Hagrid playing his flute,
"Oh. Of course," he realised.

"What?" the hall asked,
"Yes, pray tell, Mr Potter. Is it some sort of deep secret you wish to share with us about that oaf?" Umbridge leaned forward on her seat,
"No it is not, and don't call him that!" Hagrid smiled at the Chosen-one and was immensely pleased when it was returned.
"What is it?" Hermione wondered, watching then following Harry as he set off for Hagrid's hut.
"Don't you think it's a bit odd, that what Hagrid wants more than anything is a dragon, and a stranger turns up who just happens to have one?

"That is a bit weird..."
"I think the Wrackspurts might have gotten him, after all, they do tend to crawl around in your brain, they may have disrupted your thinking patterns. It's not really that weird if you think about it."

I mean, how many people wander around with dragon eggs in their pocket? Why didn't I see it before?" The three ran the rest of the way and came to a rest in front of the half-giant, "Hagrid," the man in question stopped playing his flute, "Who gave you the dragon egg? What did he look like?"

"Good, Potter, find out everything you can," Moody growled.
"I don't particularly want him finding everything out, Mad-Eye. If he got James' "noble-streak", as we called it, then he'll go and save that ruddy stone." Sirius waved his arms about trying emphasize his point, while everyone around him just gave him amused glares.
"I don't know, I never saw 'is face, 'e kept 'is 'ood up,"

"Hagrid!"
"This stranger, though, you and he must have talked?" Harry pleaded,

"Alastor's right, Mr Potter," said the deep voice of Kingsley, "You are good."
"Well, he - he wanted to know what sort of creatures I looked after. I told 'im, I said, after Fluffy, a dragon's gonna be no problem."
"Did he seem interested in Fluffy?"
"Well of course 'e was in'reseted in Fluffy, how of'en d'you come across a three-'eaded dog, even if you're in the trade?"

"Hey, Forge,"
"Yes, Gred?"
"Do you think-"
"NO!" their professor halted their stream of thought before they could start anything that would give her a heart attack.

Hagrid exclaimed, "But I told 'im, I said-I said, eh, "The trick with any beast, is to know 'ow to calm 'im," Take Fluffy, for example, just play 'im a bit of music an' 'e'll fall straigh' asleep."

"HAGRID!"

The gryffindor's looked at each other in shock, "I shouldn'a told you tha'. Where you goin'? WAI'!" he called after them as they ran back to the castle.

McGonagall rubbed her temples and resumed muttering under her breath. Professor Flitwick sitting beside her took this moment to shuffle slightly away, she could be quite scary when she wanted to be.

The scene cut short and the camera panned in on Professor McGonagall's classroom. There the green-robed teacher sat marking essays when Harry, Ron and Hermione came running through the door and up to her desk. Harry leaned forward on the desk, shocking the teacher more than she already was and demanded,
"We need to see Professor Dumbledore! Immediately!"

"And why would anything you say give the Professor the need to see you?" Snape inquired.
"I'm afraid Professor Dumbledore is not here," the two boys exchanged looks of shock, "He received an urgent owl from the Ministry of Magic and left immediately for London." their professor replied.

"No!" the hall cried, except for the Slytherins. Lets face it, they don't really react much at all to anything bad that happens in these, mostly to keep face in the hope that no one in their house has a reason to report them to their father/mother who is in Voldemort's inner circle.

"He's gone?" Harry cried,"But this is important! This is about- the Philosopher's Stone."
"How do you kno-"
"Someone's going to try and steal it."

"Pray tell, Harry, how did you figure out to ask Hagrid about the "chappy" down the pub?"
"Well Professor," Hermione cut in, "Harry thought it was a bit suspicious for Hagrid to receive a dragon egg when what he wants most is a dragon."
"I know that, but what I meant is, why did he know? How did he connect the dots? Not many people could do that you know."
"Oh, well, you see, Professor Lupin... The Dursleys never really gave me anything at any point in the year, and if they did there would be some ulterior motive. For example, if they gave me a spatula for my birthday it would be to cook breakfast for them, or if they gave me a washcloth for Christmas it was so that I could wash the windows." Lupin looked troubled at this. Did Harry not realise that was not what a caring family does?

"I don't know how you three found out about the stone, but I assure you it is perfectly well protected,"

"Pfft, yeah right," Ron muttered under his breath, before receiving a sharp blow to the ribs where Hermione elbowed him,

"Shh!"

retorted the recovering transfiguration mistress, "Now would you go back to your dormitories. Quietly," she added on the end. Three students shook their heads in disappointment and left the classroom. Their teacher, beadily eyeing their backs as they left.

"Professor, why didn't you believe them?"
"Mr Creevey, would you have believed someone were they to come up to you and tell you that the very thing you are trying to protect, is going to be stolen?"

"Benefit of the doubt?" Professor McGonagall raised her eyebrow at him.
"We- You're right. And it's scary how she does that."

The scene changed once more to the corridors. The three students exiting the classroom.
"That was no stranger Hagrid met at the village. It was Snape.

"IT WASN-"

"We know!"

Which means, he knows how to get past Fluffy."

"Stupid... Innarticulate bumbles... Ignorant brat... Like his father." Snape muttering under his breath did nothing to help his situation.
"And with Dumbledore gone-" Hermione claimed previously to Snape's sudden interruption,
"Good afternoon," he sneered,

"RUN HARRIKINS!"
"THE BIG BAD SNAPE IS THERE!"
"RUUUUUUUN!"
"Misters Weasley!"

"Now what would, three young gryffindors, such as yourselves, be doing inside, on a day like this?" Ron looked to Hermione and she started stuttering,"Uh-I-W- We were jus-"

"Say it ain't so," a small Ravenclaw called,

"Yeah, Hermione, you're supposed to be the smart one here," Ron cajoled, nudging her with his shoulder. She tried to glare but ended up giving him a small smile. Harry noticed this and winked at Ron, waggling his eyebrows. The former turned bright red and looked back at the screen.

"Careful, people will think you're... Up to something." He glared at Harry as the young boy glared back. Slowly the potions master turned and left the corridor.

"Now what do we do?" Hermione implored,

"You go to the teachers, yes again, don't give me that look dear, and drag them with you."
"But mum, no one believed us in the first place so why would we try them again when we could do a much better job ourselves.
"We go down the trapdoor. Tonight," Harry resolved, snapping his head on the last word.

McGonagall resumed her "head-desking".

A short zoom in on a blue-tinted Hogwarts and the memory cut to the trio traipsing down the stairsto the Gryffindor common room. They heard a croak and looked down only to find a toad.
"Trevor!"

Hannah sent a shy smile to Neville, realising this is what Dumbledore meant during their first year, when Neville got Gryffindor ten points for 'standing up to his friends'.
"Trevor, sh!" Ron cried, "Go, you shouldn't be here." the toad carried on croaking.

"Neither should you."
"Neither should you," came the pre-adolescent voice of Neville Longbottom,

The student who had spoken before looked shocked.

as he climbed out of the chair he was previously hiding behind, "You're sneaking out again, aren't you?"

"Nope." Harry said cheerfully, popping the 'p'.
"Now, Neville, listen. We were- We were,"
"No! I won't let you! You'll get Gryffindor into trouble again!I- I-I- I'll fight you," he declared, raising his fists in front of him.

"Oh, Neville, dear, don't get into fights," Mrs Weasley gently scolded, trying to act motherly to one of the boys she treats as her own.
"Neville, I'm really, really sorry about this.

"What did you do?" Ginny sighed, "You're Hermione, you don't do things by half."
"You'll see," the witch replied, smirking but still feeling guilty.

Petrificus Totalus," a blue jet of magic shot from her wand and engulfed Neville in a full body-bind. The aforementioned boy promptly fell to the floor, to coin a phrase, stiff as a board.

"A-HA! ATTACKIN-"
"Dolores, sit down. This was four years ago, and we did say that students were not to be punished for their past actions."
"Hem, Hem. Professor Dumbledore, I don't recall us agreeing to that."

"That's because you were asleep at the time." Umbridge blinked.
"Senile old coot."

"You're a little scary sometimes, you know that? Brilliant, but scary."
"Let's go. Sorry."
"Sorry"

"Sorry Neville,"
"Yeah, we're sorry,"
"Guys! It's fine!" he laughed, "I now know why you did it. I was quite interfering."

"It's for your own good, you know?" they mentioned as they passed the prone boy's body.

The sheet flickered and it flashed to show the trio hiding under a thin sheet of material.
"Ow, you stood on my foot," the girl whispered shrilly to the red-head walking behind her.

The Grangers glared at him. He gave them a sheepish grin in return.
"Sorry,"

The dentists stopped glaring at this and sent Ron apologetic looks. Hermione jumped for joy on the inside.

a torch lit up to the side of them and the door came into view."Alohomora," Hermione's arm came out from under the cloak to perform the spell.

This time it was Hagrid who was bashing his head against the table. Quite an amazing feat for an eight foot half-giant.

They pushed the door open and stepped in. A harp played in the background and the three-headed dog snored peacefully. The door shut and Ron finally realised something, "Wait a minute, he's-" the cloak was blown off them by Fluffy's snore, "snoring."
"Snape's already been here," Harry deduced, "He's put a spell on the harp,"

Muttering could be heard from the teacher's table. Nobody could see anyone's lips move, although the students were pretty certain it was Snape they could hear.
"Eurgh, he's got horrible breath." Ron whined.

Lavender pulled a disgusted face as Parvati wrinkled her nose in distaste. Nobody should have that horrid breath, even if they were a dog.
"We have to move it's paw,"
"Wha-"
"Come on!" the blue-eyed boy shouted.

"Temper, temper-"
"Harrikins," Fred and George scolded, shaking their fingers in Harry's face,"
"Oi! Gerrof!"

The three grabbed the paw and started to shove.
"Okay, push!" they got the paw off the trapdoor and one of the heads gave a snort. Harry opened the door and the Gryffindor's crouched around it. None of them noticed the music stopped playing.

"How could we not notice that?" Hermione shouted, standing from her place at the table. She looked to Harry and Ron, who both gave nonchalant shrugs.

"Get. Out. Of. There." Sirius ground out, people turning to him in fear before they realised he was terrified for his godson.

"I'll go first, don't follow until I give you a sign. If something bad happens, get yourselves out." a shadow crept over the young boy,

"Get out."
"Sirius, we're right here,"
"Ronald. You were eleven. Why didn't you tell us?" Mrs Weasley pleaded,
"Um-"
"Mrs Weasley, with all due respect, this is precisely the reason we didn't tell you.

"Does it seem a bit, quiet, to you?""The harp," Hermione explained, "It stopped playing," dog slobber fell from above and landed on Ron's shoulder.

"EURGH!" the students yelled.
"Don't worry, 'e's jus' a bi' over frien'ly tha's all," Hagrid mentioned jovially.
"Eurgh! Yuck! Eugh!" Realisation dawned on them and they looked up into the face of three snarling heads.

"RUN! RUN! RUN! RUN!"
"ARGH!" the trio cried,
"JUMP!" and they jumped through the hole one after the other. Ron got through just before one of the dog's heads ripped the trapdoor off its hinges.

"Oh thank Merlin, that's over." Mrs Granger sighed, clutching her hand to her heart. Her husband sat next to her, staring at his daughter, white-faced with lack of breath.

"Please tell me that's the worst that happens," Remus asked,
"Ask us no questions, we'll tell you know lies," the trio replied. The adults who didn't know of their escapades groaned in unison.