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Chapter 9: Summer Vacation Continued

Vernon's Job: "Gunning's Drills" - Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink. Also, the Perils of Banking

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Location: Construction Area Near Surrey.

Time: 2 AM

The best thing about having a hell hound, Vernon decided, was that it understood the importance of digging.

With Ripper helping him dig the ditches, he'd cut his work week from four hours a week to just two.

Come morning, the construction crew would return and fill in the foundation of the lot with cement, conveniently covering up the shallow grave that Ripper was gleefully digging.

o/`o/` "Hi ho, Hi ho. It's off to work we go, I'd pay a quid to see your tits. Hi ho, Hi ho. o/`o/`

o/` "Hi ho, Stay in that sack, or I'll give you such a whack, Hi Ho!" o/`

A muffled voice came from the duffel bag. "Please, just let me go and I promise I won't tell anyone about this. Please please, oh god please just let me go."

The tape must have fallen off her mouth.

Vernon took his shovel and whacked the area of the bag where he assumed her head was until the sounds stopped. Problem solved.

Some people called them hookers, others called them whores. Some people called them vice-girls.

Vernon preferred to call them ATM machines.

He was momentarily blinded by a bright light.

"Security! This is a restricted area, I'm going to have to ask you to leave... Oh my God, what- PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEAD AND GET DOWN ON THE GROUND NOW!"

This was Edwin's big break. A lowly security guard catching a murderer. If this didn't get him a promotion nothing will.

Ripper looked up. "Oh good. A snack has just arrived. I was getting hungry."

"What the hell, that dog just talked!"

As Ripper leapt at the security guard, Vernon put one end of the shovel and leaned against the handle. "I know! I keep telling people that, but no-one believes me!"

Moments later, when Ripper had finished with his snack, the man and his dog went back to work.

~oOo~

"Got a special treat for you this year, Little Perdition. Me and Ripper talked it over with the Deacon, and for your birthday this year, you'll get to be the one to sacrifice the goat for Midnight Mass. Me and Ripper even put in a few hours overtime at work this week so we could afford a decent goat to slaughter."

"You're the best, Uncle Vernon. You too Ripper!"

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Year one: Test Results

Transfiguration – E

Herbology – O

Care of Magical Creatures – A

Potions – Die in a Fire you stupid Potter.

Wizardry Ethics – TTT (Failed – Lowest grade ever on record.)

Charms – E

History of Magic – A

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Harry Potter stared at the back of the goblin's head. A quick trip to Diagon Ally seemed good in theory, but in reality first you had to go through that stupid restaurant, then you had to wait precious seconds while the stupid door opened, then you had to wait on stupid goblins, then you had to take a stupid roller coaster ride to go to the WRONG vault to get some stupid wizarding money...

And they didn't even give him the right vault! He should have vault 666 not vault 687! He had asked about swapping, but apparently he had to wait till the vault owner of 666 died before he could claim it. And the stupid goblins wouldn't even tell him who currently owned it, so he couldn't go find the owner of HIS vault and liberate it.

Stupid goblins.

Stupid roller coaster.

Stupid underground dragons.

Stupid hell hound sticking his head out the cart.

"Can't this thing go any faster?"

"No."

Stupid goblins.

Push!

The cart bounced up and down merrily as it ran over the stupid goblin.

Upon reflection, Harry decided the cart ride was kind of fun actually. More so now that he was the one pulling the lever.

Except the lever didn't seem to actually do anything.

Stupid goblin lever.

Stupid goblin cart.

The cart coasted to a stop in front of Harry's vault.

Both Harry and Ripper stared at the vault door for a moment.

"Do you know how to open this thing?"

"Only Goblins can unlock it. We had a Goblin, but SOMEONE seems to have misplaced it."

…

"Bugger"

Stupid goblins.

Well, one good thing came of this atleast. Now he could walk to vault 666, pry off the numbers and swap them with the numbers on his vault.

~oOo~

Ragnok stared at the little human in front of him. "Mr. Potter. Goblins do not simply 'fall' out of mining carts."

"Well, maybe he's not much of a goblin then."

He had to admit to himself, that the child had a point. In his day, anyone foolish enough to turn their back to a hell hound got what he deserved. But on the other hand, it wouldn't do to have wizards pushing goblins out of carts.

"Mr. Potter, the surveillance footage clearly shows you pushing Griphook out of the cart. Your voice can clearly be heard laughing at him."

"Oh... Well, is it against the rules or something? I don't remember reading anything about NOT pushing goblins out of carts in your bank brochure."

Technically this was true. Until now the bank had never thought to include the "Do not push your goblin out of the cart" policy. Nor had thought to include the "Do not steal someone else's vault numbers" policy.

His father never had problems like this.

"Look kid, it's simple. You get in the cart, you go to your vault and either put stuff in or take stuff out. Then you get back in the cart and then leave. It's not that complicated."

Stupid humans.

~oOo~