If Only I
"You start to smile like you want me to. And we stay together for the end of time. This is only happening in my mind." - If Only I by Jon McLaughlin

She doesn't remember how they get there, but she hears his bedroom door click shut and his heart beating fast against hers. Her eyes don't open, but she knows by the smell that she's in Freddie's room. It's a mixture of freshly cut wood and Lysol. He mumbles something against her lips but she doesn't hear it, only feels the vibrations of his low voice. Her fingers are in his hair, moving across his scalp.

Nobody thought they would last as long as they did, not even them. But here they are, a year later, still crazy about each other. Sam remembers the moment six months ago when Freddie took her hands in his and told her he loved her. She didn't reply - it didn't feel right. She wasn't ready. She thought about the time before her and Freddie were dating that his stupid Mood Face app said she was "in love" with him, but she didn't think that counted as actually telling him face to face that she loved him. And besides, that was just an app he made for a silly school project.

She was suddenly on her back on his bed, his body hovering over hers, lips still locked. His hands were under her shirt and burning on her stomach and she had to think about where her hands were before she realized they were on his lower back.

"Stop thinking," He manages to whisper as he kisses her neck. It was something he noticed about her a few months into their relationship - she always got caught up in her thoughts. Especially in moments like this one.

She tries to stop thinking but it doesn't work. Freddie removes his lips from hers and sits up for a moment and she thinks he's irritated by her inattentiveness, but instead he unbuttons his shirt. He takes it off and throws it to the side of him. A smile grows on Sam's lips as she feels his hard chest press back down onto her own, lips on hers once more. Her fingertips are running down his body, feeling every muscle and groove. She grows aware of the fact that his hands are tugging at her blouse and she pulls it up over her head as he watches her, his lips curling into a grin as she undoes her bra, letting her breasts sit in front of him.

They both know where this is going as soon as her bra hits the ground. They waited a year for this moment and it's finally here. Sam hopes his mom won't decide to come home early and catch them, but it does seem like something she would do. She laughs into their kiss as she thinks of his mother walking in on them like this.

"What's so funny," Freddie mumbles and it's not much of a question and Sam just shakes her head, continuing to kiss him.

She starts to think about the week in December that they had broken up when she thought Freddie was cheating on her. Her thoughts are pushed away when she notices that Freddie's boxers are on the ground and he's completely naked on top of her. His hands are unbuttoning her shorts and she helps him to slip them off along with her underwear.

"Should we stop?" Freddie asks and her heart beats faster at how much he cares about her. She shakes her head and pulls him down closer to her, letting their skin press together.

She thinks about how strange they are together and how much they don't make sense, but she fits into him and he fits into her. And in that way, they do make sense. For a moment she lets her mind wander to the future. If she were smarter, she thinks, maybe they could be together forever. They would attend in a fancy school in Massachusetts and study together late into the night and buy a small apartment close to their school. They would graduate, get jobs, get married, and have babies. They would grow old together on a white porch and talk about their grandchildren. It's a nice thought, but that's all it will ever be. A thought. She lets a sigh escape her lips. In reality, they have no future together and she knows this. She's no good for him and he's too good for her. Freddie will end up going to MIT and she'll probably end up in Seattle Central Community College. He'll meet a smart, studious girl in a library or a museum and she'll meet a guy in Walmart that runs an illegal tattoo shop. What they have isn't meant to last forever, but right now none of that matters. She's Sam and he's Freddie and they're the only two people in the world.

"I love you," She says, not sure how the words manage to find their way out of her mouth, but she means them. Her blue eyes are staring into his brown ones and she knows how much it means to him for her to say those words out loud. He buries his head in her neck and slowly pushes himself into her for the first time.

She stops thinking.