Chapter Nine

A Secret Looms

Your heart began to be scorched, and there was a smell of it.

It was the end of your dream, and the start of everything…

-Moments by Ayumi Hamasaki

The night was warm... or perhaps it was cold? Despo couldn't have said one way or the other. Whatever the temperature of the wind that was rustling her bangs, the young woman was kept unaware by the warm tingle all throughout her body, that flushed her round face and made her head swim slightly. It had been a few hours since she'd made her retreat from Ami's apartment shortly after Haruka. Rei had been happy to see her go. Makoto not so much; she'd offered to walk with Despo but the redhead had declined.

The disappointment had been clear on the young girl's face.. her very pretty face... and though Despo felt guilty for crushing her hopes, she'd had important business to attend to. Specifically: finding a bar and having a drink, or five to be more precise. Maybe five, Despo couldn't really remember.

All she was absolutely certain of was that she was feeling much better and, enjoying her leisurely walk through Tokyo back to her hotel. More of a giggly stumble really. She was actually happy for the way things had turned out; had Haruka and she left Ami's place together—as was the initial plan—there was no way the uppity priss would have let Despo unwind with a drink. Or five... or had it been seven?

Despo snorted a laugh, running a hand over her face.

"Why the fuck am I here?" She asked a street light before leaning her side heavily into it.

She twirled herself around the pole, feeling the motion in her head as her back hit the hard metal and she slumped to the ground. She brought her knees up, pressing the cool fabric of her faded jeans into her breasts. Her arms came around to hug her legs as her head lulled back, her eyes shutting against the constantly gleaming lights of Tokyo.

"Why indeed?" She heard a voice beside her ask, she didn't even flinch.

"I knew you were following me."

"Your perception has gotten that good has it?" The voice chuckled; feminine, condescending, it raked Despo's nerves just as much as it always had.

"What do you want Michi?" Despo asked without ever opening her eyes.

"I heard you were in the city. Can't a girl pay her little sister a visit?"

Despo laughed. "And what's the sudden interest in forming a sisterly bond?"

She felt a slight breeze and the gentle brush of fabric as Michiru sat beside her on the curb. "I wanted to see how my replacement was shaping up." Despo could hear the smirk in her voice. "You certainly don't disappoint."

"Bite me."

"Oh my, still so hostile." Michiru giggled. "Don't be like that Desy. I just want to offer some advice, like any good big sister would."

"Oh I cannot wait to hear this." Despo snorted again, running her tongue across her lips. Her mouth had suddenly gotten very dry.

"Don't tell them."

"Tell them what?"

She was smiling again, that cunning smile that Despo hated, she could hear it in Michiru's voice. "You know what. As much as you knock it, I know you want this Desy. You want to be a solider, you always have. But you never could, you were never good enough." There was a mocking pout in her tone that made rage flare in the pit of Despo's stomach.

"Fuck off."

Michiru chuckled. "Fine, don't admit it. But you heed my words. If they find out who you are, what you did, they'll never forgive you. She'll hate you."

Despo squeezed her eyes tighter together. "Go away."

But Michiru went on. "You could have saved them, but you didn't." Despo felt her lean in closer and whisper softly into her ear. "You let her die."

"Fuck you Michi!" Despo's shriek rang through the empty streets as, finally she opened her eyes to turn her infuriated gaze on Michiru.

The woman stared, her lips stretching into a slow, satisfied smile that made Despo's stomach turn. She tilted her head in a sly, self-assured way that made Despo want to strike her. She didn't though, she merely stared at her sister, long and hard; defiant in her defeat. It was a familiar position for them, one Michiru seemed pleased with.

"Well then..." Michiru sighed as she pushed herself back onto her feet, Despo watched as she smoothed down the front of her black skirt and tossed her teal tresses off her shoulder. "I should be going now." she finished as she turned her back. "Remember what I said Despo, it's good advice. Oh, and your hotel is three blocks over." She gestured with her thumb as the click of her heels carried her across the pavement, leaving Despo to sit alone on the sidewalk.

She watched as Michiru retreated until she turned the corner and was out of site. Despo's breath was ragged, her body shaking with an inner turmoil she could not bare to set free. She hated Michiru, more than anything.

But not more than she hated herself.

Haruka's eyes snapped open, sweat cooling the skin around her brow. Her breath, though steady, left her slightly parted lips in deep huffs. Her skin crawled with agitation and she watched as the pale hairs that lined the flesh of her arm—extended out in front of her—relaxed from their on edge position. Her eyes trailed upward, along the curvature of the body which she embraced against her torso, to find the back of a disheveled blonde mane. For a brief moment, as Haruka's eyes had slid lazily along Usagi's body, she had expected to see that familiar curled sea foam colored mess that she was so accustomed to awakening to in the morning.

It had been six days since the last time Haruka would ever wake up to Michiru's flowery scented hair smothering her face. In those six days she hadn't slept much, and what little sleep she did get was in short uneasy spurts. Haruka wasn't used to sleeping alone, she hadn't for so long. Perhaps that was why when Usagi had asked her to lay with her, Haruka had almost instantaneously fallen asleep. It had been a calm, restful sleep until the sensation of waking up somewhere foreign had set her mind to a frenzied panic. For a moment Haruka had been unsure of where she was. But staring at the back of those messy blonde buns, surrounded by the sweet scent of what smelled like vanilla cupcakes, Haruka could feel the racing of her heart subside.

Haruka turned her head, casting her eyes toward the warm sunlight that had just started to glow through the window. She had spent the night at Usagi's house, in Usagi's room, in Usagi's bed. The realization flustered her a bit. She drew her arm carefully from around her princess and eased herself out of bed. Usagi stirred, rolling onto her back but her eyes did not open. Her mouth however did, it's left corner the starting point of a shiny path of dried drool that had traced down Usagi's cheek. Haruka chuckled quietly and moved away from the bed to Usagi's vanity. She bent toward the mirror and brushed her fingers through her short locks a few times to neaten them before contemplating her reflection.

She'd never been much of a morning person, she wrote that off to the sullen look about her face. She was just grumpy about being up so early and wanted to sleep in. That was what she told herself anyway. It was easier than dealing with the agonizing loneliness that made her chest feel hollow. She straightened, grabbed her coat and cast a final look toward Usagi, who still slept soundly in her bed, tangled in that girly purple comforter. A light smile tugged at Haruka's lips and the ache in her chest grew more pained. She didn't want to go. Being there, being next to Usagi, Haruka felt normal; as if her entire world hadn't ended. Away from her Haruka felt lost, useless... lonely. Without her princess there to distract her mind with her sense of duty and overbearing need to nurture her, all Haruka was was a sad woman with a broken heart.

She knew that was the real reason behind the charade she had created, or at least the main driving point for it. Haruka needed Usagi to distract her, she needed Usagi to keep her mind busy, she needed Usagi there so that she didn't have to deal with how much she missed Michiru. It was selfish, very much against her noble nature. But Usagi needed the protection, Haruka needed the distraction. They needed each other. That was how she reasoned it in her mind.

She slipped from Usagi's room and just as she was about to close the door, she spotted Luna sitting at her feet. Their eyes locked, a strange sort of look emanating from the feline's dark eyes. Haruka furrowed her brow in question but Luna said nothing, and before Haruka could ask, the cat skirted around her feet and slipped into Usagi's bedroom. Haruka closed the door quietly behind her before padding across the hallway and down the steps. She was at the front door when a voice jolted her around.

"Oh Haruka, good morning." It was Usagi's mother, a soft smile on her lips as she stood in the doorway of the kitchen, wiping the inside of a mug with a dish towel. "I just made some coffee, come have some with me." She said pleasantly and turned to walk back into the kitchen before Haruka could object.

Haruka pursed her lips, feeling apprehensive for some reason she just couldn't pin point, but she followed Mrs. Tsukino into the kitchen. She removed her jacket out of politeness and sat in the chair at the kitchen table that Mrs. Tsukino had gestured to. The older woman placed a steaming cup of black coffee in front of Haruka, a small container of cream and a bowl of sugar in the middle of the table before sitting across from Haruka. She added her cream and sugar, stirred it around then took a savoring sip of her coffee without saying a word to Haruka. Haruka kept her eyes on her cup as she added some sugar—skipping the cream—and took a sip of the strong black brew.

Mrs. Tsukino sighed wistfully. "It's so nice to have this time to myself. With planning Usagi's wedding, everything has been so hectic; and Papa's been in such a sulky mood that I'm ashamed to say I'm almost glad when I send him off to work, and can have a moments peace before the kids get up."

"It must have been quite a shock for you, but you're handling the situation gracefully Mrs. Tsukino." Haruka smiled understandingly and the older woman laughed.

"Please Haruka, call me Ikuko. Mrs. Tsukino makes me feel so old." She scoffed in exasperation before smiling again. "It was a shock that it happened in the order it did, and I had thought when it did I'd have more time to plan, but I always knew Usagi and Mamoru would marry. They're such a good match."

Haruka felt her face stiffen, but she nodded in agreement. "They are."

"Will you be attending the wedding? Usagi gave me a list of all the people she wanted me to invite, but you were absent from it." Ikuko gave a tilt of her head.

"Oh I'll be going of town for a while next week so I won't be able to. I'll be sending a gift though." Haruka lied.

Ikuko's smile softened to something more docile. It made Haruka feel uncomfortable, almost as if the older woman was pitying her. There was something in her eyes when she looked at Haruka, something that made the young woman feel vulnerable.

"That's too bad, you two have become so close..." Ikuko's voice trailed a little and it made Haruka's heart race. "Once she's married, she'll be so busy with her new husband and her baby, things like that will have to stop."

There was an inclination in her voice that sparked an understanding in Haruka's mind; and the hollow space in Haruka's chest began to fill with something heavy and angry. Haruka had been in similar situations, and though Ikuko handled it with far more tact than the mother's before her, Haruka's keen eyes glared through the pleasantries.

"You want me to stay away." She said very calmly and Ikuko pressed her lips together and sighed heavily through her nose.

"There are things a mother knows about her child Haruka, things she can pick up on." The older woman began to explain after another sip of her coffee. "You know, when she first met you, you were all Usagi could talk about. She would say how beautiful you and your girlfriend were. How strange it was that two girls could be with each other in that way. How special it was that love really could surpass everything, even gender. She thought you two were the most amazing people she would ever know."

Haruka couldn't help but smirk a little at the thought. "Usagi thinks everyone is special and beautiful." She offered dismissively and Ikuko nodded.

"Yes, my daughter has a gift for seeing the beauty of the world and the people in it. But it's different with you." Ikuko stared into the reflection of the light swimming in her coffee. "She has a crush on you Haruka, I see it in the way she looks at you and hear it in the way she says your name. And I don't think your affection for her is entirely platonic. In fact I know it isn't." Her eyes rose and bore straight into Haruka, stalling her ability to speak. "I don't think it's wrong, who you are and, I don't think I'd care if it was what Usagi truly wanted. But what my daughter wants is a family, and that's what she's getting. I'm simply asking that you not muddle her mind and jeopardize her dream."

The anger had bubbled up into Haruka's throat, threatening to force out the angry words that swam there. But Haruka stayed calm, forcing herself to focus on the bitter amusement she felt over the whole thing. She was partially inclined to inform Ikuko that it was her who was going to marry her daughter, not Mamoru. But Haruka couldn't and, she wouldn't. It was better that way anyway. No one would wonder why she wasn't around anymore.

"Don't worry Mrs. Tsukino." Haruka said as she stood from her chair, watching the older woman stiffen her lips as she watched her put her coat back on. "I won't cause trouble. I'll be scarce."

Haruka turned to leave and, this time Ikuko didn't stop her. She could feel her hands tremble with rage and her eyes sting with the urge to cry, but she neither shed a tear nor put her fist through the wall; she simply walked out into the hall and made for the front door. She paused only when something caught her attention from the corner of her eye. She turned her head to see Usagi seated at the bottom of the stairs with Luna curled up on her knees. The cat was rubbing her head consolingly against Usagi's stomach as the young girl cried silently. Her face was red and blotchy and, mixed with sorrow and embarrassment and, Haruka knew she had been listening to her mother.

Haruka smiled gently, bending down to stroke her fingers through Usagi's bangs. She sniffled quietly and mouthed the words 'I'm sorry' but Haruka just shook her head. The dedicated blonde soldier bent forward further and pressed a light kiss against Usagi's forehead before straightening up and smiling down at her wide eyed princess.

"See you next week kitten, make sure you wear a tiara. A princess needs a crown." Haruka whispered with a private wink, and Usagi smiled sadly and nodded. She watched as Haruka turned breezily and headed out her front door like the carefree winds of autumn.

"What a bitch." Despo gave a hearty chuckle so unlike her usual couldn't care less attitude. After her exchange with Usagi's mother, Haruka had headed straight to Despo's hotel to vent her frustrations. She had stayed calm as could be in the moment, but as soon as Haruka had stepped over the threshold of the front door she was seething.

Haruka scoffed. "You'd think by now I'd be used to stuff like that. She's not the first mother I've had accuse me of corrupting her daughter with my gayness." She reclined back in her place on the couch placed off to the side of the large bed Despo lay sprawled out across, in nothing but a black tank top and hot pink panties.

"It's those good looks man." Despo mused as she rolled onto her stomach to lay across the bed—tangled in it's sheets—to stare at Haruka. Her arms crossed in front of her to act as a perch for her chin, she smirked at the other woman. "Moms know that even the most sheltered little girls get wet at the sight of an androgynous hottie."

"You're too forward." Haruka rolled her eyes and laughed but didn't deny the statement.

Despo shrugged. "So what are you going to do? It's not like you won't be able to visit her; with the transformation pen you can just go to her house as Mamoru."

"I'm just going to stay away for now. I mean, Usagi deserves to spend as much time with her family as she can now, because once we're married she's going to basically go into hiding. Plus you should have seen her when I was leaving. I know she was really upset over what her mother said and I don't want to be a source of tension between them. Not right before one of the biggest days of Usagi's life. " Haruka reflected and Despo flashed a knowing little smile. Haruka eye's fell upon her, her right eyebrow cocked with interest. "What?"

"You really do like her." The redhead said.

Haruka blanched. "O-of course. She's my princess."

"Exactly; your princess." Despo smirked.

"You know that's not what I meant."

"I know you think its not what you meant. You're too focused on duty to even begin to consider what you're really feeling."

"You're not making any sense." Haruka huffed dismissively as she pushed firmly off the couch onto her feet. "Anyway, I didn't come here to discuss frivolous things with you. Someone needs to watch over Usagi since I can't. The new enemy is more powerful than any we've faced before, the inner guardians powers aren't nearly enough to go up against it."

"So that leaves it up to us outer guardians." Despo interjected. "The offensive line of the galaxy." She boasted dramatically

Haruka grinned. "Exactly, but with me out of the game and Setsuna still in her realm that leaves you."

"Oh the inners are gonna love this. Especially that priestess."

"We're not going to tell them. There's been enough drama because of you Despo, and since we can't exactly tell them who you really are, and why you'll be strong enough to face the enemy even with your lack of experience, it's best to keep them out of the loop."

Despo sighed and rolled onto her back to stare up at the ceiling. A loud yawn passed her lips as she extended her arms over her head to dangle them off of the bed and arched her back to stretch her body. She reclined her head backward off of the bed to cast her golden gaze toward Haruka. She watched as the older woman's keen eyes averted from their spot at the bottom of Despo's stomach where the line of her panties began, exposed as her tank top rolled up to just beneath her breasts.

"Been a while huh Haruka?" Despo teased, biting her lip slyly as Haruka's cheeks flushed a feverish pink.

"I was just admiring your new tattoo."

The image was of a steady beautifully blue ocean surface that flowed from one of Despo's hips to the other. At each hip the ocean surface curled into waves that extended up along the side of Despo's stomach to peak and curl inward just below her belly button, as if to support the symbol that encircled it. It was black and looked much like a flower, consisting of seven interlocking circles, one in the center drawn around her belly button, and the others extending from that circle: one at the top, one at the bottom and two on either side. Each one passed through the other so that, even though it consisted only of seven circles, the the patterns created within the image were intricate.

"You like it?" Despo smiled and reached down to brush a finger along her navel.

Haruka pursed her lips. "Not too interested in protecting you identity are you?"

Despo shrugged but said nothing in her defense, she simply averted her gaze to the ceiling. Haruka sighed heavily.

"So you're agreeing to watch over Usagi then?"

"Yes Lancelot, I'll watch over your beloved Guinevere while you're away." She gushed and Haruka furrowed her brow, the reference lost upon her. Despo smiled at that.

"Good, but then you have to control your drinking." Despo's smile fell at Haruka's lecturing tone as she marched over to the bed and crouched down. She stuck her hand past the shield of the bed's skirt and withdrew an empty wine bottle that had been stashed there. Despo cocked her head and regarded the bottle with obvious surprise as Haruka glared at her upside down expression.

"I have no idea how that got there."

"Please, I can smell it on you Despo, you're still drunk." Haruka straightened herself.

Despo smiled. "Smells yummy huh?" She bit her lip under Haruka harsh stare and swallowed the rest of her smart-ass remarks.

"If you're going to be a soldier Despo, the least you could do is pretend to take your duty to the kingdom and the princess seriously." Haruka's words were slow but firm, stabbing their merit into Despo's gut.

The young woman sighed heavily and sat up, running the fingers of her right hand through her thick wild red hair, trying to neaten it to no avail. "You'd drink too if you lived with all the memories I do Haruka. All their voices, all their faces. I hate remembering them."

Haruka's face softened and she turned to sit on the edge of the bed next to Despo, though facing the opposite way. She extended an arm from one of Despo's shoulders across her chest to the other. She grasped that shoulder firmly and drew the younger girl toward her. Despo shifted her body until she found herself in Haruka's lap, her head on her shoulder.

"I could have saved them."

"No you couldn't have."

"I could have helped them."

"You weren't meant to help them then. You're going to help them now; that's your destiny. You should know it better than anyone else." Haruka's hand reached up so that her fingers could stroke through Despo's locks, gently disentangling them. Her touch was just as soothing as her voice.

"Thank you Haruka."

Despo pressed her face into the crook of Haruka's neck and Haruka held her there for as long as it took for the tension that shook Despo's shoulders to dissipate and the tears that had rolled silently from her eyes to dry.

Finally Despo drew her head back just enough for her eyes to meet Haruka's. "You wanna have sex?" She asked quite nonchalantly and Haruka burst out with the most genuine laughter she'd experienced in a very long time. Even longer than before Usagi's pregnancy revelation and Michiru's betrayal. It was the type of laugh that made one forget all the troubles that ailed them. It was the type of laugh Haruka had been needing.

"You're a piece of work Despo."

The young girl grinned. "You love it."

A week later it was the night of the rehearsal dinner of Usagi and "Mamoru's" wedding. There had been no further sightings of the new enemy and, for the time being, the girls had put their worries to the back of their minds to focus on Usagi's wedding. Everyone that was, except Ami. The rehearsal had begun over forty-five minutes earlier, yet she was still barricaded in the lab hidden beneath Crowne arcade gathering data. While the others had busied themselves assisting Usagi and her mother with planning the wedding, Ami had spent every night of that week researching the diabolical specimen trapped in it's glass cage. Unfortunately, for all her efforts, Ami had come up with little else than what she had already shared with the other girls.

The specimen was essentially a parasite, she knew that much; it had no distinguishable biology, it was simply a sludge like mass that fed on the life force of any living thing it came in contact with. Be it plant or animal the specimen would suck it dry until there was nothing left but a withered husk of what once was. She also knew it was not of their world and that was the main focus of Ami's research; trying to figure out just where the matter originated from. The universe was vast however, endless and ever-expanding. Though she had held out hope in the beginning that she would be able to find some trace of her specimen in their galaxy, Ami was finally succumbing to the realization that that was completely illogical.

A sigh pushed past her lips in a disheartened burst as she powered down the system mainframe, dimming the lights around her until she was left in complete darkness. She wasn't fazed at all, Ami had spent so much time in the lab that she could navigate blindfolded through it. She turned and skulked up the stairway and it wasn't until she was back on the arcades main floor that she felt any head to hurry herself. She doubted Usagi would be upset that she wasn't present for her rehearsal dinner, Ami had been far to wrapped up in her work to even consider anything else, and Usagi and the others would surely understand that. But Ami knew that none of them would forgive her if she didn't attend Usagi's bachelorette party. Though initially upset at Haruka's proposal plan, once the initial shock was over Minako instantly began preparations for Usagi's last hurrah as a single lady. Part of Ami thought it was silly and pointless—the marriage was a sham after all, by all accounts it wasn't even legal and the girls were running a risk of being charged with all sorts of felonies; including identity theft and fraud—but still, there was something about it that just felt right. Besides that, Minako would take any excuse to throw a party.

Absentmindedly Ami exited Crowne through the back door as she always did, moving through the alley toward the front entrance. The arcade had just closed only thirty minutes earlier, so the sound of voices at the mouth of the alley didn't give Ami pause, she had a knack for slipping by unnoticed by those around her, she always had.

"You're gorgeous." She heard a man express dreamily. It was Lee, the middle-aged man who had taken over running the arcade once Motoki had graduated school and gotten himself a better job.

The sound of a very familiar giggle stopped Ami dead in her tracks however just before she slipped through the alley's exit. She edged forward just slightly, bearing her weight into the alley wall for support as she carefully peaked around the corner. She saw the back of Lee's generously thick—for an older man anyway—salt and pepper longly buzzed hair. He was a broad and slightly hefty man, so Ami could not see around him enough to know exactly who he was talking to. She knew that laugh though and to still her own curiosity she dared to lean further around the corner of the alley to crane her head around Lee. Sure enough Ami spotted that head of wavy teal hair.

"Please don't laugh, it's true!" Lee exclaimed desperately. "Ever since that first day you came into the arcade I haven't been able to think about anything but you. I dream about you, I fantasize about you, I just want to be near you. I'd do anything for a chance to be close to you." Lee raved on in an almost agonized voice.

Michiru just smiled at him evenly, mockingly. Her blue stare was icy cold and seemed to go right through the man in front of her. Ami searched her memory for the images of Michiru's face. When had those beautiful features become hardened diamond? There had always been a coolness in Michiru's eyes but always, always there had been warmth in the way she smiled. Where had it gone? This person who Ami saw now, she barely resembled the girl Ami had known for so many years.

Her signature teal tresses were styled much more wildly and swept in a way so that they covered most of the left side of her face. She wore dark denim jeans instead of her usual finely tailored skirts and a flouncy black top with only one sleeve that stretched tightly down her left arm, leaving her right arm and shoulder completely bare. Her black boots stretched up past her knees and their high, sharp heal made a powerful scraping noise that made Ami wince as Michiru turned her back on Lee.

She didn't say a word to him, but he followed her obediently as she headed up the street. Finally Ami moved out of the alley to watch them, bewildered at what she had just saw. Ami was still watching as Lee followed Michiru around the corner, and just before she disappeared from site Michiru turned her head and met Ami's gaze. Her hair shifted ever so slightly but Ami saw only blackness beneath those wavy strands where Michiru's other eye should have stared. She was gone before Ami could get a good look though and, she knew that it was probably just a trick of shadows. It was dark after all. Even so her heart was hammering in her chest and she could not seem to catch her breath. She was distressed and hysterical, and she knew she was having a panic attack, though she had never had one before.

Ami turned and fled in the other direction, gasping for air as tears streamed down her face. Why was she so panicked? What was happening to her? What had Michiru become?

If I could flow like the wind I would reach you.

If I could shine like a moon I would keep shining on you.

I'll be anything if it can stop you from being seized with fear.

-Moments by Ayumi Hamasaki

Well it's finally here. Chapter 9. I apologize for the extremely long wait and humbly thank all of you who have stuck with the story and patiently waited for an update. Writing has been hard for me lately due to financial, relationship and mental health issues. Life is quite the little bitch you know. I'm still writing this story though and will continue to write it until it's finished, no matter how long that takes. It is very special to me. As are all of who who are reading and enjoying it. I can't make any promises that I will get the chapters out quicker, but I do hope that those of you who are following the story will continue to follow it.

I love you all, thank you so much.

(note: Lancelot was a knight of the round table said to be in love with his queen Lady Guinevere, King Arthur's wife.)