NOTE: This is a very adult fic: It is rated M after all. Beware that there are sexual situations and profanity. It was definitely written for the more mature SWAC fan in mind.

SOMETIMES ALWAYS

::Chapter 1::

It had been one of those days. Things were oh-so hectic in my life right now. On top of doing my fifth (and last) year here at So Random!, I had somewhat reluctantly agreed to star in an indie movie produced and directed by none other than Marshall Pike and co-written by his cousin, Harold. As if I didn't already have enough on my plate. I was also supposed to be finding my own place by the end of next month. I hadn't even started looking yet.

This honestly wasn't my game plan. I thought I would've been in college by now, but I had to keep putting college off in lieu of my career. That sounds a bit odd now that I think about it. Anyways, I've made too many obligations to too many people. Did I also mention I had been chosen to be Tawni Hart's maid of honor? She met her fiance a year ago and her wedding isn't for another two years, but Tawni is quite the planner. Believe it or not, she's already constantly working on minute details of her wedding.

I was on my third cup of coffee that morning, going over a sketch rewrite when Aaron brought the mail cart by. Josh is gone; he's gotten a real job now. At least someone around here has moved on.

"Packet for Sonny Munroe," he said with a grin, slipping me a manila envelope.

"Thanks Aaron," I said, accepting my mail.

I opened it to find another change to the film's script. Script changes for this movie were never-ending. I had begun to wonder what I had gotten myself into. With a deep sigh, I stuck the script under my arm as I headed for the commissary. I hadn't eaten since last night and my stomach was so empty it was beginning to digest itself.

I guess not much about Condor Studios has changed over the past few years. Well, actually nothing has really changed. It's pretty much the same people everyday, save a few shows that had been canceled or had eventually run their course. Miraculously, for some reason, Mackenzie Falls is still on the air. They had found a great way to stretch the show out though—it's characters have stopped aging. That's right, Chad Dylan Cooper is still playing a high school senior despite the fact that he's 21 years old. Stomach lurch.

I made myself a fro-yo with extra multicolored sprinkles to brighten it up and took a seat by myself at the table, beginning to look over the script's changes.

The script actually isn't a bad one. It's a more adult role, which I like. It's actually an incredible coming-of-age story of a woman's first year away from home. Now that's something I wish I could experience. Right now, my life seems to be stuck in the same place. I really long to live in a dormitory, or be part of a sorority, surrounding myself with lots of new people and new experiences. Oh yeah, and some sort of degree would be a nice bonus.

As I began to read the new scene that had been added to the script, I blush furiously. Marshall's cousin actually made this movie a little racy, which is a bit uncomfortable for me. I basically went through puberty in front of Marshall Pike, and acting out some of these scenes could prove to be awkward. When I flip to the middle of the script, I can feel the color drain from my face. Harold had written me a love scene. A nice, racy love scene.

I quickly looked up at the sound of someone knocking on my table top. Chad was balancing a platter of baked halibut, his gazed fixed on his destination—the prestigious Mac Falls table. He does this sort of thing a lot—grabbing my attention without acknowledging that I'm here. It's a bit odd, considering three years ago we were dating and pretty much inseparable. I once shared my hopes and dreams with the guy, and today we barely speak. After I broke up with him after the whole Tween Choice awards thing, he finally started to get it through his thick skull that we would never be together again. Somehow, we had reverted back to our old ways, except I was seeing a lot less of him. Well, we do work in the same building, so it's more like I still see a lot of him, we just don't do that much associating. I think he's still kinda pissed about what happened.

I quickly advert my gaze when our eyes meet and I realize that I've been staring at him the whole time.

This is the last thing I need to be bothered with today.

I tossed my froyo and go to find Tawni in our dressing room.

"Sonny, what do you think of this gown?" she asked me as soon as I set foot in the door. She was looking through bridal magazines, bookmarking the ones that she liked.

"I think it will look outdated in two years," I quickly said. "I need to talk to you."

"What is it?"

"Harold Pike added a love scene to the movie!" I quickly exclaimed. "He wants me to have sex on camera!"

Tawni rolled her eyes. "You don't actually have to have sex on camera, Sonny. It's not a porno."

"Well, this is just as bad," I argue. "What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Umm, find someone to practice with?" she suggested. "At least get your sorry self a boyfriend. People have been talking."

"About what?"

"About your obvious vow of celibacy," she joked. "Are you planning on staying single forever?"

"It's only been seven months," I defended myself.

"Seven months is a long time," Tawni pointed out. "It's an excruciatingly long time."

"Not as long as your engagement," I quickly retort, leaving the room before she can come at me with another insult.

Tawni and I are best friends now, I suppose. She did choose me as her maid of honor, after all. Though she did mention that it was because I was the shortest of all her friends, which would make her stand out more. I'll never understand her logic. As much as I'd like to say we have a normal friendship, I'm pretty certain that will never happen. Tawni is still Tawni after all.

X x

I walked the halls of Studio 3, studying the script in my hand. The love scene was pretty heated, but maybe I could pull it off. I really hate telling Marshall no, considering he gave me my big break. I feel obligated to help him in any way possible, especially since So Random! is ending this season and he wants to break into making independent movies. I think he's getting bored with the silly kid stuff, not that I blame him.

I sighed as I walked back into the commissary, grabbing a bottle of water and paying for it. I looked up to notice that Chad is now sitting by himself at his table and texting away on his phone. His long, blonde bangs had fallen over his eyes as his thumbs typed away. I shifted uncomfortably where I stood, resisting the urge to bother him with this. Finally, I gave in. Chad may be a jerk most days, but somehow he can always manage say something encouraging when I need it most.

I squeezed behind the velvet ropes that still bordered the table and he looked up curiously as I took a seat beside him.

"Munroe, you can't sit here," he scoffed.

I blinked. Why did I ever think he would be helpful to me in any way? I rolled my eyes at him, gathering my script and water and making for the door.

"Alright, wait a minute," he finally said to me when I had made it to the doorway. "Get over here." He reached out to pat the seat at his side.

I slipped back into the chair. "Chad, I have a problem," I whined.

"Okay?"

"I have to do a love scene!" I thought I'd save his time by just getting to the point.

His brows knit together as he looked at me confusingly. "I don't quite get the problem."

"I can't do a love scene, Chad!" I exclaimed. "Do you realize how ridiculous I'm going to feel?"

He was still frowning. "Well, it sounds like you don't have much of a choice. I'm still not sure why you're asking me for advice."

"Because you're an accomplished actor, I guess. You've done a bunch of love scenes this season-"

"Oh," he said with a grin, popping his collar. "I see you still enjoy watching Mackenzie Falls."

"That's not the point," I quickly said, realizing my blunder. I did still watch Chad's show. It was one of those things that was like watching a car crash because his show is terrible now. I just couldn't look away. "Anyways, I thought maybe you could give me some pointers."

"Hmm," he thought to himself, rubbing his chin. "Try not to get a boner while you're making out with your leading lady..."

"Chad-"

He threw his hands up in the air. "Well, what do you want me to say? It's like apples and oranges, Sonny."

"Something helpful? I don't want to let Marshall down."

"Marshall's going to be watching this?" he said, a weird look on his face. "Is it a nude scene?" he asked me, a little too hopefully.

"No, it is not a nude scene. It's just a really...sweet...love scene. I have no idea how I'm going to get through it," I quickly said, hoping he didn't prod me for an explanation.

He sighed, rubbing his forehead with his fingertips and looking a bit uncomfortable. "Just do what you'd do for any big scene. Gather from life experience," he offered, sounding a bit deflated.

Finally, he offers decent advice and I can't even use it. "Oh, yeah. Right," I said, looking away and trying to play off the awkwardness in my voice. I started to stand up before he could tell what was running through my mind, but he quickly grasped my wrist before I could do so.

"Sonny," he said, his voice low. "You do have life experience, right?" A smile was tugging at his lips and his stupid blue eyes were sparkling.

I grinned nervously. "Of course I do."

He frowned at me, and my wrist was still in his grasp. "Are you still a virgin?" he asked me in an amused voice. He actually looked quite entertained with the idea.

Chad has this weird way of seeing through me, so I decided to give up on my avoidance of the question. He had obviously already figured me out, so there was no point in lying now. "Yes," I finally admitted, my face heating with embarrassment.

He finally let go of me, sitting back in his chair and studying me with a smile. "Well, this is interesting."

I really did feel like hitting him right then and there; just slapping that stupid smirk right off his perfect face. But the last thing I need in my life is a bunch of drama.

"So, you didn't get with Julian," he pondered. "Was it the smell of patchouli or his scraggly goatee that turned you off?"

The mention of his name made me suddenly feel even more uncomfortable, if that was at all possible. "I think it was the constant cheating," I pointed out. "Tell me, why is this so funny to you?"

"Well, you're almost 20 years old..." he began.

"Not until this summer," I quickly replied. "And what does it matter? Some people save themselves for marriage. Not everyone looks to get laid every night."

"Name one person who saved themselves for marriage." He was smiling at this. He was actually grinning like an idiot.

I bit my lip in thought. "Mary?" It was the first person that came to mind, but I instantly started to mentally kick myself for saying it.

Chad busted out in roaring laughter. "Oh god, Munroe," he said, wiping away a non-existent tear. "You were always good for a laugh."

I ducked my head. "I have to go now."

"Alright, you know what? I'm going to help you out with your little situation," he said with a snicker, leaning in closely enough to make me feel uncomfortable. "How about you and me do a little role research?" he offered, raising his eyebrows at me. "I'll teach you everything you need to know."

"This conversation is over," I said, leaving. Well, asking Chad for advice was just an excellent idea. Why hadn't I expected something like this from him? The self-serving jerk.

Later during our break, I told Tawni all about what had happened over a healthy snack. She was sitting thoughtfully in front of her fruit bowl. "I can't believe you went to him for help."

"I know, right?" I sighed. "I just thought maybe for once he would pull through and help me with this. Nothing has changed. He still only thinks of himself."

"No, I mean you have all the advice you need right here," she said, motioning towards herself. "Why didn't you just ask me?"

I rolled my eyes. "Uh, maybe because you insulted me to my face?"

"Well," she said, wiping off her mouth with a napkin. "I've done dozens of love scenes."

I thought back to all of the work Tawni had done: Diaper Commercial. Goody Gang. The Chad Dylan Cooper Story. So Random! Hosting Celebrity First Mates. Nope, no love scenes in any of those.

"When have you ever shot a love scene?" I asked her.

"Lots of times," she said. "With Brandon..."

"Oh God," I said, suppressing the urge to vomit. "Are you saying you two...? On tape...?"

She shrugged, sipping her milk through a straw. "Yeah, sure. Why not?"

I rested my chin on the palm of my hand. "That hardly counts. I have to imitate sex with a stranger. In front of a camera. And an entire crew." I shook my head. "I really wish I weren't a virgin..."

Tawni reached out to place the palm of her hand on my arm. "I understand what you're going through. It's hard. I was 14 once."

That did it. I stood up, angry, the backs of my legs scooting the chair out loudly behind me. "I'm sick of being treated like a freak of nature."

Tawni laughed. "Sonny, calm down. I'm just joking. No one thinks you're a freak."

"What am I supposed to do?" I asked her as I relaxed a bit and sat back down in my chair. "I already agreed to do this movie for Marshall. I can't exactly let him down after everything he's done for me, can I?"

"No you can't," Tawni agreed. "Maybe you could have Harold change the scene?"

"I can't do that," I said with a sigh. As much as I hated the thought of doing the scene, it was epic. It really did make the entire movie, and I wanted this movie to succeed just as badly as Marshall did. "I guess I'll just wing it. I'm going to look like a fool doing it, but I don't have a choice."

"Maybe you do," Tawni piped up. "You could just take Chad up on his offer."

I choked on my orange juice. "Is that some sort of horrible joke?"

"Sonny, he's made you quite an offer. It would solve all of your problems. You want to experience sex don't you?"

"Yeah," I said. "But not like this. Who saves themselves for 19 years to lose there virginity to Chad Dylan Cooper?" I asked her.

"Probably, lots of people," Tawni pointed out. "Okay, so you broke up with Julian right when you two were about to become intimate because you found out he was two-timing you. Obviously, your fairy tale dream of losing your virginity to your knight in shining armor isn't going to come true. You've dated Chad before. He must've been a good kisser, right? The guy knows what he's doing, and most of all, you can trust him. He's not gonna be out screwing some girl in the parking lot of a K-Mart on your anniversar-"

"Okay, that's enough," I cut her off. I thought about it. I actually can't believe I was thinking about it. "The idea of it all is insane, Tawni."

"You'll just be friends with benefits," she said as she spooned a cantaloupe chunk into her mouth. "I've done it before. It's fun. No pressure. No chance of getting hurt."

"But were not even friends," I pointed out. "We would be frienemies with benefits. That's just weird."

"Sonny, when you were dating Chad, that boy treated you like his queen," Tawni said seriously. "There is no way he is even capable of hurting you in any way. Besides, he's been working out. Have you even checked out his bod lately? My god!"

I bit my lip. I had checked out his "bod" recently, and everything she said was true. The once lanky Chad Dylan Cooper had finally filled out a bit. He wasn't exactly in body-builder condition, but he had shaped up quite nicely. I often imagined running my hands down his ches- Okay, I was losing my train of thought now.

Tawni snickered. "You're totally considering sex with Cooper, aren't you?"

I blushed with shame.

"Don't feel guilty, Sonny. You're only human," she assured me. "It's not right to go as long as you have without longing for some sort of intimacy. Don't resist your urges anymore; go talk to Chad."

Feeling a bit embarrassed (okay, a lot embarrassed), I set out to the Mac Falls set...to seek out my future lover. Shudder. Some words just don't belong in the same sentence. This would definitely take some getting used to.

X x

My legs shook slightly as I walked to Chad's dressing room. I took a deep breath before raising my fist to knock on his door, then thought better of it. What the hell was I doing here? I was about to make the hugest mistake of my life. This was stupid. This was beyond stupid. I turned to walk away when the door shot open.

"Sonny?" He was tightening the tie on his prep school uniform and looking at me puzzlingly.

"Hey." It was all I had to offer him, because I didn't even know what I was going to say to him.

He offered me a small smile. "I was actually about to come talk to you. I, um, was going to tell you that I was sorry for what I said earlier. I shouldn't have made fun of you about the..." His eyes glanced at his surroundings with paranoia, "you know, the 'V' thing," he whispered.

I was a little taken back by how guilty he actually looked.

"It's not weird or anything, just so you know," he went on. "I know lots of people your age who haven't had sex yet. Like D & D kids...and chubby theater girls..."

"Chad I think we should do it!" My hand clasped over my mouth as soon as the words left my lips.

"Wait, what?" He looked absolutely shocked.

I stood my ground, trying to appear confident. "I am taking you up on your offer for the...role research."

He laughed. "I wasn't serious about that...it was supposed to be a joke." He looked perplexed and slightly frightened by the idea. "You actually want to give up your virginity to me? We have barely spoken to one-another in the past three years. Why would you want to do that?"

So now, when I need him to be on board with this, he chooses to think realistically. Nice Chad, real nice.

"Here's the thing. I'm have to do this dumb love scene and I want it to look real. I have no idea what I'm doing," I admitted. "Not only that, but I really just want to experience an adult relationship before I set off to college. I feel so...so inexperienced. I haven't had a decent relationship since who knows when. I want to get this over with...I'm obviously not going to lose it to someone special, so I want it to be you."

"Wow, thanks a lot..." he said, sticking his hands into the pockets of his blazer and looking absolutely insulted.

"Wait, that's not what I meant, Chad," I started. "I almost gave myself to a real jerk. I realized if that would've happened, I'd be beating myself up right now."

Chad's face fell and he studied me with a look of sympathy...or pity. What was the difference anyway?

I sighed "I know that you're a really sincere person. You're not gonna feed me a bunch of bull shit to get in my pants or talk smack about me when it's all over. I can trust you, right?" I asked him.

He stood silent as he slowly nodded his head in agreement. "Yeah, you can trust me."

"Well," I said, clapping my hands together. "So you're on board with this?"

He shrugged, looking a bit shy about the idea. "Well, yeah. I guess if that's what you want..."

"It is."

He half-smiled as his eyes fixed on me. "So, were doing this then?"

"I guess so."

He frowned. "I'm suddenly getting the feeling of Déjà vu."

I spun around and left, a smile on my face. This would work out just fine. I think...