Chapter One

Jan Di's Point of View

After hearing Yu Mi say that she loved Jun Pyo and that they had an announcement. I felt the world drop out. I should have known from the last surprise party that I went to that I would get world changing news, never the good kind.

Ji Hoo came to me as I watched her walk back to the man I was fighting so hard to get back. Jun Pyo memories of me were lost due to car accident and with those his love for me was gone too.

I tried to cast a small smile to Ji Hoo, but couldn't. My ever, faithful "fireman" always seemed to know when I would need him. I watched as he, without saying a word took off his jacket to draped it around my shoulders. Even in my stunned state, the warmth and soothing scent of my dearest friend and protector enveloped me and gave strength. Strength that was depleting fast from all I had been through.

"Don't collapse now," I heard his soft voice whisper as he guided me back to the gathering crowd.

He can always read me. What would I do without him here? I must keep going. He was being strong for me. I must be strong for all he has done for me. I am weed. I can take this.

When I looked up, I saw that we were standing next to his F4 brethren. Yi Jung and Woo Bin had adopted me. They had also become my friends and protectors. They had been through my on and off again relationship with there leader, childhood friend, and brother, Jun Pyo. Along with Ji Hoo, they too had been trying to get him to remember me. It was fitting that we were standing together as the blow struck.

I heard Yu Mi announce that she and Jun Pyo were going to America next month. She stated this as she stood arm-in-arm with Jun Pyo.

He did not utter a word. He showed no reaction. He was leaving in a month from all he had known, his three friends, his home, and even me, the one he had proclaimed so fervently that he loved time and again. He had fought for me against his mother and her machinations yet he was going to leave without even saying the words goodbye himself.

I knew that he had forgotten me but I always thought it would take time and now had run out. I knew this would be the last time I would be in the same vicinity as Jun Pyo.

What can I do? I did not have the heart to chase him to a foreign country again.

Will anything be enough? I had tried reenacting scene from our past to no avail. I had tried cooking his favorite lunchbox. I even had shown him the necklace he had designed for me.

Is he just lost to me forever?

I am brought out of my musings by the feelings of betrayal expressed by the F4 brothers. They had not known of his plans. The friends he had held closest told everything to and they had been in the dark like me. Shock and hurt rippled across Yi Jung and Woo Bin's face and even though Ji Hoo's face was stoic, I could feel the tensing in the arm he wrapped around me to guide me away.

He walked me back to side of the pool where he had found me earlier. I could feel his worried eyes as told me that he would be back with a glass of water. I did not look at him as he walked away but I could feel that the calm peace I feel when I am around him leave with him.

Tumultuous and depressing thoughts washed away the sweet shock that had held me numb. Nothing I had done was enough. Jun Pyo was going to leave without a backward glance. I was left as the only one holding the torch. The love that I had fought so hard against and now clung to so desperately was starting to feel dark and obsessive.

A quiet, shy voice could be heard in the din of thoughts. Do you really want him to remember?

I was shocked by the mere idea!

Of course I wanted him to remember me! This is why I am fighting so hard! We were destined to be. He had told me so himself! I had not asked to fall in love with him but he stormed into my life and stole my heart. We have been through so much! I could not let end here, end this way!

What has he truly lost? The voice spoke up much stronger now. You gave up your father, your mother, your brother, your home, swimming, your resolve, and especially who you are. The control you had over your life before going to Shin Wa High School has disappeared into him and trying to fit into his world. You have forfeited everything for his hollow words of love and fickle vows of devotion that only surface when he is out of the scrutiny of his mother.

Reeling from the painful blows those thoughts had wrought, I opened my small, pink purse to find the one solid, tangible symbol of Jun Pyo's love for me, the necklace that he had given all those months ago on the balcony of the ski lodge. I stared at the diamond-encrusted star with a crescent moon enclosed that he had designed for me with our initials on the back. He had given it to me with the threat of death if I lost it, a common warning he gave. Then he had drawn me close to tell me what it represented. He was the star and I was the moon inside that he would never let go.

But he had let me go not long after giving it to me. And even though he had finally come back after much pain and many hardships, he was letting me go again.

I had given up so much for him. Was there one more fight left in me? I literally had nothing to lose.

When I looked up and saw him strolling my way with his head down, I had my answer. Fate was giving me one last shot. I had to take it for my heart, my future happiness, and everything I had lost.

If he had been not been staring at the ground he would not have come that close to me. He had told me to stay away from him. I was the crazy girl he did not remember. The one who had almost kicked him in a reenactment from our past and had screamed and fought with while I had tried to bring about a glimmer of recognition. He thought I was Ji Hoo's girlfriend though he could not fathom why his best friend would want be with that nut job. He already thought I was crazy. Why not go for broke?

When he finally did see me, it was too late but he was already turning away. When I call his name, I was a little surprised he turned back around to me.

I once again asked him if he recognized the necklace I had in my hand. He said no but I pressed further.

"Do you know whose names the initials on the back stand for?" I asked.

He took the necklace that I handed him and dutifully read the J J on the back. I could see that it sparked no recognition by the look on his face.

"I am returning it to you."

"I don't want it," he stated distastefully, "if you don't want it, throw it away yourself."

Though part of me expected the word, it still hurt. My consolation was that in his sharp words, I had an epiphany. As he handed it back to me, I knew now what to do for my last attempt to return his memory. Everything was riding on what I was about to do.

I enclosed the necklace in my hand, said prayer, and tried to pull strength and hope from love the pendant represented. This was my last stand. I then threw it into the clear depths of the pool.

I ask him to answer one last question. "Do you know how to swim?"

"Swim? I don't swim," he said as he looked away.

"Don't swim or can't swim?" I countered.

"Because of a bad experience when I was a kid, I don't swim. I've never done it,' he admitted reluctantly.

"No. You do know how to swim."

Though he looked at me incredulously, I knew he could swim. He had saved me when I had tried to retrieve the necklace from the hotel pool during the time we where their with his then fiancé and Ji Hoo. Gun Pyo told me he had learned to swim because of the incident at the beach in New Caledonia where I had nearly drowned due to a muscle cramp. He had had to watch Ji Hoo save me while he waited frantic and helplessly on the shore. He had learned to swim for me. I was one on the things I had found most endearing. He faced one of his deepest fears for me, because he loved me.

"What are you? Who do you think you are to blab off about me?"

"You don't fear anything in the world, but you are so scared of bugs, you shake," I barreled through before I lost my nerve. "You are the idiot who would rather his ribs all bust apart than see one finger on his woman hurt. You're the idiot who does not know the difference between 'privacy' and 'pride', who insists that like a train that swallowed its heart that the 38th Strategy is running away. You freak out when it comes to kids, but you want to be a devoted father who will go out and look at the stars with his son. You're a lonely but loving guy."

"Who do you think you are?' he asks, not believing my guile.

"That's who you are, Goo Jun Pyo."

"I'm asking who are you?"

"You call it out. My name."

Looking him straight in the eyes I walk a few steps backward towards the pool. This is it. My last shot. This is my last card. I have bet our future on this outcome.

I silently thanked Ji Hoo for the strength and support I have felt while wearing his coat but I have to do this last try on my own. Still staring into the dark depths of the guy whom I have fought so hard to love and win back, I tug off the comfort and solace contained in the jacket of the man who had been there for me, ever waiting in the wings.

I closed my eyes and fell into the cool, clear depths of the pool. Sinking, I released the air from my lungs. Once I reach the bottom, I extend my hand and grasp the necklace I had thrown in. Once enclosed in my hand, I place it over my heart. The panic of seeing me drown was the only hope I had left of reaching through the mental blocks in Jun Pyo's memory. I was leaving it up to fate and our destiny now.

Darkness was quickly enveloping me. I yearned and prayed to hear the splash of water that meant that Jun Pyo remembered me and was diving in to save me. He loved me. Though his mind could not remember me, his heart would not let me drown. He said he would never let me go.

But I was wrong. Jun Pyo did not rescue me. Our love died with me at the bottom of the pool.

~I read again what I had written and I am sorry to anyone who read this. Although it is probably not better now, I hope I made it a little clearer. Thanks for your patience~