AN: Well, I originally challenged myself to do 99 of these. Discounting the one half from Nine and A Half Kims, this one does it. But is this the end? Oh, read on and you'll see! And yes, I indulged myself in final countdown numbering this time. Legal At Bottom…
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CHAPTER 9 -
THE WHOLE TEN KIMS
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90
"You may think you're hot Princess, but I'm so good that I've been sneaking into your room every night for the last week, and as proof I've got this thing you've been sleeping with." Shego grinned as she dropped the Pandaroo she'd purloined onto the warehouse floor in front of the teen hero… but, much to her puzzlement, the redhead didn't seem upset at all… in fact, she was grinning!
"If you were as good as you think Shego, you would have noticed that was an animatronic dummy of me and while you were sneaking in my house, I've been sneaking into your room at Drakken's lair… and speaking of sleeping with things, as MY proof I have YOUR birth control pills, which I've been swapping out with sugar tablets for the past SIX months!" Holding out the pills in question, Kim was quite pleased to see Shego's pale face go even paler just before the green villain gasped and fell over on the floor in a dead faint.
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91
"Yep, I gotta hand it to Joss, sometime's it just takes a new generation to figure out how to make an old idea profitable." Slim bragged to his brother James as they watched Kim's cousin make her first million only three hours into the very first day of business for her new enterprise.
"I mean, nobody wanted to buy my robot horses 'cause it was cheaper to buy or rent the real thing, but give 'em giggly little voices, shorter legs and cover 'em with colored flocking and day-glo colored hair, and we can't make the darn things fast enough!" Slim gushed as they looked in awe at the line of hundreds of seven year old girls and teenage 'Bronie' boys still waiting in line to fulfill their very own fantasy of owning a My Little Pony-bot from Possible Pony Express.
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92
"I'll tell!" Duff Killigan screamed in terror, knowing he had crossed the line by threatening innocent children, but still unable to believe that Kim Possible had actually resorted to… this… in order to extract the information from him!
"Then you'd better start telling me how to disarm the bombs you planted in all those preschools, or am I going to have to pull this trigger and see if I can pull it directly out of your brain by way of your ass," Kim growled as her fingers tightened on the trigger of her hairdryer grappler, the loaded end of which was currently wedged about six inches up the villain's rectum.
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93
As the fans booed as the Middleton Mad Dogs left the field in disgrace, Mr. Barkin pulled Ron aside. "I'm sorry Stoppable, but while it was fine when you weren't being caught, now that everyone knows, I've got no choice but to kick you off the team for good."
"I guess we both got kicked off permanently then," Ron sighed, having known this was coming ever since the last field goal attempt had had revealed to the whole world that the REAL secret of Middleton's recent string of winning games had been the Mole-Rat hiding within Ron's shoulder pads… who had unfortunately just been drop-kicked for three points in a terrible case of mistaken identity.
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94
Sweat running down his face, Ron felt the words start to flow out of him. "It started on the missions, and then it started happening at work, and now it happens all the time, so it must be some kind of curse I picked up during our adventures."
The oddly named Dr. Jackson shook his head and replied with his strange east European accent. "No, Mr. Stoppable, you must stop using these curses and monkey powers and other such nonsense as excuses and see the facts for what they are… your pants do not simply fall down, you set them up to fall by leaving them unbuttoned because you are a closet exhibitionist."
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95
"Dear, how many times have I asked you not to do that where the kids might see you?" Ann requested as she slapped the offending hand back with a fly swatter.
With an embarrassed face, 'James Possible' retracted the arm that had just stretched impossibly across the table to pick up the orange juice ten feet away. "That's easy for you to say when you can just turn invisible darling, but eventually they're going to realize that Kim inherited your force field and put it together with the facts that they've never met your brother Johnny or my best friend Ben." *
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96
Chef Pierre Du Dockes, head of the prestigious Cuisine De Hoititoiti looked at the surprisingly un-thrilled young man who had just stumbled into, and won, the school's annual cooking competition 'by accident.' "Now, before we can geeve you za scholarship and zee cash prize of one hundred thousand Euros, you must recite for us ze recipe for your winning entre."
Lower lip trembling, a gloomy Ron Stoppable began. "First, take one naked mole rat…"
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97
As a disgusted Electronique headed for the front door of the cheap bar he'd chosen for their date, Motor Ed called out loudly. "Whoa, babe, you're seriously going to leave our bodacious date without 'rewarding' me for my efforts?"
Ed stared in confusion as the blue woman turned back and pretended to hand him a baseball sized invisible object. "Zere you go, ze reward for un evening spent vatching you play air geeitar mit yourself is a night mit mine air vagina."
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98
"See, I TOLD you that you could find a productive way to use your abilities if you just put your mind to it," Kim gloated with her usual 'I was right and you were wrong' smugness.
Wangling a flopping wiener in each hand, the green lederhosen clad Shego simply glared at her former archrival. "Look, do you want me to fry up these Lucky Leprechaun Dogs for you or not, Princess?"
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99!
"Cat Girl you idiot, CAT girl, change me back NOW!" Shego screamed in terror as the results of Drakken's latest attempt to utilize DNAmy's technology went even more unpredictably awry than usual.
"Oh, she's going to be SO pissed," a stunned Ron whispered, turning to an equally shocked Kim with a 'what can you do' look as his pocket rodent continued to do what male rodents will do with the suddenly available and shrieking green female of his species.
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Whoa! Counting the 'half' that's actually 99.5 two liners, which means I've done over 111 of these counting the twelve in EVEN ODDER, and they STILL keep coming to me… So while I AM wrapping 99 BONMOTS at the planned 99 ,get ready for the sequel/followup/whateveryouwanttocallit, ON BEYOND WRONG SICK, starting VERY soon.
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Ye Old Legal stuff: Kim Possible, Shego, Ron Stoppable, Rufus, Motor Ed, Electronique, Slim Possible, Joss Possible, Dr. Drakken, DNAmy, Mr. Barkin, Dr. Ann Possible, Dr. James Possible and all other characters borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18…
(* And PS - yes, I know this means the kid's have at least one or two more siblings... not sure how to count Valeria... but wouldn't that make an interesting story on its own?)