A/N: Oh dear God, what have I done?

Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck, Rapunzel, anything.

Warning: This is incredibly silly. I lost brain cells writing this. Like, so many, you don't even know.

Enjoy!

It was storytime in the Veil, which is to say it was time for everyone to die of a severe migraine. This time, Terezi and Gamzee had decided to collaborate for a story. Vriska was reading it aloud. Everyone else was sitting there, completely awestruck at the sheer stupidity of the following tale.

"Once upon a time, there was a human family. The female lusus thing wanted some crabcakes really, really motherfucking bad, like cravings all up in this bitch like whoa. So they went to a wwitch. Not just any wwitch, but a really ugly fishy one that smelled absolutely horrible. Since the wwitch was used to killing things in the sea with his ugly (they called him the ugly barnacle when he wasn't looking), the human female asked him for some crabcakes. He was like 'Fine, but I get yo babbeh. I'mma rape that bitch.' The humans were too stupid to even be disconcerted, and they agreed to the terms of the ugly wwitch.

Finally, the human baby wriggler thing was hatched, but it wasn't a human baby wriggler at all. It was a young troll, a delicious candy red one that wouldn't shut the fuck up. The wwitch, bothered by the wriggler's very colourful and creative threats, decided 'fuck this' and locked it in a towwer.

Many sweeps passed, and one day an ironic coolkid knight was riding past on his trusty pink pony steed. He was drawn to the towwer by the sounds of the princess screaming expletives at the native flora and fauna. Honestly, they could hear him from all the way in the fucking kingdom. What is up with that shit?

Anyway, so that's not the point. The point is that he heard the princess being a whiny douche and went up to the tower. 'Sup?' he said ironically. 'Who are you, anyway?'

'I'M KARPUNZEL, FUCKASS,' the princess shouted back. 'THE FUCKING WWITCH LOCKED ME IN THIS BULLSHIT TOWWER.'

'So I guess you want me to get you down or something?' the knight responded nonchalantly.

'OH, OF FUCKING COURSE NOT,' the princess shot back with scathing sarcasm.

'Alright then,' the knight replied with a shrug, getting back on his steed and riding away. One could almost hear him say 'Trolololol'. You can still hear Karpunzel screaming his fool head off to this very day.

The end."

Everyone stared at Vriska for a while, and she was staring at the screen. Then everyone's eyes turned to Gamzee and Terezi. Gamzee was poking something that wasn't there, and Terezi was trying her very best not to burst into an evil, evil gigglefit.

Then, everyone's eyes turned to Karkat. Nobody had ever seen him this angry, and they weren't sure whether to laugh or hide. It was a minute before he reacted.

And this, dear children, is why there is no storytime in the Alpha Timeline.

~Fin~