I know I haven't finished any of my other fictions, but I saw episode 3.03 of glee and I knew I had to write this. I love Rachel's character and normally don't mind Mercedes, but Mercedes was so wrong. Rachel is misunderstood and is hurting inside so much, I really think that what Mercedes said was wrong, and this is me allowing Rachel to counteract.

There will be bits in there that I put in myself and didn't really happen according to canon, but I do feel that it isn't completely ooc for Rachel to have done that so...

Dear Mercedes,

I don't really know how to write this, I just know I have to. You won't talk to me, you won't reply to my texts, heck you barely even look at me.

Have you ever been completely friendless? Have you ever walked down these halls not being acknowledged by anybody? Have you ever had to have a facial slushy alone? You've always had Kurt or Tina or Artie there by your side or some other Glee kid. When you've been sad or hurt, you've had somebody there to comfort you. I've never had that.

When we started to become friends through Kurt, I couldn't believe it. Two friends. Two whole friends. How sad is that? Before Glee, nobody even spoke to me in school (unless they were mocking or insulting me) and then I suddenly could call two people when I was feeling lonely and they would willingly socialise with me. You are so lucky you never really had to endure that.

I am going to tell you something that only my dads and staff at school know. I tried to commit suicide in the summer. I was overwhelmed and lonely so I o.d-ed. It was stupid and idiotic, I know but I did it anyway.

Do you remember the day that you and Kurt both said you were busy but actually went to Santana's party instead? I know you lied to protect my feelings and you really didn't think I'd find out. I did. Finn had stupidly mentioned it earlier in the week and I lied, saying I had a family visit to an aunt the other side of Lima, simply because I wasn't invited and I didn't want him to feel sorry for me.

I figured that maybe you and Kurt weren't invited either as well as a few others because we aren't cool enough. Then you were 'busy' but I saw the pictures on facebook. Mocking me about how even my only friends had a social life and had better things to do than be with me. I suddenly remembered the life I had before you and Kurt were in my life and I couldn't take it. Depression has always been a companion of mine because I haven't always had the easiest time at school and it struck hard when I thought about it. I couldn't even contemplate my time without friends again, and so I did the only rational thing at the time, and decided I wouldn't go back to that stage.

It didn't succeed with my Dads returning from holiday a day early. I guess in a way I am thankful.

Why am I telling you this? You asked why nobody wanted to hurt my feelings, and that is why. Everybody is walking on eggshells around me.

I've been hurt far more than you can begin to imagine in my life time. Your family wants you; you have a mum that cares for you. Shelby rejected me. Everybody in glee thinks it was mutual because I told them so; it wasn't. She told me she didn't want me – that contacting me was a mistake. I also assume you know that Shelby then adopted Beth.

I'm not trying to make you feel sorry for me, I just need you to know.

I wasn't in glee boot camp because I was at the therapists. You asked why I wasn't there, how I get away with it. Try committing suicide, and you'll be let off by Shue as well... especially if you mention him in your suicide note.

Yes, because I don't get every solo or everything I want from glee. Were you not there for the countless times he has yelled at me? All the time he has given my solo to Quinn? I may have stolen your solo's but I also had mine stolen from me. Some days I'd get home and cry endlessly after Shue shouted at me or ignored all the retorts that the club came up with towards me. I stayed because I only have one talent: singing.

I suppose that is why I haven't given you Maria. I know you are a better singer, okay? I saw your audition and knew that you should be given the part of Maria because you were better, okay? I know you are better, okay? That is why you are liked. I got the part by default but I can't give it to you. I know I should, I wish I could, but it kills me inside. The choking feeling I get when I'm lonely or if I forget to take one of my anti-depressants squeezes my chest. I want to cry and never stop.

I know this won't change anything. You'll still resent me, still be in my mother's show choir, still not be my friend. I just... I need you to see my side of the story because it wasn't as clear cut as you made it sound. I haven't done any of it to hurt you or to belittle you, I'm just selfish, obnoxious Rachel Berry, and for that I am so very sorry.

Signed the star who does not compare to you but cannot share the spotlight,

Rachel Berry.

What did you think of my first Glee fanfiction? Please just review or let me know so that I can tell where to go from here. I hope my character development didn't make any of you hate this story.