Several people have asked how old Itachi is, seeing as he sucks his thumb. I decided to make Itachi about six in this story. It might be a little old for him to be sucking his thumb, but that was mentioned to show the traumatic state he's in right now. Thumb sucking can become a habit even for adults if they're anxious enough, and Itachi's had plenty of stress from losing his memories and being threatened by Madara. Don't worry, it's not going to last.

Sad, over half the Akatsuki are now dead. Would've been fun with the rest. Phooey.

. . .. . . .. . . .. .

'Poke'

'Poke Poke'

In an instant Sasuke was awake. Twisting to his feet, he grasped his assailant's wrists and flipped a kunai to the vulnerable throat swifter than the attacker could utter a soft gasp.

"N-n-niisan?"

Full awareness returned. Sasuke let out an exhasperated sigh as he realized he was threatening his own brother. Itachi's dark eyes shimmered with confused tears of betrayal, his eyes captivated by the kunai held in Sasuke's hand. Sasuke released the 'younger' Uchiha's wrists, shaking his head at the absurd situation.

"Don't do that again," he warned sternly. "Don't you realize I could have hurt you? Next time you want to wake me up, talk to me; don't touch me. Understand?"

Itachi nodded tearfully. Unexpectedly he threw his arms around Sasuke's waist, his shoulders trembling as he whispered, "That thing's looking at me."

Sasuke followed Itachi's gaze and rolled his eyes. This was getting ridiculous. "It's just a plant, Itachi. It's not going to - "

His words died in his throat as the venus fly trap opened, revealing a black and white man with vibrant green hair. "Sorry about that," the perfectly divided lighter half of the man apologized.

"We were instructed to watch the kid," the dark half filled in.

Sasuke stared open mouthed for a moment. "You're an Akatsuki," he stated, observing the red and black cloak. Instinctively he scooped up Itachi as a protective measure. Instantly the child's arms were around his neck.

"He's scary," Itachi whispered.

"Eh, we don't mean any harm," the white half assured.

"We were just making sure he didn't run off," the dark half said, his tone more gravelly and harsh than his other side. "It's easy for a kid to get lost down here."

"I don't need the help," Sasuke replied curtly. "I can look after him well enough."

"Suit yourself," the dark half shrugged. "The others are waiting." Turning, the plant-like Akatsuki slowly shuffled away.

"Wait," Sasuke called. "You said 'others.' Who else is here?"

"Eh, the rest of the Akatsuki are anxious to meet their youngest member," the white half smiled. "Better hurry. Pein doesn't like to be kept waiting."

Sasuke hesitated a moment before following the plant. Inwardly he was seething. He needed to contact Team Hebi. A formal introduction to the red cloud organization was something he had intended to hold off until he knew more about Itachi's situation. The concept of bringing his 'kid' brother to the Akatsuki was not something he had anticipated.

Itachi couldn't be very old, perhaps five or six at the most. Considering how Madara handled the situation, Sasuke thought he had a vague idea of how the others would react. Clearly the Akatsuki did not provide a fitting atmosphere in which to raise a child. Thieves, assassins, and the worst of mankind could be found within the organization. It was no place for a six year old.

Sasuke pondered the idea of dropping Itachi off in the Village Hidden in the Leaf at the next opportunity. If the Hokage was as soft as he remembered, she would see to it that a poor, defenseless child was given refuge within Konoha's walls. Itachi would be safe there, and Sasuke could go about his business as planned. He might even have a chance to carry out the first stage of his revenge against Danzo while he was in the area.

Itachi seemed to sense the thoughts running through his mind, as he clenched Sasuke's shirt in his hands and tightened his grip around his brother's neck.

"Don't let them take me away, Niisan" he pleaded in a breathless whisper.

Niisan. Sasuke had never expected to hear someone call him that, needless to say his elder brother. It would do no good to correct Itachi; he would never understand. Sasuke sighed tightly and made no reply.

Ahead the tunnel began to grow lighter, the muted voices carrying down the passage with the sound of reeds blowing in the wind.

"There he is!" someone called.

Sasuke warily followed the plant Akatsuki into the warm glow of light. He was astonished when he saw how few were gathered in the room. For the length of the attrocities the Akatsuki had committed, he would have expected there to be more present. Itachi whimpered and hid his face in Sasuke's shirt, shy at the prospect of meeting so many people.

Konan giggled at the Uchiha's reaction. "Kawaii," she whispered to the tall blue Akatsuki standing nearby. Sasuke searched his memory, recalling the man who had accompanied his brother on his first attempt to capture Naruto. Kisame...

The blue Akatsuki stared agape at Itachi, his facial reaction closely resembling a dying fish. The young Uchiha peeked out from his hiding place, his eyes brightening as he caught sight of the duo.

"Sharkey!" he crowed in delight, reaching out for Kisame.

Konan let out a scream of laughter, while Kisame's face was priceless. His jaw fell open and he stared in a helpless stupor at the miniaturized Uchiha who had dared refer to him as a fish. Itachi giggled, pleased at the attention he was receiving from the blue man's newly achieved nickname.

"Sharkey! Sharkey!"

Kisame blustered for a minute. "That's Itachi?"

Konan shrieked and slapped her comrade's arm, earning another astonished look from Kisame. The blue Akatsuki wasn't sure who was more frightening; the normally calm woman who was laughing hysterically by his side, or the cheeky twit who used to be his partner.

"This is too much," he groaned.

"Ooh! Tobi wants to hold Itachi-chan, too!"

Sasuke's eyes flashed crimson as a bumbling, orange masked figure slid clumsily into the room. Instantly Itachi's smile disappeared. Winding his arms in a chokehold around Sasuke's neck, he let out a piercing, high pitched scream.

"Oye, shut him up!" Kisame yelled, clapping his hands over his ears.

"Itachi, it's okay!" Konan hastily reassured, trying to calm the young Uchiha down. "It's just Tobi. He won't hurt you."

"I wouldn't be too sure," Sasuke growled. Unconvinced by Konan's attempts, Itachi continued to wail.

"Oh! Tobi would never hurt Itachi-chan!" the orange masked Akatsuki insisted. "Tobi is a good boy! Tobi likes Itachi-chan! Please don't kill Tobi!"

Something in Madara's warning gaze convinced Sasuke to hold his tongue. Only now did he remember the bumbling idiot who had travelled with Deidara. How long had Madara carried on this ruse with the Akatsuki?

"It's all right, Itachi," he spoke to Itachi. "He won't hurt you." Yet. Sasuke didn't trust Madara any more than he had trusted Orochimaru. Both were snakes, and he constantly had to be on the alert lest one strike at the least opportune moment.

His words were effective, however, and Itachi's screams were hushed. He tucked his head into Sasuke's neck, confused that the bad man was considered to be safe now. Sasuke caught the question in his brother's eyes, and minutely shook his head. No, Madara could not be trusted for anything. He was useful for the time being, but only so much as a serpent's poison could be meted out as a temporary antidote.

"Now is he going to remain silent?"

An instantaneous hush filled the room as the leader of the Akatsuki stepped forward. Nagato's mouth was set in a straight line, a slight throbbing at his temple the only hint of emotion. He fixed his scrutinizing gaze on the young Itachi, summarizing his thoughts in a single sentence.

"Get rid of him."

The resulting protests rivalled Itachi's previous screaming fit.

"Nagato, you can't be serious!" Konan exclaimed, "We can't kill him! He's just a kid!"

"Not to mention that, ludicrous as it seems, he is Itachi," Kisame added.

"Oh, and he is so cute as Itachi-chan!" the ever boisterous Tobi added. Sasuke could scarcely believe that this idiot and Madara were the same person. Returning his thoughts to the present, he brandished his kunai and returned Nagato's level gaze.

"I'm hardly surprised that the Akatsuki would turn against one of their own, but I for one will not betray my brother." This time. "If you want to harm him, you'll have to get past me first."

Nagato let out a slow breath, the only clear sign of his agitation. "I didn't say I wanted him killed; I only told you to get rid of him. He will only interfere with our work, if he doesn't murder himself within the first day. Take him to the nearest village and leave him for someone else to deal with. A child has no place among the Akatsuki."

"Oh, but Nagato," Konan wheedled, scooping Itachi from Sasuke's arms and turning him to face the leader, "He's just a little guy. How much harm can a kid do around here, anyway?"

"Hm, one kid against a bunch of S-ranked criminals," Kisame raised an eyebrow. "I think we're done for." He smirked at the thought. It was clear that he was already fond of the 'newest member' of the organization.

Nagato was about to protest further, when of all things Tobi spoke up.

"Ooh! Ooh! Tobi has an idea! Itachi-chan can spy for the Akatsuki! Yes, Itachi-chan would be a very good spy! No one would suspect Itachi-chan, just like no one suspects Tobi! Itachi-chan could help Tobi very much, especially now that Deidara Sempai is gone! Please, can we keep Itachi-chan? Tobi would be a very good boy, and teach him to spy for the Akatsuki!" Tobi held up his hands in a pleading gesture, his overall appearance like that of a begging puppy.

"Tobi's right," Konan agreed, adjusting Itachi in her arms as though to show him off. "We can train him to deliver messages and gather information. Children observe a lot, you know, and he might catch something we would have missed. He's so tiny, no one would suspect a thing."

Nagato grunted. "Who is to say he would report back to us in the end? Children are gullible and easily misled. All it would take is for an enemy to gain his trust and he would reveal everything he knew."

"We'll teach him not to speak to strangers," Konan quipped. "All children learn that rule early on."

"I'll make sure he understands what we expect of him," Sasuke promised. He didn't like the situation at all, but having Itachi work for the Akatsuki seemed more favorable than leaving him where Naruto could find him. Itachi would never recover from the psychological trauma if he was placed in the care of Team Seven.

Nagato's eyes narrowed as he studied the eager faces of the surrounding Akatsuki. "Be it on your own heads, then," he shrugged dismissively. "If he brings about your ruin, you will have yourselves to blame."

"YAYA!" Tobi squealed, stealing Itachi from Konan before anyone could stop him. "Tobi will take such good care of Itachi-chan, and Tobi will teach him how to play hide and seek, and tease Konan, and sneaky-sneak like a spy, and how to make mud pies!"

"He's here for Akatsuki purposes only," Nagato stressed. "I don't need two idiots tearing apart the hideout."

Tobi searched the room before pointing a doubtful finger back at himself, astonished that he was the second person in question.

"Don't worry, Itachi-chan," he excused, "Tobi will make the mean Pein change his mind. Tobi likes Itachi-chan. Tobi will teach him many things, like fishing for Kisame, and splashing puddles in a rainstorm, and - "

"Tobi will not be teaching him anything," Sasuke warned, his kunai placed strategically at the base of Madara's skull. "Now put him down. You're making him nervous."

"But Itachi-chan is having so much fun!" Tobi argued. "Look how happy he is!"

Itachi stared with wide eyes at the energetic bundle of Tobi-ness chattering before him. Reaching out to the swirling orange mask covering Tobi's face, he reacted as naturally as any curious child. He began to pull it off.

"Ah-ah-ah!" Tobi rebuked, slapping Itachi's fingers away none too gently. "Naughty Itachi-chan! He should know not to play with Tobi's mask. Tobi would be very unhappy if Itachi-chan pulled off his mask. Naughty, naughty!"

"Tobi, you're frightening him," Konan admonished, retrieving the young Uchiha as his lower lip began to tremble. "He doesn't know any better."

"Oh, Tobi did not mean any harm," Tobi hastily explained, waving his hands frantically and eyeing Sasuke's kunai apprehensively. "Tobi is a good boy!" he squeaked.

Konan smiled and shook her head, jouncing Itachi lightly and teasing a smile out of him. "I'll bet you're pretty hungry by now, huh? How about a little snack in the kitchen, where there's less noise around."

Kisame and the plant exchanged a glance, knowing exactly who Konan was referring to. Once again Tobi searched the room before pointing dubiously to himself.

"Tobi is a good boy!"

"What about you, Sasuke?" Konan adressed the Uchiha. "I may not be the best cook, but at least I don't burn the food."

Sasuke offered no immediate reply, taking a moment to consider the position he was in. He needed to contact Team Hebi about the change of plans, but at the same time he was unwilling to leave Itachi alone with Madara on the premises. Konan and Kisame clearly didn't suspect Tobi's identity, a fact that concerned Sasuke.

On the other hand, Sasuke found no reason to distrust Konan or Kisame. Both had worked with Itachi before the transformation, and both seemed to have taken him under their protection. Sasuke had never fully trusted anyone, but the situation seemed harmless enough for him to be spared a few hours.

"I have to contact my team," he excused himself. He added as an afterthought, "Don't let Itachi out of your sight."

"Don't worry," Konan promised, "He's in good hands. Aren't you, Itachi?"

Itachi shot a worried look to Sasuke in response, earning a chuckle from Kisame. "The kid's smart, Konan. I wouldn't trust me myself."

"Oh, pipe down," Konan snarled. "He'll be fine." Her sharp look promised nothing less than inevitable death to those who proposed otherwise.

Kisame made a face, casting a loathsome glare at Konan's retreating back. "That woman's dangerous," he muttered. "I feel really sorry for that kid right now."

Sasuke tarried a moment longer, casting a warning glare in Tobi's direction. Finally tearing himself away, he activated his sharingan and vanished from sight.

. . .. . . .. . .. .

"Now stay there," Konan instructed, setting Itachi down in a chair and bustling about the small room that made up the 'kitchen.' She rummaged through a high cupboard, selecting a large bowl and a few packages of ingredients. "I may not be the best cook, but I do remember a cookie recipe someone taught me once."

"Ooh! Tobi likes making cookies!" An orange and black blur slid into the kitchen, sleeves flapping wildly in the air like an out of control windmill. "Tobi will help!"

"Tobi, get out of the kitchen!" Konan spat. Her order was apprehended as Tobi grabbed a bowl of flour, tipping it over and dumping the entire mess over his head.

"Oops."

Itachi burst into shrill giggles at the sight of the 'Tobi snowman,' his initial fear of the orange masked man vanishing as so often happens with a young child's lenient mind. Tobi darted forward and scooped up the Uchiha, swinging him through the air as he spun in circles.

"Itachi-chan thinks Tobi is funny! Tobi is so happy, Tobi will dump more flour on his head!"

"Tobi, get out of the kitchen!" Konan shouted, rescuing the remaining powder before Tobi could carry out his desire.

Tobi set Itachi on his shoulders, bounding happily from the room. "Goodbye, Konan-kun! Tobi is going to teach Itachi-chan how to make mud pies!"

The spoon clattered unnoticed to the floor as Konan stared open mouthed at Tobi's retreating back.

"Guess I missed something important," Kisame spoke up as he came up beside her.

"Itachi is going to learn how to make mud pies," Konan said incredulously. "This is Itachi we're talking about."

"Who, the stoic, unfeeling brat who can't even make a face?"

As if on cue Tobi's whoops echoed through the hall, accompanied by Itachi's wild shrieks of laughter. Kisame blanced, wincing at the sound.

"Eh, this is going to be a problem."