AN:First and foremost, I don't own anything. Just to be safe, I'll say I don't even own the nameless MBI employee.

This is just kind of a one-shot I had floating around. This was inspired by gabrielblessing's InFlight. It's harder to write for Duke than I thought it would be, considering he only speaks in one-liners. But, I gotta say, somebody needs to start giving Duke some fanfics. When there are about as many fanfics for King of the Hill as there are for Duke Nukem, something is amiss. Not that I don't love King of the Hill, I tell ya what.

*START*

"About time we got here. The length of that plane ride was TOO… DAMN… HIGH!" Duke thought, stepping out of his private jet and into the terminal. After taking out the cycloid emperor for the second time in as many decades, Duke had decided to take a vacation. While he had certainly enjoyed the… attention given to him by his female fan-club, he felt that perhaps the world as a whole hadn't seen enough of the Duke. And so, Duke had decided to go to Japan for a basic tour of the country's attractions. You know- have geishas serve his every whim, have a swordfight on top of a Buddhist temple, and maybe kick the collective asses of a ninja clan- you know, the usual.

"Excuse me, Mr. Nukem?" asked a voice from somewhere beneath the King.

"Huh? Who the hell is talkin' ta me?" Duke looked all around, but couldn't see anyone looking at him.

"Mr. Nukem!"

"There it is again. Damn plane ride must be givin' me a ring in my ears." Duke felt a tug down toward his chest, and looked down. "Oh, sorry about that, short stuff. Whaddya want?"

The 5'8" Japanese gentleman replied, "Excuse me please, but I am a member of the company MBI. I have been asked to personally escort you to an office in the airport so that our company may offer you a proper welcome to Japan."

"Hm? It looks like even in the land of the rising sun, they know who the King is." Duke followed the man down several long, twisting hallways to some hidden away office in the airport. "There better be some cheese at the end of this maze," Duke sarcastically stated.

"Ah, here we are. I will ask you to have a seat inside, and my superior will be with you very shortly, sir."

"Sure thing, Kenji."

The corporate employee's eyes widened in shock, and restrained his rage as he walked out the door. "I had heard that some Americans were rude, but this man defies all description. First, he calls me short- I am certainly above average height in Japan. Did he not ever think he was the one that was freakishly tall?And then he just calls me Kenji, as though every man in Japan is named KENJI! I hope he enjoys the assistant director's welcome… hehehe."

Duke sat in one of the chairs inside the room, whistling his theme. "Man, this room is pretty bare. I don't know how they hope to give me a proper welcome in an empty room." After about five minutes, there was a knock at the door, and two women entered the room. One was a real sciencey-looking broad- white, mad-scientist hair, white lab coat, pens in the pocket, etc. The look on her face said she was all business, though. The other… Duke wasn't sure about. The silver hair didn't surprise him much- considering he owned his own strip club, died hair or a colored wig weren't all that shocking to him. He thought the Japanese coat draped over her shoulders seemed a little out of place. Slightly more noticeable, though, was the fucking katana she was carrying with her! "Hell, maybe I'll get that swordfight early," Duke thought. "Hello ladies, I'm told you're here to give me a… proper welcome to Japan?" Duke asked suggestively.

The silver haired swordswoman snorted in mirth, while the scientist glowered at him. "Mr. Nukem, what exactly is your business in Japan?" she demanded.

"I typically like to know the names of my partners before I get down to… business," Duke said, "and my business- let's just say I go where I please, and I please where I go."

White-hair sighed painfully. "I am Sahashi Takami, the assistant director of MBI. The fact of the matter is that I have reason to suspect that you are a spy sent by either the American government, or one of our various competitors in America. I will tell you right now- MBI has possibly the most… harsh treatment toward industrial spies." At the word harsh, Takami glanced over at the sword-wielder.

"Thank God apparently everyone in Japan speaks English." Duke thought. "I don't know what you know about me, but the government and the King don't always play nice," Duke offered, thinking back to that pain-in-the-ass of a president that tried to impede his right to "bare" arms… that were used to punch alien scum into bloody chunks. "Man, steroids rock."

"You'll find that I'm not easily convinced. Don't worry, though- Karasuba is very skilled at solving mysteries. She can always seem to cut straight to the heart of any problem our company may have," Takami threatened as ominously as she could.

Duke looked over at the silver-haired woman, who had been lazily slouching in a chair the entire time with a slight smirk, as though the whole conversation had been a waste of her time. Duke, noticing the cigarette in Takami's mouth, decided to pull out a stogie himself. As he reached for it, he heard the sound of drawing steel and saw a blur heading toward him. He looked up and saw that Karasuba had her sword at his throat. "Man, you ladies like things rough. I've gotta say, I like it rough myself." Karasuba's eyes widened, as she heard a faint humming noise at that. She looked down, and saw that while she had been focused on Nukem's right hand reaching for the cigar, she hadn't noticed the loosely hanging left reach for a weapon. All that the Duke had to do was squeeze the trigger on what appeared to be some sort of laser pistol, and she would have a hole where her right lung had been. "Go ahead- make my day."

The once bored expression on Karasuba's face had slowly been inching toward a smile when she had charged Duke, but now she was sporting a maniacal grin. "I must say, it's been a while since I've met a man able to keep up with me."

Duke could tell that this chick was batshit-insane. He knew about crazy chicks, and how they were in bed. She had slightly eased back her weapon, and was now practically face-to-face with him. Duke decided, what the hell, and said, "Hail to the King, baby," leaned forward, and kissed her. If Duke hadn't been focused on the giant, luminescent wings coming out of her back, he would have noticed Takami's cigarette fall from her mouth, while she slowly mouthed the words, "Oh… shit!"