Disclaimer: I own nothing. Yes, I like making Meredith pregnant. No, I don't get paid for it. I wish.

A/N: Just so no one eats my soul or anything, this is set in season 4-ish. Izzie left Seattle with Denny after he received his transplant. So, I don't need any Izzie/Alex fans coming to bite my head off. I love them together, but I also happen to love this pairing as well. Don't worry, though, blondie will make an appearance later on :) Enjoy!

"He's gone."

Her voice is barely there, just loud enough for the man sitting on his bed to hear as he stares out the window that the rain is drumming against. He doesn't even acknowledge her, something that has the blond shuffling her feet. She tucks her bottom lip securely between her teeth as she waits quietly, about to turn and leave when he finally responds.

"He was gone before, he came back."

"He cheated," she whispers.

He's on his feet immediately, knocking over a small mountain of pizza boxes, fists balled up at his sides as his eyes grow angry. She watches as his jaw clenches and then unclenches. He's fighting a battle with himself - one they both know he's about to lose.

"He's not coming back," he tells her quietly, his voice trembling.

She shakes her head before he even finishes his sentence, moving inside his room and sitting on the edge of the bed. It takes her a moment of quietly staring at the heap of clothes in the corner before she finally finds her voice.

"It didn't feel right - after.. It just felt wrong, forced. I think he could tell."

"You didn't.. You haven't told him?" The bed sinks down as he sits beside her, their arms touching.

"I tried - I did but.." She clears her throat, glancing briefly at him. "I was going to tell him tonight, before you got home.. He came here smelling like a French whore, didn't even try to deny it. Just yelled and said it was my fault - that I was the one who made him go somewhere else to scratch his itch."

"Isn't that what.."

"Yeah, and I mentioned that - which had him laughing like a bit of a lunatic and mumbling stuff I couldn't understand. I think he was drunk. I just told him to pack his stuff and leave. He told me to burn it." She shrugs, studying her fingernails.

"It's not your fault."

"It kinda is," she laughs. "I slept with you first. Though, technically we weren't together at the time.. I think he could tell that something happened between us - I just don't think he knew exactly how far it had gone."

He's quiet as the storm outside rages on, lightning illuminating the room briefly. She's waiting for him to say something, anything, to let her know what's going to happen - what this means for them.

"He'll try coming back to you," he tells her quietly.

"I can't," she mutters as she plays with her fingernails. "It doesn't feel right.. like I'm cheating."

She doesn't dare say that it feels like she's cheating on him. They had never discussed what it had meant when they had slept together a month ago. They had just pretended it never happened; not that it made it go away. Because it hadn't. She still saw his face above hers when she closed her eyes, could still feel him on top of her, inside her, surrounding her with everything that was simply him.

"What are you going to do about work?"

"I'll talk to the Chief," she manages after a moment. "He's always had a soft spot for me and I think he will understand. I can always work underneath Nelson - he's no Derek Shepherd but I've heard he's pretty good."

"Or you could follow Izzie and head to Tacoma," he smirks a bit, though she can tell from his voice that he wouldn't let her leave without a fight.

"And leave this big house to just you," she shakes her head with a smile. "I don't think so. You wouldn't know what to do with yourself."

"I'd let Bambi and Little Grey move back in," he states with a nod. "Wouldn't make them stay in that crappy apartment they're in."

"Hey! I didn't kick them out. George left because crappy events led to crappy decisions and Lexie offered to split the apartment rent with him after the divorce with Callie because she had a major crush on him."

"Right, right." He chuckles as he nods again, a low rumble of thunder making her jerk beside him.

"I told George he could move back in after the divorce, he decided not to take that offer. Nothing else I can really do." She shrugs, subconsciously moving closer to him.

"We're both messed up and we both have commitment issues." His voice is serious now, pulling her out of the playful conversation they were using as a decoy. "You're the only real friend I've got and I don't want to screw that up."

"Who said we're going to screw this up?"

"I'm just saying, what if." He shoots a look at her, shrugging his shoulders. "I don't think it'd be as fun staying here if we screw this up."

"Then what? We just act like nothing happened and go on with our lives?" She frowns at him as she rubs her arms, willing the goose bumps that had appeared away.

"Meredith," he sighs her name as he rubs his eyes. "I just think-"

"Forget it," she cuts him off abruptly as she stands up and heads for the door, suddenly not able to be around him. "Forget it ever happened."

She slams the door behind her, causing herself to jump, before making her way down the hallway into her room. Glancing around the room, she groans to herself as she pulls the sheets and cover off the bed. Her room smells like Derek, her stomach churning at the simple thought of him laying in bed beside her. Shaking the images out of her mind, she heads to the closet to grab a clean set of sheets.

"Stupid men," she mutters to herself as tears sting her eyes. Ignoring the moisture clouding her vision and the emotions swirling inside of her, she starts putting the new sheets on.