I always wondered if Catherine knew what happened. They never showed us but especially after the last episode and their goodbye I am sure that she knew. So this is my idea of what could have happened. Personally I think that Catherine is giving Steve a stability and she completes him in a very private and intimate way. This is not about the friendship with the team, this is something else.

I want to dedicate this to Jane. Thank you for encouraging me! Je t'embrasse, mon chere ami!

Feedback as always is highly appreciated!

Warning: M rated! You´ve been warned.

Disclaimer: None is mine, all belongs to CBS.

He wrapped his arms around her slender from, pressing her to him like he would never want to let her go again. And she wrapped herself around him, holding him tightly while she tried to hide the tears in her eyes. He felt warm, strong, alive and she felt the fear, this irrational feeling that she might never hold him like this ever again, fade. Her heart broke when she heard what had happened. And she was mad as hell, as apparently no one thought it was necessary to contact her and tell her. She had only found out, when Joe White had called her. After Steve had been cleared of all charges and re-instated as head of 5-0.

She didn´t know. And she wasn´t there. It could have all ended differently and she would have never known. If Hesse would have nipped an artery, Steve would be dead. And she wouldn´t have known, because no one thought she would need to know.

Steve felt her trembling against him and tightened his grip, burying his face in her hair and feeling the tension leave his body. She was here. She was in his arms. He remembered the moment she came through the glass doors of 5-0´s HQ, in her uniform, her boots echoing her determent steps when she walked in, straight to him. She was beautiful and he found himself unable to speak, he just stared at her, mesmerizing every move, every moment.

When she stood in front of him, close enough for him to smell her, his fingers itching to grab her and pull her close, she had lifted her hand and slapped him across the face. Hard. And he just stood there, seeing the tears in her eyes, the tremble of her lips. That´s when she had grabbed his shirt and pulled him down, sealing his lips with a demanding, bitter sweet kiss that spoke of her fear, her pain and her anger.

God, he tasted so good, so familiar! Catherine needed to taste him, to remind herself that he was still Steve, that things were still okay, despite what happened. He wasn´t broken, he was only bruised. Nothing had prepared her for the emotions that ran wild inside her when his lips met hers, his arms pulled her close with near bruising force. It only fueled her kiss and she didn´t give a damn if his team watched or not. She NEEDED him to be okay.

Steve ignored the stinging in his cheek when his tongue slipped inside her mouth to taste her. He ignored the sharp pain when the edge of the smart table dug into the back of this thighs when she melted against him. He didnt´care that the pressure of her body against his caused the healing wound in his stomach to throb painfully. Or her nails that scratched over his shoulders, leaving marks.

He felt alive again. For the first time since all this bullshit happened, he felt alive, thanks to the dark haired woman in his arms that kissed him like she needed him more than the next breath. Her kiss melted the ice that still had been around his heart. She reached out to a part of him that was so private, so intimate and so hidden, that his team had no idea. Not even Danny. Well, maybe he did, Danny knew more about him that he cared to admit.

Finally, when they separated and looked into each others eyes, he saw her feelings, her heart, her soul. And he let his guard down as well, showing her his turmoil, his pain, his fear. Catherine reached up and stroked his face, trying to stop her tears but it was to no avail. Steve leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, listening to her breath slowly calming down.

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw that the team had left into their offices, giving them a little bit of privacy, as much as that was possible in the middle of the main room.

Someone cleared his throat behind them and Steve lifted his head, tensing a little bit. His reaction made Catherine lift her head and turn around. Without thinking she stood straight but didn´t care about brushing off her tears. She saluted as it was expected to a superior officer.

"Lieutenant Rollins." Joe nodded.

"Sir."

"My name is Joe. I´m glad you were able to come." he said and a small smile tugged at his lips when he saw the protective stand Steve took instinctively. One look into their faces told Joe White all he had to know about those two. And he was glad that he actually called her.

"Thank you for letting me know there was a reason to come back earlier." she said.

"I thought that in the heat of the moment and with everyone being busy, no one thought about informing you." A pointed glance at Steve.

"I understand, Sir."

"Joe, remember?" He walked closer, holding out his hand that she took, shaking it firmly.

"Catherine." she smiled.

"Why don´t you two just leave for the day? It´s nearly 5pm and I can imagine there is quiet a lot you need to talk about." Joe suggested, sensing the tension between them. He didn´t care about the bullshit Steve had told him about Catherine a few years ago, about them being non-committed but only fun. He could see that there was more boiling under the surface.

"You´re gonna stay?" Steve asked, carefully keeping his voice calm. Catherine turned around and looked at him, nodding.

"You have some space for me?" she asked and Steve´s face broke into a huge grin.

"Let´s go." he grabbed his phone and keys, guiding her out of HQ. He turned around at the door again, looking at Joe.

"Thank you, Sir."

"Stop that bullshit, sailor! Keep your hands to yourself and don´t you dare touching me right now!" Catherine was furious and Steve actually felt like a little boy who got slapped on the fingers for stealing some cookies. Ever since they left HQ and got into his truck, she had been silent. And he could watch the anger rise. He could see the energy it cost her to not explode. And he had kept his mouth shut, wisely so.

He had carefully closed the door behind them and watched her throw her duffel bag behind his sofa and open her jacket to pull it off with angry, stiff moves. She avoided his eyes and Steve knew that no matter what, he had to get through this. He knew that she had every right to be mad and he felt bad, because he knew it was his fault.

"Cath..." he started and she turned around, glaring at him.

"I´m gonna shower first. I´ve been travelling for the past 30 hours without sleep and I´m reeking, dirty and I don´t feel like talking RIGHT NOW is a good idea." she said through gritted teeth. Turning to the stairs she began to climb them to his bathroom, her bag in one hand, the other holding onto the reeling with white knuckles. Halfway up the stairs she stopped and turned around at him.

"You have no idea how much that hurts, Steve!" It filled her with satisfaction when she saw him flinch when she used his name, admitting her feelings. Without another look she walked upstairs and Steve only heard the loud thud of the bathroom door.

He heard the water in the shower being turned on and took a beer from the fridge, walking out on the lanai to calm himself down. She was right.

God, he was such a retarded idiot when it came to feelings! He should have known that Cath would be hurt. That she would want to know what happened. He should have been the one to call her. But he hadn´t. He had thought about it, had missed her, had remembered her every night in that shit hole called a prison cell. But in the mornings he had ignored that voice inside him that was telling him to let her know.

He knew why he acted that way, but right now that sounded like the lamest excuse ever. He could hardly tell her that he was afraid. Afraid that she wouldn´t come. Afraid that she wouldn´t believe in him, that she wouldn´t be there. Afraid that he´d loose her completely.

Without thinking or waiting or any more hesitation, Steve put the bottle down and ran upstairs. He stripped his clothes even before he entered the bathroom and then... he stopped. His heart reached out to the woman in the shower.

She was beautiful. Her long, dark hair like silk flowing down her back. Water cascading down her slender, curvy body. She had lifted her face and let the water flow over her face and he knew that she was trying to wash away her tears.

He knew her so well after all the time they have been together. And he never grew tired of finding out more.

Quickly he opened the glass door and stepped into the shower. Catherine gasped, spun around, her body tense and he lifted his hands in surrender.

They didn´t say a word, just stared at each other. Their eyes locked like they were afraid the other one would disappear if they even blinked.

And then Steve reached out and pulled her close, crashing his lips down on hers without thinking. He just wanted to taste and to feel her. And Catherine surrendered, pressing herself against him while his hands touched every inch of her he could reach.

This wasn´t slow or gentle. This was essential and raw. And they both needed it. Their kiss was bruisingly intense but Catherine didn´t care. She needed more of him. Her hands pulled his head closer while her body pressed against him, feeling his hardness against her stomach.

"Cath... stop for a second..." he finally whispered, trying to regain his strength. He felt his control slip and an uncertain feeling of fear settled in his stomach. He felt like he needed to consume her and he was afraid to hurt her while he gave in to his needs. His own stomach wound was completely forgotten.

"Not gonna happen, Commander." she moaned huskily while tracing her teeth and lips down his neck.

Steve moaned, leaning back against the cold piles to keep himself grounded while Catherine made it impossible to accomplish. She slid her hands over his chest, teasingly slow, lower over his abdomen until she grasped his hardness in her hand. Watching his face and drinking in his growl, she began to tease him with a fast, hard rhythm. She didn´t want to play and she didn´t want to wait. She was making her point crystal clear to Steve and he felt his control slip.

"Cath..." She felt the fine hairs on her arms grow with his deep moan and she knew that whatever happened next, it would be intense. Looking into his eyes she saw a hunger, a longing inside of them, that melted her heart. And then he pulled her close and in a swift move turned them around and crushed her into the wall, his lips on hers again, his body covering hers.

Catherine whimpered, moaned, writhed and arched, only to have him closer, to feel him more. And Steve complied. His hands slid to her ass and he lifted her up, pressing her back against the tiles with his chest, while he ravaged her mouth over and over again. There was no way he could tell where she ended and he began, but it still wasn´t enough.

"Hold onto me." he growled and Catherine shivered when she heard the naked hunger in his voice. She wrapped her legs around his waist and moaned when the rippled muscles of his abs teased her hot opening.

A whimper escaped her lips when he hands grabbed her ass tighter, kneeding the cheeks with his slender fingers. His body pushed her against the wall and she was thankful for that. She knew she´d melt otherwise.

Steve buried his face in her neck, sucking, licking and biting her sensitive skin, listening to her moans and gasps. He fought hard against himself, yet he felt himself loosing the battle. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her even more. But Catherine didn´t let him regain his composure. Her nails scratched his back and her teeth attacked his shoulder as well.

"Cath..." he moaned painfully. He lifted his head and looked into her eyes, hoping she´d see what he couldn´t tell her. He seemed to have forgotten his ability to speak.

"I´m here, Steve... I´m with you... and I want all of you... Please... don´t hold back..." she whispered. And he saw in her eyes that she meant every word. She didn´t want gentle, slow and caring. She wanted him, his desire, his naked hunger, his need.

"I don´t want to... " he started but Catherine silenced him with a finger against his swollen lips.

"You´re not gonna hurt me." she whispered and kissed him hard again.

Jerking his head back, Steve felt the water cooling him down and when he looked at her again, it seemed like her desire had only grown. Her legs around his waist tightened and her hands around his neck pulled him closer.

Their eyes locked.

It was there.

He could see it. In her eyes.

There was hope. And love.

And with a throaty moan he slid into her, hard, deep and without hesitation. He heard Catherine´s pleasure filled scream through the fog that clouded his mind. And his last lucent thought was that he had lost it.

Catherine came the moment he thrusted inside her. He felt her tighten around him and heard her scream his name.

He created a rapid, hard rhythm, thrusting inside her and only slowing down slightly every time she came. His lips were pressed against her neck, tasting the salty sweat of her skin while he shoved himself inside her again and again and again. His hands held her against him and his body pressed her against the tiles so she couldn´t escape. He lost himself in her and he felt her arms wrap around him and the muscles in her thighs tighten.

He heard her mumbled words, her incoherent whispers and he tried to focus on that.

"I love you." Steve moaned hearing her say those words when he was nearly raping her with brutal force.

"I love you." His lips began place wet kisses on her neck and nipple her skin instead of bruising her .

"I love you." His hands on her ass began to caress and stroke instead of kneed and hurt.

"STEVE... I love you!" Catherine screaming his name when he felt another orgasm rush through her made him shudder violently. Stilling his movements, he listened to her ragged breath, not realizing that the sobs echoing from the shower walls weren´t hers.

"Steve... look at me." Catherine begged, her fingers trembling on his face. "It´s okay, Love... I´m here... look at me." she begged and finally Steve opened his eyes and looked at her.

"Cath... I´m ..."

"Shshshs... don´t you dare apologizing to me, Steve... keep going." she whispered and Steve´s face showed his confusion.

"I can take it." she assured him, feeling his release close. She felt him throb inside her, rubbing against her sensitive folds without moving. She felt his ramrod straight body against hers, the muscles tensed to the breaking point. And she felt his pain.

That was the reason for her to urge him on, despite the slightly burning sensation between her legs. She´d never admit it but he was damn hot and nothing had ever turned her on that much. She might tell him one day that ever since he had begun thrusting inside her, she was head deep in orgasmic bliss. It didn´t stop and even now she could feel the rhythmic clenching of her inner muscles.

"I need a minute... to..."

"No." she whispered and arched her hips up just a bit to rub herself against him. Her lips opened in a silent scream when her head thumbed against the wall while she rode out another orgasm.

And that was the moment, Steve felt his own orgasm claim him. His hips thrusted against her again, but much more gentle this time, much deeper and more sensual. He felt her shuddering around him, writhing in his arms and when he heard her whispered "I love you, Steve." he let himself go.

Buried deep inside her, wrapped around her all he heard and smelled and felt was her. And when his release washed over him, silencing every other sound than her breathing, he knew. He just knew that he loved this woman.

Half an hour later he heard her come out on the lanai. He didn´t dare turning around, feeling like a coward. But the emotions running through him ever since she entered HQ were taking their toll on him and he felt like he was about to break. His body trembled when he remembered what happened a few minutes ago in the shower. He had nearly raped her! It didn´t matter that she had encouraged him, demanded more, needed more, he had completely lost control. So he tried to brace himself for another explosion, for accusations, for yelling, because she had every right to do so. But when she moved up behind him, wrapping her arms around him and kissing his back, holding onto him tightly while melting her body against his back, he was caught off guard.

"I´m sorry." Catherine whispered, those damn tears threatening to spill again.

"No... you have nothing to be sorry for. I need to apologize. I didn´t mean to hurt you, Cath." he whispered, turning around in her arms and pulled her close again, feeling her hands slide under his shirt to touch his skin. The contact made him shiver.

"I guess your team doesn´t know about me so they didn´t think about informing me." she said and buried her face in the soft fabric of his shirt while her fingers traced the taut muscles of his back.

"They know about you." he whispered and Catherine lifted her head, looking at him. "They know who you are and what you mean to me. I´m not hiding you, Cath."

"They know?"

"Yes, they know. Danny heard me talking to you once on the phone and started questioning me. So I told him." Steve didn´t avoid her eyes and he knew that he was probably open as a book right now, but he couldn´t care any less. There was something that told him this was a turning point and he would make damn sure he wasn´t choosing the wrong lane.

"What... " she stopped before really starting the sentence, not knowing what to ask. Or how.

"I told him how we met, what you are doing... he asked me if you are my girlfriend." Steve shifted his weight slightly, easing the pressure on his stomach. He didn´t care that the throbbing was back, he had known it would be even before stepping into the shower with her.

"Am I your girlfriend?"

"Yes." he simply said. "Still you are much more than just that."

And he knew that he had found the right words when a beautiful smile appeared on her lips. The tears in her eyelashes only added to the vulnerable facette of her personality that hardly someone knew about. But he did. He had seen every facette of her, the good ones and the bad ones. And he never grew tired of them.

"Good answer, sailor." she smiled and Steve could feel the tension leaving her body.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

"No."

"When did you laste ate?"

"Don´t know. But I´m not hungry. At least not for food."

"Dinner first... we´ll see to everything else later."

"Can we stay just for a little longer?" she asked and Steve gladly agreed. He didn´t even know how much he missed her in his arms until she was there. Until he was forced to face her. Until he couldn´t run from it anymore. And now there was no place he´d rather be than just here, in her arms.

He watched her fold her uniform neatly, her movements smooth and graceful, lacking the stiffness and anger that he had envisioned earlier. She was calm, relaxed, yet Steve knew they needed to talk. He needed to talk to her, needed her to understand. It´s been a few hours since they came back to his place and Steve knew that they were both avoiding what needed to be said.

"Come here." he said and she looked up surprised.

"Just a moment..."

"Cath... come here... now!"

Another look at his face and whatever she saw in his face made her stop what she was doing, walking over to him. He grabbed her hand and pulled her outside, over the lanai, down the 3 little stairs to the beach until the warm waves of the ocean crashed against their feet.

Steve stood behind her, his arms around her, her back against him, his chin resting on top of her head. He felt her taking a deep breath, her hands resting above his and her head leaning back against his shoulder. They watched the sun sinking into the ocean, coloring the sky into various shades of purple until the night dawned and covered everything in velvety darkness.

"I´m sorry I hurt you." Steve finally said. Catherine remained perfectly still. She felt him taking a deep breath as if trying to calm himself down, brace himself for what he wanted to say. "I missed you, Cath. Every night in that goddamn cell I thought of you. And I wasn´t sure how things would turn out, if I ever would see you again."

Steve felt her fingers gently caress his hands and this little gesture assured him that things weren´t lost yet. That he still had a chance to make it right.

"Why didn´t you call me? Or Danny? Why didn´t you allow me to be there?" she whispered and Steve sighed, rubbing his chin over her hair, inhaling her scent deeply.

"Because I´m an idiot." he said and Catherine chuckled despite the tears in her eyes.

"I´m not gonna argue with such a true statement, sailor." Steve allowed himself to just enjoy the moment before he continued.

"I was scared." he finally admitted and his throat felt like he had swallowed nails and glass. "Not because of what happened, because I knew I could get through it... I was scared to loose you."

He heard Catherine sniff a little but she didn´t say a word.

"I didn´t want to see the hate and the disappointment in your eyes."

"Do you think that little of me?" she turned around in his arms with a swift move and glared at him.

"No... but I couldn´t help but think that the past events would be too much... on us."

"Steve, I didn´t even know you considered us an US!" Catherine nearly yelled, feeling her patience wear thin.

"But I do!" he felt himself reacting to her anger, when his emotions were boiling under the surface.

"How the hell should I have known that? Being Naval Intelligence does NOT mean I can read your thoughts!"

"Damn Catherine..."

"Don´t Catherine me! It took you 6 years to admit that you consider me your girlfriend. But you forgot the tiny detail of telling ME also!"

"If I had any idea how to tell you that I love you, I would have said so! But I..." he was effectively silenced by her lips on his, her tongue teasing his and her arms wrapped around him so tightly, he struggled to breath.

Nevertheless he replied to her kiss with equal passion, wanting and needing her closer. God, this woman made him want more and more and more. It was never enough and she was never close enough. When she finally pulled apart, their breath ragged and their hearts beating painfully hard, he brushed this thumb over her lips that were wet and swollen from the kiss.

"You are so right, Steven J. McGarrett. You are an idiot. But I love you too."