Author's Rant: I liked this idea so much I did it twice. Again this was inspired by a fic called Yusuke and Kuwabara's Interesting Conversation by XxFireSongxX. So let's see what Sasuke and Naruto have to say about this.

Warnings: Yaoi and Yuri implications. Don't like, don't read.

A Rather Disturbing Disagreement

Times had changed for the better after the wars died away to a forgotten memory and those injured had finally healed after some much needed rest. The Shinobi could all rest easy now with all of the villages threats now forever destroyed. For those who've died, and returned to life, some were given a second chance to live whist some choose to take their own paths down the winding roads of a new beginning.

One of those people who chose to live a more peaceful existence was Sasuke Uchiha who got sick and tired of being dragged back and forth between the enemy and the village so he settled for the winning side. Naruto couldn't be happier to have his friend back by his side. And to celebrate their three week anniversary of a rekindled friendship, the two decided to share some quiet time together in one of the old training fields, sharing a plate of cooked pork buns and green tea.

This, they did well into the early evening, until Naruto suggested the topic of a conversation that even Sasuke was shocked he was joining in.

Naruto bit into the hefty bun, and looked over the grassy hill, "Umm," he swallowed. "Who'd be seme, Iruka-sensai or Kakashi sensai?"

"Definitely Kakashi." Sasuke said on point. He picked up another bun and bit down. "Kiba or Shikamaru?"

"Tsk, that's easy. Kiba's got that in the bag," Snickered Naruto.

"Yeah, have to agree with you on that."

Naruto sipped some of his tea, pondering the next choice, "You and Shino."

"Me of course." Sasuke answered, sounding insulted.

"Yea you're right."

Sasuke snatched another bun. "Dumbass Dobe. . ." he thought a sec, "You and Gaara."

Naruto gagged on his tea, "What? Ain't no way me and Gaara going at it. I pass. I'll be seme forever!"

"Whatever, I think Gaara would have you in the dirt screaming."

"As if," Naruto scoffed. "My turn Teme, you and Kakashi."

"Look, I'd be seme no matter who you put me with." Sasuke confidently bragged. "I'd own Kakashi."

"Sooo you'd dominate Kakashi? Yea right. In your dreams. The guy would have you reading his book and cooking his breakfast."

"Hn please." Sasuke changed the subject back to normal. "Anyway, Neji or Lee."

The two paused and shared a knowing look. "Neji." They said at the same moment.

"Lee or Kiba?" Naruto choose next.

"That's a definite win for Kiba." Sasuke said.

Naruto nodded, and finished off his third bun, "Yea, Lee wouldn't stand a chance."

Sasuke drunk more tea, "Shino or Shikamaru?"

". . . Shino." They agreed together.

Naruto finished off his tea and poured another cup, "I got one. Who'd top who? Choji or Kankuro?"

"The sand guy," Sasuke replied bored and dull. "Choji doesn't have the energy."

"I dunno about that one. I think Choji might be able to handle himself after a couple of ribs."

"That and the whole Leaf supply of BBQ chips," Sasuke rolled his eyes and drink more tea. "Kakashi or Guy?"

"That's sick, gross, disgusting and totally not happening. . ." Naruto blinked. "I'm gonna say Kakashi."

"That's what I thought." Sasuke finished off his last cup of tea and sat it to the side.

"My turn, err you or Neji."

"Damn," Sasuke growled. "The guy's rivaling me for my Seme place. . ."

"Damn right," Laughed Naruto.

"But I'd still be seme all day, every day." Sasuke said smug and proud of it.

"Dude are you kiddin' me? Neji would own your ass, inside and out."

"Whatever you crazed fool." Sasuke suddenly grinned evilly casting a daring glint, Naruto's way. "Check this one, Sakura and TenTen."

"Naruto gasped, outraged. "Say what? Sakura—TenTen? Hell no. I'm not judging that. No way in hell that'd happen. No way am I betting my sweet Sakura!"

"I'd say Sakura's uke, what about you?"

"La, La, La—I can't hear you La la la!" Naruto sung loud enough to rattle the birds out of the trees.

"Chicken."

"Alright fine," Naruto growled. "Ino or Hinata?"

"Definitely Ino. Hinata doesn't have the stomach for it."

Naruto blinked, twice. "Did you even think it over?"

Sasuke shrugged, not answering. "Since you went it's my go. Orichimaru or Jiraya?"

Naruto rolled his eyes and grabbed two more buns. "Dude Pervy Sage has that one all day. Orichimaru lost his dick years ago." He shoved one bun down his throat and swallowed. "Here's one, you or Itachi," he grinned sneakily.

Sasuke paused, mid bite. "That's incest dobe."

"No one's here Teme."

". . .Me and my brother?" Sasuke looked around. "I'd still be seme. Period."

"Oh pul-lease. Itachi would rape you, purple nail polish and all."

"As if, Itachi's ass would be mines, easy." Sasuke frowned. "You or Lee? Who'd be seme?"

"No contest, I've give Lee my power of love and still have enough to run it through him to next week."

"Well, well, someone's got a big head."

"Yep in here and up here." Two fingers pointed to his head and down to Naruto's crotch. "I'd top anyone, no matter who it is."

"Is that so?"

"Damn right." Naruto muffled around a pork bun.

"Alright than you or me?"

Naruto spat his drink all over the ground. "Excuse me? What?"

"You heard me dobe. You," Sasuke lead in closer. "Or me?"

"Ha, is that a joke," Naruto lead in. "I'd own you Sasuke. Your ass would be riding up the walls."

"Oh yea? I'd have you wearing my haori and cooking my breakfast every damn day."

"Is that it?" Naruto chuckled. "You'd be washing my clothes, cleaning the house and scrubbing my back. And that'll be just from a sample of this," Emphasis on this, being the swollen crotch portion of his pants.

Sasuke snickered darkly, "Is that so? You think you could dominate me? Sasuke Uchiha? I'd waste you in minutes and have you spelling my name for hours."

"Dude I'd be your new daddy in five."

"Oh yea?"

"Yea."

By this time both their faces were mere inches apart, each throwing a deadly heated glare in the other's direction, wishing him to hell fast. So caught up in their manly stare down, the two hadn't noticed until the bushes rustled that two Jonin emerged. Neji and Itachi.

"You wouldn't stand a chance Sasuke!" Naruto yelled. "You'd be begging me for more!"

"In your dreams you damned dobe!" Sasuke shot back. "You'll be crying for me to slam your ass!"

Neji looked between the pair, "Is this a bad time gentlemen?"

Naruto twisted his head around and asked, "Neji, Itachi who's seme?"

"That'd be me," Itachi volunteered checking his nails.

"Ya see I—Huh?" Naruto stared horrified. Sasuke stared Horrified.

Neji blushed and Itachi possessively wrapped his arm around Neji's waist. "Any more questions?"

TBC: Hahaha. I love it. ^_^