Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday Genia the Paradox, happy birthday to me...

Yeah, I'm publishing this on my birthday. The Big Two Oh – old enough to know better, but also old enough to get away with knowing so much about how to write porn.

So, as I've been informed by many disgusted reviews, this actually isn't a bit of lighthearted smut but I rapefic. Seriously, I had no idea. And if I did I would have made it clear and warned you all. I'm nice. Really.

But yeah. Reviews would be nice. Reviews that don't concern me being a horrible person.

It goes without saying that I don't own Glee.

The Untitled Pezberry Femmeslash Fic

I cornered dwarf girl in the bathroom just before Glee Club. She'd just come out of a cubicle, adjusting yet another impossibly short yet simultaneously revolting skirt as she looked up at me in surprise.

"Oh... hi, Santana."

She glanced nervously at me as she went to wash her hands. I gave Treasure Trail a good once over. I suppose she wasn't completely hideous. I could see why so many guys seemed to want her – Finn, Puck, that Jesse douche. For a grating, insufferable loser who dressed like an institutionalized toddler she was surprisingly popular. And she was about to get just a little more popular...

"I've got to say, Berry," I said, looking her up and down. "You don't actually look terrible today."

She gave me a sideways glance. "Erm... thanks?"

She dried her hands and tried to leave, but I stepped in front of her.

"Santana, we need to get to Glee Club," she said, nervously.

"Later," I said simply, before cupping her face and kissing her on the lips.

She gasped and pushed me away. "W-what are you doing?"

"Oh, come on, Berry," I drawled. "It's your senior year, now is the time to experiment and I'm offering it up on a plate. Don't act like you don't want it."

"But I don't," she said quickly, blushing. "In spite of some of the comments scrawled on the walls of certain bathroom cubicles, I'm not actually a lesbian."

"Neither is Quinn," I said. "But I still did the nasty with her while we were in New York. Now quit being such a prude, Berry. I wants in them granny panties, and I wants in them now."

I held onto her waist before she could stop me and kissed her again, harder this time. She squealed as I pushed her up against the sink, my tongue licking her bottom lip even though she was desperately keeping her mouth closed. I cupped her tiny little tits in each hand – they were actually quite a nice handful, although Brittany's were definitely better – and gave them a bit of a squeeze, rubbing her nipples with my thumbs. She moaned, her attempts to push me away faltering.

"St-stop," she whimpered, turning her head and giving me an excellent chance to kiss her neck. "W-we shouldn't be... shouldn't be doing this... this is all wrong..."

"Then why does it feel so good?" I whispered in her ear. "If it's so wrong then why are you enjoying it so much?"

She let out another little moan as nibbled on her earlobe, even though she was still trying to push me away. I kissed her hard again, pinching her nipples at the same time to make her gasp so I could slip my tongue in her mouth. It only took a second of exploring her mouth before she was kissing me back, moving her tongue against mine. She wasn't actually a completely awful kisser, and I had a lot to compare her to.

I grabbed her ass and lifted her up onto the edge of the sink, nudging her legs apart so her thighs were either side of my hips. One of her arms was nervously around my neck and the other hand was gripping the sink. She gasped against my lips as my hand slid quickly between her legs and my finger stroked her crotch, grazing against her hard clit through the material. Her panties were already wet.

Encouraged by the fact that she wasn't stopping me, I pushed up her ugly plaid skirt and pulled off her white cotton panties – the underwear of choice for frigid virgins everywhere which I slipped into the pocket of my Cheerios hoodie. She moaned loudly against my lips as I rubbed her clit in quick circles and sucked on her bottom lip at the same time. Her breathe was short and quick, her legs tight around my waist as I played with her clit faster and faster. In no time she was wet enough for me to push two fingers inside her in one swift move, making her cry out and throw her head back.

"Santana-aaaaahhh!"

I fucked her senseless with my fingers, thrusting them hard in and out of her and rubbing her clit against the palm of my hand. I sucked and bit her neck, leaving a pretty sizable hickey there. I could tell she was just falling apart, but it just wasn't enough yet, so I got down on my knees and lowered my head between her legs, my mouth latching onto her clit as I fucked her even harder with my fingers. She hooked one of her legs around my shoulder and let out a scream that was muffled against her hand – the other hand was now on the back of my head, pushing my face even more into her pussy. I flicked my tongue against her clit, sucking on it hard, my fingers pumping faster and faster into her soaking wet hole, before her climax finally hit her like a ton of bricks and she came all over my mouth and my fingers with another muffled scream.

I stood up, licking my lips and sucking my fingers clean. She tasted good, although not as good as Quinn and certainly nowhere near as good as my Brittany. But I couldn't complain. Berry was slumped against the edge of the sink, her head lent against the mirror, trying to get her breath back.

"Oh... oh my God," she whispered.

I smirked. "You're welcome, Berry. You're definitely never gonna get an orgasm like that from Finn, by the way. Trust me. I've been there, and I'm never getting those four and a half minutes back."

She looked at me with wide eyes, getting off the sink and fixing her skirt. She'd obviously completely forgotten about her boyfriend, but who could blame her? Finnocence wasn't much to write home about, especially compared to me.

"C-can I have my underwear back please?" she asked quietly.

I pretended to think about it. "I think I'm going to hang on to them. As a little keepsake."

She looked perplexed and her face was bright red. The hickey I'd left on her neck was coming up nicely.

"Come on, Berry," I said, leaving the bathroom. "Don't want to be even later for Glee Club than we already are."

When we got to the choir room everyone was already there.

"Sorry we're late, Mr. Schue," I said cheerfully. "Rachel and I kind of lost track of time."

Mr. Schue didn't seem to mind. Rachel was blushing even harder and sat as far away from everyone as possible, moving her hair to cover the hickey on her neck. Finn looked even more confused than normal. I went and took a seat next to Puck.

"Done," I said so only he could hear. "And it was totally easy too. I have a pair of damp panties in my pocket to proof it, and I left a mark and everything. I win."

"You think so, huh?" he said, arching an eyebrow cockily.

"Oh, please," I rolled my eyes. "Like you did any better."

"Really?" He cleared his throat and turned around, turning his flirt on. "Hey, guys."

Both Kurt and Blaine looked over from the back row, both of them smiling and blushing in unison. Kurt's scarf couldn't quite cover the hickey on his neck, and Blaine had obvious bite marks on his earlobes.

"No way," I said under my breath. "Both of them?"

Puck turned back to face me, looking arrogant as hell. "Oh yeah."

"You were only meant to seduce Kurt. That was the bet."

"I couldn't get him alone. Blaine was always with him, so I figured two birds, one stone and all that."

I huffed and rolled my eyes. "This is unbelievable."

Puck just chuckled quietly. "I win."

"Asshole."

Puck was distinctly pleased with himself for the rest of Glee Club. I can't believe I fucked Rachel and lost the bet anyway. Where is the justice in that?

I have absolutely no idea what Santana and Puck's bet was, or what it was that Puck won exactly. You guys can just use your imaginations. Or something.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed, Humble Readers.

xxx