Welcome, ladies and gents, wizards and witches, Hippogriffs and 7th-years,
to Blade Malfoy's rendition of the fabulous, spectacular movie, Moulin
Rouge! I'd like to take this opportunity to say that, no, I don't own
either the Moulin Rouge or the Harry Potter series. All I really own is my
in-progress book, but no one really cares about that… Anyway, as I said
before, welcome! Please, lean back, relax, and enjoy this fanfiction.
Before we start I'd like to give a huge thanks to Iris Green for writing
the 'Arbre Rouge', the fantastic Lord of the Rings version of the Moulin
Rouge. All right, enough blabbing, on with the show!
(The movie opens to a far shot of a lone figure standing before a red curtain, arms raised as if to begin conducting.)
Ron: (from offstage) Uh, Ms. Blade, could we go over this one scene again? You know, the… uh… scene in the… you know…
Figure: (exasperated) No, Ron, we cannot go over the scene again! We've been over this scene a hundred times! Please, just go backstage and play your part!
Ron: Oh, all right then… (blushes red to the roots of his hair) I'll just go take my place… (begins walking offstage when another voice speaks)
Black: What's the holdup here?? This costume chafes!
Figure: Ron…
Black: Again? Ron, you've seen the movie, just go play your part!
Ron: …
Draco: (walks onstage behind Black) What in you-know-who's name is going on here? What's the holdup?
Figure: (points to Ron)
Draco: Weasly! Stop playing around!
Ron: But…
Black: (growls) Do I have to drag you offstage?
Ron: (gulps) No… (walks offstage, thoroughly chastened)
Draco: Thank god. (walks offstage with Black)
Figure: (shakes head, then raises arms again. Instruments suddenly flare to life, producing vibrant music that fills the room. The figure onstage conducts the music wildly, and after a few moments of this the curtains open to reveal the title, "The Griffandor Rouge". The theme from "The Sound of Music" blares in the background. The scene then changes to a city scene, and the camera sweeps upward towards a high tower, and a single wizard sits atop a neighboring turret, singing to the moon.)
There was a boy
A very strange, enchanter boy
They say he was really good at chess,
Wizard's chess, never beat was he…
And then one day,
One magic day, he passed my dorm
And while we spoke of many things,
Keys with wings,
This he said to me…
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return"
(The view soars out across a vast lake and to a grotto, where a wooden signboard over the oaken entrance door says "Hogwarts Castle". It flies through the castle halls, focusing on the 7th-year prostitutes, Slytherin drug-dealers, illegal dung-bomb smugglers, and Hufflepuffs lying passed out from alcohol in the hallway. Then the view soars through an open window into a dingy tower turret, where a young man, his chin covered in ill- groomed stubble, flash by. He sits at his desk, a quill and parchment unused before him. He sits in the corner of his room, his head in his hands. He stands before his desk, eyes filled with tears, arms at his side. Then, finally, he sits and picks his quill up with trembling fingers.)
Ron voice-over: The Griffandor Rouge: nightclub, dance hall, hogwarts house, run by 7th-year Harry Potter, home to the strange and beautiful 7th- years of the Griffandor House. The most beautiful was the 7th-year that I loved. Hermione – A house courtesan, she sold her love to the highest grader. (A faded, black-and-white shot of Hermione flashes onscreen briefly) The woman that I loved is… dead.
I first came to the 7th year one year ago. It was not as my father described it-
Arthur Weasly: A year of sin!
Ron voice-over: No, it was the center of the Hogwartisan revolution! Seers, transfigurers, potions masters, professors all flocked to the Castle Academy for some pleasurable time before the start of term. I came to live the penniless life of a graduating wizard. (Scene shows Ron moving into the dilapidated turret across from the Red Tower) I had come to learn about that which I believed in above all else: Truth, Freedom, Beauty, and Love. But there was one problem – I had never been in love!
Arthur Weasly: What is it with you and your ridiculous obsession with love?
Ron Voice-over: Just then, an unconscious werewolf fell through my roof!
(Lupin comes crashing down through the wooden floorboards of the room above and dangles, suspended by a cable wrapped around his hind paw)
He was shortly followed by a Slytherin dressed as a muggle.
(Draco walks in the door followed by Black, Neville, and Goyle)
Draco: I'm terribly sorry – he has this condition, you see. Wolf-man one moment, wizard the next. I had to knock him out to keep him from biting us! (walks over to the dangling werewolf and jabs him with his wand) Wakey- wakey!
Ron voice-over: They were rehersing a play, something very modern, called 'Spectacular! Spectacular!' for the Griffandor Rouge and Harry.
Goyle: (sarcastically) Well, this is wonderful! The unconscious werewolf will be unable to read his part, and we will not have the scene ready on time unless we can find someone else to play the part of the young, sensitive Defense against the Dark Arts professor!
(All look to Ron)
Ron Voiceover: Before I knew it, I was standing in for the unconscious professor. However, there seemed to be some creative disputes.
(The wizards are rehearsing in the tiny room above Ron's, and things aren't going too well. Black is attempting to rig up the lights, but only manages to shoot sparks from the tip of his wand. Neville hums a few discordant notes while trying to tune a guitar, and Draco is attempting to sing Goyle's lyrics)
Draco: The castle rings with the notes of magical gongs-
Black: (to Draco) That doesn't sound right. Why would the castle ring-
Draco: Of course it would ring!
Neville: How about, the Castle is vital with the chimes of magical bells?
Ron: The Castle is alive-
Goyle: No, no, no!
Ron: The Castle is alive-
Lupin: (briefly becomes human again) The castle echoes with the symphonies of the 7th-years! (becomes a werewolf again and gets knocked out by Draco)
(All turn to stare at Lupin for a moment before returning to their bickering)
Ron: (launches into song) The Castle is alive with the sound of music!
(All pause and stare, stunned)
Lupin: (becomes human again) The Castle is alive! I love it!
Neville: (strums the notes) The castle is alive?
Ron: With songs it has sung for a thousand years!
(The revolutionaries go wild)
Draco: Brilliant! You and Goyle should do the show together!
Ron Voice-over: But Goyle and I doing the show together was not what Goyle wanted to hear.
Goyle: (leaves the tower in a huff) Goodbye!
Neville: (nervously) Oh dear. Whatever will Harry say? (To Ron) No offence, but have you ever written anything like this before?
Lupin: Nonsense! The boy has talent! (goes to lean on the wall but leans on Ron, in a rather personal area, instead) (embarrassed) No funny business. I just like talent.
Ron voice-over: But a shadow of doubt had been planted in my mind. I simply couldn't get my father's words out of my head!
Arthur Weasly: You'll end up wasting your life at that Griffandor Rouge with a bloody Griffandor whore!
Ron: (edging towards the door) Ah, no! I'm sorry, I can't write 'Spectacular! Spectacular!' for you! I don't even know if I am a true Hogwartsien Revolutionary!
(The other wizards corner him)
Lupin: Do you believe in freedom?
Ron: Yes…
Black: Truth?
Ron: Yes.
Neville: Beauty?
Ron: Of course!
Draco: Love??
Ron: (pauses, staring at the others with disbelief written on his face) Love? Above all things I believe in love. Love is like… winning Quiddich! Love is a many splendid thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love!
(The wizards all smile benignly at their new revolutionary)
Draco: You can't fool us! You're the voice of the children of the revolution!
Ron voice-over: They devised a plan. I would wear Draco's best dress robes and they would pass me off as a famous writer from Durmstrang. They would then procure for me a private meeting with Hermione, the star of the Griffandor Rouge. After a private poetry reading she would insist to Harry that I write the show.
Draco: Here's to your first job in Hogwarts! (passes out goblets full of a bubbling, foul-smelling brew to the wizards)
Ron voice-over: I would also get my first taste of… butterbeer!
(Everyone downs the beer. Suddenly a virulent green light illuminates their faces and the little green snake logo pops off the labels on their butterbeer bottles. The snake starts dancing in front of the revolutionaries)
Snake: Hello, I'm the green basalisk! (Slithers away and sings) The castle is alive with the sound of music! (mesmerizes the drunken wizards, and they start singing off-key to all of Hogwarts)
Revolutionaries: Beauty, freedom truth and loooooove!
Snake: (with wizards as backup) The Castle is alive with the sound of music!
Wizards: No you won't fool the children of the revolution!
(The movie opens to a far shot of a lone figure standing before a red curtain, arms raised as if to begin conducting.)
Ron: (from offstage) Uh, Ms. Blade, could we go over this one scene again? You know, the… uh… scene in the… you know…
Figure: (exasperated) No, Ron, we cannot go over the scene again! We've been over this scene a hundred times! Please, just go backstage and play your part!
Ron: Oh, all right then… (blushes red to the roots of his hair) I'll just go take my place… (begins walking offstage when another voice speaks)
Black: What's the holdup here?? This costume chafes!
Figure: Ron…
Black: Again? Ron, you've seen the movie, just go play your part!
Ron: …
Draco: (walks onstage behind Black) What in you-know-who's name is going on here? What's the holdup?
Figure: (points to Ron)
Draco: Weasly! Stop playing around!
Ron: But…
Black: (growls) Do I have to drag you offstage?
Ron: (gulps) No… (walks offstage, thoroughly chastened)
Draco: Thank god. (walks offstage with Black)
Figure: (shakes head, then raises arms again. Instruments suddenly flare to life, producing vibrant music that fills the room. The figure onstage conducts the music wildly, and after a few moments of this the curtains open to reveal the title, "The Griffandor Rouge". The theme from "The Sound of Music" blares in the background. The scene then changes to a city scene, and the camera sweeps upward towards a high tower, and a single wizard sits atop a neighboring turret, singing to the moon.)
There was a boy
A very strange, enchanter boy
They say he was really good at chess,
Wizard's chess, never beat was he…
And then one day,
One magic day, he passed my dorm
And while we spoke of many things,
Keys with wings,
This he said to me…
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return"
(The view soars out across a vast lake and to a grotto, where a wooden signboard over the oaken entrance door says "Hogwarts Castle". It flies through the castle halls, focusing on the 7th-year prostitutes, Slytherin drug-dealers, illegal dung-bomb smugglers, and Hufflepuffs lying passed out from alcohol in the hallway. Then the view soars through an open window into a dingy tower turret, where a young man, his chin covered in ill- groomed stubble, flash by. He sits at his desk, a quill and parchment unused before him. He sits in the corner of his room, his head in his hands. He stands before his desk, eyes filled with tears, arms at his side. Then, finally, he sits and picks his quill up with trembling fingers.)
Ron voice-over: The Griffandor Rouge: nightclub, dance hall, hogwarts house, run by 7th-year Harry Potter, home to the strange and beautiful 7th- years of the Griffandor House. The most beautiful was the 7th-year that I loved. Hermione – A house courtesan, she sold her love to the highest grader. (A faded, black-and-white shot of Hermione flashes onscreen briefly) The woman that I loved is… dead.
I first came to the 7th year one year ago. It was not as my father described it-
Arthur Weasly: A year of sin!
Ron voice-over: No, it was the center of the Hogwartisan revolution! Seers, transfigurers, potions masters, professors all flocked to the Castle Academy for some pleasurable time before the start of term. I came to live the penniless life of a graduating wizard. (Scene shows Ron moving into the dilapidated turret across from the Red Tower) I had come to learn about that which I believed in above all else: Truth, Freedom, Beauty, and Love. But there was one problem – I had never been in love!
Arthur Weasly: What is it with you and your ridiculous obsession with love?
Ron Voice-over: Just then, an unconscious werewolf fell through my roof!
(Lupin comes crashing down through the wooden floorboards of the room above and dangles, suspended by a cable wrapped around his hind paw)
He was shortly followed by a Slytherin dressed as a muggle.
(Draco walks in the door followed by Black, Neville, and Goyle)
Draco: I'm terribly sorry – he has this condition, you see. Wolf-man one moment, wizard the next. I had to knock him out to keep him from biting us! (walks over to the dangling werewolf and jabs him with his wand) Wakey- wakey!
Ron voice-over: They were rehersing a play, something very modern, called 'Spectacular! Spectacular!' for the Griffandor Rouge and Harry.
Goyle: (sarcastically) Well, this is wonderful! The unconscious werewolf will be unable to read his part, and we will not have the scene ready on time unless we can find someone else to play the part of the young, sensitive Defense against the Dark Arts professor!
(All look to Ron)
Ron Voiceover: Before I knew it, I was standing in for the unconscious professor. However, there seemed to be some creative disputes.
(The wizards are rehearsing in the tiny room above Ron's, and things aren't going too well. Black is attempting to rig up the lights, but only manages to shoot sparks from the tip of his wand. Neville hums a few discordant notes while trying to tune a guitar, and Draco is attempting to sing Goyle's lyrics)
Draco: The castle rings with the notes of magical gongs-
Black: (to Draco) That doesn't sound right. Why would the castle ring-
Draco: Of course it would ring!
Neville: How about, the Castle is vital with the chimes of magical bells?
Ron: The Castle is alive-
Goyle: No, no, no!
Ron: The Castle is alive-
Lupin: (briefly becomes human again) The castle echoes with the symphonies of the 7th-years! (becomes a werewolf again and gets knocked out by Draco)
(All turn to stare at Lupin for a moment before returning to their bickering)
Ron: (launches into song) The Castle is alive with the sound of music!
(All pause and stare, stunned)
Lupin: (becomes human again) The Castle is alive! I love it!
Neville: (strums the notes) The castle is alive?
Ron: With songs it has sung for a thousand years!
(The revolutionaries go wild)
Draco: Brilliant! You and Goyle should do the show together!
Ron Voice-over: But Goyle and I doing the show together was not what Goyle wanted to hear.
Goyle: (leaves the tower in a huff) Goodbye!
Neville: (nervously) Oh dear. Whatever will Harry say? (To Ron) No offence, but have you ever written anything like this before?
Lupin: Nonsense! The boy has talent! (goes to lean on the wall but leans on Ron, in a rather personal area, instead) (embarrassed) No funny business. I just like talent.
Ron voice-over: But a shadow of doubt had been planted in my mind. I simply couldn't get my father's words out of my head!
Arthur Weasly: You'll end up wasting your life at that Griffandor Rouge with a bloody Griffandor whore!
Ron: (edging towards the door) Ah, no! I'm sorry, I can't write 'Spectacular! Spectacular!' for you! I don't even know if I am a true Hogwartsien Revolutionary!
(The other wizards corner him)
Lupin: Do you believe in freedom?
Ron: Yes…
Black: Truth?
Ron: Yes.
Neville: Beauty?
Ron: Of course!
Draco: Love??
Ron: (pauses, staring at the others with disbelief written on his face) Love? Above all things I believe in love. Love is like… winning Quiddich! Love is a many splendid thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love!
(The wizards all smile benignly at their new revolutionary)
Draco: You can't fool us! You're the voice of the children of the revolution!
Ron voice-over: They devised a plan. I would wear Draco's best dress robes and they would pass me off as a famous writer from Durmstrang. They would then procure for me a private meeting with Hermione, the star of the Griffandor Rouge. After a private poetry reading she would insist to Harry that I write the show.
Draco: Here's to your first job in Hogwarts! (passes out goblets full of a bubbling, foul-smelling brew to the wizards)
Ron voice-over: I would also get my first taste of… butterbeer!
(Everyone downs the beer. Suddenly a virulent green light illuminates their faces and the little green snake logo pops off the labels on their butterbeer bottles. The snake starts dancing in front of the revolutionaries)
Snake: Hello, I'm the green basalisk! (Slithers away and sings) The castle is alive with the sound of music! (mesmerizes the drunken wizards, and they start singing off-key to all of Hogwarts)
Revolutionaries: Beauty, freedom truth and loooooove!
Snake: (with wizards as backup) The Castle is alive with the sound of music!
Wizards: No you won't fool the children of the revolution!