Part 2/2

AN:Sorry for the delay in getting the final part of this up! But thank you for the reviews and story alerts, I hope you're still keen to read this after a few weeks of no updates. Anyway, it ended up a little more angsty than I envisaged, I don't how that happens sometimes. I tend to end up somewhere where I didn't intend on going, but hopefully it's still enjoyable to read. :-)

Thanks for reading.

XXXX

There's little worse than the sound of a pager, emitting unrelenting consecutive beeps in the early hours of the morning. Right at the time when most people are finally managing to catch a few hours of deep sleep, the sound infiltrates with the tenderness of a sledgehammer. Most on call hospital staff have a strategy for managing the horrific experience of being jerked awake and Callie and Arizona were no different. Their pagers were placed across the room, just before they settled in to bed. Usually they were placed in the pocket of a bag but occasionally, Arizona would pile a jacket or cushion over the top of them, just enough to dull the noise that would potentially wake them in anything from a few minutes to a few hours.

Still, there was a phenomenon that was far crueller than actually receiving a page; like it or not, there's something worthwhile about dragging yourself out of bed and finding an urgent trauma respond message or a 911. More horrific though, was getting out of bed, heart thumping at being jolted out of a dream only to find a completely blank screen. Nothing but the time and date.

Which is exactly where Arizona found herself, holding both her and Callie's pagers in her hands, pressing buttons and rubbing at her eyes trying to clear her vision. A glance back to the digital clock on Callie's side of the bed showed the time to be 03:19 and although her wife was stirring, her eyes were still tightly closed with dark hair twisted and knotted across her face. It took another few seconds for Arizona to convince herself that neither of them were urgently needed at the hospital before she frustratingly took the few steps back to the bed.

"What are you doing?" Callie asked, blindly patting at Arizona as she slid under the covers and fell back onto her pillow, shaking her head towards the ceiling. Refusing to open her eyes, Callie felt her way over Arizona's arm and stomach until her hand came to rest on her hip, forearm lightly draped across her pelvis.

Arizona sighed, a long exasperated growl being released as she exhaled. "I think I dreamt the stupid pager went off. I swear I heard it."

Callie laughed silently, her shoulders moving slightly. "No messages?"

"Nope, nothing. Seriously, can we not even get sleep when we're not being called in?"

"Just close your eyes," Callie murmured, dismissing the blonde's obvious frustration. "Before one actually goes off."

"I'm wide awake now," Arizona complained, body tense and fidgeting in irritation. Callie laughed lightly, finally opening her eyes and shuffling closer so she shared the blonde's pillow. "Don't laugh at me, you did it once too."

"I know, I'm not laughing at you. Just with you."

"I don't think I'm laughing so much."

"I've told you the story of Christina and the pay phone right?" Arizona shook her head in the darkness, kicking at the duvet until her foot slipped out the side, attempting to regulate her temperature. "I woke up to her fumbling at the door, she had been outside to use the phone on the street to call emergency, because she had dreamt none of the phones in the apartment worked. Honestly, I've never laughed so hard. Couldn't have happened to a better person!"

Arizona chuckled lightly, rubbing at her eyes and pushing hair back from her forehead. "And what, she had no idea?"

"Oh no, by the time she came back she knew; it just made perfect sense when she was completely out cold in the middle of the night and had a non emergent page…I would have loved to have seen her face when she realised."

"Hilarious."

"Anymore stories needed or are you actually going to relax and go back to sleep?"

They had each been chaotically busy for a few days, long hours at the hospital and short, interrupted nights at home. A high-speed pile up meant multi-traumas had inundated the ER and days of constant surgeries for Callie. Arizona had been focussed on the little girl on her ward, several family meetings needed before a consensus was reached – there would be no more surgeries. They had tried to get her home, but her parents had brought her back only hours later, distressed by some mild shortness of breath and breakthrough pain. She was slowly dying, most hours of the day spent drowsy and barely rousable, just a few moments of lucidity for her already grieving parents to hold on to.

The past four days had brought exhaustion fuelled sleep but relaxation? No; definitely not. "Doesn't sleep seem like a foreign concept at the moment? It's been a crazy week."

"Mmmm," Callie murmured in agreement, rolling her head against the pillow to press a lingering kiss to Arizona's cheek. She pursed her lips and held them against the smooth skin for a few seconds, inhaling through her nose before separating her lips into a quiet kiss and settling back. "Guess so. Busy week, hey?"

Arizona nodded into the darkness, finding Callie's arm across her hip and curling both of her palms against the tight forearm. They both had exceptionally toned arms; the fine motor skills required of a surgeon meant the usually weak muscles were strong and taut. They would all make good rock-climbers should their acclaimed careers ever fail. "I can't believe Sofia slept through last night, I wasn't even here to appreciate it."

"Miracle, really. That child's stubbornness is going to be the end of us."

"She's so you, you know that right?" Arizona said, tone light while her thumbs began slow, deliberate circular patterns.

Callie exaggeratedly huffed, shrugging her shoulders. "Yeah, perhaps. The temper and lack of tolerance, for sure."

Laughing, Arizona let her head fall so her forehead rested against Callie's temple, her heart rate finally slowing enough to allow her to relax slightly. "And perhaps her absolute cuteness, not to mention a fiercely protective streak, did you see the death stare she gave Mark when he dropped that glass at my feet?"

Callie rolled her eyes, she didn't mention the fact that she had accidently let a few expletives escape under her breath as she was forced to clean up the mess whilst Arizona stood barefoot and unmoving amongst the glass, with Sofia held securely to her hip. The toddler had watched the scene intently; waving hesitantly whilst one arm held tightly to Arizona's neck when Mark was ushered out the door and Callie continued to mutter. She had insisted on sitting on Arizona's lap on the sofa, uncharacteristically quiet until the mention of icecream drew her suddenly away, eyes wide as she slid to the floor and rushed to her highchair. "It wasn't just Mark she gave the evil eye to, she wasn't letting you out of her sight until I bribed her with chocolate sprinkles."

"She was confused, she thought you and Mark were angry at me. She knew which side to pick."

Callie grinned, tugging at Arizona's hip to press their bodies closer together. "We have to look after our blond haired, blue eyed Mama; all little and innocent."

"What?" Arizona asked in fake defiance, her silent laughs quickly betraying her efforts. Sofia had only recently started looking intensely between them when they were playing with her or lazing out on the floor together. She would hold her index finger up and point to each of their eyes and hair; as if trying to conceptualise. Sometimes she would bundle a handful of Callie's hair in her small fist and declare, Sofia's hair. Arizona would predictably smile and nod, just like Mommy's hair; Sofia's just like Mommy. There was always the smallest hint of sadness that could creep into Arizona's expression when she least expected it, the tiniest reminder that Sofia bore no biological connection to her. She had long since made her peace, but as time progressed she started to desire a tiny human, with blond curls and haunting blue eyes.

Then she went to work and the wish vanished. Life was never simple.

"Really? I need looking after, hey?" Arizona eventually responded, aware that she had taken just a little too long to answer.

Callie nodded eagerly, slipping a leg to drape over Arizona's. "Oh yeah, absolutely. You're ours I'm afraid; I pity anyone who tries to get through Sofia and I." Arizona grinned into the night though her satisfaction went unnoticed in the darkness. A few minutes passed in silence, their bodies still with the exception of gentle fingers tracing patterns against skin. "Sleepy?" Callie asked eventually, though she earned only a shrug in response. "No?"

"You go back to sleep," Arizona instructed. "I'm good."

"But not sleepy?" Callie repeated.

"Nah, but it's okay. I'm very happy lying here; not a chance I'm getting up."

"You don't sleep well enough, you make a terrible shift worker."

"I know, I've always been a crappy sleeper. Even when I was a kid, Mom would have to drag Tim up for school but I had always been awake for ages."

"I can sleep anywhere, an hour between surgeries; a nap sitting in a chair at triage."

"Through a movie…in a cab…on the floor…" Arizona added with a small chuckle.

Callie pressed her fingers into Arizona's side, earning a brief squirm. "Hey, play nice. You're just jealous," she teased.

"Shhh, go back to sleep."

They lapsed back into silence, aware of each other's conscious state by the gentle, rhythmic movements of their hands and fingers. They did it without really thinking; just the slightest of movements that seemed to send a simple message, though it varied given the circumstances. The open palm that would linger lightly over the small of the back at work, the lightest of pressure against the synthetic material of hospital scrubs. Out to dinner or drinks and it was the fingers that would curl against each other, locking together at the knuckles.

"We need a vacation," Callie mumbled randomly, feeling Arizona startle slightly under her at the sudden noise. "Sorry."

"Sounds great to me, though I'm not sure I can get leave until later in the year."

"Me neither, but it's good to fantasise."

Arizona laughed lightly. "How about a long weekend somewhere, we could take Sofia to the beach. Or a vineyard, I suspect she would enjoy the beach more though," she joked.

"We could go visit your parents, we haven't seen them in ages – what's it been? Over a year…almost two?"

"Why? We could go visit your parents too, you know."

"Yeah we could, but your parents tend to be actually enjoy seeing both of us – together. My mother is still pretending that my existence is some kind of fictional story."

Arizona shrugged, shifting her hips under Callie's hand. "I don't know, surely the ocean and sand is far more appealing."

"Have you talked to them lately?"

Sighing heavily, Arizona again squirmed and kicked at the sheets around her feet. "You should be sleeping, Calliope." It was a poor attempt at diverting the conversation and the intent didn't go unnoticed as Callie rolled her head off the pillow and moved her elbow to hold her upper body up.

"You know when I first met you, you would talk to your Mom almost every day. I used to think it was so strange."

"Callie."

"Nope, don't 'Callie' me, you've been far too avoidant lately. What's going on?"

"You're going to give me the Spanish inquisition over when I last spoke with my parents? When was the last time you spoke with your Mom?" Arizona felt her face flush, as she changed her strategy, not even consciously aware but not wanting to answer what Callie was curiously exploring. So much had changed for her when Sofia rushed into their lives and so much of it, she hadn't even tried to address. When she thought about it, she felt completely overwhelmed so she didn't. Didn't think about it. She didn't think about Sofia's conception; the dream that she had to reconstruct just so that she could live each day, with a man in her life that she had forced herself to tolerate. She didn't think about her parents or the harsh words they had muttered to her, just a few days before her wedding; how compromised she felt in keeping up the façade when her father walked her down the aisle. She didn't think about her brother, how he would have chased Sofia around a park for hours and then after putting her to bed, he would have poured her a glass of wine and read her mind. He would have told her that she was so much better than this, that she had moved past the fiercely self protective woman, who built walls so thick and high that no one could nudge inside.

"You might recall my mother Arizona, she was the crazy one that didn't attend our wedding; the one that has never held our daughter. And for the record, I spoke with my father two days ago, Mom has a throat infection of which I suggested which antibiotic would help and got filled in on the details of the latest imbecilic loser my sister has been dating." Callie sighed heavily, disappointed by how quickly Arizona had skilfully distracted her. It was hardly the hour for in-depth discussions, but they so rarely had time together. Callie had gradually noticed small things, little comments that Arizona would make or the distracted look she get occasionally. But with their chaotic lives, it was so easy to forget or just let the small things slide. The big issues they could fight about or negotiate over, but more often than not, the little things probably had the biggest meaning in their lives yet they were left unsaid.

"How about we just drop it and go back to sleep," Arizona suggested quietly, removing Callie's arm from her stomach and curling on to her side. She pushed at her pillow, positioning it under her neck, facing Callie but keeping her eyes fixated on the sheets.

"Don't shut down from me; when you disappear we have trouble. And I don't want us to have trouble," Callie whispered after spending a few seconds trying to phrase herself carefully. "A few days ago you did this – isn't it better when we actually talk?" She kept herself propped up, using her free hand to trace the contour of Arizona's jaw.

"Of course, it's not like I can say that we shouldn't. And we do, we communicate well don't we? Anything with Sofia or work."

"Yeah for sure. Anything but you, we talk about anything but you." A slight sarcasm edged into Callie's tone though she gently stroked Arizona's cheek in an effort to soften the unintentional blow. It was one of the worst things she could do, trying to corner Arizona; she would just feel trapped and the response would be to withdraw further. She would play the superficial game for a few days, but the smiles wouldn't meet her eyes and her affection wouldn't extend past a chaste kiss. And then things would be okay; the events forgotten but not addressed.

Arizona arched her back and pressed her head into the pillow, her eyes wide and directed to the slight light across the ceiling. "If you have something to say Calliope, say it. I was just checking our pagers and then suddenly you're attacking me over what? Not being emotionally available? I think I missed a few steps."

"That's not what I said…at all. Come on," Callie pleaded quietly, lowering her arm to rest over Arizona's chest, her fingers curled against her collarbone. She leaned forward and pressed a prolonged kiss to Arizona's lips, relieved when it was returned. Repeating her action from earlier, she pushed herself closer until her cheek could rest onto the curve of her wife's shoulder, blond hair mixing with brown.

"Sorry. Does it help if I know I'm being defensive?" Arizona asked sheepishly, the oscillation between emotions exhausting, though like most people, the exterior simply created a distraction from the reality. They lay in silence again, minutes having passed when Arizona traced her fingers along Callie's arm and slipped their fingers together. "He said I failed," she eventually said in a rush of air, licking her lips.

Callie waited momentarily, searching her mind for the connecting pieces, unsure if she was meant to comprehend the meaning behind the words. "I'm not sure I'm following," she prompted when Arizona didn't elaborate.

"Before our wedding, he said I failed. It's not like your Mom, it's not about your gender."

"Your Dad thinks you failed by marrying me?"

"I didn't want you to know, I didn't want you to think that I in any way share his ridiculous opinion."

"I'm not good enough for you?"

Arizona sighed, there was a reason she had kept this to herself for so long. "He's just, well, he just lives by strict rules, Calliope. In his world, I would get married and we would have his grandchild; there's so much that he hasn't had control over and he's frustrated."

"Oh…this is about Sofia?" Sometimes Callie felt like she was trying to put pieces of a puzzle together. Arizona had an uncanny ability to give half pieces of information and hope that Callie could draw the correct conclusions without her actually having to articulate it. Still, she persisted; if she didn't, the moment could be so quickly lost. She had been there before.

"Sort of, I guess. It's about Mark and you; and about how he thought I would live my life. He had our entire lives mapped out, from the moment we were born and it's screwed up in so many ways."

"He didn't want you to marry me."

"No." Arizona squeezed Callie's hand tightly, tears trickling from her eyes and over her temples, mixing with her tangled hair.

"What did he say to you?" Callie knew that Arizona was quietly crying, but she was almost frozen, glued to the information and petrified that any movement would halt the sudden disclosure.

Arizona shook her head. "It doesn't matter, really. It's his opinion, his stupid need for this perfect image of a perfect life."

"Yeah, but what did he say to you?"

"He just went on about Tim and how he would have made such an awesome father; how he would have given him a grandchild and carried on the whole family name thing."

"And that you were doing it wrong?"

"Yeah. He's just angry that I didn't do what he had conceptualised; he offered to pay for me to go back to Africa if I didn't marry you and didn't have a part of Sofia's life."

Callie exhaled loudly, laughing almost in disbelief. "Bloody hell."

"I'm so angry at him, you know. The way he raised us – Tim and I, we were strong and successful but we were only like that because we were scared. He doesn't get to tell me who to call my child when he was far from perfect."

"What would Tim have said about it all?"

Arizona chuckled lightly, breathing slowly to contain her emotion. "He probably would have said screw him, or some variation of a profanity. When he was deployed, Tim's only issue was that we wouldn't be able to talk every week and debrief over Dad. He was worried that he wouldn't be here for me, though he never considered he wouldn't come back. He understood that weird family dynamic we have; typical military family hey? Such a cover of an alliance, we were so well trained – it's hard to explain."

Callie nodded against Arizona's chest, pressing a kiss to the curve of her breast. "You guys moved so much, I guess it was so different to my upbringing. You know, millions of cousins and random family members constantly around. There were just the four of you."

"Just Tim and I really. He would have loved Sofia, would have been here as often as he could, spoiling her."

As if on cue, the baby monitor they still used for Sofia, exhibited a brief loud and high-pitched cry before falling quickly quiet again. They both waited anxiously, unmoving, as if that would help soothe the child back to sleep. They were greeted with success. "Mmm," Callie murmured. "I think she's going to be a sleep talker, she's just started calling out in her sleep."

"Nightmares?" Arizona questioned.

"Maybe – just like her Mama," Callie teased gently, gripping her hand tightly. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Now you ask?"

"I was trying to be nice!"

"Yes, Calliope, ask away."

"Your Dad was pretty violent, yeah?"

Arizona drew in a sharp breath and closed her eyes. "It's hard to explain."

"Try?"

"He…he treated us like we were one of his personnel; if we broke a rule, there were consequences. It wasn't like he would suddenly snap; we would know what and when our punishment would be. Present to the office at 16:00 for fifty push-ups and we knew there would be a massive wooden ruler being hit against our back for the number of times we fell short of fifty."

"My God…"

"Not getting an 'A' at school, not making the track team, forgetting to take the rubbish out, leaving a shirt on the floor – you get the picture."

"How was he possibly accepting of your sexuality?" Callie asked in amazement.

"They always knew; pre-empted it I suppose. They knew before I did, forewarned is forearmed if you ask my Father."

"It just sounds, I don't know what the right word is. Horrific. Awful," Callie whispered.

"It wasn't always and we all have pasts. Most of us have something crappy."

"I think you've had your fair share, Arizona." Callie's voice was soft and she had some awareness that the enigma that was Arizona's childhood would only slowly be revealed; probably over decades. "I meant what I said the other night, I won't ever hit Sofia."

A fresh swell of tears filled Arizona's eyes. "I know it's not all or nothing, but on this. Can it just be on this?" Her voice was strained, the words pushed out with an almost tortured roughness.

"Yes. A million times over, yes." Callie moved awkwardly, shuffling up the bed in an effort to tug Arizona into her body. She reached for the thick duvet and pulled it higher on their bodies, enveloping Arizona with a rush of light kisses to the edge of her eye, wetness under her lips.

Arizona slowly relaxed into her, taking a fistful of Callie's shirt into her grasp. "I miss them, I miss Tim. I feel so…" she trailed off, shrugging and pressing her forehead into the edge of Callie's armpit. So alone.

"I know. But Sofia and I, we've got your back. And we're not going anywhere."

Arizona shuddered slightly, crying quietly. "Good," she eventually said, repeating her sentiment from a few days prior.

Sometimes the weight feels so much lighter when it's shared. And sometimes, people are stronger than they are given credit for, they don't stumble or falter under the pressure, the heaviness. They just stand taller and hold on tighter.

XXXX

Fin.