Disclaimer: I don't own one piece.

Warnings: this installment references many gruesome or grotesque elements and borders on the macabre.

Note: I will change the "character" properties with each posting to reflect the pairing in the latest chapter. Also as it is AU ages are fudged a little bit. Last installment Franky was the father of Zoro, Sanji and Usopp. Etc. So some characters may seem even older than in cannon, but it's mostly to fill the particular role in the fairy tale.

A Case of the Willies

In a village surrounded by windmills, a large man lived with his two young grandsons. The elder of the two was a sharp dependable boy who could be counted on to pull his weight around the mill, but the younger son was a silly sort of boy who couldn't do much of anything. As he grew, the grandfather attempted to give the younger brother chores and responsibilities, but it was to no avail- messages were forgotten instantly, manual labor would go horribly awry, and the boy had no talent with letters or numbers so book keeping was out of the question.

"What am I going to do with you?" Grandfather Garp asked the younger son. "You need to be more like your brother Usopp! He can deliver messages and he can set himself to any handy work needed around the mill."

Luffy, the younger brother, pouted, "But that's not true! Usopp can't do everything. He won't deliver your messages too close to evening time since he's too scared to go by the graveyard at night!" It might have been one small fault, but being slighted, Luffy needed to point it out.

It was true. Though the older son was a practical sort of boy, even bringing up the graveyard in conversation was enough to make him shiver all over. "T-that's n-not fair Luffy! I t-take messages all the time! But going into a graveyard at night gives me the w-w-w-willies!"

"Oooooh!" Said Luffy with eyes as round as saucers, "What's the w-w-w-willies?"

"It's when your body shivers and shakes all over!" Usopp informed pointing a finger at his brother.

"Woah!" said Luffy. What terribly exciting feeling could it be that was so powerful it could make you shiver and shake all over? Luffy desperately wanted to find out! The only problem was that he'd been by the graveyard plenty of times at night, but he'd never run into something that made him feel this way. Giving a small defeated sigh, Luffy was abruptly pulled out of his fancy by a large fist pounding the back of his head.

"It's time for you to learn to be useful!" Garp shouted at his youngest grandson.

As Luffy rubbed the back of his shaggy black hair, he grinned and said, "You're right Gramps! I know if I learn how to shiver and shake like Usopp I'll be very useful!"

Garp slap himself in the forehead with a groan- there was no use refuting an idiot's logic. With an annoyed noise, Garp used his fist-of-love to knock some sense into the boy.

Later when Garp complained about the youngest drain on his income, the minister smiled and pushed his long blue hair back from his forehead.

"Ow! Let me take that boy for a few days! I know a SU-PER way to give him the willies he wants. Then he'll be so scared it'll turn him into a SU-PER worker."

And so that night, Garp collected his younger son and dropped him on the minister's doorstep. "The Minister will teach you how to shiver and shake and then you can put this foolish notion behind you and become a practical worker!"

"Awesome!" Luffy said for he really wanted to learn how to get the willies.

The minister explained to Luffy that it was his job to ring the bell up in the bell tower for mass. Luffy accepted this job eagerly hoping beyond hope that the job would give him the willies. The bells were located at the top of an old tower that was on the hill above the graveyard. Inside the tower there was little light and plenty of shadows. More than once the minister had been told that the belfry was too creepy and ringer after ringer quit. He'd use the atmosphere to scare the boy once and for all after he got used to the job.

"Ow! Straw Hat Boy!" the booming voice of the minister called from the hall, "Time to ring the bells!"

The fearless boy bounded off straight through the cemetery, up the steps that lead to the stone tower, to climb the old broken-down tower and ring the bell for the evening mass. On the way back to his small apartment, he dawdled in the graveyard thinking this might help his goal, but there was nothing there but bunches of flowers swaying lightly in the warm evening breeze.

On the third night of Luffy's new employment, the minister roused Luffy five minutes before midnight saying he needed to go ring the at this late hour! Then the minister left in a dash to execute his plan to spook the boy.

Laughing to himself, the minister thought, "Ow! I've got that Straw Hat Kid now! Once he sees me posing as a ghost in the graveyard, he will surly get the willies and his grandfather will make a generous donation to the church! It will be... SUUUUUUPER!"

Snickering, the minister dawned a white sheet and headed out to wait at the top of the stairs leading to the bell tower. He'd played this trick a couple of times on the bell ringers around all-saints day. It usually spooked them out of their skins.

With a giant yawn, Luffy rubbed the sleep from his eyes and stumbled half-awake and still in his pajamas out to the graveyard. He yawned again on the way, but straightened when he saw a cloaked white figure on the stair that did not belong. "Hey! Who's there?"

But the minister said nothing, he merely stood and let the sheet billow around him creepily.

"Be gone!" the youth commanded as he pointed at the figure. "You do not belong here and if you are trespassing I will throw you down the stairs!"

But surely the boy would not act so violently, the minister thought and said nothing. The boy must be putting on a ruse. If the Minister stood still as death long enough, the child would soon become afraid of the ghostly figure. The idea seemed sound to the minister, but Luffy had no mind for the uncanny; he saw not a ghost but an intruder.

"I'm warning you!" said Luffy, "this is your last chance. Say who you are or I will defend this yard by throwing you down the stairs, Trespasser!"

Again the minister assumed the boy was bluffing and held fast remaining silent.

So Luffy, being a man of his word, walked up to the large figure and pushed it down the stairs. It had been too startled to fight back. Satisfied that the Churchyard was now safe from the brigand, Luffy climbed the tower, rang the bell and returned to his bed.

In the morning, Luffy was woken by the minister's wife shaking his shoulders. "Have you seen my husband? Last night after he went to fetch you, he never returned! Do you have any idea where he could be? Do you think he was carried away and beaten by thieves in the night?"

Luffy liked the minister's wife because while she had a serious face, it would soften and become playful when she smiled. But she was not smiling right now. Her long raven hair fell about her worried face and she looked quite stricken.

"There was a figure last night on the stairs." Luffy mused, "I called out to it three times and he said nothing despite my warnings. I thought any figure who didn't want to say his name must be a vandal or a burglar so I pushed it down the stairs."

Indeed, when Luffy lead the Minister's wife through the yard, they found the Minister tangled up in his white sheet holding an obviously broken and painful leg.

Not an hour later, Garp was holding Luffy's shoulder in a grip too tight to be comfortable and gritting his teeth as the minister's wife chewed him out for his grandson's stupidity.

"I am sorry, Mrs. Robin. I will make sure the boy is thoroughly punished," affirmed Garp through his teeth.

When Garp had successfully dragged Luffy home, he boxed his ears and then reacquainted the boy with his fist-of-love. Then he handed the boy five thousand beli and told him to leave. "Don't you tell anyone who you are or where you came from! I am embarrassed to call you my grandson. From here out you will be on your own!"

Garp turned his back on the boy as Luffy eyed the money appreciatively and put it in his wallet. "Thanks Gramps!" he said sincerely. "I will go out and make my way in the world. And I'll be certain to learn what the willies are!"

Usopp shook his head sadly as his brother left- there was no hope for some people.

It was with a cheerful spirit that Luffy sped down the road singing about his quest to get the willies and just how much meat you could buy with five thousand beli. After he had walked most of the day, the town was a good distance behind him Luffy came upon a traveler in the road.

The tall blond man was smoking some tobacco and exhaled pointedly. "I'm sorry, did you just say you want to get the willies?" the man asked in a smooth voice. He had also heard the part about five thousand beli.

"Oh yes!" Luffy cried excitedly, "Do you know how to do it?"

"Sure kid," the man said slowly, "but if you get the willies, you are going to have to pay me."

"Oh?" asked Luffy tilting his head and scratching at his shaggy black hair, "How much?"

Tapping the goatee on his chin with one thin finger, the man said "That sort of thing will run you about five thousand beli!"

"Perfect!" shouted Luffy, "I have just enough."

The traveler raised one curly eyebrow expecting the boy to lament having to pay every cent he had or to try to bargain him down on the price. The kid really was a fool! "What's your name, kid?"

"Luffy," the youth piped brightly.

"Where do you come from?" the traveler was interested to know if the kid had any family around that was going to come beat him up if he swindled the kid.

Remembering that he wasn't supposed to say, Luffy looked to the left and whistled inconspicuously, "Don't remember."

"Hah," the man eyed the strange kid, "Alright then, Luffy. If you want to get the willies, come with me."

The traveler lead the kid to a place he had passed up the road where seven men had been hung in a tree- their stiff legs dangling just off the roadside. "Here, kid," the man started to say after exhaling more smoke, "here are seven men who just married the rope maker's daughters. Spend the night with them and you'll be sure to get the willies. I'll come back to ask you how it was in the morning."

With that the man began to walk up the road as the youth shouted, "Thanks sir! Hey, you never told me your name!" Learning a man's name was important for making friends.

The blond man turned around and cupped his hands around his mouth shouting, "Sanji."

"See you tomorrow, Sanji!" the shaggy haired boy called waving excitedly.

As the blond man left he shook his head. This would be the easiest five thousand beli he'd ever made.

After Sanji left, Luffy considered his strange companions- what a peculiar way to swing from a rope! Luffy enjoyed climbing and swinging as much any young boy did, but Luffy always swung with his hands. Using your neck like that just looked uncomfortable.

The sun had already started to go down, so Luffy made a small fire. He attempted to draw the seven men into a conversation, but the men were oddly silent. By dark, it had gotten quite chilly and Luffy scolded the seven for not having enough sense to stop their swinging to come get warm by the fire. With an annoyed sigh Luffy decided the polite thing to do was untie the men and bring them to the fire.

The first man was quite odd looking with long blue hair and a strangely colored nose-it actually appeared red! The second man had weird hair- or was it a hat- that went all around his head reminiscent of a lion's mane. Luffy continued untying the men and thought that they looked like a bunch of circus performers! And every one of them was as cold as ice.

"You lot are so quiet for it being your wedding night and all," Luffy said remembering Sanji's comment before. "Is being married such a terrible thing that you'd rather swing in a tree all night?"

But the men said nothing and even as Luffy watched, the first man's clothes caught fire. The blue-haired idiot didn't even attempt to put out the flames. Luffy swatted at the man's clothes and moved him back from the fire. "Help yourself man!" he shouted angrily, "you're going to burn!"

By the time the first man was safe, the second man was burning and then the third. Luffy rushed about rescuing the men from the fire. "What a bunch of stupid men you are!" shouted Luffy. "If you won't save yourselves from the fire, I'm going to hang you back up!"

And that is exactly what Luffy did. When Sanji came to collect his five thousand beli in the morning he was shocked to find Luffy sleeping comfortably under the seven dead men's feet. "Ah Sanji!" the youth said waking up, "these men were poor company. I took them down so they could warm themselves by the fire and these men let themselves catch fire! They didn't even try to put their fires out; all their clothing burned off! I had to hang them back up to keep them from burning. I don't know why you thought I could learn a thing from them!"

The blond traveler's face had gone so slack-jawed that the cigarette fell from his lips. "What sort of a shitty moron are you?" Sanji shouted as he left the man alone in the road.

With a confused shrug, Luffy set out again. It wasn't long before the boy had come to an inn and he was glad since he was very hungry. Almost before he had made it inside, Luffy shouted, "MEAT!"

The green haired innkeeper laughed at the kid's spirit. "Hey, Coby!" the man shouted to a shorter pink haired fellow bringing people food, "get that guy some meat and a sake!"

Luffy accepted both readily and devoured them in seconds. "More!" he shouted. The strange boy with the straw hat kept Coby running after more food all afternoon. The innkeeper was laughing as he watched the waiter running. It had been a long time since someone with that much spunk had come into his bar.

"You passing through or what kid?" the one-eyed innkeeper asked.

"Yeah!" Luffy said his mouth full of meat.

Too bad, the kid looked strong and it had been a while since he'd been able to test his swords against a good opponent. "Where you headed?" the man asked.

"To look for the willies!" was Luffy's excited answer and then began to tell the man his odd story.

The tale amused the innkeeper and he laughed harder than he had in months. "Well, Luffy," he said after learning the youth's name, "you know where you need to go if you really want to learn about the willies?"

"Master Zoro! No!" shouted Coby from the other end of the bar, "it's too dangerous! People go there and never come back!"

"Don't you have a floor to sweep or something?" the older man yelled. "Anyway," Zoro continued to Luffy, "There is a cursed castle up on a nearby hill. And the Queen has promised that anyone who can spend three nights in the castle and break the curse will get her daughter's hand in marriage! Plus all the riches in the castle- it's enough money that you'd never need work again."

"Well, I don't really care about money or marriage," said Luffy screwing his face up in concentration, "but if the castle is really that terrible, it might just teach me how to get the willies!"

"That's the spirit!" said Zoro, "I'll take you where you need to go!"

"Oh the bill," Luffy said as he reached for his wallet.

"No worries," the innkeeper laughed grinning like a shark, "It's on Coby!"

The pink haired boy shouted as Zoro and the youth left the bar.

Eventually, Zoro led Luffy to a castle where the Queen lived. "First you make your case to the Queen and she will decide whether to let you into the castle."

The Queen was a terrifying figure, tall and lean with curves that made lesser men faint- curves which she had no qualms about showing off! From her golden snake encrusted throne, she looked down on them pointing her finger, "What is it that brought two such manner of men into my beautiful castle?"

Zoro bowed low in the appropriate manner and pushed Luffy's head down to follow suit. "Your Highness Queen Hancock," Zoro started, "this man wants to take challenge of staying three days in the haunted castle."

The Queen Boa Hancock regarded Luffy and suddenly her demeanor changed, "Ah good. Then young man, if you last three nights in the castle you can have all the riches inside the castle and my hand in marriage."

A small elderly lady beside her spoke up, "Nyo! You mean your daughter's hand!"

The queen waved the lady off, "Same difference."

"It's NYOT!" the old lady shrieked.

The Queen looked distraught as she admitted it was her daughter whose hand was being offered and a blond girl in the corner blushed prettily. Then the Queen's royal coach was summoned and brought around by her coachman.

"Oh, a tanuki!" Luffy muttered eying the small creature in front of the coach, but suddenly the creature transformed into a rather large deer-like creature.

The blond girl leaned in close to Luffy and whispered, "Actually, he's a reindeer." After a pause, the princess added, "He's the only creature who will set hoof near the accursed castle."

Her whisper was warm against the soft flesh of his ear and Luffy found that the sensation of her so close to him made him a little warm-but not in a bad way. With a pretty smile she said, "Good luck!" but then she stepped back quickly and was once more overshadowed by her overbearing mother.

But Luffy shrugged off the encounter because he really had no interest in the power plays or dealings with women. All he truly cared about was that haunted old castle; perhaps now he would finally get the willies!

The dark castle was surrounded by an overgrown garden, which gave the entire place a wild, mysterious air. A permanent mist arose from other side of the garden giving Luffy the impression that the large stone walls felt cold. There was a dull scraping sound as the dense bushes scratched at the sides and ceiling of the carriage and Luffy thought about the poor tanuki pulling them. How scratched up that poor creature must have been!

All the while, the Queen talked about how the castle had been a burden on the family for the past three generations stemming back from when it had originally become cursed. Her great-grandfather had commissioned the building of a new castle, and it had been finished in her grandfather's day, but her father had commissioned expansions, which had only improved the new castle which was now much more regal than this crumbling hovel. Luffy paid her no mind aside from noticing her voice was too loud and that she talked too much with a self-important air. A glance at the princess suggested that the she felt the same way about her mother. Stifling a giggle, Luffy stared happily out the window at the haunted castle.

An hour later Luffy was left sitting alone in the frigid damp castle in the middle of an old bedchamber with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. The remnants of his dinner- a pile of bones next to his knife on the cutting board- sat beside him on the floor. Heaving a hefty sigh, Luffy thumped his fists against the floor pouting. So far the old castle was nothing but boring! Well, if he wasn't going to get the willies, he might as well amuse himself. Pushing to his feet, he began to pace the halls looking for something to amuse himself.

He walked between the suits of armor puffing his chest out in an impersonation of their build; he made strange faces at the torn pictures adorning the walls; he got on his knees and mocked the stray cat that was sitting at the end of the hallway. But the cat only regarded him curiously and then flicked his tail and walked back into the chamber Luffy had exited earlier. Having nothing better to do, Luffy followed the creature.

The cat perched itself on an old table and began to lick it's black fur in the manner cats chose for grooming. But before Luffy could decide what to do about the cat, another one had pranced into the room and joined the other cat on the table. This second cat was slightly bigger and just as dark as the first. Now that it had a companion, the first cat stopped being so stuck up and decided to speak. "It took you long enough. Where are the others?"

The second cat flicked its tail importantly and hissed back, "Don't blame me. I'm the one who's here. It's them what's late!" The feline took a moment to lick its large black paw before adding more calmly, "Do we do it now?"

A lesser man- or a smarter one- might have grown wary at the notion of talking cats, but Luffy just stared amused and wondered what sort of thing you should say if you meet a talking cat. After all, this was the most interesting thing that had happened all night! For their part, the cats ignored Luffy except to cast him cautious looks with their glowing green eyes.

Just as Luffy was about to inquire as to whether they caught many mice in the castle-it seemed polite enough conversation for a cat- a third feline entered the room, bigger and shabbier than the last two but still just as dark. This cat had a husky voice that seemed to quiver with an unnamed feline emotion as he spoke. "You numbskulls just going to sit here all night or you gonna do something useful?"

The second cat snapped to attention and began to make apologies, but the first merely flick his tail lazily and continued to lick his paw as if nothing of great importance had happened. The cat assessed: "We won't do anything until she gets here."

Finally unable to withstand the mystery, Luffy called out, "Who is she?"

Three cats turned their eerie eyes on Luffy and looked with scorn upon the man. Not one of the three had deemed Luffy important enough to deign to talk to. The three merely stared at him with a glare that could freeze the very soul, but when Luffy seemed unaffected, the first cat rolled his eyes and went back to his paw licking.

Soon the cats were joined by a forth, fifth and sixth all bigger and meaner looking than the first three. Every one of them had asked if it was time yet and the First merely hissed they were waiting for her- whoever that was. All the cats pointedly ignored Luffy. By this time it was nearing one in the morning and Luffy was annoyed that the cats would not speak to him or leave so he could sleep. For if the talking cats wanted to talk to him, it would be interesting enough to stay awake for, but if they were not going to play with him, he would like to get some sleep already!

Six cats turned quickly to nine and if the seventh cat was as big as a panther, the ninth was as big as a horse. And every cat had the same black fur and poisonous green eyes. And all the cats continued to ignore Luffy. When the door opened again, Luffy turned ready to give the newest cat addition a piece of his mind, but instead he found himself facing not a cat but a woman. At her entrance the cats small enough to meow began to call out to their master, and the larger cats let out a series of roars and feral noises in greeting.

The orange haired woman smiled and held out her slender hand to quiet the creatures. Instantly they fell silent and watched her with their large eyes. "You did well to wait my pets," she called to them. Luffy was able to see a flash of blue marking on her arm when her sleeve moved as she crossed her arms. The cats began to purr with pleasure making the room itself seem to rumble.

"Oh, so they're your cats?" Luffy asked adjusting his straw hat, "You might teach them some manners! This room is mine for the night and yet they all entered without asking and didn't even say hello." Even if the cats would not speak to him, it seemed the woman would.

"They are clever creatures, aren't they?" The woman asked stroking the nearest cat's chin- the cat who was the size of a goat. Then she said more to the cat than to Luffy, "They know they aren't supposed to play with their food until I get here. Isn't that right?" The cat meowed its reply and licked at its master's hand.

"Food?" Luffy asked confused.

And the woman straightened up and said, "Yes food. Those of us who live here own a vast amount of wealth and we couldn't just let any mortal have it. So I trained my cats to make sure no one would steal our treasure. And it's just about time for their dinner now. Do you care for games?"

"What?" Luffy was taken aback by the sudden change in conversation and was beginning to get annoyed at the bossy manner the woman was using with him. "Who the hell are you and what does it matter if I like games?"

The woman chuckled and her long orange hair moved about her as she walked over to Luffy. Now that she was closer, Luffy could see the amber color of her eyes. "I am the Cat-Tamer Nami and we are going to play a game. And since you are an interesting man and not trembling like the rest of them usually do, I will let you pick if it is to be strategy," she waved to the first smallest set of three cats, "chance," then she waved at the middle set of three cats of medium build, "or strength," and finally she waved at the last three cats the smallest of which was the size of a panther.

It was a small lie on her part, but she always let the men pick and they always chose to face the smallest three cats. How hard could it be to outsmart some bunch of cats? But they always lost and they all became dinner for her felines. She eyed the newcomer icily and was shocked to hear him say, "Strength."

Though his opponent's eyes went wide, her cats were already on the move. The boy thought about grabbing his knife from dinner, but decided against such beasts he would hardly need it.

The three cats all pounced at once attempting to slay Luffy, but the youth merely grinned and jumped out of the way. Even with their razor claws and their sharp teeth, the beasts did not make Luffy tremble. He attacked with as much ease and grace as any cat could hope to possess and easily matched the cats' enormous strength. When the other cats realized that their brethren were about to be defeated, the chance-cats and the strategy-cats all jumped into the fray. But it was to no avail- no amount of luck or planning could aidthem now for the youth knew no fear and had no misconception that the cats would take his life.

It took a bit of time since there were so many cats, but Luffy disposed of them all punching them senseless and sending them flying out a window. When all the cats big and small had been sent flying, Luffy turned with at grin to face Nami. "Your cats were good but I was better," he said simply with a shrug.

Nami was so enraged that she whacked him atop his head before she fled from the room. She had no idea what such a fearsome man was doing in the castle, but she wouldn't stand one more minute in his presence!

Finally with all the cats and the woman gone, Luffy was able to enjoy some peace and quiet and get some sleep. Spying a bed in the room, Luffy made his way over and laid down. But the bed-outraged at having been used by someone it didn't accept at its master- twitched. The twitching did nothing to deter the youth so the bed shook still with no result.

Soon Luffy was clutching to the bed to keep from falling off as the bed bucked and kicked about the castle desperately trying to knock the stranger off. But Luffy didn't mind; this bed ride was quite exciting! Laughing as they went Luffy called out, "Yahoo!"

But Luffy soon realized he wasn't going to get much sleep this way, so he hopped down and the bed was as still and lifeless as ever. The second Luffy laid down again, the bed began its wild flight once more. Gripping the sheets like reins and riding the bed like a horse, Luffy steered it to the bedroom and jumped off. "Now you listen here!" he said thrusting a finger at the bed. "I'm giving you one night to get a hold of yourself. When I come back tomorrow, you'd better be a proper behaved bed because I am bringing an ax and if you don't behave as a bed, you'll learn to behave as firewood!"

The bed gave what could be taken as either a submissive or defiant shiver and, feeling the bed had been properly chastised, Luffy moved to lay down on the floor in front of the fire and finally slept albeit sadly- he was after all no closer to learning about the willies than he was before.

In the morning the Queen returned to fetch the boy and seeing him lying unconscious on the floor of the bedchamber, she began to lament. "What a waste of such a fine specimen of male youth! What a wonderful husband and lover such a man would have made!"

The old lady beside her piped up, "Nyo, for your daughter of course!"

The young princess said nothing.

At all the noise, Luffy woke up and stretched. "Ah! Is it morning? Then it's time to eat!"

All three women started and then smiled fondly at the youth. They conveyed him back to the Inn where he was to receive as much meat as he wanted courtesy of the Queen- the Inn had never seen such a prosperous day.

"...and then I defeated all her cats and she was so upset that she whacked me over the head! And when I tried to sleep the bed was difficult and wouldn't hold still!" Luffy laughed as he told his story to the innkeeper Zoro. The older man sat across the bar from him listening to his strange tale laughing as hard as the young man while Coby ran about the bar trying to handle the busy lunch crowd by himself.

"Do you think she was a ghost or a specter?" Zoro asked amused.

"Nah!" said Luffy lifting his straw hat to rub his head, "a ghost wouldn't hurt so much when it hit." This made Zoro laugh. "Maybe an imp!" Luffy added excitedly with a thoughtful face, "She did seem kinda impish."

Zoro gave him a stern, cross look and said, "Surly such a creature with such ferocious beasts made you shiver a little."

But Luffy only grinned widely between bites of meat and said with a very full mouth, "Nah. I don't know why everyone is so spooked about the castle. If it weren't for the cats, I would have been bored out of my mind!"

That night, Luffy was again transported to the castle and left with his dinner in the old dusty bedchamber. After polishing off his large helping of meat, Luffy looked around hopelessly- this night seemed like it was going to be as boring as the last. At this point, Luffy began to feel sorry for getting rid of all the cats, for as rude as they were they did provide some distraction while he waited for something to happen.

So Luffy again set about the hallways making fun of the armor suits and mocking the portraits. Eventually, it grew late and he returned to the bedchamber wondering if he should just give up and get some rest. He had remembered to ask for an ax to show the bed who was boss. Thinking to teach that bed a lesson, he walked to the fireplace to fetch his ax from his pack when a strange singing interrupted him.

"YOHOHOHO! YOHOHOHO! YOHOHOHO! YOHOHOHO!"

The strange melody seem to be descending the chimney and so Luffy stuck his head into firebox beneath the flu just in time to get a face full of soot. Luffy pulled away and wiped his eyes clear, and looked back to the fireplace.

Presently, half a man fell down the chimney and began using his arms to pull himself out. It was the top half of the man and Luffy noted that it was responsible for the singing as well. The creature was quite strange for it had remembered to put on its coat and cravat, but forgot to wear its own skin! No sooner had the half-skeleton moved from the firebox than a pair of legs-also devoid of skin-wearing black pants and dress shoes fell down as well.

The legs scurried out to re-join the body until the two pieces had come together to form one tall skeleton. Luffy thought it was quite funny nonsense to remember to wear you clothing but not you skin, but when the skeleton tipped its hat and said, "how do you do," Luffy bowed and said, "well, and you?"

Usually, Luffy wasn't so polite, but the skeleton-despite being a skeleton- had the air of a gentleman and Luffy spoke in the manner he was spoken to. As the skeleton brushed the soot from his suit, two skulls and nine leg bones clunked noisily down the chimney.

"Ah yes!" said the gentleman-skeleton, "Now we have enough pieces for a game of nine-pins."

"Oh!" exclaimed Luffy who very much liked games, "I know that one! But are these supposed to be our balls?" He picked up a skull as he asked and the skeleton regarded him curiously. "It won't roll very well like this will it."

Though the skeleton had no face to express displeasure, the emotion was evident in his voice as he said, "I suppose it won't."

"Here," Luffy said easily popping off the mandible and grabbing his knife. He whittled away at the skull until it was more or less round.

The skeleton watched through his blank eye sockets while sipping a cup of tea. "Amazing!" he said gently, "Can you do the other?"

"Of course!" Luffy said and fixed the other skull and the leg bones until they had a proper set for nine-pins.

All things considered, the two has a pleasant night playing the game and singing the skeleton's strange song. Luffy mentioned that the skeleton was much better company than the cats and the skeleton laughed, "YoHoHoHo! So you met Nami-san?"

"Yes! She's the one!" Luffy said. "She didn't seem so bad except that her cats wanted to eat me!"

"YoHoHoHo," the skeleton laughed, "She is a stubborn one. Over one hundred years haunting together and she still won't let me see her panties. Although, I have no eyes to see with!"

Luffy laughed as the skeleton cried out, "SKULL JOKE!"

"Do you have a name skeleton? Something like Bones? Or Joints?" Luffy asked as he tried to think of an appropriate name for a skeleton.

"Brook!" the skeleton said.

Pouting a moment, Luffy said, "That doesn't seem like a skeleton name."

"Well," the skeleton answered pouring another cup of tea, "that's because it was my name before I was a skeleton!"

"You used to not be a skeleton?" Luffy asked amazed. "What did you used to be?"

Sipping his tea, the skeleton laughed, "A man and a musician. When the castle was cursed, so was the court. I was the royal musician, the woman you met last night was the princess. The only ones who didn't become cursed were the king, queen and young prince as they had been away when the witch woman came."

Luffy, who had no mind for history lessons, said, "Right. So it's a mystery castle."

"Exactly," the skeleton confirmed as he picked up a few bones off the floor fashioning a xylophone and playing more music.

When the skeleton begged off after three in the morning, Luffy was tired but also very amused. Still, he had learned nothing of the willies again. How disappointing! Grabbing the ax, the youth crossed the room to the bed and laid the ax down on the night table. "Now, there won't be any trouble will there?"

The bed must have remembered the words from the evening before because it remained still and uneventful as any ordinary bed. Luffy fell asleep quickly and slept until dawn when he was awoken by the surprised mutterings of Queen, her advisor and the Princess. When the Queen prattled on and on Luffy met the Princess's eyes. The blond girl blushed and looked away shyly realizing that Luffy was more than half way done with the task that would promise her to him.

At this Luffy smiled and though that although the Queen was overbearing, the Princess seemed nice enough.

"Wait!" Coby said later at the bar as Luffy told his tale, "a skeleton shows up and instead of running away you play nine pins, drink tea and sing songs? What sort of crazy-person are you?"

Shaking his head Luffy informed Coby simply, "Running away would have been rude!" Then after a moment, Luffy's face grew sad. "I still have no idea what it is like to get the willies."

This had the Innkeeper guffawing and slapping his knee. "Sake for everyone! On the house!" he called out!

"Ah!" the bar patrons shouted in approval.

After a nice day eating and shouting with his now good friend Zoro, Luffy once again found himself alone in the dreary old castle. On this night he attempted to tease the spiders from the cobwebs in the corners, but the wiry old spiders weren't the least bit interested in him. "My last night in the castle," he whispered to the shadows on the wall. "Do you think I'll learn what it means to get the willies?"

As if to answer his question a hollow laugh echoed through the halls. Oh! Perhaps this would be it! Luffy rushed to the hall, but didn't see anyone laughing or even anything funny. Instead there was a procession of six large men all tattooed with crosses carrying a coffin.

"Oh!" Luffy said to the men, "that must be my poor cousin! He died just last week. Here bring his coffin into my chamber and let me have a look."

Since the castle was a strange and wondrous place, when the coffin was opened, Luffy did see the form of his cousin still in his Stetson, shorts and boots as he wore out on their adventures. "Ah, cousin!" Luffy lamented running his hand through the man's wild black hair, "how cold you are! Get out of this coffin and I shall warm you."

He had never paid much attention when the old man talked about things at home, but he remembered the one winter when his brother had fallen ill and Gramps made them share a bed to keep his brother warm. So Luffy pulled the corpse to the bed and laid down beside it and rubbed its arms vigorously.

And by some strange magic the corpse began to warm until it burned hotter than fire. Touching the man's skin burned Luffy's hand. The cousin sat up and said, "Someone must go in the coffin. If it's not me, then it must you!" And the two men began to fight until Luffy finally pushed his cousin back inside the coffin. As soon as his cousin was lain in the box, he stopped moving and suddenly looked unlike anyone Luffy had ever seen before. Shutting the lid, Luffy called the six attendants to bear away the body of the false-cousin. Shame on the corpse for taking the form of someone he cared for!

It was with an annoyed attitude that Luffy sat in the middle of the room at just past one in the morning. Due to the hour and his previous experience, he should have suspected the nightly games were far from over, but he was never one for studying patterns. So it was a great surprise when an old man and his horse-bird were suddenly filling up his room.

The man himself was strange enough, for Luffy didn't often meet old men with wizard-beards who wore capes and armor, but combined with the pink polka dot winged-horse that stood baying behind him made it the strangest thing Luffy had seen yet. "Stand," the old man commanded in a strong voice and Luffy stood without thinking. "You have threatened our very existence and shall be punished."

"Punished?" Luffy said aghast and realizing this was some sort of castle guardian he launched his complaints, "I only came here to learn what the devil willies were and your castle has done nothing but annoy me! I am starting to think you don't even know what the willies are!"

The knight was silent and then after a moment he mounted his bird-horse and whistled. "Follow me young man, and accept my feat of strength. Only then will you know what the willies are!"

Well, the old man was basically promising to show Luffy the willies so Luffy readily accepted. He followed the old man down a crooked set of stairs-the stone crumbling beneath his feet- and down a hall into some sort of small forge. Here in the room there were many tools as well as anvils and ovens that felt hot even though they didn't appear to be lit.

The knight walked up to the first anvil carrying an ax much like the one Luffy had brought with him the eve before. "Watch child and be amazed!" the old man said cryptically, "For I may look weak, but there is strength yet in these bones enough for twenty men! With one motion I will cleave this anvil in twain. After seeing this you can decide whether or not to accept my physical challenge. If you do not accept, I will split you in half like the anvil; if you accept and you lose, then I will split you apart like the anvil."

Here the man fell silent so Luffy prodded, "And if I accept and win?"

"No one wins against me in a feat of strength!" the bearded man boasted confidently.

"Oh?" Luffy asked with a finger digging in his nose, "then I accept."

"You haven't even seen it yet!" called the old man as his horse whinnied his objection.

But Luffy just laughed, "It makes no difference."

So the old man approached the anvil, lifted the ax and brought it down upon the anvil cutting the dense iron cleanly in two halves.

"Easy!" shouted Luffy grabbing the ax and heading to the next anvil. "I will do the next one!"

Even the men who had accepted Gan Fall's challenge in the past had never been stupid enough to claim the ability to cut the anvil- most didn't even challenge him merely accepted their death after seeing him do it- so he was very interested in the youth who strode confidently to the next anvil.

Luffy raised the ax and the old man leaned in close to watch, Luffy brought the ax down and clove the anvil down past it's middle, and Luffy failed to slice cleanly through the anvil and so the ax and the long white beard of the old man that had fallen in the way when he leaned in became properly struck in the anvil. The youth wasn't much of a strategist, but he was exceptionally lucky. And so the two men fought as they agreed, but Luffy easily outmatched his opponent whose beard was caught in the anvile.

"Let me free and I will tell you where the treasure is!" the old man called fearing for his life for the first time in ages.

"How do I know that you won't pull more tricks if I let you go?" Luffy asked- instinct rather than intellect told him to be skeptical.

The old man was covered in sweat and his horse-bird pranced nervously near by. "Because I am the final guardian of the castle and I submit to you! The curse will end tonight and so you shall reap the rewards! The castle shall no longer be haunted by death and specters! Though we fought you readily, you have freed all our poor trapped souls. This castle is yours now!"

As the man spoke, Luffy felt the powerful magic washing over the castle and he decided to trust the man's words. Freeing the ax took some time, but the deed was done and as promised the man took Luffy to the treasure room. In the room there were three large piles of gold that stacked nearly to the ceiling. Pointing the stacks out to Luffy, the old man said, "One for the Queen, one for the poor and one for you." Then the old man bowed and disappeared. Once more the now wealthy youth returned to the old bedchamber to retire for the night.

When the Queen's party arrived in the morning, they were surprised to find the garden trimmed and populated by small furry rabbits and fast curious squirrels. Two robins sang a greeting to the morning on a branch just to the left of the door while a few other birds collected bits of twigs to build nests. Though the evening before, the Queen had been certain the old castle was practically crumbling, the stone walls now looked strong and splendid. As they walked through the castle to Luffy's chamber, the halls seemed brighter and the air inside the castle lighter. A sweet smell even permeated the once dank and dark air within the castle.

It was as if they had entered an entirely different castle all together- had Luffy not been there facedown in a pillow, they would have thought they'd come to the wrong palace.

Margaret was the first to speak. "You did it!" she said brightly.

And then the Queen took over in her usual overbearing mode, "Yes, Luffy you have nobly broken the curse that had haunted my forefathers' castle for generations! As promised for you there will be wealth, property, servants and my hand in marriage!"

"Nyo! Your daughter's hand!" reminded the elder to which the Queen acquiesced.

Luffy laughed. "That's fine. But before that: MEAT!" he cheered. He only just remembered to tell the Queen about the treasures before he left brining up the Queen and the poor's share and leaving his share in the treasure vault since this was now his castle.

When they loaded up the wagon with treasure, the reindeer said, "We may need to hook up another coach with horses to pull all that treasure. I daresay they will come nearer the place now."

"You can talk?" Luffy shouted surprised.

"Of course! I wouldn't have been the royal doctor if I couldn't speak," he informed going back to the small form Luffy took for a tanuki. "When the curse happened I was struck dumb. But I knew I could best serve by bringing those who would attempt to break the curse to the castle. Now that it's broken I'd love to take up being a doctor again!"

The women were too stunned to speak, but Luffy who had seen much stranger things these last few nights said, "Cool! Mr. Tanuki I will have you for a doctor in my castle if you want!"

The small reindeer bounced excitedly but said, "Ah! Asshole, offering me employment won't make me happy!" But despite his initial brush-off he readily accepted the position with the addendum that, "It's Chopper not Mr. Tanuki!"

The Queen found her voice once more as the shock wore off and she rode with Luffy to the Inn to begin planning their nuptials- er... her daughter's nuptials.

Over the next two months Luffy was very busy learning how to run a castle and learning how to be a bridegroom. They taught him all there was to know about being connected to the royal family. For Luffy the decision making was not so hard because he had a fair heart and strong sense of right and wrong. It was a good trait as it would be his job to settle commoner disputes that arose in the surrounding towns. And yet with all the new things they taught him, they could not teach him how to get the willies.

Often Luffy would return to the Inn to lament his fate to Zoro. And the green-haired man tried telling him it wasn't so bad, that at least he had gotten a princess to marry in the process. Luffy would push his hat down over his eyes and grumble with pink cheeks that he'd much rather get the willies. Sensing the younger man's inexperience, Zoro made sure Luffy heard plenty of his patrons' raunchier tales so Luffy would have something to anticipate. And sure enough, Luffy stopped looking at his wedding day with such miserable feelings.

A week or so before the wedding, Luffy was spending time with Zoro hearing the things that awaited him after his wedding, when the door opened and a woman walked into the bar. She sat beside Luffy and tossed her long orange hair and eyed the barkeep. "Give me something hard, I don't care what," she said leaning over the bar just enough to give the Innkeeper an eyeful.

He laughed at her suggestive tone even as he fixed her drink. Luffy looked at the woman sideways and said, "Hey aren't you..."

But she cut him off and said, "You must be mistaken. I've never seen you before in my life." Then she winked at him and he was certain she was the cat-lady from the castle.

Zoro handed the lady a drink and she smiled prettily and said, "I also need a place to stay for the night."

"Well, you came to the right place," he said with a smirk that he'd never given Luffy when Luffy rented a room.

Later when the barkeep was out of earshot, the woman leaned toward Luffy an whispered, "Thanks for breaking that curse. We were all caught in it and have been in that dreary place fighting for some time now. The spell made us act the way we did-we're not bad people. The others wanted me to let you know. No hard feeling, eh?"

"Others?" Luffy asked blinking but then remembered the knight and the skeleton and assumed she meant those. He gave a curt nod. Outside of the haunted castle, he saw no reason not to trust her.

The knight he saw a couple days later and the skeleton the day following. Though neither spoke to him, he could tell by their looks they were grateful to no longer be stuck in that miserable castle- that once miserable castle that now belonged to Luffy.

The castle was staffed and ready within the two months and the wedding was to be held there. Since Luffy had no family to speak of, Zoro was to stand for him as his best man. The Queen objected at first but didn't truly have it in her power to deny Luffy anything.

On the wedding day, Luffy stared into the pretty face of his bride as the priest asked if he took Princess Margaret for his wife. He did of course and it was easier to do looking into her sweet face. When the time came to kiss her, Luffy closed his eyes pressed his lips gently to hers. As far as first kisses went it was pretty good for a man who had never desired to kiss a lady before and it made Luffy wonder what that evening would be like.

Not one of Zoro's stories had prepared him for the enjoyment he found that night with his princess, nor did they prepare him for the way his heart leapt when she looked at him and smiled before pressing her lips to his.

Soon Luffy found himself filled with so many new and exciting feelings, that for a time his new marital bliss put all thoughts of the willies to the back of his mind. But before long, Luffy's quest came back to him and he began to wonder what he did wrong that he had failed so miserably. Here he was with a house, a wife, a job, responsibilities and wealth-everything his grandfather wanted for him- and yet he couldn't obtain the one thing he wanted for himself.

Luffy signed over his morning breakfast and Margaret put her hand over his in a concerned fashion. They had been married less than a month and Margaret was sad to think their honeymoon might be ending so quickly.

"What is it Luffy?" Margaret asked- her soft sweet voice a welcome contrast from the one her mother had always used. "Do I not make you happy?"

Pulled from his daze at the sound of her voice, Luffy looked at her and smiled kindly. "No! You make me very happy, Margaret!" To emphasize this fact, he pulled her toward him and presses a gentle kiss to her lips. "I'm happy. It's just that..."

He trailed off, but Margaret reached up and fingered the hair at the nape of his neck, little habit she had fallen into since their wedding, and Luffy felt her encouragement. With a sigh he told her his plight of leaving his grandfather's house and not being able to get the willies. He told her of all the strange adventures he had in the meantime and all his failed attempts. Luffy even told her that he'd come to have so much but couldn't help feel a failure since he didn't achieve the one thing he wanted. There was a small miserable pout on his face as he finished his tale and Margaret's heart went out to the man she had come to care for deeply.

Before Margaret spoke, she considered her words carefully not wanting to get it wrong. "Well," she started, "I'm glad you haven't gotten the willies yet because if you had, you would have surly run from the castle and we wouldn't be here now." Their marriage was still new, but Margaret was already certain life without Luffy would be a strange, empty half-life.

"That's true," Luffy said brightening. He had come to regard Margaret very fondly and wouldn't wish her out of his life even if it meant getting the willies. Letting his hand fall to her knee, he said with a smile, "I never thought of it like that."

Feeling her heart flutter, Margaret smiled and tried to hide her blush behind her short blond hair. "As for getting the willies, don't despair. You have plenty of time left and I am certain a man like you can do anything he sets his mind to-even get the willies." Luffy knew he was lucky to have such a supportive wife and he resolved no to lose hope at least for her sake.

That evening, Margaret went for a walk after dinner for she had a special task that she alone could perform. There was a small stream around the back of the castle and Margaret went to visit it.

Despite Luffy's melancholy mood earlier, their lovemaking was just as sweet and sincere as it always was. Fingers tangled in his hair, Margaret watched as he fell asleep with his straw hat resting on the night table beside him. For her plan to work, Margaret waited until Luffy was in a deep sleep.

As a girl in the other castle, Margaret had often sat and listened to the servant's children play. Sometimes she hear stories about adventures, other times, she hear about the sillier antics of children. The Princess herself had never played a prank on anyone before, but if her husband could do all sorts of extraordinary feats surly she could perform one ordinary task. Reaching for the bucket hidden beneath the bed Margaret raised it high, steeled her nerves and dumped the icy water full of minnows all over the sleeping form of her husband.

The icy water instantly woke the Prince and his eyes were wide with shock while his breath came in shallow pants. The many minnows flipped and flopped against his bare skin and the surprising sensation startled the boy until he was gasping and shaking all over. When at last the fish stilled and Luffy could sit up and regain his breath, he fixed his wife with such a look as she had never expected to see directed at her. She didn't know whether to cower in fear or laugh in amusement, so she froze in place uncertainly.

After a few deep breaths Luffy all but shouted, "Margaret, you wicked, clever girl!" And at that the Princess released a breath she didn't realize she had been holding. Luffy laughed and continued, "You have given me every thing I ever wanted! I am certain now I know what it feels like to have the willies!"

The Princess was happy to help and kissed him passionately even though he was cold and cover in fish. When they broke apart, Luffy's smile was wider than Margaret had ever seen it and he said, "You must really love me to go to such extremes just to make me happy!"

At this notion, the Princess blushed. She had always understood that princesses did not marry for love, but she had begun to fancy that the feelings she'd developed for Luffy ran along those lines.

But Luffy jumped off the bed to his feet and pulled Margaret with him. He just continued to laugh happily. "Don't be embarrassed. I love you too! You were the only person who could give me what I wanted!"

This had Margaret laughing too and soon the young couple embraced while they laughed stealing kisses every now and again. From that point their happiness knew no bounds. Luffy himself lived a very full and happy life for while he did get to feel the thrill of shivering and shaking with the willies he had never learned to be afraid.

Author's note: This was Luffy's tale and I felt this story was just perfect for Luffy. :) It is my all-time favorite fairy tale. There is less romance with this tale than other, but I did play it up a bit at the end but in every version I've read the two are happy together at the end even if their marriage was arranged. I did want Ace to be Luffy's brother in the story, but it wouldn't work. Ace afraid of the graveyard at night? Yeah right! It had to be Usopp.

It took a little longer than expected to get this one up because my little Monkey (toddler) has been a little needier than usual this week. But now I'm sitting on several pieces that need editing/posting and I'm working on it. In addition, I've begun work on my newest story of my own creation (gasp. Not a fan fic. It's been a log long time for me). So I have been spending a bit of time with that too).

Who should get the next fairy tale? Robin? Sanji? Franky? I will get to them all.