03/22/2012

January 1900

Four months had passed since the eve of Aria's engagement to Ellison Werther. Wedding plans were in full swing and Aria had barely a moment to herself. After the initial shock of the unexpected marriage died down, everyone seemed to rejoice in the betrothal of the first Montgomery daughter. Spirits rose from Genevieve to the kitchen staff to the maids and even her father, who for the first time in months seemed to retain some colour from his pallor. Aria's wedding was the talk of the town and it seemed that just about everyone had occupied themselves with some role in making the wedding ceremony a success. The papers had taken to polls on which wedding dress Aria should wear (Hunger Games!), while young girls lined up at the estate gates, vying for a glance at the bride-to-be. It was unexpectedly sensational, yet to Aria, none of it felt right. Though she put on a façade of feigned delight and joy, her insides churned at every reminder of her soon approaching wedding. She did everything she could to distract herself from the pain, preoccupying herself with wedding projects. Time and again, she found herself thinking of Ezra but thanks to time, he appeared less and less in her thoughts. She had lost contact with him after the night she told him of her engagement; the night he had first kissed her. It scared her when she first began forgetting the exact details of his face, reminded her that he was truly a memory of the past. But with time, she learned to accept it. At least, this is what she told herself.

Every night, Aria crept out of the house to catch some time to herself. As the day grew closer, the walks too grew longer. Soon enough, she found herself wandering into town, exploring places she'd never been able to see before. One wintry night before the wedding, Aria walked all the way to the bakery at the far end of town. Surprisingly enough, it was open and she treated herself to a mouthwatering apple danish. As she left the store, the doors chiming, as cold wind nipping at her cheeks, and icing sugar tickled her nose. Aria paused, closing her eyes and wishing with everything she had that she could just live in this moment forever.

The sound of laughter broke the spell, as Aria wondered who in the world could be as crazy as her to be wandering the streets at such a time in such freezing weather. Her eyes met the scene of laughter and a sharp intake of breath ensued. There stood Ezra, across the street, kissing a rosy-cheeked Jacqueline on the cheek as she laughed gaily. They were hand in hand, separated only by the sheer cloth of mittens. And they looked so in love. Aria stood frozen, as did her heart. She had never experienced such crippling pain like this before. All of her feelings resurfaced and slapped her in the face because as she could see now, they no longer mattered to Ezra. He had fallen in love with his fiancée.

"Aria? Aria! Over here!" Jacqueline called out, raising the hand that held Ezra's, beckoning Aria-taunting Aria.

When Aria didn't move or acknowledge the call, Jacqueline came towards her, pulling a silent Ezra along.

"It's so good to see you, Aria dear!" She squealed, as if they were best friends. Oh, Aria knew she was glad to see her. Or rather that Aria had seen them. Especially at that moment.

"You're quite the celebrity in town, aren't you?" Jacqueline laughed. "Your wedding is the only thing everyone talks about these days! Except for us of course! We've got our own wedding to plan, don't we Ezzie?" She said, nuzzling his cheek. Aria watched with hollow eyes as Ezra smiled lightly at his fiancée.

"Yes, darling." He turned to Aria. "How have you been, Aria? Keeping up with your studies, I hope?" The polite tone he employed killed her.

Aria simply looked at him. She managed a "Yes," before turning away as tears welled up in her eyes. She heard her name but didn't look back, running away as fast as she could, finding solace in the harsh wind that whipped through her body. The physical pain felt good. She hated herself, hated him, hated everything. When she finally came to a standstill, Aria realized she had nowhere to go. Home was out of the question, and she didn't even know where she was to find her back anyway. Her teeth chattered and her body shook dangerously. Her pea coat was not made for warmth but rather style, and did little to aid her. Unable to walk any longer, she finally sat down on a broken bench. There was not a soul in sight and Aria wondered if these were her final moments. Death didn't seem so terrible at that moment. Though it seemed like eons, it was really a short time before Aria felt the warmth of another human being engulfing her in their arms. She was really too tired to figure out who it was and fell limp in their arms, surrendering to sleep.

Aria awoke on a haystack a couple of hours later. A tiny light shone from a candle, allowing her to make out the sleeping figure next to her. Screaming, Aria jumped, kicking away the foreign coat that lay covering her. Ezra woke with a start, realizing that his hand was grazing Aria's thigh. Duly embarrassed, he pulled away and sat up rubbing his eyes. Aria looked around the little barn, before shivering and pulling the coat closer around her.

"What am I doing here? Did you abduct me?" She demanded.

"What?" Ezra looked shocked. "No, I-"

"No, actually, I'm glad you did. Because if you hadn't, I wouldn't be able to say these words." She looked him dead in the eye. "I hate you," she told him, her voice trembling. Rising from the haystack, she made her way to the door with his coat.

"Aria," He sighed. "Where are you going? There's a snow-"

She opened the latch, and cold snowy wind hit her face.

"storm outside. Please come back, Aria. You'll catch pneumonia."

Determined, Aria walked out, feeling herself sink in heavy snow. Ezra got up and ran after her, coatless.

"Aria! Aria, please come back! It's not safe to go out!"

Aria turned back, but only to throw his coat at him before trudging back into the snow. Realizing he had no choice, Ezra too rushed into the snow, grabbing her from behind and carrying her back into the stable. Aria hit his back, screaming at him to let her go but to no avail. He closed the door firmly behind them and placed her back on the haystack, wrapping her in his coat and bringing the candle closer towards them.

She had fallen silent by this time and simply watched as he lit another candle before facing her. He gave her a look of disapproval.

"Stop trying to kill yourself, Aria."

Thoughts of last night flooded her mind as she recalled his indifferent tone, the kiss he gave Jacqueline. Her eyes flew to the ceiling as she wished she was anywhere but here.

"Now, you're getting married in a couple days and we can't have a sick bride, now can we?"

He pulled the coat tighter around her.

"I'm afraid Jackie would have been greater help to you right now. She's good at this sort of thing but I'll have to do."

"So why isn't she here? Why are you here?" Aria broke in with a cold tone.

Ezra looked to the ground. "She wanted to be here but I didn't want her getting sick too, so I sent her home."

"Oh." Aria replied. So in other words, he was only here to help pathetic Aria get better, but more importantly to get over her pathetic infatuation with him. And Jackie went home safe in the knowledge that her fiancé couldn't possibly fall back in love with such a pathetic girl. It was no wonder he kept mentioning her wedding to another man.

Laughing bitterly, she threw his coat back to him.

"I don't need your pity, Mr. Fitz. Go on home to your perfect little fiancée. She's probably missing your arms around her, gently rocking to and fro as you kiss her forehead and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. Go on. Now is as any good time." She pushed him off the haystack, snuggling back with her own coat. Feigning a yawn, she bid him farewell and turned to face the wall. "Goodbye, Mr. Fitz. Have a good life."

"Aria."

"Please, just stop talking and go. I can't bear any more of your tedious voice."

"Aria." She heard him move closer.

"Just go! Leave, damn it! How else shall I phrase it?"

"Aria." He took her into his arms as she convulsed into tears.

"I hate you." She repeated over and over again, heaving against his shoulders.

"Would Jackie like this? Would she like you holding me this way? Or would she just feel sorry for pathetic Aria? Probably the latter right? Poor Aria, crazy lunatic, still in love with her tutor who couldn't care less about her if he tried."

"Aria." He gasped, holding her back to peer into her eyes. "How could you say that?"

"How could I? How could you? How could you forget about us so quickly? How could you replace me so easily?" She shook her head, her lips trembling.

"I could never forget about you, Aria. You were all I thought of these past months. But when I saw all the buzz and the excitement surrounding your wedding, I realized that you had truly moved on. And that it was time I did too."

"It was surrounding me but did you ever notice that I was never a part of the excitement? Do I look excited to you, Ezra? Do I look like I've moved on? I'm a mess and I'm giving my life away to a man I hate," Her voice broke into a whisper. "and I have never hated myself more."

Aria looked down shamefully. Ezra lifted her chin and stared at her through shiny eyes. "But I don't hate you. I love you, Aria. I always have, and I don't think I can ever stop."

Aria wiped her tears. "So, what do we do?"

"I don't know." Ezra replied. "But I do know that we have now. This snowstorm is a blessing in disguise. We likely have at least another day in here. I've got food with me and we're stranded in. We've got a whole day together, just to ourselves, Aria."

Aria laughed. A real laugh, after what seemed like forever.

"You are very naughty, Mr. Fitz. This is completely inappropriate behavior." She chastised.

"We aren't married yet, my love." He winked. "Would you like to dance?"

She took his hand and they stood close together, humming their favourite song in unison as their feet moved lightly in sync. It was the beginning to a perfect day.