Poison Lady Anissina and the Parasite King

Disclaimer: I don't own Kyou kara Maou, or make any profit from this fanfic.

Rated K+: For mild violence, explosions, and wormy parasites.

Author's Note: This is a Poison Lady Anissina Children's Book AU.

Prologue: Evolution of a Helminth

Once upon a time there was a very lonely helminth(1). It wasn't very good at getting its own food or regulating its body temperature to compensate for fluctuations in the environment. Its days were spent swimming through the murky waters of a remote pond, and infesting the occasional fish to produce its offspring. But something was not right. Most of the parasitized fish perished. And the offspring that managed to survive were weak and sickly. Eventually the helminth figured that perhaps the fish were too weak to serve as suitable hosts.

Then one day the helminth sensed heat. There was another being nearby, and it was warm. Not cold and small like the fish, no; this being was more powerful, radiating excess body heat to the surrounding water. 'Surely a being so powerful would make a suitable host'. The helminth thought, as it inched closer. It entered, finding little resistance, and was soon engulfed by the powerful, comforting heat. Yes, this being would make an excellent host.

And it evolved, as parasites often will, inflicting less damage on the host over subsequent generations, in fact it could even be considered to benefit the host in time. For the helminth found that if it produced certain mind-controlling kairomones(2), the host was able to acquire even more power. And this increased power allowed the adult helminth to take on a form that greatly resembled its host, enabling the adult to care for and protect the host, ensuring an even higher rate of offspring viability. Yes, the relationship could almost be considered symbiotic, except that the host's reproductive system was compromised in a way that caused it to only be able to give birth to parasite babies.

And the helminths became bolder in their quest for power, infesting those nearest to positions of power, and those destined to acquire positions of leadership. Wars occasionally erupted as a result of this single-minded quest for additional power, but the helminth cared little. It cared only for its own kind, and the creation of more parasite baby-carrying hosts. This carelessness eventually backfired when the manipulations of some of the hosts caused them to lose their lives while still full of immature parasites.

As a result, the helminth decided that it would have to become more subtle in its methods in order to avoid extinction.

-ooo-ooo-

King Saralegui was certainly beautiful to behold; his flaxen silky hair cascaded down his back, enveloping his body in a veil. And he would tilt his head just so on occasion, giving onlookers a glimpse of the golden-green eyes that he kept hidden behind his lavender glasses. But there was something more than simple good looks. And the townspeople would gaze upon the boy-King, often wondering at the source of his inexplicable charm, charisma, and elegance.

Very rarely would the townspeople wonder at the King's devoted bodyguard. True, Beries protected the King with fierce loyalty, loath to leave his side. But there was another reason behind Beries' devotion. A purely selfish wormy parasitic reason…

Chapter 1: The Poison Lady in Her Element

Lady Anissina von Karbelnikoff lined all her flasks up in a row. She carefully added a drop of acid to the first one, and then made a careful note of the subsequent color change in her laboratory notes.

She continued with this for hours, never wavering in her concentration. Then she decided it was time for something more exciting. As cool as titration sounded, it could get a little repetitive after a while. Counting out drops of liquid was the type of work for minions, not scientists. Anissina frowned as she tried to remember why Doria and Lazania weren't around to help. Oh well, it didn't matter. Maybe it was time to experiment with that that strange metal that His Eminence had given to her as a gift.

She picked up the soft chalky metal. His Eminence has said that it was called sodium when he had given it to her. Then he had winked and told her to have fun. She held the metal in the palm of her hand and stared at it some more. First and foremost, Anissina was a woman of science. But she could be a little whimsical every now and then. Like now for instance. She imagined that something in the metal known as electrons were calling out to her. They wanted something. …to be released…to be thrown…into a container of water. Yes that was it!

With a maniacal glint in her eye and a shriek of delighted laughter she tossed the metal into a nearby bucket of water and ducked for cover.

BOOM! The castle shuddered with the force of the explosion. A few chunks of mortar were dislodged from between nearby bricks.

GUSH! The bucket contents made a nice imitation of a geyser and doused water all over her lab bench and glassware.

The Bad Omen birds that had been perched outside her laboratory window squawked and flew away.

Anissina stood up and surveyed the damage. That had been really fun. Almost as fun as lighting hydrogen on fire, but not quite as destructive. She would have to try it again sometime!

Far off in another section of the castle, a grumpy eyebrow twitched spasmodically.

-ooo-ooo-

A short time later, grumpy Gwendal appeared and started complaining about boring grumpy things like "King Saralegui is arriving for a diplomatic visit tomorrow and we can't have all this exploding nonsense going on around the castle."

Anissina stared at Gwendal as his wrinkles became deeper and his hands made knitting motions. Like the sodium, Gwendal was also trying to tell her something.

Yes! Gwendal wanted to be rescued from his monotonous paperwork and mundane diplomatic duties. He wanted to experience the thrill of science…as a TEST SUBJECT!

"…You understand, of course?" Gwendal finished with a grumpy twitch of his eye.

"Yes, I do," she said with conviction. Then her eyes lit up and sparkles appeared spontaneously in the air around her.

Gwendal gulped and stepped back, as if realizing for the first time the foolishness of confronting the infamous Poison Lady Anissina in her own lab. Maybe hours of paperwork had addled his brain. Or maybe Anissina was right and he subconsciously wanted to be rescued from the boringness!

"You want to help me try out my latest invention, don't you?" she gushed as she grabbed Gwendal by the collar of his uniform and dragged him into the depths of her lab.

"I made it just for you. It's called Impress-that-foreign-diplomat-kun," Anissina explained as she strapped Gwendal down in a chair adjacent to her most recent invention. She taped some wires from the machine to the sides of Gwendal's forehead.

Gwendal stopped frowning and began screaming.

"That's much better," Anissina said approvingly as she began turning knobs and adjusting settings on the machine. "Frowning all the time will just give you wrinkles. And it's good for your health to exercise your lungs once in a while."

Anissina paused for a moment and wondered how boring grumpy Gwendal's life would be if he didn't have her around. He would probably have become a mummified shell of a man, sitting at his desk with a piece of parchment permanently fused to his hand.

"Mph…argh!" said Gwendal, apparently too overcome to be able to communicate effectively.

"There's no need to thank me," Anissina said sweetly. "I enjoy what I do." Then she flipped the switch that turned on her invention.

A bluish-green light enveloped Gwendal for a few moments. Anissina watched in fascination, eager to find out if the Impress-that-foreign-diplomat-kun would work as intended.

But then something went wrong. Perhaps all the feedback from Gwendal's increased maryoku output was too much for the machine to handle. Smoke and sparks billowed from the invention. There was a slight crunching of gears. There was a fizzing sound as Gwendal's altered maryoku was returned to him via the wire.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" said Gwendal.

Gwendal was out of breath and panting. Some live sparks glittered in the middle of scorch marks on his hair and uniform.

"Well, that's not impressive at all," Anissina remarked.

Even the greatest scientists and inventors had failures. It was nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it was something to be proud of, since all mistakes and failures were an opportunity to learn and improve.

"The Impress-that-foreign-diplomat-kun is a…FAILURE!" Anissina exclaimed happily.

Then she threw a smaller chunk of left-over sodium in a bucket of water to celebrate.

BOOM! GUSH!

Surprisingly Gwendal didn't appreciate the fact that the resulting water shower put out all the remaining sparks. He simply ran out of the room as soon as she untied him.

Oh well. Gwendal had unique ways of showing affection. She was certain that he was too shy to thank her for curing his grumpiness yet again.

(1) Helminth=A parasitic worm

(2) Kairomone= A chemical produced by an organism that benefits the recipient, which is an individual of a different species.