Chapter 4

To Sleep or Not to Sleep!

I started to make the men sleep in the basement. During the week, and when my mom and brother returned from Legofest, they would be down there a lot, so they might as well get used to it.

I was extremely tired upon waking up the next morning. I could almost feel my eyelids dropping like weights. I just had to go to school though, I realized, looking out the window. Snow was falling at a moderate pace. No alert from the news that it was closed. I sighed and reluctantly got out of my warm bed in exchange for the cold air.

I made toast and cereal. My father was also English, and saying that I couldn't cook wasn't just an excuse. I could NOT cook at all. I cooked as well as a dead hippo. Hippos don't cook. And dead hippos are no exception.

I got downstairs and set up the little wooden TV trays. It was all we had to spare down there except for the fair-sized glass table, but I would save that for when we ran out of TV trays. It would be easier to clean trays than to clean glass. A table made of glass that was inherited from my late great grandmother. She was Hungarian too.

I looked out to the men, still asleep. Vash had crawled into his box, probably to get away from Alfred, the top closed only slightly. His rifle stuck out, threatening anybody who dared to lock him up in the airtight container or to wake him up. Alfred was passed out on the couch, surrounded by a circle of cans that vaguely reminded me of a circle one would create before casting a spell.

I picked them up and threw them in the trash can near the washer and dryer. "Alright, boys, get up." I clapped loudly, which echoed in the barely-finished basement. There was a lot of groaning, but they got up. They would get used to my schedule eventually, I hoped.

"What's for breakfast?" Alfred scratched his head and yawned. I gestured to the little tables and began listing everything. "Some toast- one is burnt. I made two bowls of cereal, Frosted Flakes. That's all we have," I lied, trying to save my Froot Loops for myself. "I also brought down butter, grape jelly, homemade peach jam, and some sugar."

Vash eased the top off the box and looked somewhat pleased, at least. He didn't pay for it, it was cheap, it was okay. I smoothed out my jeans and pulled my hair behind my ears. "Okay? I'll be upstairs for exactly one hour and thirty minutes. If you need anything at all during that frame of time, knock on the door. After that time frame, you're on your own. I'll bring down dry food and drinks soon."

I went upstairs and shut the door. I poured myself some cereal and ate quickly, I collected crackers, cheese, and pepperoni along with water to take downstairs. I couldn't have them drinking no matter what at this point. Before I could even open the door, though, the doorbell rang.

I almost dropped my cargo. I forgot that another one was arriving. All I could think of was Please, be someone calm and collected and able to shut up. Canada. Get Canada.

I put the food items on the granite counter and rubbed my palms on my jeans. I started to feel sweaty. I must have been more nervous than I felt. I stepped over to the door and opened it. The delivery boy stood there with his dolly, the big truck in the background. Today he was dressed in a big, fluffy winter coat with the Flying Mint Bunny logo and such on it. It was the same color as his regular uniform, though.

"Mornin', Miss Geiger." He smiled, handing the sheet over to me as customary. I saw all my previous signatures and I grimaced. If I could go back in time, to the moment when the ad showed up, I would pull the chair and myself away from the screen until the countdown ended. Not that I didn't like the idea of a gorgeous harem in my basement, but it was tiring me out and I was too young to enjoy the full benefits of the harem.

Soon, though.

Soon.

I signed the paper and handed it back, and in exchange the box was wheeled in and I was handed the manual. I scanned the front for Matthew Williams.

LOVINO VARGAS: USER GUIDE AND MANUAL

I almost broke down when the delivery boy left. Lovino? I re-read the cover and flipped through the manual,hoping that the cover was really an error and that, at the very least, they meant Feliciano.

But no, it seemed I was stuck with Lovino now. I groaned, shoving him across the floor and across most of the house until I managed to stick him in the Guest room closet. The doors shut and I slid down the cool wood, covering my eyes. They would find out sooner or later. Then what would happen? What would my family say?

My Mom had looked over my shoulder while I watched Hetalia a few times and knew only a few things – I was totally crazy about the sparkly male characters, I looked up to the stronger female characters, and the characters were weird. The fact I had a sparkly man gang in my basement would be enough to make my Mom mad.

I needed to relieve my stress at my units. I went into the kitchen, heaved all the snacks into my arms, and went downstairs. I dropped the food on the glass table, turned to my house guests, still eating contentedly, and proudly proclaimed part of the Portal 2 ending theme.

"NOW I ONLY WANT YOU GONE." I then stomped up the stairs, feeling refreshed somehow. It did feel a little better, admittedly.

I hurried outside with my bag and waited for my Grandma as I had the day before, eagerly waiting to get home and check out my new unit. I felt like leaving him in the box would make me a horrible boss – that wasn't acceptable.

I hurried into the house and waved my Grandma off. I locked the dogs up again despite their protest. I opened the basement door to let them know I was home, and I entered the guest room that formerly housed Vash.

I opened the closet and took the manual out, plopping down on the bed and reading. I checked how to wake up my new unit. Cooking tomatoes was a big no. I was too worried about pulling on his curl – if it wasn't his "e-zone" it would possibly send him on a berserker streak. So I settled on speaking Spanish, since I'd been taking it for at least five years.

"Lovino! Permítanme tocar el culo!" I stepped back a few feet and said something off the top of my head. I wasn't one to be very proud to speak Spanish since it wasn't my first language, but I said it so confidently I almost felt like I hadn't been the one to say it!

The door slammed open, not breaking, but I didn't see the stomping man come over to grab the collar of my shirt and shake me. Hard. "Eh, bastardo! If you're going to say 'a something vulgar, you might as well sound like a man!"

He stopped the shaking, luckily for my neck and aching head and dropped me to my weak legs. "Oh, you're just a girl." He frowned like he'd been looking forward to strangle Spain for a long time and it was thwarted because of me, a girl of German descent. He could have called me a potato-bastardo. Or even Hasselhoff.

"I'ma sorry," He crossed his arms bitterly and the little curl on his head suddenly sprung out like a coiled spring, waving on the side of his head. He didn't sound like he meant it, but I didn't mind at this point.

I sat back down and started reading the manual while the unit aimlessly tugged at things, muttering curses and being difficult. I wanted to re-program him – but to what? I looked through his options and immediately stopped at the last setting. Horny sounded promising. In fact, if I boozed my units up enough, maybe they'd just stay in the basement.

Thank god.

I thought of the bottles of beer in the fridge, the vodka on the shelf, the wine that was on the racks. I had a lot of choices. I'd save that for a lazy weekend where I could tape it.

I gave myself a good slap across the face. And then another. I was being dirty again – I had to be as pure as virgin snow. The word virgin earned me another slap. I obviously wasn't doing well.

I stood up and pointed to the doorway. "Lovino, go down the stairs." He was busy inspecting an old statue of a colorful clown and didn't seem to hear me. "Stairs, Lovino!" I snapped my finger and clapped but he kept turning the statue over, starting to mutter things again. I could tell he heard me now. I took the time to experiment.

I stepped to his other side and hopped up to his level, gripping his curl firmly in my hand, and tugging down sharply when I hit the ground. He wrenched to the side and dropped the statue. The curl didn't rip off, to my surprise, it was almost rubber.

His face was as red as his trademark favorite food, the color of a ripe tomato, like the kind my Grandpa used to grow before his back got screwed up. He starting thrashing around and kept his eyes closed until his hands made contact with my face. I tugged on it a few more times, smoothing out the curl on the end.

He managed to grab my face and jostled my head around with force. That only made me tug harder, though. He began to pant and sweat until his hand slipped off my face, leaving a sweaty hand print. "Let go! Let go right now!" He panted, slapping around for me again. I pulled the curl and moved behind him so I'd be a little harder to find.

"Are you gonna listen to me?" I asked, giving another tug on the curl. He might have nodded, or maybe he'd just given up, but when I felt his head go down I released the single piece of hair. It instantly curled back to it's perfect place and Lovino stopped panting, letting his face return to normal.

"Figlio de puttana..." He rubbed his temples and sighed. I wasn't ready for more foreign, I reached out and grabbed his collar, tugging sharply. "Move your ass, please, I have things to do and males to feed." He glared at me and bared his teeth, almost out of character, but started walking, slapped my hand off his collar.

"Just because you're 'a not that Spanish bastard doesn't mean you can push 'a me around." He crossed his arms and stomped over to the basement door like a bratty child, which he kind of was in a way. The second I touched the door knob the door swung open and slammed into Lovino, shoving him into the dark pantry area.

Vash was grinding his teeth now. It didn't seem like he would be one to show so much anger, but he looked mad. He'd left his gun downstairs, too.

"I'm done, Madison!" "Boss." I corrected. I waited for a blow to the head that never came. "That idiot just finished watching all the Grudge movies, and I caught him trying to crawl into my bed!" Why Vash was trying to sleep at four in the afternoon was beyond me, maybe it was a European thing, but I saw Alfred come striding to the stairs.

"Crawl into your bed? Nonesense! Haha..." He was just behind Vash and seemed to be looking through me rather than at me. America didn't like horror movies or Dora the Explorer, so I had to keep those out of my life. Fair enough, horror movies scared me too. Dora the Explorer got old as well.

"It's okay to be scared," I spread my arms, feeling an involuntary grin creep across my face. "I'll let you hug me, if you'd like." Alfred looked confused for a moment before catching on. At least, I thought he caught on. "Pshhhh, the Hero doesn't get scared. But I suppose since you asked..." He shoved past Vash, who looked ready to break some bones.

I didn't ask for a hug, I actually offered one, but the hug was nice. Very awkward, but nice, I guess. Alfred was starting to smell less like packaging and more like my house, specifically the basement, a mixture of fabric softener and the fresh scent beads in the litter boxes. I tried not to bring too much attention to how I was practically inhaling him.

"Hey, quit it with the love fest, will ya?" I twisted my head and groaned. Lovino had gotten up, probably ready to exact his revenge on my Switzerland unit.

"And you," He passed Alfred and I, where I'd so rudely broken out of our awkward hug and now was watching this unfold. "Why are you just 'a throwin' open doors like you're the ruler of the whole damn place?"

I really wanted to step in at that point and end the fight before it started, but I was curious as to what the other unit would say. It was like my own personal fan fiction. I felt Alfred's hand suddenly grip my head and I could feel it shaking. How such a big guy got so scared was beyond me, but I wasn't exactly rejecting the sudden affection. It would end soon enough, might as well enjoy it.

"I heard you in the other room," Vash began, stepping out the stairwell to meet closer to the Italian. "Why are you crying like a pansy just because somebody touched your curl?" I stepped out then. I squeezed between them and shoved until my arms were spread wide enough to keep them away from each other.

"You can both shut up, now, and go downstairs." They kept glaring but obeyed, at least. "I don't want to go down there." I turned to see Alfred trying to restrain his shaking. It was kind of working, but the little Nantucket cowlick he had was still jumping a bit.

"Why?" I felt like I was about to go berserk and throttle everybody. Alfred shrugged. "Well, since you asked me for a hug just a bit earlier, I feel that it is my clear duty, as the Hero, to keep you from getting too scared!" Well, he was good, I guess. I looked at my socks and sighed. "Fine. You two, downstairs." Vash and Lovino continued their staring contest, though, not daring to move.

"I don't want to go down there with this pansy." Vash jabbed a finger at the Italian, who was clearly only getting more pissed with each second. "Why would I want to go down their with that bastard?" He spat back, turning away. "I refuse to talk to talk to him any further." Vash turned as well and stomped into the living room.

That led us into dinner. I threw a frozen pizza in the oven, strategically placed the three countries around the fancy dinner table, and put my head down on the place mat.

When I lifted my head again, the pizza in front of me was almost cold again and the units had disappeared. I looked at the clock on the wall just as it began its hourly song cycle. "Eight o'clock!" I shoved the pizza in my mouth and looked around for the disappeared countries.

I went everywhere downstairs until I came upon Lovino in Vash's old room, having a skirmish with the former owner. "...you kraut bastard!" He'd just finished, giving the Swiss a shove that made him bump back into the dresser.

I picked up the clown statue off the floor and attempted to stay out of Lovino's path of rage. Vash had pulled a gun out of seemingly nowhere, aiming it at the new arrival. I jumped up and practically brained the German country with the little statue, watching him fall over in shock and drop the handgun. I turned to Lovino with my target in mind – his temple.

When the Italian man fell to the ground I put the statue back on the dresser and began maneuvering them around. When I was pulling Vash up onto the bed I heard him mutter something that sounded like "...Austria...bondage..." and immediately began to listen intently. Nothing else came out.

I tugged on Lovino, who wasn't too heavy luckily, until I'd pulled him into the next room, the living room. I pulled him up onto the big chair and shoved the ottoman over, satisfied once I'd covered him with the blanket. Now for one more, Alfred.

I went upstairs and into my room to find him biting his lip and staring at the TV blankly. "...Why are you in my bed?"I asked in the most calm way possible. He shrugged. "Well, you know, since you wanted me to stay with you I figured it would be in your best interest if I stayed here overnight. But, you know you can't expect this every time you're scared." I sighed and shrugged, picking up my pajamas and going to the bathroom to change. I could handle sleeping in the same bed as the guy, but even changing in front of him made me feel uncomfortable. Heck, the Hetalia wall scroll I had in my room made me feel uncomfortable when I'd come in there to change.

I crawled into bed and wrapped myself into a cocoon to lessen chance of contact. I built a pillow barrier between us. Alfred simply didn't mind because he was cuddling with half of my old stuffed animals and was snoring again. I sighed and shut my eyes. It was only nine o'clock at that time, but I was beat.