Author's Note: Written for Kinkspiration Round 2 – Crossdressing.

The corset was always the hardest part. The boning was firm, even after so many years, and the fabric caged his chest and his stomach. It shaped him; gave him the curves his normal male body didn't have. Over the years he'd had to make do with what was available. Only two of the many corsets he'd found actually laced up the front. They were the only ones he could do up himself. No matter how he longed to put on the blue one or the Pendragon red one, he's left with these plainer ones. They seem more like average working corsets than the courtly queen's garments that are supposed to be in his mother's closet. Not that Arthur cares what they look like, not really. He feels closer to her, somehow. Like she's a part of him when he puts on her clothes, her shoes, her kohl powders and her cherry red—Pendragon red—lip stain.

Over the years he's learned to do it all himself. He's had to. At least until Merlin came along. Merlin with his smile, and his compassion for everyone and everything. Merlin with his secrets and his annoying ability to stick his nose into everyone's business. Arthur figured it was only a matter of time before he got caught. But he'd expected at the very least it would be Morgana, or Gwen, or even his father—who secretly took the time to also visit Igraine Pendragon's old rooms from time to time in order to reminisce in a much different manner than his son. What he didn't expect was his bumbling idiot of a manservant barging in as usual to find the Prince of Camelot pulling on a stocking underneath a long, flowing skirt.

Merlin froze at the sight of Arthur, who had made no move to hide himself or his shame, but rather slumped forward as if in reluctant acceptance of the witness to his weakness. Merlin's mouth worked like a fish's for a few moments and it was enough for Arthur to compose himself. He sent a glare at his servant.

"What, Merlin?" He snapped, cheeks starting to flush red with embarrassment and frustration alike. It seemed like his emotions were always mixed where Merlin was concerned.

Merlin snapped his mouth shut and swallowed thickly. He averted his eyes, looking somewhere over Arthur's left shoulder. "Do you need me to do anything today Sire? Gaius would like some help making the tonic for the illness that has been spreading through the lower town."

Arthur didn't quite know what to make of the way Merlin was acting. It was almost deferential of him, which was not Merlin at all. Arthur fought the urge to cross his arms over his chest in an effort to hide himself. He cleared his throat and aimed for an authoritative voice, "No. I won't require anything from you today. Go help Gaius for the day."

Merlin bit his lip like he was keeping himself from making an ass of himself—which was just as well, Arthur wasn't sure if he could take much more humiliation—and turned to leave the room.

Arthur only allowed himself a moment of embarrassment after the door closed. He squeezed his eyes shut and ran his hands down the sides of his face with a heaving sigh. Then he took a deep breath and slipped the other stocking on.

Merlin never mentioned that day, so Arthur didn't either. In fact, one could say that things pretty much went back to normal after that. Well, mostly normal. Sometimes, when Merlin thought he wasn't looking, Arthur would catch his manservant looking at him with an odd expression. He didn't call Merlin on it; he didn't want to think of what that look could mean. Arthur merely continued on, projecting the strong, many Princely image in public. In private he continued to indulge in his mother's wardrobe, though late at night when he was sure no one was to be about wandering the halls.

Things grew so normal that one day Arthur wondered if maybe Merlin wasn't weirded out by Arthur's proclivities. Merlin hadn't given any indication that what he'd walked in on had in any way frightened him off or disgusted him. Merlin seemed… alright with it; just as much of a friend as he had been. And that got Arthur thinking.

Arthur had just finished lacing up the corset as far as he could up the back when Merlin burst in as he usually did.

"I hope you like beans and chicken, because that's all Helga seems to…" Merlin trailed off as his eyes finally rested on Arthur. "Oh. Erm, would – would you like me to come back later?"

Arthur almost rolled his eyes. Almost. Now would be the time that Merlin chose to get awkward. He turned his head towards Merlin and put on a casual voice. "Ah, Merlin. Think you could help me with this then?"

Merlin just stood there, eyes wide and grasping the dinner tray like a lifeline. Arthur raised his eyebrows, projecting calmness when inside he is itching to run and hide. "Merlin?"

The sound of his name made Merlin jerk, almost upending the tray of food. He quickly set the tray on the table and turned back to look at where Arthur was standing next to his bed. "You want me to…?" He gestured at Arthur's back and the undone laces. Arthur nodded and turned away from him, unable to face the other man anymore.

Arthur startled slightly at the soft touch to his lower back. He jerked his head back to look at Merlin. Merlin gave a small apologetic smile. "Sorry, m'hands are always cold."

Arthur nodded stiffly and turned back around, holding himself still as Merlin worked the laces delicately through their holes and up his spine. Arthur could feel the corset getting tighter on him, pulling in his belly and hugging his ribs. He breathed in and sucked in as far as he could, holding it there. Merlin's hands suddenly stopped.

"Don't do that," Arthur didn't think he'd ever heard Merlin so stern before. "If you hold your breath like that it'll end up too tight and you'll pass out. Breath normally."

Arthur blinked in surprise but did as Merlin said, he let the breath out and in again as he normally did. Merlin's hands started lacing again. He cinched is snug all the way up to the top and by the time he was tying it off, Arthur could feel the small tremble in his hands. Again he wondered why it seemed like this didn't really surprise Merlin. Merlin cleared his throat and gave a small pat on Arthur's back, taking liberty with the Prince's personal space as usual.

"Well then, all done," Merlin tried for some amount of levity. "Anything else I can do for you?"

"No thank you Merlin that will be all." Arthur turned to see Merlin give a strange smile and turn quickly for the door. Arthur frowned. He hadn't thought he'd made Merlin that uncomfortable.

"Wait," he called out. Merlin stopped, hand already on the door handle and hunched forward a little. A slight turn of the head was the only response Arthur got. "You seemed rather… comfortable doing that for me. And yet you run out of here like your trousers are on fire now. Why is that?"

"I don't know what you mean, S–"

"And then," Arthur interrupted, "There's the matter of you actually knowing how to lace up a woman's corset. Would you like to tell me how, Merlin?"

Arthur stalked up to stand behind Merlin. He got into Merlin's personal space for a change, so close he could feel the heat of Merlin's skin and the tiny hitch in his breath when Arthur stepped even closer to speak close to his ear. "Does it not seem odd to you, that I dress in women's' clothing—in my mother's clothing? That I shame my masculinity, does it not disgust you?"

Merlin whipped around suddenly, catching Arthur off guard. He took a step back at the fierce expression on his manservant's face. "It is not disgusting Arthur. You are no less of a man to me. I don't think of you as anything less than amazing. Don't belittle yourself or degrade yourself because you enjoy something finer than anything those simple-minded, warmongering Knights will ever be able to appreciate."

Arthur blinked at Merlin in amazement. Not only was Merlin ok with what Arthur did every night, but he supported it. He understood it. He understood Arthur. Arthur swallowed thickly and said the only thing he could, "Thank you."

Merlin's eyes softened. He reached out a hand and ran it along the firm bones of the corset. "It is nothing to be ashamed of," his eyes bore into Arthur's, burning with a conviction Arthur hadn't seen before. "Not from me."

Arthur covered Merlin's hand with his own. He brought the hand to his lips and pressed a light kiss into the palm. He closed his eyes at the sound of Merlin's breath stuttering out. "You have always been such a good friend to me Merlin. The best friend I've ever had," Arthur's eyes opened. "And I guess it had been a secret for so long, that the keeping of it became ingrained into me. I couldn't share it even with you, who had become the closest to me. It remained buried, in the shadows, and I would not tell it."

Arthur looked at Merlin pointedly, causing Merlin to tense. He opened his mouth whether to explain or beg for his life Arthur didn't know. Arthur raised a hand to Merlin's cheek and shushed him.

"I have known for quite some time now Merlin. I'm not going to have you beheaded." His expression turned teasing for a moment, eager to calm the terror that was plain in Merlin's eyes. It sent a rush of warmth through him when he saw the absolute relief that ran through Merlin's body. How hard it must have been for him to keep his secret and Arthur's. Arthur can only imagine; at least the King didn't kill men for putting on dresses.

"Oh. Well…" It seemed, for once, that Merlin was at a loss for words. Arthur smirked; a speechless Merlin was quite fetching. He resolved to shut Merlin up more often from then on. Then Arthur's smirk morphed into a smile.

"Well, then. I'd be glad of the company, if you don't mind staying," in an uncharacteristically shy move Arthur dropped his gaze. "I've never had anyone to share this part of myself with. I should like to share it with you."

Merlin's long fingers gently pulled up Arthur's chin so that they were meeting eyes again. He reflected Arthur's smile and leaned in to brush their lips together. "I'd be honored, Sire."

fin