A/N: Sherlock does word associations, meaning that some things will be very obscure. At the end of the story, I've included an explanation for some of the more unknown words.
Disclaimer: Even though Sherlock Holmes may be public domain, this version belongs to the BBC, Gatiss and Moffat. I just like to play with the characters.
Sherlock is thinking, which is not unusual. He is lying on the sofa as he thinks, which is also not unusual, and he is performing a mental exercise, which is definitely not unusual. The results of the exercise are frustratingly unusual as well.
When Sherlock has not had a case in a while, he likes to lie on the sofa and do word associations. It is trite, he knows, but it does stave off the boredom somewhat. He will pick one word with which to start, and go from there for the next thirty minutes or so, until he is satisfied. Once he has stopped, he will start with the same word and go in a different direction. He likes to discover as many different directions as possible, see as many connections as he can.
Today, he has been at it for just ten minutes. The word is cantaloupe.
Cantaloupe- genus cucumis, species melo- listeriosis- 2008 Canadian outbreak- Maple Leaf Foods- meat packing- abattoir- bison, sheep, hog- mammals- mammary glands- Linnaeus- Smaland, Sweden- IKEA- kitchen appliances- tea- John
Sherlock stops, frowns, and realizes he cannot think of a next word; this is rather inconvenient of John. He starts over again.
Cantaloupe- polyphenol antioxidants- coronary artery disease- myocardial infarction- tobacco smoking- nicotine patches- shopping- John
Sherlock stops once more, becoming slightly frustrated. This has been happening more and more often lately. The point of this exercise is to reach as many different conclusions from the same starting place, not to start in the same place and end in the same place. Yet, every time Sherlock has done this over the past month, his thoughts always seem to focus on his rather unremarkable flatmate. With a petulant little whine that John is not there to hear, Sherlock begins again.
Cantaloupe- Honeydew- honey- Apis mellifera- Reverend Langstroth- religion- philosophy- Ibn Tufayl- empiricism- knowledge- epistemology- Foucault- prison- prison guard- state structured discipline- army- John
With this last thought, Sherlock bolts up from his reclining position, grabs the cup of cold tea sitting on the table, and hurls it at the fireplace. It shatters, and tea splatters on the carpet. Sherlock cocks his head as he examines the pattern briefly before his thoughts turn once more to his flatmate. Since John is refusing to leave his mind in peace, Sherlock thinks he might as well give in. Maybe if he spends a few minutes thinking about John, the man will leave him alone.
Perhaps, Sherlock ponders, the fault lies with the words he is choosing. There might be something innately cantaloupe-ish about John, which means there is also something innately formaldehyde-ish, scorpion-ish, chewing gum-ish, and yeast-ish about John as well. This is ridiculous; John looks nothing like chewing gum. Although chewing gum is typically used by people to freshen breath, often before a date, and when John went on that date with some woman last week, he had chewed Orbit spearmint gum. Not that it had improved his date; the evening had been, in John's own words, "a complete disaster." He arrived home early, and after ranting for a few minutes about the woman (Sherlock thinks he must have deleted what his flatmate actually said), he settled on the other end of the sofa. The rest of the night passed by watching reality television on mute; Sherlock provided far more accurate and, apparently, amusing commentary than what the contestants actually said. By the time John went to bed, he was in a much better mood. Sherlock smirks smugly to himself at the memory, and then wonders why he feels so satisfied.
His musings are interrupted a moment later by the subject of his thoughts, who is struggling up the stairs with his after-work shopping. Sherlock mutters some sort of greeting and turns on the couch so his back is facing the room. John lets out a long-suffering sigh, but does not actually say anything. He learned months ago not to expect any help from Sherlock, but this does not stop him from expressing his displeasure.
Sherlock listens to John move about in the kitchen, deducing what he bought from the sounds of the cabinets opening and the various jars and boxes being placed on shelves. Digestives, beans, bread, Nutella, salt, and... Sardines? Sherlock knows John does not like the small fish, and he also knows that he himself has not asked for them.
"Why the sardines?" he calls out.
"We were out," John replies, closing the last of the cabinets. "And I know how much you like to use them when doing one of your experiments with electricity."
"Oh" is all Sherlock says, but he feels a glow of warmth in his stomach. He wonders if he is becoming sick; maybe John can prescribe him some sort of medication.
"Do you want anything?" John asks as he starts his ritual post-work tea making. Sherlock says nothing, knowing that John will bring him tea anyway.
A few minutes later, Sherlock hears a cup being placed on the table behind him as John walks past with his own cup in his left hand and his laptop under his left arm. Sherlock hears the computer start up. Silence reigns once more in 221b, and he contemplates beginning his word association exercise again. A psychologist once told Sherlock that he was not doing it properly. Sherlock told him that a man who got his degree online and then lied about it really had no business telling him what to do.
"So, what did you do all day?" John asks after a couple minutes. Sherlock debates for a moment, unsure of whether he feels like talking.
"I was thinking," he finally answers. He cannot see John, but he knows his flatmate is rolling his eyes.
"Thinking about what?"
Sherlock wonders what will happen if he tells the truth, so he decides to do so.
"You."
John is silent for a moment, and Sherlock knows he has surprised his companion. He waits to hear what John will say.
"Doing word associations again?" he finally responds.
John discovered Sherlock's exercise about a month after he moved in. Sometimes, Sherlock feels the need to speak aloud when thinking, and John has caught him at it a few times. Sherlock refused to explain what he was doing when John first heard him, but after the third time, his flatmate figured it out. Sherlock thinks John discovered it at least twice as fast as anyone else would.
"What do you mean?" Sherlock snaps, not sure he wants John to discover exactly how the consulting detective's afternoon went.
"I just thought maybe that was the word you decided on today. Why else would you spend the day thinking about me?" John asks casually.
"Wrong, as usual," Sherlock says shortly. "You're not that important."
Sherlock immediately knows he has hurt John's feelings by the sharp intake of breath his flatmate tries to stifle and the creak in the cushions as John stiffens. However, these words are true. If Sherlock is at a crime scene, he does not need to make deductions about John to find the killer, unless, of course, the crime scene involves a certain cabbie. John is unimportant to his deductions and therefore to his work. (There is a part of Sherlock that says the second is not necessarily true, but it should be, and so he ignores that part of himself.) Even if Sherlock were to feel the inclination to look at the larger picture, John would still remain unimportant. He will never change the world; he will never be a key player. When Sherlock says John is unimportant, it is not personal; it is a fact.
So then why do Sherlock's thoughts constantly turn to his flatmate?
John does not say anything to the consulting detective, and a moment later, Sherlock hears typing. He is surprised; usually, John tries to correct Sherlock and tells him that he "just can't say things like that to people." Now, John seems to either have given up on Sherlock or has begun to expect things like this from him. For some reason, both explanations bother Sherlock. He glances over his shoulder, trying to catch a glimpse of his blogger, but John's face is expressionless as he looks at his laptop, and Sherlock cannot tell what the other man is thinking. A few minutes later, John shuts his computer and stands. Sherlock rolls over on the sofa so he can see him better. The beginning of a sigh begins in John's shoulders as he spots the tea on the carpet, but he seems to think better of it and simply walks out of the room.
That's it; Sherlock wants John back. Whoever just left the room, that was not John. John would have told him off for being, what the doctor would deem, unnecessarily honest. John would have gotten the tea stains out of the carpet and then have told Sherlock he was responsible for picking up the ceramic shards of the teacup. John would have mentioned something about dinner before he went upstairs. The person who left the room did none of those things; ergo, he is not John. And as much as it frustrates Sherlock to have his flatmate on his mind all the time, he would much rather have John on his mind than this not-John.
Sherlock stands up and follows the sounds of his flatmate up to his room. He leans against the doorway as he watches John ignore him and putter away uselessly in one of his drawers.
"I should clarify what I said earlier. I think you may have misinterpreted it."
John does not look at Sherlock, but he snorts and says, "I really don't think I did."
Sherlock ignores this and says, "What I should have said was you should not be that important."
John does look up at that. "What? What is that supposed to mean?"
Sherlock says nothing, because really, it should be obvious what he is trying to say, and he is not going to spell it out for John, even if he does care a good deal about the man. His brain stutters to a halt at that last thought, and he is reminded of when he figured out that it had been John who shot the cabbie. The same sort of feeling overcomes him now, and it is equal parts surprising, terrifying, and thrilling. He pulls his attention back to John and hopes that whatever he had been thinking does not show on his face. It certainly requires more thought, and he does not want his flatmate to draw any conclusions prematurely. However, even though John is not as criminally simpleminded as the police, he still is rather oblivious and is unlikely to notice.
John speaks. "D'you mean," he asks slowly, "that objectively speaking, I should not be important?"
Sherlock sighs; John is being deliberately obtuse, he is sure. "No, objectively, you are not important."
Sherlock can tell John is about to act hurt again, but then his flatmate finally begins to use his brain. "So, objectively, I'm not important, but subjectively, I am? To you, I'm important?" His voice is unsure, as if he thinks that he must be incorrect in his assessment.
Sherlock sniffs. "Obviously" is all he says, before turning about abruptly and heading back down the stairs. John does not follow him,, and Sherlock grabs a book on pottery making before throwing himself on the sofa once more.
Sherlock is halfway through the book by the time John comes downstairs. Sherlock pretends not to notice, but his attention immediately focuses on John's steps, John's breathing, John's everything. He wonders if his flatmate will mention the conversation that took place just thirty minutes beforehand, but John passes him and goes into the kitchen.
"Are you eating tonight?" he calls out.
Sherlock says nothing, because he knows John will bring him something anyway. Ten minutes later, John walks back into the living room with two sandwiches. To Sherlock's surprise, instead of leaving one sandwich on the table and continuing on to his chair, John sets down both plates.
"Budge up." He nudges Sherlock's feet with his knee.
Sherlock is surprised, and in his surprise, he accidentally does what John asked him to do and moves his legs so he is only using two thirds of the sofa. His flatmate sits down, looking pleased with himself, which Sherlock dislikes; he decides to wipe the smirk off John's face by placing his feet right where they had been before. Of course, John is now in the way, so his feet are actually resting above where they had been, but that does not matter because John will now be inconvenienced. However, John does not seem inconvenienced. If anything, the doctor seems rather happy, if his smile is anything to go by. He briefly shifts and leans forward to grab his sandwich, but then settles back against the sofa. He shoots a look at Sherlock, as if daring him to say something, but Sherlock decides to remain quiet.
Sherlock decides that if John is going to be insufferable, he will simply ignore him. He determines "juniper" would be a good word to begin his exercise, and starts once more.
Juniper- Cypress-Sugi-Japan-Koto-In sen scale- John Coltrane-saxophone-single reed instruments-clarinet-John
Sigh.
A/N: Okay, I promise there is a method to the madness. In case you want to know what Sherlock's thinking, here are the word associations again, this time with an explanation for some of the more obscure words. My information comes from Wikipedia and anthropology classes/textbooks.
Cantaloupe- genus cucumis, species melo- listeriosis- 2008 Canadian outbreak- Maple Leaf Foods- meat packing- abattoir- bison, sheep, hog- mammals- mammary glands- Linnaeus- Smaland, Sweden- IKEA- kitchen appliances- tea- John
•Listeriosis: A bacterial infection that can be passed on through cantaloupe as well as other foods.
•2008 Canadian Outbreak and Maple Leaf Foods: Canadian food processing company held responsible for the 2008 listeriosis outbreak, which resulted in 22 deaths
•Abattoir: A slaughterhouse
•Linnaeus: Responsible for the binomial nomenclature system we use today for taxonomy. Named our class Mammalia for the mammary glands, as he supported breast-feeding.
•Smaland, Sweden and IKEA: Province where Linnaeus was born, as well as the founder of IKEA.
Cantaloupe- polyphenol antioxidants- coronary artery disease- myocardial infarction- tobacco smoking- nicotine patches- shopping- John
•Polyphenol antioxidants and coronary artery disease: Antioxidants found in cantaloupes shown to help with diseases such as coronary artery disease
•Myocardial infarction: Fancy words for a heart attack
Cantaloupe- Honeydew- honey- Apis mellifera- Reverend Langstroth- religion- philosophy- Ibn Tufayl- empiricism- knowledge- epistemology- Foucault- prison- prison guard- state structured discipline- army- John
•Apis mellifera: Taxonomic name for the honeybee
•Reverend Langstroth: American preacher responsible for the invention of one of the most popular forms of beehive
•Ibn Tufayl: A 12th century Islamic philosopher whose most famous work, Hayy ibn Yaqzan, promotes the discovery of truth through a process of reasoned inquiry; he was also an early supporter of dissection and autopsies.
•Empiricism: A method of discovering truth through only what your senses tell you.
•Epistemology: The study of knowledge
•Foucault: A French philosopher and social theorist, who wrote about knowledge and power, and who is well known for his work on prison systems, as well as various other social systems.
Juniper- Cypress-Sugi-Japan-Koto-In sen scale- John Coltrane-saxophone-single reed instruments-clarinet-John
•Sugi: A type of cypress and the national tree of Japan
•Koto: A Japanese, stringed instrument
•In-sen scale: A scale based on the tuning of the koto
•John Coltrane: A saxophonist and responsible for introducing the in-sen scale to jazz music