"The DEE DEE DEE Causeway"

By Loki Palmer

Author's Note: Harry Potter and all related characters belong to J.K. Rowling. This one-shot was inspired to me by a scene from "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II." Enjoy!

As the recent conqueror of Lord Voldemort, Harry Potter was looking at the Elder Wand when Ron and Hermione came up to him.

"Harry?" said Hermione. "Why didn't the Elder Wand work for Voldemort? Snape killed Dumbledore, then Voldemort killed Snape, right?"

"That may be right, but the wand never belonged to Snape. Yes, Snape killed Dumbledore, but Draco disarmed him first."

"So, the Elder Wand belonged to Draco ..."

"That's right, Hermione, until the night at Malfoy Manor when I took his wand ..."

"And this means ..." said Hermione, her eyes widening in realization.

"Yep, Hermione … it's mine now."

A smiling Ron said, "Brilliant! What are we going to do with it?"

Harry and Hermione looked at him in disbelief. "We?"

"I mean, it's the most powerful wand in existence."

An idea came to Harry … why didn't he think of it before?

"Ron, I know this may shock you, but I'll say it anyway … I don't want it, but if you want it ..."

He could see the excitement in Ron's eyes, gleaming like a hyperactive dog. Merlin's beard, he thought, this is perfect …

"Fetch!" With that, he tossed the Elder Wand into the deep canyon. Ron leaped after it, falling with an audible SPLAT!

"You did it, darling!" said a smiling Hermione. "I'm so proud of you!"

"Thanks, Hermione, but I can't believe it worked. I was trying to get rid of that Troll-Brained Idiot for seven years, but I never thought the Elder Wand would play into it!"

"Well, you have to admit, he did hold me back from the snake ..."

"Yeah," said Neville, "but Weasley couldn't hit the side of a mansion, much less afford one! I still had to be the one to kill it!"

When the laughter calmed down, Harry said, "Thanks, Nev, for keeping her safe."

"Anytime, Harry, anytime. Say, who's up for some Shepherd's Pie? I'm buying."

From that day onward, the causeway that Ron leaped from became known as the DEE DEE DEE Causeway … and the name of Ron Weasley became synonymous with an epic level of stupidity.