Lemony: Ok, everyone knows I'm an idiot lol. So please enjoy this silly hellsing crack nonesense.

Sir Integra Fair Brooks Wingates Hellsing was sitting at her desk in her freakishly huge office mulling over paperwork. It was an otherwise normal day; vampires were ravishing the country side, Walter was busy baking muffins, Alucard was killing something, and Seras was being stupid again. It was all so very normal until Integra's stomach growled.

"Where is Walter with those muffins?" She thought, then Alucard did that freaky thing where he walks through the fucking walls thus scaring the shit out of everyone.

"Master," He purred, "Was that your stomach?"

"Yes." Integra replied shortly, "I haven't eaten today."

"Hmmm, I could hear it all the way down in the crypts. It's not healthy to skip meals, Master."

"I'll eat in a moment, I'm very busy."

"You know," Alucard began, "There's a new Taco Bell right around the corner. Maybe we should go."

"Taco Bell?" Integra repeated incredulously, "What kind of name...?"

"It's a Mexican restaurant, Master. And it's cheap."

Integra shrugged, oh well what harm could it do?

~Sometime Later~

"THAT SIGN SAYS 'YEILD' STUPID!" Integra hollered at some random driver who cut them off in traffic, Alucard was sitting in the driver seat of the Rose Rosce trying not to laugh. His master was so funny when she got road rage. And the killing part was, she wasn't even the one driving.

"Alucard," Integra growled, getting cranky because she was starving, "Where is this place?"

"It should be right here," Alucard said pointing the way and then turning the vehicle.

"Alucard, we are lost!" Integra snapped folding her arms,

"We are not." Her vampire replied, "I know exactly where we're going."

"No you don't!" Integra nagged, "Why don't you stop and get directions?"

"I don't need directions, Master," Alucard growled, "I know where we're going..."

"No, you really don't." Integra muttered, Alucard said something under his breath but his blonde master didn't hear him. Finally Integra couldn't take it anymore.

"Alucard! Stop and get directions! We're lost!"

"No we're not!"

"Yes we are!" Integra said whipping out her cellphone, "We past The Tower of London three times! I took a picture with my camera phone! Look!"

After they stopped and got directions, Alucard and Integra were finally on their way to Taco Bell. Meanwhile the radio was blaring in the car.

"What is this God awful station? Integra said frowning,

"I LIKE THE WAY YOU DO DAT RIGHT THUURRRR!" Chingy sung aloud, Integra turned the dial thus turning the station.

"WAKE UP IN THE MORNING FEELING LIKE! GRAB MY SHADES, I'M OUT THE DOOR, I'M GONNA HIT THE CITY!"

Finally, Integra turned the radio off.

"Master, I liked that song," Alucard complained, "Its by Kesha."

Integra cocked an eyebrow, "What in the name of God is a 'Kesha'?"

"A singer," Alucard replied turning into the Taco Bell parking lot, "In fact, you kind of remind me of her."

Integra quickly Googled Kesha on her cellphone and then frowned.

"How in the hell...?" She muttered to herself, "She looks like a crack-baby."

Finally they entered Taco Bell and Alucard froze where he stood, sitting across the restaurant was Alexander Anderson!

The catholic man dropped his taco and glared at Alucard.

"You have shown you're face, demon. I'm going to kill you right here..."

Alucard drew his pistols, "You Judith priest! I'm going to turn this Taco Bell into Taco Hell!"

"Yes, I would like a chicken enchilada." Integra told the young clerk and ignoring Anderson and Alucard. While those two tore the restaurant apart, Integra sat quietly and enjoyed her meal. She frowned when she took one bite of her food...without warning she drew her own weapon.

"I SAID NO ONIONS!"

The end. Never again.

Lemony: Hope you all enjoyed that crack nonsense that I thought of randomly. Again this is a crackfic not meant to be taken seriously...REVIEW!