OLYMPUS WEEKLY
Week XV.
Mortifying Discovery of the Week: ARTEMIS HAS A TRAMP STAMP?! Gods offended: (12: Artemis and 11 more), Gods pleased: (1: Aphrodite)
Comments (38)
Artemis: How is this mortifying?
Zeus: My daughter. My precious, innocent daughter. What is this? WHAT is this? WHAT IS THIS?
Aphrodite: AWW OMG, Artemis! Send me a picture! OMG, how precious! I wanna see!
Zeus: Absolutely not! Artemis will not be flaunting any body marks around whatsoever! I don't care if it's a tramp stamp or a flimsy hand tattoo! ARTEMIS WILL BE COVERED FROM HEAD TO TOE FROM THIS DAY ON.
Aphrodite: OMG Zeus, that is so parent-like of you! Tramp stamps are soooo cute!
Ghetto Hera: Heeeeecks yeuuh I have GOT to see dis! My baby gurl Artemis she done grown up so fast o lawdie lawdie. She be getting tats on her back, and now she just gotta finish dat up with a few piercings, and oh lawdie she just make me so dang proud. I'm gettin teary. Aw I'm bouts to cry.
Artemis: Wait a minute, who posted this?!
Zeus: It doesn't matter, Artemis. I can't believe you'd be so… so… so… I just can't believe it.
Aphrodite: Tramp stamps aren't even that big of a deal.
Artemis: It's just a little moon thing with deer and symbols and stuff. I like it. And it's not like I'll ever walk around in a bikini or anything, oh jeez no. It's just something that symbolizes me as the goddess of the Hunt.
Zeus: Those things are made so that men to can admire and fondle a woman's behind.
Apollo: LOL, fondle is such an uncomfortable word.
Artemis: UGH MEN. Please don't say anything like that ever again. Father, I would never do anything with a man! I wouldn't let him see ANYTHING. I would crack his skull if he thought about it. UGH. Don't even say that!
Zeus: Then what's the point of having this dumb tattoo?
Artemis: Like I said, it's all just symbolism. I thought it might look nice.
Zeus: TO WHO?
Apollo: Zeus, I believe you need some chillcheese.
Athena: I agree. You don't have anything at all to worry about when it comes to Artemis and boys. Have you forgotten that she's a maiden goddess?
Zeus: Hmmph… I suppose. I don't know why I was so worried. I think I was afraid Aphrodite was growing on her.
Artemis: NEVER.
Ghetto Hera: Yeuh das right ZOOS. Ain't nobody gonna mess wit my baby Artemis—she can get anything she wants on ha body! You should be so proud like mama Hera is, and I ain't even her mama. So SHUT UP AND LEAVE HA THE HECK ALONE—SHE CAN GET A TRAMP DANG STAMP IF SHE WANT and I BEST not hear you complainin or I'mma bust you up in yo fat head.
Zeus: *Gasps*
Aphrodite: I think this is the only moment I've ever appreciated Ghetto Hera!
Ghetto Hera: Say WHAT?
Poseidon: I think we're forgetting something important. If Artemis isn't "flaunting" her tramp stamp, who saw it and posted this topic?
*Silence on Olympus*
Artemis: …I don't know. But I'm always covered from head to toe—no one could ever see my lower back. And I used magic to make the tramp stamp. I haven't shown it to anyone..
Apollo: I think you have a stalker.
Artemis: It still doesn't make sense.
Aphrodite: OMG what if he watches you change?!
Artemis: HE?!
Zeus: It's one of us! Her stalker put it on Olympus Weekly, and only the gods have access to the site! IT'S POSEIDON!
Poseidon: Now wait a second…
Athena: I hope this doesn't turn into another Olympus Gangsta deal…
Hermes: IT'S NOT ME I SWEAR SOMEONE PLEASE TALK TO ME JUST SO I CAN MAKE SURE YOU CAN HEAR ME.
Poseidon: Well Hermes, you did have the nerve to vandalize our thrones…
Hermes: It's not me, I swear! Please don't be suspicious—Artemis will rip out my throat. I'm a man and I'm frightened!
Artemis: I'LL FIND YOU, CREEPER, AND I WILL KILL YOU.
Ghetto: O my baby make me so proud.
"Reasons Why Ares Hates Percy Jackson"
-He's stupid
-He's dumb
-Ugly
-Stupid
-Fish head
-Hate him
-Want to bash his head into a wall Gods offended: (4: Poseidon, Aphrodite and 2 more), Gods pleased: (9: Ares and 8 more)
Comments (33)
Athena: Agreed, although I would be a lot more elaborate if I were to make a list. I have reasons to hate him, and Ares hates him solely to hate him.
Zeus: BEST LIST EVER MADE.
Aphrodite: Aww, but I think Percy's sooo adorable! And he and Annabeth are SOOOOO—
Athena & Poseidon: SHUT UP, APHRODITE.
Poseidon: And this is stupid! Being a fish head i G.
Ares: No.
Zeus: No.
Dionysus: I also agree with this article! Your idiot of a son ate my grapes. He just ate them. All of them. I had eight beautifully peeled grapes in a bowl and he ATE THEM.
Poseidon: LOL I love that kid!
Aphrodite: I know, isn't he great?
Ares: I hate him. Wow… WOW I have so much gas.
Aphrodite: ...OMG ew…
Ares: Seriously, it's crazy. It's coming out like rockets.
Artemis: Honestly, I don't have anything against Percy. Well, I hate the fact that he's a boy. But he's actually okay.
Zeus: ARTEMIS. You are forbidden to think any BOY, especially Poseidon's, is "okay." I knew that tramp stamp wasn't a good idea.
Ghetto Hera: HEY. Did I nat just tell you to leave my baby gurl alone? If you say one mo word, I'm bout to snap yo neck.
Artemis: Seriously.
Dionysus: This is the most accurate list I've ever laid eyes on. I shall post it on the side of Peter's cabin.
Poseidon: Okay, as long as it's Peter's cabin and not mine.
Athena: Are you an idiot?
Artemis: He's talking about your cabin, Poseidon.
Poseidon: WHAT?! Dionysus, I can't have this! What has this come to?!
Zeus: Here we go, with the vandalism all over again.
Poseidon: Since when do I have a son named Peter?!
Athena: You truly are hopeless.
Apollo: Chillcheese for sale.
Hephaestus: Yo, hit me up with some of that.
Apollo: Coo. Coo.
Athena: I suppose I'll try it.
Aphrodite: Me too!
Apollo: What's that heavenly sound? Oh it's me makin' some BANK.
Poseidon: Could Peter be a cyclope perhaps?
Dionysus: *Rolls eyes*
Lab Results Positive: Apollo's Chillcheese Contains Fatal Ingredients! ERROR: Offended button broken again
Comments (34)
Olympus in Unison: FATAL?!
Ares: We're all gonna die!
Artemis: Apollo! What is the cheese made out of?
Dionysus: NO! How can this be?
Poseidon: Apollo, you idiot!
Aphrodite: What? I just had some! *Sobs* Oh well. *Wipes tears* At least if I die, I know I'll die young and beautiful…
Athena: I'm just as astounded as everyone else. However, we must remember that we are immortal Greek gods. If Apollo had fed his cheese to a mortal, chances are they're dead. We as gods might get mild indigestion.
Aphrodite: *Gasps* I'm gonna have to poop? But… but ladies NEVER poop! No please—I'll do anything!
Apollo: Well, I did tell you guys a long time ago that a side effect included gas…
Poseidon: Or DEATH, to a mortal.
Apollo: Yes, but I didn't sell to any…oh. Wait.
Artemis: You're such an idiot! Apollo, you killed people with your cheese!
Apollo: Only like nine!
Artemis: NINE?
Apollo: Okay, eleven. Eighteen, tops. Seriously, tops. Like twenty-five. Tippy-tops. Twenty-eight.
Artemis: Are you freaking kidding me?!
Hermes: Oh no! Apollo, you had me deliver some of this cheese to your customers! I contributed to this mass murder! Take me away, I don't deserve to live!
Aphrodite: Forget the mortals, I'm gonna have to poop! When do these effects start?!
Apollo: Well… I'm thinking about two weeks after consumption? Because Ares has gas that is, and I quote, "coming out like rockets." He ate the cheese two weeks ago.
Ares: IS THIS WHY I HAVE SO MUCH GAS? IT'S BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID CHEESE?
Apollo: I'm afraid so…
Athena: Apollo, how can you be such an insolent fool? Good thing I haven't opened the package you sent me yet.
Ares: MY ONGOING GAS IS BECAUSE OF YOU?! APOLLO?!
Apollo: YES, ARES, PLEASE RELEASE THE CAPS BUTTON.
Ares: Are you kidding me?! I ate SO MUCH CHILLCHEESE.
Hephaestus: Oh no… I think I'm next. Oh no.
Ghetto Hera: Oh heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeecks naw. Oh HECKS NAW. HECKS NAW. I had some o dat cheese just a few days ago. OH HECKS NAW NAW NAW NAW NAW.
Artemis: Apollo. You idiot. Hera is gonna murder you.
[Server: ERROR—We're sorry. Hera has been temporarily banned from Olympus Weekly due to excessive foul language and violent death threats. Have a good day!]
Apollo: Have a good day? Have a good day?! Hera's gonna crack my head open! Oh no. Oh no!
Aphrodite: I can't believe I'm gonna have gas in two weeks! I've never farted in my life! How does it feel? Does it hurt? Someone please help, I think I'm having a heart attack.
Artemis: Gas doesn't hurt… You've never farted before? That's SO weird.
Ares: Oh man, it's like a volcano erupting downwards. JEEZ how can this happen?
Apollo: I'm dead. I'm so dead.
( ̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅ ̲̅]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅)
LOL I'm so strange. I hope you guys liked this chapter! I had a great time writing it xD
I loooooved all the ideas I got! I was amazed at how seriously weird you guys are. The topics were GENIUS!
ExceedinglyPeculiarChick: I love how you said "HOLY CHILLCHEESE"
Credit:
Apollo's Chillcheese SilverWingedRaven
Artemis Tramp Stamp Cayla Mechelle
Ares' Article MibsShadow
Please leave me more reviews and ideas and PMs! I love you guys, you're like super awesome. ;)