This was orginally up first on deviantart, but I completly forgot about posting it on Fanfiction ^^; sorry guys~ I'm such a lazy writer I realized I haven't updated this in ...alot of months T.T so enjoy ^^~

"Damn you Alfred!"I thought to myself as Gilbert slowly advanced on me, his strides a mile wide. Alfred had left not but a minute ago, yet I couldn't help but blame him for my predicament. I kept telling him to not give Gilbert any ideas, but my idiot hero of a brother always teases me whenever he can. I quickly moved behind the bar to hide my embarrassment, but was intercepted by the Prussian. "Keseseses, now where do you think you're going little birdie?" he asked as he wrapped his arms around me. "Gilbert get your hands off of me. I have things I need to do." "Well, then it's too bad I don't give a damn and no I'm not letting go anytime soon." I could already feel that smirk on his face, as my face got extremely red. "Damn him for making me so nervous," I thought as I controlled my already red face and shoved him off of me. Unfortunately, I shoved too hard and we both tumbled to the ground, a mess of limbs with me on top of Gilbert. And it just so happens that a certain French trader walked through the galley doors at that exact moment. "Oh honhonhon. What do we have here little Mathieu? If you were so sexually frustrated you could have always come to frère Francis." I couldn't help but think, "God, why do you hate me today?" as Gilbert laughed his weird laugh. I stood up quickly trying to salvage what little pride I had," That isn't what you think Francis. And no thank you, I'd rather clean your dead carcass off my floors."" Alright, whatever you say mon petit Mathieu. But the offers always open, "Francis responded with a wink. Sigh. Moving on, I moved behind the counter and started to clean the glasses as Gilbert and Francis continued to flirt. "Hey birdie, how about that cleaning we promised your bruder we'd do? We can go upstairs, to your bed, or we can do it here on the bar." I opened my mouth to scold him on his manners but was beaten to it by Francis.

"Mon dieu Gilbert, have you no manners? You need to coax them with l'amour before you make them yours, instead of barbarically bedding them like some animal. Where is the couture in that? Am I not right ma petite Mathieu?" he whispered in my ear as he slid next to me. His hand was roaming down my back and reaching for my ass, and I was blushing a furious shade of red as he whispered, "Why don't we show this barbare prussien how it's done?" Gilbert,catching on, seemed less than pleased. "Who are you calling a barbarian, at least, I don't try to knock up anything with a heartbeat," he fumed. Francis offended, tighten his grip on me, "Well, excusez-moi for trying to bring more love into the world!" He snarled back, "That's all and good, but this little birdie already has a master," and to make his point reached over the counter and yanked me out of Francis's grasp by the arm. Let's just say it's less than a pleasant feeling when two men are fighting over you like two coyotes over a horse carcass. I took a deep breath and settled my nerves *sigh* These two will be the death of me yet. "Hey.. Hey guys how about we settle down? I'm not

either of yours and you'll scare away all the customers," I said as passively loud as I can. But they never seem to listen to me. Gulp. I reassured myself," Alright Matthew, deep breath. They're just being jackasses is all. You just need to get their attention." I sighed once again and yelled," Gilbert Beilschmidt you are the biggest blowhard in all the west.(*note: blowhard-means bragger you pervs*) Why can't you just shut up and listen to me for once! And Francis s'il vous plait stop trying to pick fights with him. You're no better, you bunko artist. Weren't you woo that Sally girl a fortnight ago? " I huffed and walked out of the bar to check on Maple. I swear she seems to be getting fatter with all the treats Al feeds her. I was busy checking her saddle when I heard Al ride up with another person. Oh dear and it seemed they were already bickering. "Hahaha. Your accent

sure is funny. Hey say railroads again!" "My accent is not funny. And it is 'your accent is funny.' I can't believe I'm stuck with such an insufferable git for the entire trip!" *Sigh* More arguing.. great. I turned to looked toward the two riders, I saw Al dismount and tie his mount as the other man also dismounted. The man had shaggy blonde hair and it

seemed he was new to the frontier, as he seemed to be having trouble tying his mount.

Alfred moved to help him, and I couldn't help but notice a blush on the man's face as their hands met on the ropes." Oh sweet, sweet revenge," I muttered with a small smile as

I waved to my brother and walked back into the bar. When I walked in, I pointly ignored the Prussian and Frenchman as I moved, yet again, behind the bar counter. They approached cautiously, with puppydog eyes. I lifted my head to look at them, "No, I haven't forgiven you yet. So don't bother apologizing." "Je suis désolé Mathieu. We shouldn't have bickered like that," spoke Francis. Gilbert, not missing a beat, quickly said," Yeah, I'm real sorry about that birdie. How about we bend an elbow and forget about it." I sighed, it's kind of hard to stay mad at those two. "Alright, fine." "Kesesese. I knew you'd come around. And beside I can properly court you later," Gilbert said with a wink. I could

only facepalm at his stupidity. Francis replied, "Oh Gilbert you forget. I'm also game

for Mathieu's hand." I could feel my face getting red. "How many times have I told you?

I'm a man! I'm not getting married to either of you!" I said as forcefully as I could

while shoving the two out the galley doors. "And just leave me alone for today, eh?"

I was helping Artie with his lines when I noticed Mathew throwing that annoying german and that goddamn pervert trader out of the bar. I snickered. " It looks like my brother is dealing with some hardcases. Might as well give him a hand, right Artie?" Arthur looked at the two men currently sitting on the steps glaring at each other, "Well, he's certainly dealing with those gits in a right way." We walked toward the bar, "How bout we introduce you. And while you're doing that I can grab my plunder and skedaddle out of here." And I added with a wink," And then you can ride off into the sunset with a hero just like in fairytales." I ran up the steps to avoid being hit by Artie. "AHAHAHA! Mattie the hero's back. And he brought along a thoroughbred."

" Who are you calling a horse, Alfred F. Jones!"

Sorry it's so short ^^; , but as a reward to the few ppl who read this...since I haven't updated in like forever, I'm willing to write an alternative universe USUK oneshot ^^...so comment and I might choose yours to write.