PLEASE NOTE:

These oneshots are based off of my story "Strike Down the Ibis", I would say it would be better to read these sort of things in order, don't you think?

Chess

"Okay, I think I got this," I nodded to myself, staring hard at the board that I had just learned so much about.

"I cannot believe you," Ulquiorra's encouraging response made me feel like a thousand bucks.

I moved my vision from the chess board in front of me to him, "Really?"

He sat back and took his cup of tea into his hands, "I have quite a good sense of judging intelligence."

"…"

"…are you telling me that I am not smart enough to play this human game of chi?" I wanted to hit him over the head with the checkered board. Since I had just set up all the pieces and that required me to mess up all that hard work. I didn't feel like doing it again.

"Yes," he simply responded and then drove in the jab, "and it is pronounced chess."

I opened my mouth. Then it closed. I stared down at the board and all its pieces. Mentally, I tried to name all of them. I got through two and forgot the rest. The Espada slipped his tea. I tried again. Failed.

It was the fifth try, with me pointing at the same piece, for him to say something.

"That is the king."

"I knew that," I mumbled and moved to the one to the right.

"That's the bishop."

I could see that little tiny grin that his cup was hiding, "I knew that too."

"Hardly."

"I did! You didn't give me time to think."

"Fine. What does the bishop do?"

I started at the tallish, narrowish, piece, "I…don't know."

"And yet, you claim to 'get this' game."

Okay, if he was going for the big guns, so was I, "maybe if you had spent a tiny bit more time telling me and less time mentioning how I wasn't worthy of this game, I could have figured it out by now."

He paused another aloof slip of the tea I had made for him. Raising an eyebrow ever-so-slightly, he thought about my words. Taking up the mysterious bishop, he brought it to my eye level.

"This is the bishop," he informed me, "it can move any number of squares it wishes, but only diagonally. Therefore, this means it has a weakness: it can only stay on black or white squares. Its cripple is equalized with the other bishop."

I blinked and then mirrored his move, grabbing the only piece I knew, the spiky one, "This is the king. It's powers are...?"

"Move one a square, in any direction," He returned his bishop to its resting place.

I twirled it in my hand, "And…?"

"And what, trash?"

"Does it shoot ceros or something?"

"No. It is made of rock. Rocks do not shoot ceros. Use your nonexistent brain, fraccion," He picked up the roundish tubish one.

"This is the Rook-" I interrupted him-"You didn't answer my question!"

I could see that he was trying not to use a cero himself, "you want to know about the other power of king?"

"Yes."

"There are none. Human kings throughout history are very weak, the insolence consequently are the weakest players on the board."

"Lord Aizen isn't weak," Not that I wanted to defend the guy, but it was a hole in Ulquiorra's theory.

"Nor, is he truly human, he is a shinigami last time I checked," he blinked and resumed, "the rook. Same concept as the bishop, except it can only move forwards, backwards, and side to side."

"So the two of them watch each other's back," I picked both of mine up and studied them carefully. This was important stuff.

"No need, but still, they are a powerful together."

"But you"-his turn to run over my thought, he shoved another piece in my face-"the knight, one of the best pieces."

"Well, that prejudice," I commented.

He sighed, "in what context?"

"It looks like a bat."

"…I refuse to participate in this idiosyncrasy."

I ignored that comment and went for the gold, "Also I heard from some tiny little hollow, when you release that you wear a dress."

He set down the tea and carefully leaned forward, forgetting the knight/bat comment, "and whom told you this data?"

Grimmjow didn't want his name spread around, "dunno, I said a 'little hollow'. I didn't mention who."

"I suggest mentioning it," he held up the black playing piece, "before I shove this rock into the residence of your eye."

"Then you don't deny it?"

I promptly dropped off my chair, as just as promised, the knight galloped into where my eye was a second before.

Popping out from behind the chair back, I risked one more, "Does that mean that you wear dinky little shoes with wings on them too?"

"…I believe this chess lesson is over," He calmly stood, shoving his hands into his pockets, "leave."

And I did. Quite fast, if I may so mention, laughing my head off. Oh aggravating Ulquiorra, that was better than any chess game. Don't think that he didn't get back at me. He did. With vengeance.

Not the best, I agree. This was the first oneshot that I wrote after finishing the story and the only one that is close to being readable. I am pressed for time, so next week I am going to switch this one out for something better and post another one.

See yah next week!

Review?

-Quin

Bleach, Ulquiorra and co. do not belong to me but to the awesome Tite Kubo. Sola is my own creation, therefore copyrighted to me (she disproves of this).