Fear. It was constantly squirming beneath his surface, lapping at the edges of his sanity. As a werewolf, Remus spent nearly every moment of his life suffering to varying degrees from fear: Fear of discovery. Fear of rejection. The loss of his precious friends. The looks in their eyes. Disgust. Hatred.

Every night Remus curled into a tight ball, thanking God he had yet to be discovered and praying he would be so lucky the next day.

Today had started out normal enough… True, his friends had been a little distant, but they had also been busy. He hadn't given it much thought when besides meals and classes, he'd been left almost utterly alone. At the end of the day, he'd plopped into bed, giving his nightly thanks and fallen into a lite sleep—only to wake up to his three dorm mates, the only friends he had to his name, surrounding his bed looking ghostly pale and nervous.

They ripped back the curtains. He jolted up in alarm, opening his mouth to ask what was wrong; but with one look at their strained faces, he knew.

They knew.

Three wands were pointed at him with trembling hands. James standing at the foot of his bed, Sirius and Peter to the sides. Sweat rolled off Peter's face in large drops. James had an almost lost look on his face. Sirius's eyes were wider than he'd ever seen them.

Fear.

They were afraid of him.

The though hit him like a sucker punch. He closed his eyes, not wanting to look at their faces anymore. Distantly, he could hear himself start hyperventilating, see his hands shaking like frail leaves in his lap.

Then the babbling started.

"I-I'm sorry…I..I wanted to tell..But..I..I..Please..Just let me go home. I'll leave first thing tomorrow. I'll owl my parents immediately!"

His parents… His mother's cool glares and crying jags. His dad's over-tired, over-sad face, shoulders slumped in a stance of permanent defeat; neither had so much as pat him on the shoulder since he was bit. He'd stopped expecting physical contact ages ago.

His pleas were met by silence. He opened his eyes, and a gleam caught his eye. A silver gleam. His throat constricted.

Sirius. The first person to willingly touch him in years. The first of the Marauders to become his friend. Hell, his first friend period! One of the few people who ever managed to make him feel like maybe his worthless existence was worth living ,was holding a silver knife.

They weren't here to drive away the monster—they were here to destroy it.

He didn't want to cry. He knew more than anyone that tears were useless, but he couldn't find the strength to hold them back.

Flashes. His parents loved him, held him. His parents loathed him, flinched at the sight of him. His friends laughed with him, gave him firm, one-armed hugs. They stood around his bed in the dead of night, ready to end him.

And he couldn't find it in himself to blame them.

He knew he was sick.

Disgusting.

Freak.

Beast.

Monster.

He felt it deep within his bones. Even his inner wolf felt it; why else would the creature go out of its way to slash at every inch of its own skin within reach?

Because it knew he deserved every bit of pain it inflicted. Each scar was a failed attempt to rid the world of a putrid burden.

He bowed his head, letting his shoulders drop in submission. The tears fell unrestrained, raining down upon his blankets.

Sirius had never seen Remus cry before. It scared the shit out of him.

It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Cornering Remus while he was asleep, making him talk.

The idea of Remus, sweet little shy Remus, being a werewolf had came off as ridiculous at first, absurd! But all the facts fit. They read up on werewolves, learning everything they could about them.

Werewolves were evil creatures. Dark creatures. Beast that masqueraded in human flesh. The book said that characters like Remus's were typical; the wolf created an innocent façade to fool humans into believing it was harmless.

They wanted to confront the boy, make him talk, maybe even make him leave. They never wanted to make him cry.. but…beast couldn't cry..Monsters had no feelings..

Without thinking, Sirius crawled on the bed beside the sobbing boy. Slowly, he reached out to him. Remus flinched away from him, whining softly.

Remus was scared of him. It was sickening. Remus. The boy who comforted him when his bitch of a mother sent him yet another Howler bemoaning what a family disgrace he was. Remus talked with him, laughed with him, hugged him. He blushed when Sirius made a crude joke. Remus wouldn't even kill spiders; he always set them gently outside the window.

Remus spoke, pulling him from his thoughts. "D-don't get the blood on yourself when you—you…" Remus paused, swallowing audibly. "..s-stab me..It'll burn you.."

Stab? He looked down at his hand, suddenly remembering he was clutching a silver knife for dear life. He'd never intended to use it. It was meant to make him feel stronger, safer. A way to intimidate the creature that had fooled him into thinking it cared about him.

Remus was a monster. A freak of nature that deserved to die.

…Yet the boy hadn't fought back when he thought Sirius was going to stab him. Hell, he'd been more concerned about Sirius hurting himself!

He looked up at Remus, really looked at him. This was not the form of a monster. This was just a kid. A scared kid who was so mentally fcked up by society that he wouldn't fight back when he thought the very people he'd called friends were there to kill him.

Sirius dropped his wand, flinging the knife as far away from his person as possible, and grabbed Remus, pulling the smaller boy against him and wrapping his arms firmly around the boy's shacking shoulders. "Shhhh. I'ts okay Remmie. Nothing's going to hurt you."

"I-I'm sorry…sorry..Wanted to tell you..but I..I knew you'd hate me…"

Sirius swallowed, throat thick with emotion. "I don't hate you Rems..I could never hate you.."

Remus shook his head almost violently. "I'm a monster! Of course you hate me! Everyone hates me!" His voice dropped to a whisper. "…I hate me.."

Sirius's stomach clenched. Oh Remus… How long had he felt this way? How long had he lived in this self-loathing?

Those books had been right about one thing: Remus was a liar. Behind his calm façade laid a storm of turmoil and pain.

A storm Sirius was determined to quail.

Part of Remus's mind was in shock that Sirius was actually touching him, comforting him. He wanted to shut-up and just enjoy it before Sirius inevitably turned on him, but he was too far gone to listen to reason. He continued spilling his guts, telling Sirius how vile he was, how worthless.

A new hand was on his shoulder. He shrunk away, pressing more into Sirius, but managed to turn his head to see what it was. James was staring at him, a pained yet oddly determined look on his face. Then James's arms shot out, wrapping around him from behind, sandwiching Remus between the two.

"Sirius is right," he said in a hoarse voice. "We will never hate you. You.. You have nothing to apologize for."

A moment longer and Peter joined in, hugging from the side. "J-James is right..I like you Remus. We all do. You're nice."

"I'm a monster." Remus spit out harshly, causing the boys holding him to wince.

"Monsters don't cry," Sirius said in a soft but unquestionable voice.

He felt James nod. "You'll never be a monster to us Rems..You just have..A furry little problem, that's all."

Remus chuckled humorously. He was starting to get his bearings back. The flow of tears was ebbing. He looked up, his gold orbs meeting Sirius's silver ones. "You're..You're not running."

"No, we aren't."

"B-but why?"

"Because you're our friend."

Remus looked around at the faces pressed close to him. "F-Friend? You still—"

"Remus Lupin, don't you even finish that sentence!" Sirius snapped.

"Of course we still want you as our friend!" James said, looking outraged at the mere suggestion that they wouldn't.

"But—"

James sighed. "Look Rems, we're all assholes. We read some stupid books and thought we understood, but we didn't. We never should have cornered you like that. Can you forgive us?"

Remus shook his head. This couldn't be happening. "Forgive you? What you did was right! Those books didn't lie James. I am a monster. You shouldn't even touch me."

Three pairs of arms tightened their grip around him.

"Bullshit," spat Sirius. "You better learn that you're still our Remmie that we love fast because we're not letting go until you do!"

Warmth like he'd never felt before flooded Remus's senses. He had friends. Friends. Friends who even knowing his horrible secret, still wanted him, were still willing to touch him. He ducked his head into Sirius's shoulder, nodding.

Without consciously realizing it, a part of him knew that from today on, he'd finally be able to heal. The scars would stop being reminders of a pitiful, failed-suicide and morph into signs of a determined struggle to survive.

The four boys fell asleep in a pile of limbs on the bed, practically suffocating Remus in the process; it was the best night's sleep Remus could ever remember having.